So what constitutes a rule?
Julie Stauffer
OK so I have a tactful and hopefully mature question.
I don't want to do the "he said, she said" thing so I'm not using any names.
If a poster states that "I can truthfully say we don't have any rules" and
in the same post states "the kids have to pick up before they watch TV", are
those two statements mutually exclusive?
Is picking up before watching TV for "parental convenience" or "living for
principles, not rules"?
We do have rules at our house. The rule is you must respect others, period.
And sometimes that is very much a parental inconvenience and it also means
that my house is not as clean as I would like it to be. And it also means
that my kids help clean when they choose, but do pick up after themselves
usually.
Julie
I don't want to do the "he said, she said" thing so I'm not using any names.
If a poster states that "I can truthfully say we don't have any rules" and
in the same post states "the kids have to pick up before they watch TV", are
those two statements mutually exclusive?
Is picking up before watching TV for "parental convenience" or "living for
principles, not rules"?
We do have rules at our house. The rule is you must respect others, period.
And sometimes that is very much a parental inconvenience and it also means
that my house is not as clean as I would like it to be. And it also means
that my kids help clean when they choose, but do pick up after themselves
usually.
Julie
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/13/02 1:05:04 PM Eastern Standard Time,
jnjstau@... writes:
toys are not lost or broken, so mold doesnt start to grow on dishes. And,
I have to say, its not like a daily thing. .. Its more like. OK guys, we cant
walk in here, there is no where to sit down.. You need to get this stuff up
before the TV comes back on. .. Or.. OK, Ethan, you've been playing that
game ( on the PC) for 2 hours, JP wants to play, you can find something else
to do or let him play with you. ..or maybe, JP, I need to finish my homework,
you can play again when Im finished. ..
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jnjstau@... writes:
> Is picking up before watching TV for "parental convenience" or "living forI would say, its for "family convenience" So no one trips and falls.. So,
> principles, not rules"?
>
toys are not lost or broken, so mold doesnt start to grow on dishes. And,
I have to say, its not like a daily thing. .. Its more like. OK guys, we cant
walk in here, there is no where to sit down.. You need to get this stuff up
before the TV comes back on. .. Or.. OK, Ethan, you've been playing that
game ( on the PC) for 2 hours, JP wants to play, you can find something else
to do or let him play with you. ..or maybe, JP, I need to finish my homework,
you can play again when Im finished. ..
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stephanie Elms
Well, since you asked why no one responded to you about this :o) I went and pulled it
from my drafts folder...I had written this yesterday, but it got late and wasn't sure it
was going to make sense...
it is not done (the tv will not be turned on unless it is cleaned up)? If
the family felt that it was an inconvenience, wouldn't the family choose to clean
it up?
Or maybe a different option would be to ask how you would ask your husband...
"hey guys, we can't walk in here, can you help me clean it up?" and work with
them to get it straightened up. I know that if my husband came in and said,
this place is a mess, no computer time until you get it cleaned up", I would
have a few choice words for him (and it wouldn't be "sure honey!", more along the
lines of, if you think that it is messy, feel free to clean it yourself!). I also
will admit to having asked Jason if he could help me pick up the floor before
we play a board game. But that is because there is no place for the board game if
we don't and I have also explained to him that mommy can't concentrate and enjoy
the game if surrounded by a complete mess. If he does not help me, then I just pick
things up myself, but for the most part he does help because it goes faster and it
is more fun because we are doing it together.
If you are happy with doing things the way you are doing them. Great. Please don't
take my advice as saying that you *must* do things this way. But rather that there
are other options that don't involve threats or punishments. This has been
one of the best things that I have learned after being on this list for several
months now, there are always other options. I am able to look at my interactions
with my kids and see things from their perspective easier. This has been hard at
times because I have seen some areas where I have not been as respectful to them
as I had always thought that I was. Because my parents talked to me that way and
most of my friends talk to their kids that way. And it is accepted and even promoted
in parenting books and mags. Some may think that it is extreme, that it is no big deal to
say that the room must be cleaned before the tv is watched. And it probably works in
the short run. But I keep coming back to how I would feel if someone held that kind
of power over me.
You may not agree with me. That is fine. But there are more respectful ways to deal
with the situation you talk about above. And that is what the ladies here are
wonderful at pointing out. Because it may not be obvious at first. You may not
even see it as a problem. If it is not, then don't take the advice. If it is,
then you have another option to try. That is all that is being offered here...options.
Stephanie E.
Just other options....
Stephanie E.
from my drafts folder...I had written this yesterday, but it got late and wasn't sure it
was going to make sense...
> I would say, its for "family convenience" So no one tripsIf it is truly for family convenience, then why do you need the punishment if
> and falls.. So,
> toys are not lost or broken, so mold doesnt start to grow on
> dishes. And,
> I have to say, its not like a daily thing. .. Its more like.
> OK guys, we cant
> walk in here, there is no where to sit down.. You need to get
> this stuff up
> before the TV comes back on.
it is not done (the tv will not be turned on unless it is cleaned up)? If
the family felt that it was an inconvenience, wouldn't the family choose to clean
it up?
Or maybe a different option would be to ask how you would ask your husband...
"hey guys, we can't walk in here, can you help me clean it up?" and work with
them to get it straightened up. I know that if my husband came in and said,
this place is a mess, no computer time until you get it cleaned up", I would
have a few choice words for him (and it wouldn't be "sure honey!", more along the
lines of, if you think that it is messy, feel free to clean it yourself!). I also
will admit to having asked Jason if he could help me pick up the floor before
we play a board game. But that is because there is no place for the board game if
we don't and I have also explained to him that mommy can't concentrate and enjoy
the game if surrounded by a complete mess. If he does not help me, then I just pick
things up myself, but for the most part he does help because it goes faster and it
is more fun because we are doing it together.
If you are happy with doing things the way you are doing them. Great. Please don't
take my advice as saying that you *must* do things this way. But rather that there
are other options that don't involve threats or punishments. This has been
one of the best things that I have learned after being on this list for several
months now, there are always other options. I am able to look at my interactions
with my kids and see things from their perspective easier. This has been hard at
times because I have seen some areas where I have not been as respectful to them
as I had always thought that I was. Because my parents talked to me that way and
most of my friends talk to their kids that way. And it is accepted and even promoted
in parenting books and mags. Some may think that it is extreme, that it is no big deal to
say that the room must be cleaned before the tv is watched. And it probably works in
the short run. But I keep coming back to how I would feel if someone held that kind
of power over me.
You may not agree with me. That is fine. But there are more respectful ways to deal
with the situation you talk about above. And that is what the ladies here are
wonderful at pointing out. Because it may not be obvious at first. You may not
even see it as a problem. If it is not, then don't take the advice. If it is,
then you have another option to try. That is all that is being offered here...options.
Stephanie E.
Just other options....
Stephanie E.
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/15/02 12:12:24 PM, stephanie.elms@...
writes:
<< Some may think that it is extreme, that it is no big deal to
say that the room must be cleaned before the tv is watched. And it probably
works in
the short run. >>
It's not too painful at all to clean during commercials, if it's a tv show,
or to clean during credits and previews if it's a video.
Sandra
writes:
<< Some may think that it is extreme, that it is no big deal to
say that the room must be cleaned before the tv is watched. And it probably
works in
the short run. >>
It's not too painful at all to clean during commercials, if it's a tv show,
or to clean during credits and previews if it's a video.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/15/02 5:01:26 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< It's not too painful at all to clean during commercials, if it's a tv
show,
or to clean during credits and previews if it's a video. >>
That is one of my favorite ways to clean (during commercials), it just
doesn't seem as painful somehow. You always get to stop as soon as the show
comes back and the job is automatically broken into little manageable bits.
When I ask the kids to help me with something they'll often say "can't we do
it during commercials". It works well for them too.
Ren
"Knowledge will not always take the place of simple observation."
~Arnold Lobel
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
[email protected] writes:
<< It's not too painful at all to clean during commercials, if it's a tv
show,
or to clean during credits and previews if it's a video. >>
That is one of my favorite ways to clean (during commercials), it just
doesn't seem as painful somehow. You always get to stop as soon as the show
comes back and the job is automatically broken into little manageable bits.
When I ask the kids to help me with something they'll often say "can't we do
it during commercials". It works well for them too.
Ren
"Knowledge will not always take the place of simple observation."
~Arnold Lobel
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
Mary Bianco
>From: starsuncloud@...<<That is one of my favorite ways to clean (during commercials), it just
doesn't seem as painful somehow. You always get to stop as soon as the show
comes back and the job is automatically broken into little manageable bits.
When I ask the kids to help me with something they'll often say "can't we do
it during commercials". It works well for them too.>>
Wouldn't work in this house. My kids watch the commercials more than the
actual show!!!!
Of course that would be more cleaning time wouldn't it??? Or maybe not!
Mary B
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