[email protected]

In a message dated 1/9/03 8:06:03 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< One can only change oneself, right?
>>

I agree Elissa. That has produced the biggest changes around here....me just
changing the way I act....

Ren
"The world's much smaller than you think. Made up of two kinds of
people--simple and complicated.....The simple ones are contented. The
complicated ones aren't."
"Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com

Julie Stauffer

<<Why should I make them take on MY priority?>>

Sometimes though I think it is that Mom gets stuck taking on the kids'
priorities. At least I used to. I am by no means a neat freak. But I have
5 kids under 13, 4 dogs, 27 chickens, 6 rabbits, 6 goats, and a cat. Things
get very messy both in the house and outside. My kids are also very active
and need to be driven here and there (x 5), read to (x4), lunches fixed
(x4), baths given (x2), etc..

Just to keep up with the kids stuff and to keep us from being over run with
filth (not mess, but filth), I was running full out, non-stop from 7am to 11
or 12 at night, day in and day out. I was exhausted and I started to resent
doing it.

Finally I had a talk with the family about how I know that having a livable
house isn't a priority for them but to be honest, things that were important
to them weren't always a priority for me. That I wanted to be able to take
them places and do things but all my time and energy was being taken up,
picking up after the family. The kids understood. I still have to ask but
rarely get a flat out refusal to help, although I often get offers to help
in ways other than what I've suggested. Example: Adriane, would you please
fold that basket of clothes? Yuck. How about I give Michelle a bath
instead? Great thanks.

Julie

Alan & Brenda Leonard

> << If they are old enough to cook, they are old enough to clean up after
> themselves, and its only common courtesy. >>
>
Ok, but is that what you model for them? Because when I cook, I don't clean
up. Not right after I finish, at least. Sometimes I do it a couple hours
later after I sit down and rest a bit. Sometimes (like dinner cooking) my
husband and I do it together after Tim's gone to his room for the evening.
And sometimes my husband does the cleanup because I cooked and I'm tierd.

When you make a statement like that, I can't tell if you mean that you
expect it to happen right away. But that's exactly what my mother said, and
she meant immediately after, if not as you go. You might consider whether
your children would clean up, but not in the time frame you expect. That
may be part of your issue.

Until my Mom got sick, I didn't like to cook, because I never got the house
clean to her standards in a short enough time afterwards. It wasn't until
she was sick and there wasn't anybody else with the time to cook and bake
that I did a lot of cooking and discovered I like it.

brenda