Yol, Vishnu & Shanti

Hello everyone,

I am new to this list and I must say that I am very pleased to read your responses to many issues, not only about unschooling but about kids and life in general. I have a 4 year old daughter and I consider that we have been *unschooling* since day one, trying to integrate who we are as a family into a rather intuitive *continuum* that would embrace her development, our lifestyle, her needs, desires and interests, as well as ours, and so on.
She was breast fed (on demand) until she didn't want the breast anymore, nor needed it for reassurance, etc. We would let her choose what she wanted to eat (from what was available), and the same thing has happened with other things/activities. We just love to see her explore the world and consider ourselves *facilitators* or *guides* in her life, rather than authorities. Boundaries are set by means of explaining things or offering different options.

We do not watch TV (we're too busy for that), but she likes to watch videos sometimes. It used to be an all day kind of thing. You know, watch the same videos a thousand times... And then play the same computer game another thousand times...

Some people seemed to think that to let her watch videos and do computer stuff was not good, and I even got a very rational explanation for why TV, videos, video games and computers are *not good.* Yet I strongly believe that everything can be used in a positive/constructive or a negative/destructive way. And children should be respected and have the same rights as adults to express themselves and have their needs/desires fulfilled.

My approach is simple: offer many choices and let her decide. I trust her inner voice and I see her make really good choices and, more than anything, be herself all the time. In other words, she knows what she wants and what she does not want at any given moment. Now, if she makes a mistake (or what she later considers a wrong choice) it's ok too, it's all part of the process of learning and growing.

Now she does not watch videos that much anymore, because she is more into arts and crafts or gymnastics or dance and music. And she keeps moving on and exploring other things. Yet she acquired language skills (both in English and Spanish), music skills (through learning so many songs) and visual skills through those videos (she would even inquire about certain *concepts* she perceived in them). So, what seems detrimental in the eyes of someone (say, a Waldorf educator), may not be so in the eyes of an unschooler. It's all relative.

The main thing here, I guess, is that children should be allowed to stay in touch with themselves (their inner voice) by making decisions and choices according to their stage of development and needs. It is important to trust their own intuition and desires and *go with the flow.* Flexibility is the key on this journey. But I also think it's important to give them *good quality* options, and not just whatever. And by *good quality* I mean options (at all levels) that are significant for the family as a whole (that promote its values and beliefs) and that make sense to the child. Now, I hope *I* make sense with all of this, and sorry for the long message... ;-)

Regards,

Yol


Myranda wrote:

> The easiest way I've found to explain it is that you should just treat your son like any other adult member of the family - no rules, limits, or should do's. You don't have to have these things to do what needs to be done, and your son won't either.
>
> You sometimes spend a day or two working on one thing mostly, don't you? A craft, reading, or a hobby. Your son will be the same way, but it will take him longer to get used to having the freedom to do whatever he chooses, so he will likely spend weeks instead of days doing something at first. I compare it to getting a new bread machine - for a week or two, you make bread every single day, try out the new recipies, and enjoy it. Then, you put it in a cabinet, and only make bread when you really get to wanting some. TV/video games will be the same way for your son. Once he gets over that "new" freedom to watch/play whenever he wants, he'll get to where he only does it when he needs or wants something from it. If he chooses to keep playing games after that period, then he's getting something he needs from the games. I explained it to my DH this way - what do you most want, to control your kids or to teach them self-control and self-motivation and self-confidence? IMO, a year of letting
> your child just "be" and learn himself is worth far more than any year of learning at any school you can find. After that, things will smooth out as he learns things about himself, and the learning will never stop, for the rest of his lifetime. Unlike the school mentality that learning stops after the age of 18, or 22.
> Myranda
> From: the Van Rijn family
> Yes, but what *is* "decompression" and how would I know if/when he's "over"
> it? And I appreciate the links on video games, but I still just don't
> understand. Are you saying I should just let him do whatever he pleases for
> a month? six months? DH would have a cow. He's very supportive about
> homeschooling, but not 8 hours of nintendo or TV a day. Please, more from
> you seasoned types. I'm beginning to get a fairly good idea of what not to
> do, but... how does one put this unschooling into practice?
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
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When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. The world is ruled by letting things take their course. It cannot be ruled by interfering.
-- Tao Te Ching
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