: consequences, lack of punishments, kid-view
The White's
In a message dated: Mon, 06 Jan 2003 04:56:50 -0500
<litlrooh@...> writes:
<<I have learned about some scary things, but I also think I am having some influence...and not just on MY Kids, but on their newer friends too. The friends all look at me, and then look at my kids like "is she for REAL?".>>
My in-laws have been taking Christmas on the road for the last 3-4 years so we celebrate in a rental condo at Myrtle Beach with them. One of my husband's brothers has never been married and has no kids. His other brother has been married twice with 2 girls from the 1st marriage and a baby girl with the 2nd. The 2 girls, especially the oldest, and my son DO NOT get along. Have never gotten along. The girls have never suffered any natural consequences, were never cuddled when babies, left to cry, even the youngest was given one of those siphon type feeders so she could "feed herself" from her carseat carrier when only a couple of months old. My kids are attachment babies, weaned themselves, still sleep with us, etc.
In the past I have been seen as the evil witch by those girls because they terrorize my son and I usually don't allow them to play together by the end of the trip. The girls are now 11 and 9, my son is 10. This year the oldest actually told their grandmother that I was the coolest mom ever. She also made more than one statement about how I was different from her mom. Once when Dillon told me that I was annoying and I laughingly replied thanks, I'm supposed to be, she was shocked and said that her mom would have "jerked me up at threw me in my room". I told her that I was sorry and explained that everyone has a right to express their feelings as long as they are not hurtful.
Now I'm seeing how my relationship with my kids has affected their relationship with these cousins. I have told my kids for years to try and understand how the way they have been parented is different from our lifestyle but now I see how the girls have been acting out in a way against what they were missing from their parents but witnessing in our family. I think they were, in their own way, making an effort to receive some attention because they saw how much my kids got. I don't think it was a conscience thing but I think we drove them as crazy as they drove us. So in our way we are having some influence too, I'm just not sure how positive it is yet.
Cindy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<litlrooh@...> writes:
<<I have learned about some scary things, but I also think I am having some influence...and not just on MY Kids, but on their newer friends too. The friends all look at me, and then look at my kids like "is she for REAL?".>>
My in-laws have been taking Christmas on the road for the last 3-4 years so we celebrate in a rental condo at Myrtle Beach with them. One of my husband's brothers has never been married and has no kids. His other brother has been married twice with 2 girls from the 1st marriage and a baby girl with the 2nd. The 2 girls, especially the oldest, and my son DO NOT get along. Have never gotten along. The girls have never suffered any natural consequences, were never cuddled when babies, left to cry, even the youngest was given one of those siphon type feeders so she could "feed herself" from her carseat carrier when only a couple of months old. My kids are attachment babies, weaned themselves, still sleep with us, etc.
In the past I have been seen as the evil witch by those girls because they terrorize my son and I usually don't allow them to play together by the end of the trip. The girls are now 11 and 9, my son is 10. This year the oldest actually told their grandmother that I was the coolest mom ever. She also made more than one statement about how I was different from her mom. Once when Dillon told me that I was annoying and I laughingly replied thanks, I'm supposed to be, she was shocked and said that her mom would have "jerked me up at threw me in my room". I told her that I was sorry and explained that everyone has a right to express their feelings as long as they are not hurtful.
Now I'm seeing how my relationship with my kids has affected their relationship with these cousins. I have told my kids for years to try and understand how the way they have been parented is different from our lifestyle but now I see how the girls have been acting out in a way against what they were missing from their parents but witnessing in our family. I think they were, in their own way, making an effort to receive some attention because they saw how much my kids got. I don't think it was a conscience thing but I think we drove them as crazy as they drove us. So in our way we are having some influence too, I'm just not sure how positive it is yet.
Cindy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]