Pam Sorooshian

>>I can see where you can feel jumped on, you offer something that works
for you and
people here say that it is not the best way.
<<

ANd - really - people seldom ever say even THAT. I mean - I think what we
usually hear here are what people think are "even better" ways - and can't
we ALL do better?

Fair warning is given in the description of this list. All of us subject
our ideas to probing and analysis and critique when we post them here. That
is why we do it. We learn and grow from that process. Sometimes I become
more clear in my own head about why I've made a decision I've made - not
changing my mind. Sometimes I resist changing my mind - I don't want to
think that I have more work to do - that I still haven't gotten it "right."
Truth is - none of us has it absolutely perfectly "right" - but many of us
have a lot of varied experience with long-term unschooling and we have a
lot of insight to offer. Some of us have spent years really loooking very
very HARD at unschooling families - talking about it, tearing it apart,
analyzing it, trying out various hypotheses and rejecting many of them.
People who are new to the ideas can have some of the benefit of all that
time we spent - but they have to drop their defensiveness and be willing to
hear what might feel like criticism. The attitude that helped me handle it
was that this is JUST email - nobody here can make me do anything - it
doesn't hurt me to listen and consider ideas, even those that are critical
or feel like attacks. Being open to the possibility that what people say
might be true EVEN (or especially) when it feels like an attack can let you
open up to ideas that you might otherwise not give due consideration to -
it doesn't hurt to consider them. Be brave.

Some people just want to be supported in what they've already decided is
best. And that can be nice and can be important if they're having a hard
time sticking to those choices in the face of criticism or other
difficulties. There is a place for support and you can get a lot of it here.

If someone came here and said, "I've decided that I'm not going to impose a
formal curriculum on my child anymore," they'd get pure and simple support
for that.

Then, if they went on and said, "But I'm JUSTgoing to have them do a math
curriculum, nothing else," then they'd get a lot of response about how it
would be even BETTER to not even do that and how unnecessary it is and what
the alternatives are and the possible harm of continuing on that path, etc.
THAT is support for taking the unschooling principles a step further.

It doesn't diminish the support for dropping the full curriculum to say
that we think someone can go farther and be even happier with their decision.

It isn't support to hold back and not say anything when you have a good
idea for someone.

Remember, lots of times when people don't like what they're hearing - they
blame the messenger - on email lists they blame "tone" etc. Try to rise
above that and read ONLY the content and you'll feel more supported by the
incredible amount of time and energy and love of children that pours
through this list.

--pam



Pam Sorooshian
National Home Education Network
www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling

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