Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Jumping in with both feet
[email protected]
Well, we took the plunge and are total unschoolers. Of course my son (8)
always wanted to be an unschooler but of course the grown-up thinks you have
to do workbooks and have some sort of schedule for it to work. I trying to
really change my way of thinking. The school at home approach was not working
at all and everyone was becoming very stressed. Last week it all can to a
head and we just said this isn't working lets go this way and see where life
leads us. I know my son needs time to deschool (sorta speak) but since we
shifted all he wants to do is play video games. I'm really having to bite my
tongue and just let it ride and see want happens. I don't want to take games
and TV away just to get him to try something else. Will this stage pass? I'm
truly hoping so. My husband is not totally on board but letting us try it.
I'm hoping things with the games will change, in the mean time I intend to do
a lot of reading on-line and off for support to keep me from trying to push
him in any direction.
Lori
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
always wanted to be an unschooler but of course the grown-up thinks you have
to do workbooks and have some sort of schedule for it to work. I trying to
really change my way of thinking. The school at home approach was not working
at all and everyone was becoming very stressed. Last week it all can to a
head and we just said this isn't working lets go this way and see where life
leads us. I know my son needs time to deschool (sorta speak) but since we
shifted all he wants to do is play video games. I'm really having to bite my
tongue and just let it ride and see want happens. I don't want to take games
and TV away just to get him to try something else. Will this stage pass? I'm
truly hoping so. My husband is not totally on board but letting us try it.
I'm hoping things with the games will change, in the mean time I intend to do
a lot of reading on-line and off for support to keep me from trying to push
him in any direction.
Lori
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/02 10:50:55 AM, lwillson7@... writes:
<< since we
shifted all he wants to do is play video games. I'm really having to bite my
tongue and just let it ride and see want happens. I don't want to take games
and TV away just to get him to try something else. Will this stage pass? >>
A week isn't long enough to deschool.
MONTHS won't be long enough.
"Will this stage pass?"
The stage in which you think plaing video games and watching TV are the lack
of doing something instead of the presence of learning will pass but only if
you REALLY try.
Here:
http://sandradodd.com/games/page
I recommend you read everything there, and play games WITH him, and watch
videos or shows WITH him, and calmly and thoughtfully and slowly and really
see what he likes about them.
I watched a lot of Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers when my kids were little,
and I could have resented it and resisted it and shamed and belittled them,
but instead I went there freely, and came to really see what was important to
them about it.
<<I'm hoping things with the games will change, in the mean time I intend to
do
a lot of reading on-line and off for support to keep me from trying to push
him in any direction.>>
Our games sit sometimes for days or weeks, and sometimes never get cold for
72 hours.
The best way to make him obsess about video games is to limit them.
Sandra
<< since we
shifted all he wants to do is play video games. I'm really having to bite my
tongue and just let it ride and see want happens. I don't want to take games
and TV away just to get him to try something else. Will this stage pass? >>
A week isn't long enough to deschool.
MONTHS won't be long enough.
"Will this stage pass?"
The stage in which you think plaing video games and watching TV are the lack
of doing something instead of the presence of learning will pass but only if
you REALLY try.
Here:
http://sandradodd.com/games/page
I recommend you read everything there, and play games WITH him, and watch
videos or shows WITH him, and calmly and thoughtfully and slowly and really
see what he likes about them.
I watched a lot of Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers when my kids were little,
and I could have resented it and resisted it and shamed and belittled them,
but instead I went there freely, and came to really see what was important to
them about it.
<<I'm hoping things with the games will change, in the mean time I intend to
do
a lot of reading on-line and off for support to keep me from trying to push
him in any direction.>>
Our games sit sometimes for days or weeks, and sometimes never get cold for
72 hours.
The best way to make him obsess about video games is to limit them.
Sandra
Fetteroll
on 12/7/02 12:49 PM, lwillson7@... at lwillson7@... wrote:
it isn't working it's because there's something wrong with them or with
their child. Self awareness is a great start :-)
really love) and suddenly found yourself with access to all the books you
love and the freedom to read. What if your husband decided there were better
things you could do with your time. Like you could become a gourmet cook. Or
clean more. Or study something that he felt was worthwhile so you could make
something of your life. What if at some point he decided there had been
enough book reading and not enough other stuff that he thought was a better
use of time and decided to limit how much time you could read. How would you
feel about the atmosphere he was creating? Would it make you want to do
other things? How would you feel about the books you couldn't read? How
would you feel about him?
Though if you suddenly had the freedom to read, you probably would read for
a long time. Weeks, months. But do you really think you'd spend the rest of
your life reading? Isn't just knowing that you *could* read for the rest of
your life enough to give you the freedom to do other things? (Though it
would take those weeks or months for you to feel confident that this freedom
wasn't going to go away.) You would eventually know that if you went off to
something else that you could come back and the freedom would still be there
so there would be no need to hoard it and do nothing but read because you
would know you could read any time you want.
How would you want your husband to treat you with your new found freedom?
Would you want him to delight in your happiness? Would you want him to ask
questions about your favorite books so you had someone to share with? Or
would you want him to hover, waiting for you to do something more important?
Or would you want him to grump at you for not doing what he thought was a
good use of time?
Joyce
> Last week it all can to aSome people never get to that point. They trust the experts are right and if
> head and we just said this isn't working lets go this way and see where life
> leads us.
it isn't working it's because there's something wrong with them or with
their child. Self awareness is a great start :-)
> I know my son needs time to deschool (sorta speak) but since weWhat if you'd been book deprived for years (or some other activity that you
> shifted all he wants to do is play video games. I'm really having to bite my
> tongue and just let it ride and see want happens.
really love) and suddenly found yourself with access to all the books you
love and the freedom to read. What if your husband decided there were better
things you could do with your time. Like you could become a gourmet cook. Or
clean more. Or study something that he felt was worthwhile so you could make
something of your life. What if at some point he decided there had been
enough book reading and not enough other stuff that he thought was a better
use of time and decided to limit how much time you could read. How would you
feel about the atmosphere he was creating? Would it make you want to do
other things? How would you feel about the books you couldn't read? How
would you feel about him?
Though if you suddenly had the freedom to read, you probably would read for
a long time. Weeks, months. But do you really think you'd spend the rest of
your life reading? Isn't just knowing that you *could* read for the rest of
your life enough to give you the freedom to do other things? (Though it
would take those weeks or months for you to feel confident that this freedom
wasn't going to go away.) You would eventually know that if you went off to
something else that you could come back and the freedom would still be there
so there would be no need to hoard it and do nothing but read because you
would know you could read any time you want.
How would you want your husband to treat you with your new found freedom?
Would you want him to delight in your happiness? Would you want him to ask
questions about your favorite books so you had someone to share with? Or
would you want him to hover, waiting for you to do something more important?
Or would you want him to grump at you for not doing what he thought was a
good use of time?
Joyce
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/7/02 6:13:35 PM !!!First Boot!!!, SandraDodd@...
writes:
jump in here but this is such an important point! I wish I'd realized sooner
what I was creating in my own home!
Beth Allen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> The best way to make him obsess about video games is to limit themThat is the absolute truth! I'm such an infrequent poster that I hesitate to
jump in here but this is such an important point! I wish I'd realized sooner
what I was creating in my own home!
Beth Allen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
susan marie
On Saturday, December 7, 2002, at 01:11 PM, SandraDodd@... wrote:
limit it, or worse make it really totally off-limits.
We have friends who only get three tv channels and limit their kids' tv
watching. Guess what they want to do when they come over? We've learned
to make sure the tv is off, or the kids won't play. My kids, otoh,
sometimes watch a lot of tv and other times are much too busy. It
depends.
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can
change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
- Margaret Mead
"All we are saying is give peace a chance."
- John Lennon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> The best way to make him obsess about video games is to limit them.I think the best way to get a kid to obsess about almost anything is to
>
> Sandra
limit it, or worse make it really totally off-limits.
We have friends who only get three tv channels and limit their kids' tv
watching. Guess what they want to do when they come over? We've learned
to make sure the tv is off, or the kids won't play. My kids, otoh,
sometimes watch a lot of tv and other times are much too busy. It
depends.
> peace,Susan
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can
change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
- Margaret Mead
"All we are saying is give peace a chance."
- John Lennon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
susan marie
Wow, Joyce. This is great. Thanks so much!
peace,
Susan
peace,
Susan
On Sunday, December 8, 2002, at 07:04 AM, Fetteroll wrote:
>
> What if you'd been book deprived for years (or some other activity that
> you
> really love) and suddenly found yourself with access to all the books
> you
> love and the freedom to read. What if your husband decided there were
> better
> things you could do with your time. Like you could become a gourmet
> cook. Or
> clean more. Or study something that he felt was worthwhile so you could
> make
> something of your life. What if at some point he decided there had been
> enough book reading and not enough other stuff that he thought was a
> better
> use of time and decided to limit how much time you could read. How
> would you
> feel about the atmosphere he was creating? Would it make you want to do
> other things? How would you feel about the books you couldn't read? How
> would you feel about him?
>
> Though if you suddenly had the freedom to read, you probably would read
> for
> a long time. Weeks, months. But do you really think you'd spend the
> rest of
> your life reading? Isn't just knowing that you *could* read for the
> rest of
> your life enough to give you the freedom to do other things? (Though it
> would take those weeks or months for you to feel confident that this
> freedom
> wasn't going to go away.) You would eventually know that if you went
> off to
> something else that you could come back and the freedom would still be
> there
> so there would be no need to hoard it and do nothing but read because
> you
> would know you could read any time you want.
>
> How would you want your husband to treat you with your new found
> freedom?
> Would you want him to delight in your happiness? Would you want him to
> ask
> questions about your favorite books so you had someone to share with? Or
> would you want him to hover, waiting for you to do something more
> important?
> Or would you want him to grump at you for not doing what he thought
> was a
> good use of time?
>
> Joyce
> peace,
Susan
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can
change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
- Margaret Mead
"All we are saying is give peace a chance."
- John Lennon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/8/2002 7:11:28 AM Pacific Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
Joyce, you are so right about how I would feel it my husband or someone else
tried to limit anything I wanted to do. I just don't think along those lines
but I will be now. Before I say anything to my son I will ask myself "How
would I feel about this?". I think that will stop me in my tracks about
limiting or pushing him to do anything.
Sandra, as soon as I finished writing the letter I headed to your website and
read everything about games and more. It was all so helpful and now I can go
back just for support.
Our life now is so much more relaxed and that's the way I want it to stay.
Thanks again for all the advise.
Lori
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> How would you want your husband to treat you with your new found freedom?Thanks for all the wonderful words of wisdom.
> Would you want him to delight in your happiness? Would you want him to ask
> questions about your favorite books so you had someone to share with? Or
> would you want him to hover, waiting for you to do something more
> important?
> Or would you want him to grump at you for not doing what he thought was a
> good use of time?
>
> Joyce
>
Joyce, you are so right about how I would feel it my husband or someone else
tried to limit anything I wanted to do. I just don't think along those lines
but I will be now. Before I say anything to my son I will ask myself "How
would I feel about this?". I think that will stop me in my tracks about
limiting or pushing him to do anything.
Sandra, as soon as I finished writing the letter I headed to your website and
read everything about games and more. It was all so helpful and now I can go
back just for support.
Our life now is so much more relaxed and that's the way I want it to stay.
Thanks again for all the advise.
Lori
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Hi all,
I had to throw in my two cents regarding the issue of limiting TV and video
games. Our kids have a lot of access to Game Boy and Nintendo, but we do not
have TV at all. When we first moved to Georgia, we had TV, cable and all.
We found that there was so much garbage on cable that it wasn't worth
keeping, so we got rid of it. Then about a month later our antennae broke,
and we ended up with no channels. No one seemed to miss it, so we just never
replaced the antennae. We have a VCR and a DVD player and the kids can watch
movies whenever they want. We have a real issue with all the negative and
blatantly sexually explicit media images out there - it's scary that they
even use sex to sell children's products (I saw a very suggestive commercial
for "Fruit by the Foot"). We feel that those subtle innuendoes are
unnecessary and damaging. At our friends' houses, the kids can take TV or
leave it. They aren't really "into" the latest trends, bands, fashions,
etc., and we like it that way! Pokemon was the big thing when our TV died,
so they sort of stalled there :)
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say that removing TV is not always a bad
thing. I do agree that by restricting or denying access to something you are
inviting an obsession, but it just doesn't seem to have happened in our case.
Maybe it's because the stuff they enjoyed watching on TV (nature
documentaries, for the most part, and Pokemon) are all available on video, so
they don't feel like they are missing anything.
Steph
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I had to throw in my two cents regarding the issue of limiting TV and video
games. Our kids have a lot of access to Game Boy and Nintendo, but we do not
have TV at all. When we first moved to Georgia, we had TV, cable and all.
We found that there was so much garbage on cable that it wasn't worth
keeping, so we got rid of it. Then about a month later our antennae broke,
and we ended up with no channels. No one seemed to miss it, so we just never
replaced the antennae. We have a VCR and a DVD player and the kids can watch
movies whenever they want. We have a real issue with all the negative and
blatantly sexually explicit media images out there - it's scary that they
even use sex to sell children's products (I saw a very suggestive commercial
for "Fruit by the Foot"). We feel that those subtle innuendoes are
unnecessary and damaging. At our friends' houses, the kids can take TV or
leave it. They aren't really "into" the latest trends, bands, fashions,
etc., and we like it that way! Pokemon was the big thing when our TV died,
so they sort of stalled there :)
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say that removing TV is not always a bad
thing. I do agree that by restricting or denying access to something you are
inviting an obsession, but it just doesn't seem to have happened in our case.
Maybe it's because the stuff they enjoyed watching on TV (nature
documentaries, for the most part, and Pokemon) are all available on video, so
they don't feel like they are missing anything.
Steph
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/9/02 4:53:58 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< The positive is that he has not wanted to play.
Tammie >>
If he hasn't wanted to play, then why the need to restrict on certain days?
That doesn't make sense.
I understand the wanting/needing balance. But it's not balance unless it
comes from within. It's just an external force making you do something you
have no choice in.
My ideal, is for my children to find their own balance.
Ren
"The answers aren't important really...
What's important, is knowing all the questions."
-Zilpha Keatley Snyder
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
[email protected] writes:
<< The positive is that he has not wanted to play.
Tammie >>
If he hasn't wanted to play, then why the need to restrict on certain days?
That doesn't make sense.
I understand the wanting/needing balance. But it's not balance unless it
comes from within. It's just an external force making you do something you
have no choice in.
My ideal, is for my children to find their own balance.
Ren
"The answers aren't important really...
What's important, is knowing all the questions."
-Zilpha Keatley Snyder
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/9/02 8:34:56 PM Central Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
of it - three times. Twice in a row and then once later on. I thought we
were in for a ballet fest, but this morning Nathan put in There Goes a
Bulldozer and watched it three times in a row.
As long as I'm not the one suggesting they put in a tape or dvd, I think they
find their own balance and know when enough is enough. It help that they
treat Swan Lake as an exercise video - Nathan wants to jump as high as
Nureyev. I have found myself doing the suggesting lately (why don't we put
in a video, so I can do X) and that bothers me. Guilt. They don't stay
planted for too long, though.
Elizabeth
starsuncloud@... writes:
> I understand the wanting/needing balance. But it's not balance unless itI agree completely with Ren here. Yesterday my two watched Swan Lake - all
> comes from within. It's just an external force making you do something you
> have no choice in.
> My ideal, is for my children to find their own balance.
>
of it - three times. Twice in a row and then once later on. I thought we
were in for a ballet fest, but this morning Nathan put in There Goes a
Bulldozer and watched it three times in a row.
As long as I'm not the one suggesting they put in a tape or dvd, I think they
find their own balance and know when enough is enough. It help that they
treat Swan Lake as an exercise video - Nathan wants to jump as high as
Nureyev. I have found myself doing the suggesting lately (why don't we put
in a video, so I can do X) and that bothers me. Guilt. They don't stay
planted for too long, though.
Elizabeth