Annette Naake

I think the reason newbies sometimes get offended is that they'll cheerily
try to introduce themselves by recounting some ordinary part of their day or
ask some question and then be caught completely off-guard by what the
veterans see as antithetical to unschooling.

For instance, a mom will proudly say that her kid has total choice of TV in
the one hour of TV he's allowed a day. She asks if others have found it's
better to allow this TV in the morning, or before bedtime. Then she's
shocked when someone asks why she limits TV at all. And someone else
suggests she dispense with bedtime! She wasn't expecting questions along
those lines. No one has ever confronted her with the notion that it's
counterproductive to limit TV. She gets defensive and feels like she's
being attacked. She might end up unsubbing. Meanwhile, though, a lot of
newbie lurkers out there are having their eyes opened: "You mean, you DON'T
have to limit TV?" "Is there a better way to make sure I get enough sleep
and the kids aren't harangued into going to bed every night?"

In one of my earliest posts to a similar list many moons ago, I boasted that
my schooled kids and I were looking forward to "unschooling" over summer
vacation. I listed the exciting projects and plans I had plotted out. I'm
sure you can all imagine the responses ("How do YOU know they want to fly
kites and then follow up with a visit to the space museum?" "What if they
don't want to go?" "If it's a vacation it's not unschooling," etc.). I was
quite taken aback. But it did open my eyes.

Another early question I had: "if you let them do what they want all day,
how do you keep them from spending hours just noodling around on the
computer?" People very patiently opened my eyes to the fact that this might
not be such a bad thing.

Over time, my mind has been stretched. I see learning in so many parts of my
kids' day that I once would have regarded as "wasted time." I have
discovered the opportunity for learning that exists every moment (waiting in
the dentist's office this morning, I was asked to explain a comic strip
featuring Trent Lott and the Ku Klux Klan to my 10yo). I have learned to
look at video games with a new understanding of the problem-solving skills,
the reading and the concentration. I have learned not to freak out over
curse words and jokes that pop up in movies most people would think were too
old for my 5 and 10yo ds. (Exhibit One: "Austin Powers" movies, which the
whole family loves, though a lot of things have to be explained and other
things go swooshing, thankfully, over the kids' heads. THe other night I had
to explain the word "shit" to my 5 yo.) I try to say yes to requests and I
try to be as gracious as possible about it. I do NOT feel guilty about
pursuing my own interests!

These are all things I have learned here. It took a lot of time. I am still
learning. The big debates are most illuminating of all, and I thank Joyce,
Sandra, Helen, Mary, et al. for having the patience to explain a new way of
looking at things over and over again. I don't agree with everything. (After
two kids, a bad back, one bad co-sleeper and one good solo sleeper, I am NOT
into the family bed!) But I am open to hearing about everything. I do love
this list. I hope people choose to stick around, but if they don't, I've
thankful to them anyway because I've learned during their time here.

Annette


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