being consumed by the kids
kayb85
I have a question. Although I've been committed to unschooling for
awhile now, I admit that sometimes I "ration out" my time. The kids
will ask me to do something and I'll say, "Not now, mommy has to
_______" Or I'll hear, "Mommy, you never sat and played my game with
me today" and I'll say, "But mommy had to do this and that and the
other thing." For example, today I spent some time cleaning (I'm not
a clean freak by any means, but the house was pretty much trashed and
needed to be taken care). I had to go grocery shopping. I made
homemade egg nog and spiced pecans, which dd requested, but it took a
lot of time to make and clean up. I didn't play a game with the
boys. By playing a game, I mean that they want me to sit on their
computer chairs with them on my lap, watching them play a game. I
cannot help whatsoever. I cannot read a book. I can't talk to
anyone else. I have to totally focus on that game. For an hour.
And when the 5 year old is finished with me, the three year old
immediately wants me on his chair. For an hour. All this time, the
9 year old is nagging about when I can do such and such with her,
making me feel guilty that I'm not helping everyone enough.
Or two kids will want me to lay with them in bed, for a half hour, at
the same time. I sometimes don't know which to choose. I'll be
laying with one child and the other will be pouting in his room
because I didn't pick him to lay with first. Or we'll sit down to
read books, one kid on each side of me, one on my lap, and they'll
kick each other, pull the blanket off of each other, or complain
about who gets to pick a book first.
Does anyone ever feel like they're just being consumed by the kids?
If I always did everything my kids asked me to do all the time, they
would totally consume me. And they fight over me. When I do
something with one, another one will want to know how long until I
sit with him. Or one child will want to go somewhere but the other
doesn't want to leave the house. If the kids had their way, I could
forget about ever getting on the computer or reading a book on my
own, or even having time to think my own thoughts. Sometimes I
wonder how some of you manage to be on the computer so much when
you're being completely child-led. (I know I'm on quite a bit too,
but that's because I'm setting boundaries like, "Mommy NEEDS some
time to do her own thing too sometimes!")
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, like there are 15 hours worth of things
to do but I only have 12 hours to do them.
My frustration is compounded by the fact that my 3 year old is
sleeping with us and tonight he just isn't leaving me any room in my
bed, and I can't get to sleep anywhere else...
Sheila
awhile now, I admit that sometimes I "ration out" my time. The kids
will ask me to do something and I'll say, "Not now, mommy has to
_______" Or I'll hear, "Mommy, you never sat and played my game with
me today" and I'll say, "But mommy had to do this and that and the
other thing." For example, today I spent some time cleaning (I'm not
a clean freak by any means, but the house was pretty much trashed and
needed to be taken care). I had to go grocery shopping. I made
homemade egg nog and spiced pecans, which dd requested, but it took a
lot of time to make and clean up. I didn't play a game with the
boys. By playing a game, I mean that they want me to sit on their
computer chairs with them on my lap, watching them play a game. I
cannot help whatsoever. I cannot read a book. I can't talk to
anyone else. I have to totally focus on that game. For an hour.
And when the 5 year old is finished with me, the three year old
immediately wants me on his chair. For an hour. All this time, the
9 year old is nagging about when I can do such and such with her,
making me feel guilty that I'm not helping everyone enough.
Or two kids will want me to lay with them in bed, for a half hour, at
the same time. I sometimes don't know which to choose. I'll be
laying with one child and the other will be pouting in his room
because I didn't pick him to lay with first. Or we'll sit down to
read books, one kid on each side of me, one on my lap, and they'll
kick each other, pull the blanket off of each other, or complain
about who gets to pick a book first.
Does anyone ever feel like they're just being consumed by the kids?
If I always did everything my kids asked me to do all the time, they
would totally consume me. And they fight over me. When I do
something with one, another one will want to know how long until I
sit with him. Or one child will want to go somewhere but the other
doesn't want to leave the house. If the kids had their way, I could
forget about ever getting on the computer or reading a book on my
own, or even having time to think my own thoughts. Sometimes I
wonder how some of you manage to be on the computer so much when
you're being completely child-led. (I know I'm on quite a bit too,
but that's because I'm setting boundaries like, "Mommy NEEDS some
time to do her own thing too sometimes!")
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, like there are 15 hours worth of things
to do but I only have 12 hours to do them.
My frustration is compounded by the fact that my 3 year old is
sleeping with us and tonight he just isn't leaving me any room in my
bed, and I can't get to sleep anywhere else...
Sheila
Kelli Traaseth
Sheila,
I can totally relate, my three are the same ages as your oldest and I often feel the same way. I don't know what I'd do with a 4th! But don't you think this will pass as the children get older? They are all pretty young. I know for us it is getting better, my youngest is 5. I know all of you with older kids will say, "enjoy it".
I often have one in their bed pouting until I get to them, it helps when dad is around! They are figuring it out tho' that mom will get to them. And the pouting is getting less. I think if we had a king sized bed alot of our problems would be solved. We've been doing alot of juggling of sleeping quarters lately and they seem to be more secure in themselves during the day. I had never heard of the Continuum Concept until this year!! Some nights I'm with a dd, my dh is with another dd or our son is on our floor. Things like that.
As far as getting things done, can the kids help? I know sometimes it can be stressful, but if you aren't in any hurry to get the finished product done by a certain time... I know I had quite a bit to do with Thanksgiving, and my 8dd wanted to do things with me, she helped me make pie crusts and other things. My kids try to help me clean, but that's always a work in progress!<g>
But I do also know that I need some time just to myself also and that is hard to do with young children, my husband knows when its time to get the kids out and about. Meaning.."lets leave Mom alone now for awhile". I think, everyone needs that time. Most the time I just need to let my dh know when I'm needing it, now if I were an organized person there would be a certain day scheduled for that, but...
Another thing that is hard for me is asking for help, you know, I can do it all!! Noone can.
Take a deep breath, and breath, oh....the kids and I did yoga together the other day, that was really fun. Although I have to do my own also during an 'alone' time. (which is hard to find).
I'm sure you've heard all this before but I hope it helps and I'm sure the more experienced listers will have words of advice!
Take Care, and oh, I'm up in the wee hours because our big tree (Christmas) that I thought I wanted,, fell over, woke me up. Thugggggg!! Need a bigger stand.
I'm back to bed!
Oh, And I've been doing alot of Christmas decorating, can you tell. Nitey nite!!
Kelli
kayb85 <sheran@...> wrote:I have a question. Although I've been committed to unschooling for
awhile now, I admit that sometimes I "ration out" my time. The kids
will ask me to do something and I'll say, "Not now, mommy has to
_______" Or I'll hear, "Mommy, you never sat and played my game with
me today" and I'll say, "But mommy had to do this and that and the
other thing." For example, today I spent some time cleaning (I'm not
a clean freak by any means, but the house was pretty much trashed and
needed to be taken care). I had to go grocery shopping. I made
homemade egg nog and spiced pecans, which dd requested, but it took a
lot of time to make and clean up. I didn't play a game with the
boys. By playing a game, I mean that they want me to sit on their
computer chairs with them on my lap, watching them play a game. I
cannot help whatsoever. I cannot read a book. I can't talk to
anyone else. I have to totally focus on that game. For an hour.
And when the 5 year old is finished with me, the three year old
immediately wants me on his chair. For an hour. All this time, the
9 year old is nagging about when I can do such and such with her,
making me feel guilty that I'm not helping everyone enough.
Or two kids will want me to lay with them in bed, for a half hour, at
the same time. I sometimes don't know which to choose. I'll be
laying with one child and the other will be pouting in his room
because I didn't pick him to lay with first. Or we'll sit down to
read books, one kid on each side of me, one on my lap, and they'll
kick each other, pull the blanket off of each other, or complain
about who gets to pick a book first.
Does anyone ever feel like they're just being consumed by the kids?
If I always did everything my kids asked me to do all the time, they
would totally consume me. And they fight over me. When I do
something with one, another one will want to know how long until I
sit with him. Or one child will want to go somewhere but the other
doesn't want to leave the house. If the kids had their way, I could
forget about ever getting on the computer or reading a book on my
own, or even having time to think my own thoughts. Sometimes I
wonder how some of you manage to be on the computer so much when
you're being completely child-led. (I know I'm on quite a bit too,
but that's because I'm setting boundaries like, "Mommy NEEDS some
time to do her own thing too sometimes!")
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, like there are 15 hours worth of things
to do but I only have 12 hours to do them.
My frustration is compounded by the fact that my 3 year old is
sleeping with us and tonight he just isn't leaving me any room in my
bed, and I can't get to sleep anywhere else...
Sheila
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I can totally relate, my three are the same ages as your oldest and I often feel the same way. I don't know what I'd do with a 4th! But don't you think this will pass as the children get older? They are all pretty young. I know for us it is getting better, my youngest is 5. I know all of you with older kids will say, "enjoy it".
I often have one in their bed pouting until I get to them, it helps when dad is around! They are figuring it out tho' that mom will get to them. And the pouting is getting less. I think if we had a king sized bed alot of our problems would be solved. We've been doing alot of juggling of sleeping quarters lately and they seem to be more secure in themselves during the day. I had never heard of the Continuum Concept until this year!! Some nights I'm with a dd, my dh is with another dd or our son is on our floor. Things like that.
As far as getting things done, can the kids help? I know sometimes it can be stressful, but if you aren't in any hurry to get the finished product done by a certain time... I know I had quite a bit to do with Thanksgiving, and my 8dd wanted to do things with me, she helped me make pie crusts and other things. My kids try to help me clean, but that's always a work in progress!<g>
But I do also know that I need some time just to myself also and that is hard to do with young children, my husband knows when its time to get the kids out and about. Meaning.."lets leave Mom alone now for awhile". I think, everyone needs that time. Most the time I just need to let my dh know when I'm needing it, now if I were an organized person there would be a certain day scheduled for that, but...
Another thing that is hard for me is asking for help, you know, I can do it all!! Noone can.
Take a deep breath, and breath, oh....the kids and I did yoga together the other day, that was really fun. Although I have to do my own also during an 'alone' time. (which is hard to find).
I'm sure you've heard all this before but I hope it helps and I'm sure the more experienced listers will have words of advice!
Take Care, and oh, I'm up in the wee hours because our big tree (Christmas) that I thought I wanted,, fell over, woke me up. Thugggggg!! Need a bigger stand.
I'm back to bed!
Oh, And I've been doing alot of Christmas decorating, can you tell. Nitey nite!!
Kelli
kayb85 <sheran@...> wrote:I have a question. Although I've been committed to unschooling for
awhile now, I admit that sometimes I "ration out" my time. The kids
will ask me to do something and I'll say, "Not now, mommy has to
_______" Or I'll hear, "Mommy, you never sat and played my game with
me today" and I'll say, "But mommy had to do this and that and the
other thing." For example, today I spent some time cleaning (I'm not
a clean freak by any means, but the house was pretty much trashed and
needed to be taken care). I had to go grocery shopping. I made
homemade egg nog and spiced pecans, which dd requested, but it took a
lot of time to make and clean up. I didn't play a game with the
boys. By playing a game, I mean that they want me to sit on their
computer chairs with them on my lap, watching them play a game. I
cannot help whatsoever. I cannot read a book. I can't talk to
anyone else. I have to totally focus on that game. For an hour.
And when the 5 year old is finished with me, the three year old
immediately wants me on his chair. For an hour. All this time, the
9 year old is nagging about when I can do such and such with her,
making me feel guilty that I'm not helping everyone enough.
Or two kids will want me to lay with them in bed, for a half hour, at
the same time. I sometimes don't know which to choose. I'll be
laying with one child and the other will be pouting in his room
because I didn't pick him to lay with first. Or we'll sit down to
read books, one kid on each side of me, one on my lap, and they'll
kick each other, pull the blanket off of each other, or complain
about who gets to pick a book first.
Does anyone ever feel like they're just being consumed by the kids?
If I always did everything my kids asked me to do all the time, they
would totally consume me. And they fight over me. When I do
something with one, another one will want to know how long until I
sit with him. Or one child will want to go somewhere but the other
doesn't want to leave the house. If the kids had their way, I could
forget about ever getting on the computer or reading a book on my
own, or even having time to think my own thoughts. Sometimes I
wonder how some of you manage to be on the computer so much when
you're being completely child-led. (I know I'm on quite a bit too,
but that's because I'm setting boundaries like, "Mommy NEEDS some
time to do her own thing too sometimes!")
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, like there are 15 hours worth of things
to do but I only have 12 hours to do them.
My frustration is compounded by the fact that my 3 year old is
sleeping with us and tonight he just isn't leaving me any room in my
bed, and I can't get to sleep anywhere else...
Sheila
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
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To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelli Traaseth
Well,,,,I tried to do it in color but it didn't come out that way, now I'm pouting!
Kelli Traaseth <kellitraas@...> wrote:
Sheila,
I can totally relate, my three are the same ages as your oldest and I often feel the same way. I don't know what I'd do with a 4th! But don't you think this will pass as the children get older? They are all pretty young. I know for us it is getting better, my youngest is 5. I know all of you with older kids will say, "enjoy it".
I often have one in their bed pouting until I get to them, it helps when dad is around! They are figuring it out tho' that mom will get to them. And the pouting is getting less. I think if we had a king sized bed alot of our problems would be solved. We've been doing alot of juggling of sleeping quarters lately and they seem to be more secure in themselves during the day. I had never heard of the Continuum Concept until this year!! Some nights I'm with a dd, my dh is with another dd or our son is on our floor. Things like that.
As far as getting things done, can the kids help? I know sometimes it can be stressful, but if you aren't in any hurry to get the finished product done by a certain time... I know I had quite a bit to do with Thanksgiving, and my 8dd wanted to do things with me, she helped me make pie crusts and other things. My kids try to help me clean, but that's always a work in progress!<g>
But I do also know that I need some time just to myself also and that is hard to do with young children, my husband knows when its time to get the kids out and about. Meaning.."lets leave Mom alone now for awhile". I think, everyone needs that time. Most the time I just need to let my dh know when I'm needing it, now if I were an organized person there would be a certain day scheduled for that, but...
Another thing that is hard for me is asking for help, you know, I can do it all!! Noone can.
Take a deep breath, and breath, oh....the kids and I did yoga together the other day, that was really fun. Although I have to do my own also during an 'alone' time. (which is hard to find).
I'm sure you've heard all this before but I hope it helps and I'm sure the more experienced listers will have words of advice!
Take Care, and oh, I'm up in the wee hours because our big tree (Christmas) that I thought I wanted,, fell over, woke me up. Thugggggg!! Need a bigger stand.
I'm back to bed!
Oh, And I've been doing alot of Christmas decorating, can you tell. Nitey nite!!
Kelli
kayb85 <sheran@...> wrote:I have a question. Although I've been committed to unschooling for
awhile now, I admit that sometimes I "ration out" my time. The kids
will ask me to do something and I'll say, "Not now, mommy has to
_______" Or I'll hear, "Mommy, you never sat and played my game with
me today" and I'll say, "But mommy had to do this and that and the
other thing." For example, today I spent some time cleaning (I'm not
a clean freak by any means, but the house was pretty much trashed and
needed to be taken care). I had to go grocery shopping. I made
homemade egg nog and spiced pecans, which dd requested, but it took a
lot of time to make and clean up. I didn't play a game with the
boys. By playing a game, I mean that they want me to sit on their
computer chairs with them on my lap, watching them play a game. I
cannot help whatsoever. I cannot read a book. I can't talk to
anyone else. I have to totally focus on that game. For an hour.
And when the 5 year old is finished with me, the three year old
immediately wants me on his chair. For an hour. All this time, the
9 year old is nagging about when I can do such and such with her,
making me feel guilty that I'm not helping everyone enough.
Or two kids will want me to lay with them in bed, for a half hour, at
the same time. I sometimes don't know which to choose. I'll be
laying with one child and the other will be pouting in his room
because I didn't pick him to lay with first. Or we'll sit down to
read books, one kid on each side of me, one on my lap, and they'll
kick each other, pull the blanket off of each other, or complain
about who gets to pick a book first.
Does anyone ever feel like they're just being consumed by the kids?
If I always did everything my kids asked me to do all the time, they
would totally consume me. And they fight over me. When I do
something with one, another one will want to know how long until I
sit with him. Or one child will want to go somewhere but the other
doesn't want to leave the house. If the kids had their way, I could
forget about ever getting on the computer or reading a book on my
own, or even having time to think my own thoughts. Sometimes I
wonder how some of you manage to be on the computer so much when
you're being completely child-led. (I know I'm on quite a bit too,
but that's because I'm setting boundaries like, "Mommy NEEDS some
time to do her own thing too sometimes!")
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, like there are 15 hours worth of things
to do but I only have 12 hours to do them.
My frustration is compounded by the fact that my 3 year old is
sleeping with us and tonight he just isn't leaving me any room in my
bed, and I can't get to sleep anywhere else...
Sheila
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelli Traaseth <kellitraas@...> wrote:
Sheila,
I can totally relate, my three are the same ages as your oldest and I often feel the same way. I don't know what I'd do with a 4th! But don't you think this will pass as the children get older? They are all pretty young. I know for us it is getting better, my youngest is 5. I know all of you with older kids will say, "enjoy it".
I often have one in their bed pouting until I get to them, it helps when dad is around! They are figuring it out tho' that mom will get to them. And the pouting is getting less. I think if we had a king sized bed alot of our problems would be solved. We've been doing alot of juggling of sleeping quarters lately and they seem to be more secure in themselves during the day. I had never heard of the Continuum Concept until this year!! Some nights I'm with a dd, my dh is with another dd or our son is on our floor. Things like that.
As far as getting things done, can the kids help? I know sometimes it can be stressful, but if you aren't in any hurry to get the finished product done by a certain time... I know I had quite a bit to do with Thanksgiving, and my 8dd wanted to do things with me, she helped me make pie crusts and other things. My kids try to help me clean, but that's always a work in progress!<g>
But I do also know that I need some time just to myself also and that is hard to do with young children, my husband knows when its time to get the kids out and about. Meaning.."lets leave Mom alone now for awhile". I think, everyone needs that time. Most the time I just need to let my dh know when I'm needing it, now if I were an organized person there would be a certain day scheduled for that, but...
Another thing that is hard for me is asking for help, you know, I can do it all!! Noone can.
Take a deep breath, and breath, oh....the kids and I did yoga together the other day, that was really fun. Although I have to do my own also during an 'alone' time. (which is hard to find).
I'm sure you've heard all this before but I hope it helps and I'm sure the more experienced listers will have words of advice!
Take Care, and oh, I'm up in the wee hours because our big tree (Christmas) that I thought I wanted,, fell over, woke me up. Thugggggg!! Need a bigger stand.
I'm back to bed!
Oh, And I've been doing alot of Christmas decorating, can you tell. Nitey nite!!
Kelli
kayb85 <sheran@...> wrote:I have a question. Although I've been committed to unschooling for
awhile now, I admit that sometimes I "ration out" my time. The kids
will ask me to do something and I'll say, "Not now, mommy has to
_______" Or I'll hear, "Mommy, you never sat and played my game with
me today" and I'll say, "But mommy had to do this and that and the
other thing." For example, today I spent some time cleaning (I'm not
a clean freak by any means, but the house was pretty much trashed and
needed to be taken care). I had to go grocery shopping. I made
homemade egg nog and spiced pecans, which dd requested, but it took a
lot of time to make and clean up. I didn't play a game with the
boys. By playing a game, I mean that they want me to sit on their
computer chairs with them on my lap, watching them play a game. I
cannot help whatsoever. I cannot read a book. I can't talk to
anyone else. I have to totally focus on that game. For an hour.
And when the 5 year old is finished with me, the three year old
immediately wants me on his chair. For an hour. All this time, the
9 year old is nagging about when I can do such and such with her,
making me feel guilty that I'm not helping everyone enough.
Or two kids will want me to lay with them in bed, for a half hour, at
the same time. I sometimes don't know which to choose. I'll be
laying with one child and the other will be pouting in his room
because I didn't pick him to lay with first. Or we'll sit down to
read books, one kid on each side of me, one on my lap, and they'll
kick each other, pull the blanket off of each other, or complain
about who gets to pick a book first.
Does anyone ever feel like they're just being consumed by the kids?
If I always did everything my kids asked me to do all the time, they
would totally consume me. And they fight over me. When I do
something with one, another one will want to know how long until I
sit with him. Or one child will want to go somewhere but the other
doesn't want to leave the house. If the kids had their way, I could
forget about ever getting on the computer or reading a book on my
own, or even having time to think my own thoughts. Sometimes I
wonder how some of you manage to be on the computer so much when
you're being completely child-led. (I know I'm on quite a bit too,
but that's because I'm setting boundaries like, "Mommy NEEDS some
time to do her own thing too sometimes!")
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, like there are 15 hours worth of things
to do but I only have 12 hours to do them.
My frustration is compounded by the fact that my 3 year old is
sleeping with us and tonight he just isn't leaving me any room in my
bed, and I can't get to sleep anywhere else...
Sheila
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/2/02 2:18:08 AM, sheran@... writes:
<< If the kids had their way, I could
forget about ever getting on the computer or reading a book on my
own, or even having time to think my own thoughts. Sometimes I
wonder how some of you manage to be on the computer so much when
you're being completely child-led. >>
When mine were little I didn't read books on my own for a long time.
Magazines, during meals, maybe.
When they were little I'd have the baby in a backpack as much as possible, or
playing near me on the floor. We left the house almost daily, at least to go
to a park, or a leisurely shopping trip (going up and down all the aisles,
kids riding in carts who wanted to, or walking if they wanted, and me forcing
myself not to rush). We had music on for singing at least once a day. It
added a layer of doing more than one thing at once, and sometimes it was
ignored and sometimes there was singing.
Saturday the other day we had Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
playing on the Mac (the CD, music only) while Holly was in here playing a
solitaire game with me. We sang sometimes, talked about the game sometimes,
talked about other things sometimes.
My kids were up until midnight, 1:00 and I don't-know-when last night, so I'm
up at 6:30 and they won't be up for at least four or five hours. For a while
yesterday I was the only one home (Keith/dh was home, but way in the back,
watching football and trying to doze off a coming head-cold; he's better now).
The days come when the kids don't need to sit in your lap and have you read
to them. Holly's the last one here who needs that. But while that time is
there, you just have to ride it through.
I wish I hadn't told Kirby no the times I did. As the oldest of three, he
got "no" more than others, once he wasn't an only, and I know from clear
experience how hard it is to lose the "only" position to another person. If
I could do it again I would have made SURE to say yes to Kirby more.
But I also remember being "touched out" when I had infants and toddlers and
feeling like the next time human skin touched mine I would have to burst into
tears.
Still, I don't think we can see parenting or unschooling as something we can
schedule around our own leisurely lives. Maybe a time or two a week I would
go to a movie or help some other adult friend with a project for a bit, while
yet another adult or teen hung out with my kids, or while they were out with
another family or my husband was home with them. But not every day, by any
means.
It's hard but it has to be done. Kids who are home instead of in daycare or
school need some direct and concentrated attention. It doesn't take less
time and energy to have them home than to dress them up and get them to
school and back, and all the accompanying other prep and support of
school-going children. It's different kinds of time and energy.
-=-My frustration is compounded by the fact that my 3 year old is
sleeping with us and tonight he just isn't leaving me any room in my
bed, and I can't get to sleep anywhere else... -=-
Can you put a twin bed next to yours for a while? Can you move him after he's
asleep to a nearby floor-bed?
Sandra
<< If the kids had their way, I could
forget about ever getting on the computer or reading a book on my
own, or even having time to think my own thoughts. Sometimes I
wonder how some of you manage to be on the computer so much when
you're being completely child-led. >>
When mine were little I didn't read books on my own for a long time.
Magazines, during meals, maybe.
When they were little I'd have the baby in a backpack as much as possible, or
playing near me on the floor. We left the house almost daily, at least to go
to a park, or a leisurely shopping trip (going up and down all the aisles,
kids riding in carts who wanted to, or walking if they wanted, and me forcing
myself not to rush). We had music on for singing at least once a day. It
added a layer of doing more than one thing at once, and sometimes it was
ignored and sometimes there was singing.
Saturday the other day we had Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
playing on the Mac (the CD, music only) while Holly was in here playing a
solitaire game with me. We sang sometimes, talked about the game sometimes,
talked about other things sometimes.
My kids were up until midnight, 1:00 and I don't-know-when last night, so I'm
up at 6:30 and they won't be up for at least four or five hours. For a while
yesterday I was the only one home (Keith/dh was home, but way in the back,
watching football and trying to doze off a coming head-cold; he's better now).
The days come when the kids don't need to sit in your lap and have you read
to them. Holly's the last one here who needs that. But while that time is
there, you just have to ride it through.
I wish I hadn't told Kirby no the times I did. As the oldest of three, he
got "no" more than others, once he wasn't an only, and I know from clear
experience how hard it is to lose the "only" position to another person. If
I could do it again I would have made SURE to say yes to Kirby more.
But I also remember being "touched out" when I had infants and toddlers and
feeling like the next time human skin touched mine I would have to burst into
tears.
Still, I don't think we can see parenting or unschooling as something we can
schedule around our own leisurely lives. Maybe a time or two a week I would
go to a movie or help some other adult friend with a project for a bit, while
yet another adult or teen hung out with my kids, or while they were out with
another family or my husband was home with them. But not every day, by any
means.
It's hard but it has to be done. Kids who are home instead of in daycare or
school need some direct and concentrated attention. It doesn't take less
time and energy to have them home than to dress them up and get them to
school and back, and all the accompanying other prep and support of
school-going children. It's different kinds of time and energy.
-=-My frustration is compounded by the fact that my 3 year old is
sleeping with us and tonight he just isn't leaving me any room in my
bed, and I can't get to sleep anywhere else... -=-
Can you put a twin bed next to yours for a while? Can you move him after he's
asleep to a nearby floor-bed?
Sandra
[email protected]
Sheila -
I understand how you feel torn between your priorities. I don't really have
a suggestion for you because my two are younger - only three and four. What
I do is usually tell them that I need some quiet time and they give it to me.
Usually they pick out something to watch (lately Swan Lake over and over
again) and I go do something.
Right now I'm immobile with my broken ankle. I've been amazed how the
succession of Lithuanian nannies are able to actually sit down and read a
book while the children are in their quiet time! And the nannies have been
keeping the house in much better shape than I do on a day to day basis. But
I guess they can keep up with the dishes as I'm reading to the babies.
Also, I involve the kids as much as possible in whatever I'm working on.
Loading the dishwasher, making dinner, making the beds, etc. They are still
young and interested in helping with that stuff.
I totally relate to the no room in the bed issue. Last night was my first
time in the bed since October 20th. Both kids had to fall asleep in my arms,
one on each side, while my husband snored away. I eventually had to wake
them up so he could move them to their sleeping mats on the floor - otherwise
I could never have moved!
Elizabeth
I understand how you feel torn between your priorities. I don't really have
a suggestion for you because my two are younger - only three and four. What
I do is usually tell them that I need some quiet time and they give it to me.
Usually they pick out something to watch (lately Swan Lake over and over
again) and I go do something.
Right now I'm immobile with my broken ankle. I've been amazed how the
succession of Lithuanian nannies are able to actually sit down and read a
book while the children are in their quiet time! And the nannies have been
keeping the house in much better shape than I do on a day to day basis. But
I guess they can keep up with the dishes as I'm reading to the babies.
Also, I involve the kids as much as possible in whatever I'm working on.
Loading the dishwasher, making dinner, making the beds, etc. They are still
young and interested in helping with that stuff.
I totally relate to the no room in the bed issue. Last night was my first
time in the bed since October 20th. Both kids had to fall asleep in my arms,
one on each side, while my husband snored away. I eventually had to wake
them up so he could move them to their sleeping mats on the floor - otherwise
I could never have moved!
Elizabeth
Gerard Westenberg
<Does anyone ever feel like they're just being consumed by the kids? >
Yes! :-) But one thing I have learned to do, is to switch this feeling around - think about people who have lost children, about those who can't have chidren but want them, about my older boys and the fact that they now need me less ( sometimes!) than the younger ones - and be happy that I have my kids here to be with. Not Pollyanna, but a real positive sort of thinking...
However, I also feel that I *have to have some me time every day, I think I am an introverted sort of person - for me, its my early am walk, when the kids are still in bed, before dh leaves for work, makes me feel connected with myself so I can give to my kids. When they were all little, it used to be time to do an aerobics tape when the kids were watching children's TV and the baby was asleep or in a nearby bouncer. I also keep books handy for reading in snatches - reading to the kids ( me and them time), reading 5 mins of something myself, something I want to read, if everyone else is occupied for 5 mins...A 5 mins me time, rejuventation time..
Finally, writing down my kids' wants/needs helps in our house. They might want to go the shop -not possible just now for whatever reason so I will w rte it down on my list. They know we will get to it, they feel validated, even if I can't do it ( what they want) right now...Of course, this can be over used, but its a great tool when needed..Leonie W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yes! :-) But one thing I have learned to do, is to switch this feeling around - think about people who have lost children, about those who can't have chidren but want them, about my older boys and the fact that they now need me less ( sometimes!) than the younger ones - and be happy that I have my kids here to be with. Not Pollyanna, but a real positive sort of thinking...
However, I also feel that I *have to have some me time every day, I think I am an introverted sort of person - for me, its my early am walk, when the kids are still in bed, before dh leaves for work, makes me feel connected with myself so I can give to my kids. When they were all little, it used to be time to do an aerobics tape when the kids were watching children's TV and the baby was asleep or in a nearby bouncer. I also keep books handy for reading in snatches - reading to the kids ( me and them time), reading 5 mins of something myself, something I want to read, if everyone else is occupied for 5 mins...A 5 mins me time, rejuventation time..
Finally, writing down my kids' wants/needs helps in our house. They might want to go the shop -not possible just now for whatever reason so I will w rte it down on my list. They know we will get to it, they feel validated, even if I can't do it ( what they want) right now...Of course, this can be over used, but its a great tool when needed..Leonie W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/2/02 12:33:03 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
I know how you feel Sheila. People with one or two children just don't
understand the tremendous pull between everyone's needs once you have three
or more children.
It can be all consuming.
I think accepting that until they're older this is part of your life will go
a long ways to making it more tolerable on those rough days.
Some days are just joyful, smooth, blissful motherhood days, others you feel
as though all your seams are coming loose.
I sometimes have to set boundaries for them "I am going to spend a few
minutes with Sierra right now because she really needs me, I'll be with you
in just a while, please play a video game or watch tv until I can come" going
by who is neediest at that moment. The little ones tend to be the biggest
consumers of time and attention, but I try to be aware not to let too much
attention pass by the older ones.
Working part time has really been great for me most of the time, as I have my
own spending money and time to do something I enjoy.
That won't work for everyone though.
I like the idea of keeping new foods and toys around for those tense moments
when everyone is being needy.
A new book, game, video or food can really get some happy feelings going and
take the pressure off of you.
I have several things from the dollar store stashed away right now.
The other day they played for hours with these squishy balls I bought there.
When you threw them against the window they would stick, and slowly squoosh
down and finally fall. Even the baby joined in laughing and screaming.
<< leisurely shopping trip (going up and down all the aisles,
kids riding in carts who wanted to, or walking if they wanted, and me
forcing
myself not to rush). >>
I did this today. Dh thought I was nuts taking the baby and Sierra when he
was home and available, but I knew the older boys could use a break from the
daily irritations of the younger ones.
We went slow....Jalen hates being in a cart so I have to hold him or let him
walk. They scooted slowly around those bumper pads in the middle of the
freezer sections out in the middle. They pulled down plastic bags and found
things to put in them (Jalen picked up one banana and put it in, then proudly
set it in the cart), they got in front of moving carts a couple of times,
but no disasters.
It was exhausting, but my expectations were such that it was an enjoyable
trip.
I expected Jalen to run off a few times, I expected to have to hold him, I
expected everything to take ten times longer than if I was alone. I also
realize that this type of interaction, meaningful chores done happily
together, are the whole point of unschooling.
Having children along in our daily lives is consuming sometimes.
But if the expectations are in line with reality of doing this, I think it
helps us accept and adapt our behavior as parents.
Breathe deep on those energy draining days and remember it will pass.
Children grow up quickly, enjoy the moment for what it is and use distraction
techniques when necessary.
And know that you aren't the only one feeling drained some days!!
Ren
"The answers aren't important really...
What's important, is knowing all the questions."
-Zilpha Keatley Snyder
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
[email protected] writes:
I know how you feel Sheila. People with one or two children just don't
understand the tremendous pull between everyone's needs once you have three
or more children.
It can be all consuming.
I think accepting that until they're older this is part of your life will go
a long ways to making it more tolerable on those rough days.
Some days are just joyful, smooth, blissful motherhood days, others you feel
as though all your seams are coming loose.
I sometimes have to set boundaries for them "I am going to spend a few
minutes with Sierra right now because she really needs me, I'll be with you
in just a while, please play a video game or watch tv until I can come" going
by who is neediest at that moment. The little ones tend to be the biggest
consumers of time and attention, but I try to be aware not to let too much
attention pass by the older ones.
Working part time has really been great for me most of the time, as I have my
own spending money and time to do something I enjoy.
That won't work for everyone though.
I like the idea of keeping new foods and toys around for those tense moments
when everyone is being needy.
A new book, game, video or food can really get some happy feelings going and
take the pressure off of you.
I have several things from the dollar store stashed away right now.
The other day they played for hours with these squishy balls I bought there.
When you threw them against the window they would stick, and slowly squoosh
down and finally fall. Even the baby joined in laughing and screaming.
<< leisurely shopping trip (going up and down all the aisles,
kids riding in carts who wanted to, or walking if they wanted, and me
forcing
myself not to rush). >>
I did this today. Dh thought I was nuts taking the baby and Sierra when he
was home and available, but I knew the older boys could use a break from the
daily irritations of the younger ones.
We went slow....Jalen hates being in a cart so I have to hold him or let him
walk. They scooted slowly around those bumper pads in the middle of the
freezer sections out in the middle. They pulled down plastic bags and found
things to put in them (Jalen picked up one banana and put it in, then proudly
set it in the cart), they got in front of moving carts a couple of times,
but no disasters.
It was exhausting, but my expectations were such that it was an enjoyable
trip.
I expected Jalen to run off a few times, I expected to have to hold him, I
expected everything to take ten times longer than if I was alone. I also
realize that this type of interaction, meaningful chores done happily
together, are the whole point of unschooling.
Having children along in our daily lives is consuming sometimes.
But if the expectations are in line with reality of doing this, I think it
helps us accept and adapt our behavior as parents.
Breathe deep on those energy draining days and remember it will pass.
Children grow up quickly, enjoy the moment for what it is and use distraction
techniques when necessary.
And know that you aren't the only one feeling drained some days!!
Ren
"The answers aren't important really...
What's important, is knowing all the questions."
-Zilpha Keatley Snyder
Unschooling support at pensacolaunschoolers.com
ecsamhill
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "kayb85" <sheran@p...> wrote:
**By playing a game, I mean that they want me to sit on their
computer chairs with them on my lap, watching them play a game. I
cannot help whatsoever. I cannot read a book. I can't talk to
anyone else. I have to totally focus on that game. For an hour. **
Eep! I don't think I could do this. Certainly not for more than 10 or
15 minutes at a time.
My husband plays a lot of computer games with my son, and for years it
was lap time. I guess I should be grateful that *I* am not expected to
meet this need.
I'd probably try to convince a kid who wanted a cuddle that he could
have a great cuddle on my lap while I read my email. (Yes, I am
selfish!)
Betsy
kayb85
I appreciate all of the input. It's nice to hear both from people
who have kids in the same age range as yours who can sympathize and
from people whose children are past that stage and can give you wise
advice from experience and assurances that it will get easier.
And guess what? I got my period the next day. lol I guess that was
the reason for all the stressing. Next time I get stressed out and
feel like I can't handle unschooling anymore, I'm going to stop and
ask myself what time of the month it is! lol
Sheila, who is feeling much more relaxed again. :)
who have kids in the same age range as yours who can sympathize and
from people whose children are past that stage and can give you wise
advice from experience and assurances that it will get easier.
And guess what? I got my period the next day. lol I guess that was
the reason for all the stressing. Next time I get stressed out and
feel like I can't handle unschooling anymore, I'm going to stop and
ask myself what time of the month it is! lol
Sheila, who is feeling much more relaxed again. :)
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 12/2/02 2:18:08 AM, sheran@p... writes:
>
> << If the kids had their way, I could
> forget about ever getting on the computer or reading a book on my
> own, or even having time to think my own thoughts. Sometimes I
> wonder how some of you manage to be on the computer so much when
> you're being completely child-led. >>
>
> When mine were little I didn't read books on my own for a long
time.
> Magazines, during meals, maybe.
>
> When they were little I'd have the baby in a backpack as much as
possible, or
> playing near me on the floor. We left the house almost daily, at
least to go
> to a park, or a leisurely shopping trip (going up and down all the
aisles,
> kids riding in carts who wanted to, or walking if they wanted, and
me forcing
> myself not to rush). We had music on for singing at least once a
day. It
> added a layer of doing more than one thing at once, and sometimes
it was
> ignored and sometimes there was singing.
>
> Saturday the other day we had Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor
Dreamcoat
> playing on the Mac (the CD, music only) while Holly was in here
playing a
> solitaire game with me. We sang sometimes, talked about the game
sometimes,
> talked about other things sometimes.
>
> My kids were up until midnight, 1:00 and I don't-know-when last
night, so I'm
> up at 6:30 and they won't be up for at least four or five hours.
For a while
> yesterday I was the only one home (Keith/dh was home, but way in
the back,
> watching football and trying to doze off a coming head-cold; he's
better now).
>
> The days come when the kids don't need to sit in your lap and have
you read
> to them. Holly's the last one here who needs that. But while that
time is
> there, you just have to ride it through.
>
> I wish I hadn't told Kirby no the times I did. As the oldest of
three, he
> got "no" more than others, once he wasn't an only, and I know from
clear
> experience how hard it is to lose the "only" position to another
person. If
> I could do it again I would have made SURE to say yes to Kirby
more.
>
> But I also remember being "touched out" when I had infants and
toddlers and
> feeling like the next time human skin touched mine I would have to
burst into
> tears.
>
> Still, I don't think we can see parenting or unschooling as
something we can
> schedule around our own leisurely lives. Maybe a time or two a
week I would
> go to a movie or help some other adult friend with a project for a
bit, while
> yet another adult or teen hung out with my kids, or while they were
out with
> another family or my husband was home with them. But not every
day, by any
> means.
>
> It's hard but it has to be done. Kids who are home instead of in
daycare or
> school need some direct and concentrated attention. It doesn't
take less
> time and energy to have them home than to dress them up and get
them to
> school and back, and all the accompanying other prep and support of
> school-going children. It's different kinds of time and energy.
>
> -=-My frustration is compounded by the fact that my 3 year old is
> sleeping with us and tonight he just isn't leaving me any room in
my
> bed, and I can't get to sleep anywhere else... -=-
>
> Can you put a twin bed next to yours for a while? Can you move him
after he's
> asleep to a nearby floor-bed?
>
> Sandra
Helen Hegener
At 2:05 AM -0800 12/2/02, Kelli Traaseth wrote:
Kelli's observation here because it's right on the money - I'd just
been waiting for someone else with older kids to jump in here and
provide the validation. Well, so far nobody has, so I guess I will.
<g>
My kids are now 16, 22, 23, 26 and 28. Only the youngest and our 23yo
daughter are still at home, and they're only here part-time. I wish
sometimes that I could wave a magic wand and make them all small
again, splashing in the creek and tracking mud through the house,
bringing me broken birdshells and strange insects to admire,
squabbling and fighting and needing a Solomon-wise mediator, zoning
out for hours at a time on video games (back when the graphics were
clumsy and not so garishly "realistic"), prowling through the kitchen
searching for munchies and repeatedly asking how long til dinner.
I love this time in their lives, of course. They're all such
wonderful people now - and there are the darling little grandkids! I
love it when one of my older sons gives me a hug and says "Mom, I'm
*so* glad you homeschooled us!" I enjoy being able to spend as much
time as I want - uninterrupted - on things I enjoy: travel, painting,
working on the house, reading, just watching an old movie on TV.
But...
I can't believe how quickly they all went from being kids to being
grownups. I think there's some twisted cosmic effect that speeds up
one's perceptions of time as one grows older... When the kids were
young the days seemed to drag on forever and I remember wishing
they'd *grow up* a little... And now that they're all grown the days
flash by too quickly and I wish they were all little and needed me
again.
So yeah - Enjoy it. It won't last nearly as long as you'll someday wish it did.
Helen
> I know all of you with older kids will say, "enjoy it".I've been lurking along and reading; finally went back and found
Kelli's observation here because it's right on the money - I'd just
been waiting for someone else with older kids to jump in here and
provide the validation. Well, so far nobody has, so I guess I will.
<g>
My kids are now 16, 22, 23, 26 and 28. Only the youngest and our 23yo
daughter are still at home, and they're only here part-time. I wish
sometimes that I could wave a magic wand and make them all small
again, splashing in the creek and tracking mud through the house,
bringing me broken birdshells and strange insects to admire,
squabbling and fighting and needing a Solomon-wise mediator, zoning
out for hours at a time on video games (back when the graphics were
clumsy and not so garishly "realistic"), prowling through the kitchen
searching for munchies and repeatedly asking how long til dinner.
I love this time in their lives, of course. They're all such
wonderful people now - and there are the darling little grandkids! I
love it when one of my older sons gives me a hug and says "Mom, I'm
*so* glad you homeschooled us!" I enjoy being able to spend as much
time as I want - uninterrupted - on things I enjoy: travel, painting,
working on the house, reading, just watching an old movie on TV.
But...
I can't believe how quickly they all went from being kids to being
grownups. I think there's some twisted cosmic effect that speeds up
one's perceptions of time as one grows older... When the kids were
young the days seemed to drag on forever and I remember wishing
they'd *grow up* a little... And now that they're all grown the days
flash by too quickly and I wish they were all little and needed me
again.
So yeah - Enjoy it. It won't last nearly as long as you'll someday wish it did.
Helen
Tia Leschke
> I can't believe how quickly they all went from being kids to beingI think you're right about that twisted cosmic effect. Remember how long it
> grownups. I think there's some twisted cosmic effect that speeds up
> one's perceptions of time as one grows older... When the kids were
> young the days seemed to drag on forever and I remember wishing
> they'd *grow up* a little... And now that they're all grown the days
> flash by too quickly and I wish they were all little and needed me
> again.
used to take for Christmas to arrive when you were little? And now it's
more like, "Christmas already? Didn't we just recover from the last
Christmas?" <g>
>did.
> So yeah - Enjoy it. It won't last nearly as long as you'll someday wish it
I tried especially hard to relax and enjoy Lars, because I already knew how
fast it goes. (The others were 8, 9, and 12 when he was born.) I did
manage to slow it down, but only a little.
Tia
Tia Leschke
>I wondered, and almost said something. I get something like that, only for
> And guess what? I got my period the next day. lol I guess that was
> the reason for all the stressing. Next time I get stressed out and
> feel like I can't handle unschooling anymore, I'm going to stop and
> ask myself what time of the month it is! lol
me it's frantic worry that I'm unschooling all wrong and ruining my son's
life, etc. My trouble now is that I can't even ask what time of the month
it is, my cycles are so erratic from perimenopause. It's been months this
time, so my hopes are rising.
Tia
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/3/02 1:17:26 PM, leschke@... writes:
<< And now it's
more like, "Christmas already? Didn't we just recover from the last
Christmas?" <g> >>
By "recover" I hope you don't mean paid off all the bills and got rid of the
extra unsent Christmas cards. If so, we've never recovered from a Christmas!
Sandra
<< And now it's
more like, "Christmas already? Didn't we just recover from the last
Christmas?" <g> >>
By "recover" I hope you don't mean paid off all the bills and got rid of the
extra unsent Christmas cards. If so, we've never recovered from a Christmas!
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/3/2002 12:48:34 PM Central Standard Time,
HEM-Editor@... writes:
I did, and now he's 20 and in Army boot camp and about to be engaged.
The time when my children were little is such a small portion of my time here
on Earth. A blip. When they were small and I was struggling, I consoled
myself with that. But I didn't even realize just *how short that time would
be until I was looking back on it.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
HEM-Editor@... writes:
> I can't believe how quickly they all went from being kids to beingMy dad said, when my oldest was born, "Don't blink."
> grownups. I think there's some twisted cosmic effect that speeds up
> one's perceptions of time as one grows older... When the kids were
> young the days seemed to drag on forever and I remember wishing
> they'd *grow up* a little... And now that they're all grown the days
> flash by too quickly and I wish they were all little and needed me
> again.
>
>
I did, and now he's 20 and in Army boot camp and about to be engaged.
The time when my children were little is such a small portion of my time here
on Earth. A blip. When they were small and I was struggling, I consoled
myself with that. But I didn't even realize just *how short that time would
be until I was looking back on it.
Tuck
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Mary Bianco
>From: Tia Leschke <leschke@...><<I think you're right about that twisted cosmic effect. Remember how long
it used to take for Christmas to arrive when you were little? And now it's
more like, "Christmas already? Didn't we just recover from the last
Christmas?" <g>>
Oh my that is so true. My oldest has always complained about being little
and not being able to wait until she was grown up. I kept telling her to
slow down and enjoy her childhood. I remember wanting to be all grown up and
out of school and then wishing I could go back. Now my daugher still
complains but this time it's about having no time between school, homework,
work and her boyfriend!
Mary B
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Tia Leschke
>the
> << And now it's
> more like, "Christmas already? Didn't we just recover from the last
> Christmas?" <g> >>
>
> By "recover" I hope you don't mean paid off all the bills and got rid of
> extra unsent Christmas cards. If so, we've never recovered from aChristmas!
Ever since our first "plastic" Christmas, the credit card has never been
completely paid off . . . sigh. I haven't sent Christmas cards in years.
But I really meant just in general, all the busy busy stuff.
Tia