moonlitbatiks

I've been lurking on this site for a month now, and I know I can
trust the opinion of you guys.
I have a 5yo daughter who I had always planned on unschooling at some
point, I wanted to leave it up to her. She was in preschool 7 1/2
hours a week last year, just to give us a break from eachother. I
didn't realize they were getting her all excited about going to
kindergarten this year, so of course she wanted to go.

I found a pretty cool school, they don't grade, they have time for
independent projects, etc, and I got pretty excited about it myself.
The first day of kindy, my sensitive little girl came out bawling
about how she much she hated it(there are a few little brats that
like to hit, spit, etc.). By that time I was so blinded by how great
I thought the school was going to be, I convinced her to stay. She
cried everyday for 3 weeks about something that had happened during
the day, but she seemed to want to go back (I should mention here
that my daughter has a sensory integration disorder, so crying daily
is normal for her).

Now at 10 weeks of school, after me spending nearly one day a week
volunteering in the classroom, I see that I really don't want her
staying there. I feel horrible for ignoring her instincts those
first couple weeks, but now she loves it, and whenever I mention
homeschooling, she freaks out and says she wants to stay at school.
She really loves her friends and teacher and recess, and so do I, but
the room is stressful and chaotic, there are just too many 5yos in
one place. She's gotten used to the stress, but it can't be good for
her. The poor little thing has had dark circles under her eyes since
the first day of school.

My question is do I listen to her and leave her in school? How do I
get her in touch with those initial bad feelings she had about school
after I made her supress them?

I'm trying to have her make friends with other homeschoolers, so she
would want to just stay home and play with them, but I'm finding most
homeschoolers around here don't want to play everyday like we do.
They like to be isolated.

I've asked other homeschooler parents what to do and of course they
look at me like I'm crazy and say, "you're the parent, pull her
out!" I know my daughter has to make that choice, doesn't she?

It's hard, I do like the school, they play and make bread, there's no
acedemic pressure. The other parents and even her teacher
understand my desire to unschool, but still it is more "schooly" than
I expected, and ultimately not what I want for my daughter.

Amy

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/11/2002 10:08:30 AM Eastern Standard Time,
moonlitbatiks@... writes:
> My question is do I listen to her and leave her in school? How do I
> get her in touch with those initial bad feelings she had about school
> after I made her supress them?

Why can't you just plan MUCH cooler things every day than she would get at
school?

"Would you rather go to school today and paint? Or would you rather stay home
with me? I'M going to the art museum and the park, then I'm planning to bake
some bread and make some soup."

"Tomorrow, I'M going to the zoo and make some Christmas presents for your
cousins, and bake a cake."

"Wednesday I'M going to go to the pool and swim and then maybe make some
homemade edible playdough. I want to go to Toys R Us and look at all the toys
I might want one day."

"There's a cool tour at the Swamp on Thursday. I'M taking a picnic lunch.
Wanna come?"

"Friday looks like it'll be a pretty day. I'M going to the beach and then go
to the Japanese restaurant for lunch."

Give her the choice every day to go to school with the bullies or go do
something COOL with you. It'll be HER choice. She may eventually realize
that YOU do the really cool things. Maybe you could even find a family or two
who will join you on many of your outings---if they're really neat (the
outings AND the families<g>). Check at the health food stores; you're bound
to find more unschoolers there than at Chick-fila or church.

~Kelly, the instigator


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/11/02 8:10:44 AM, moonlitbatiks@... writes:

<< My question is do I listen to her and leave her in school? How do I
get her in touch with those initial bad feelings she had about school
after I made her supress them? >>

I think it will do more damage than you want to do for you to thwart her.

From her point of view, when she was unhappy, you told her she was really
happy. If now that she feels happy you tell her she should really be
UNhappy, that's not the path toward her trusting that you care about her
feelings.

IF school really is as bad as you think, then at some point she will want to
come home.

IF you let her stay in school because she wants to, and she knows she can
come home when she wants to, then she'll start developing the kind of trust
in you you will need to get through teen years.

If you MAKE her come home and she's resentful, you'll have started storing up
the kinds of antagonism you don't want.

Choice is important. I always feel sorry for kids who are being homeschooled
against their will.

Sandra

susan marie

LOL..

can I come? :-D

Susan


On Monday, November 11, 2002, at 10:49 AM, kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

> In a message dated 11/11/2002 10:08:30 AM Eastern Standard Time,
> moonlitbatiks@... writes:
> > My question is do I listen to her and leave her in school?  How do I
> > get her in touch with those initial bad feelings she had about school
> > after I made her supress them?
>
> Why can't you just plan MUCH cooler things every day than she would get
> at
> school?
>
> "Would you rather go to school today and paint? Or would you rather
> stay home
> with me? I'M going to the art museum and the park, then I'm planning to
> bake
> some bread and make some soup." 
>
> "Tomorrow, I'M going to the zoo and make some Christmas presents for
> your
> cousins, and bake a cake."
>
> "Wednesday I'M going to go to the pool and swim and then maybe make some
> homemade edible playdough. I want to go to Toys R Us and look at all
> the toys
> I might want one day."
>
> "There's a cool tour at the Swamp on Thursday. I'M taking a picnic
> lunch.
> Wanna come?"
>
> "Friday looks like it'll be a pretty day. I'M going to the beach and
> then go
> to the Japanese restaurant for lunch."
>
> Give her the choice every day to go to school with the bullies or go do
> something COOL with you.  It'll be HER choice. She may eventually
> realize
> that YOU do the really cool things. Maybe you could even find a family
> or two
> who will join you on many of your outings---if they're really neat (the
> outings AND the families<g>). Check at the health food stores; you're
> bound
> to find more unschoolers there than at Chick-fila or church.
>
> ~Kelly, the instigator
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please
> email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the
> list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address
> an email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
peace,
Susan

"Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which
we arrive at that goal."
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

Hi Amy,
I also have a 5dd, she also went to preschool for 2 years and other types of 'school'. She was pretty convinced that she wanted to go to kindergarten, hearing how excited everyone else was and all.

But, basically when she found out that we could do painting and crafts and she could see her friends still and have more time to do other things-- she chose home.

Have you talked with her just saying, we can do this or that here? We actually have more time to see your friends staying home. Because you don't have to be rushing around in the out of school hours. You can just have fun, (and then she'll realize that all her life can be fun!)

My daughter is just now realizing that she doesn't want to go to Sunday school either, because she said to me yesterday, "you know what Mom, I can do my crafts here and the friends I see there we see at our house too". So she figured that out all on her own.

I understand your hesitantcy because we feel as parents we have to know exactly how to steer our children all the time, what's great about unschooling is that they do the steering , I have a feeling if you just let her decide what she wants to do with no steering from you, she'll chose you/home. Especially if she is able to do all the fun things with you at home, now if I were to go on vendetas of cleaning or 'working' around the house all the time, my kids would chose school because then I wouldn't be 'there' for them. We just have to chose to live life with them and I believe that that is all they want!

Good Luck and Take Care,
Kelli


moonlitbatiks <moonlitbatiks@...> wrote:I've been lurking on this site for a month now, and I know I can
trust the opinion of you guys.
I have a 5yo daughter who I had always planned on unschooling at some
point, I wanted to leave it up to her. She was in preschool 7 1/2
hours a week last year, just to give us a break from eachother. I
didn't realize they were getting her all excited about going to
kindergarten this year, so of course she wanted to go.

I found a pretty cool school, they don't grade, they have time for
independent projects, etc, and I got pretty excited about it myself.
The first day of kindy, my sensitive little girl came out bawling
about how she much she hated it(there are a few little brats that
like to hit, spit, etc.). By that time I was so blinded by how great
I thought the school was going to be, I convinced her to stay. She
cried everyday for 3 weeks about something that had happened during
the day, but she seemed to want to go back (I should mention here
that my daughter has a sensory integration disorder, so crying daily
is normal for her).

Now at 10 weeks of school, after me spending nearly one day a week
volunteering in the classroom, I see that I really don't want her
staying there. I feel horrible for ignoring her instincts those
first couple weeks, but now she loves it, and whenever I mention
homeschooling, she freaks out and says she wants to stay at school.
She really loves her friends and teacher and recess, and so do I, but
the room is stressful and chaotic, there are just too many 5yos in
one place. She's gotten used to the stress, but it can't be good for
her. The poor little thing has had dark circles under her eyes since
the first day of school.

My question is do I listen to her and leave her in school? How do I
get her in touch with those initial bad feelings she had about school
after I made her supress them?

I'm trying to have her make friends with other homeschoolers, so she
would want to just stay home and play with them, but I'm finding most
homeschoolers around here don't want to play everyday like we do.
They like to be isolated.

I've asked other homeschooler parents what to do and of course they
look at me like I'm crazy and say, "you're the parent, pull her
out!" I know my daughter has to make that choice, doesn't she?

It's hard, I do like the school, they play and make bread, there's no
acedemic pressure. The other parents and even her teacher
understand my desire to unschool, but still it is more "schooly" than
I expected, and ultimately not what I want for my daughter.

Amy


~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

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kayb85

"We actually have more time to see your friends staying home.
Because you don't have to be rushing around in the out of school
hours. You can just have fun, (and then she'll realize that all her
life can be fun!)
>
> My daughter is just now realizing that she doesn't want to go to
Sunday school either, because she said to me yesterday, "you know
what Mom, I can do my crafts here and the friends I see there we see
at our house too". So she figured that out all on her own."

Except that if you don't live on the same block as your children's
friends, seeing their friends involves their parents being willing to
drive them to your house when they want to get together, or their
friends inviting them to their house. Even if your kids don't have
schoolwork to do, if their friends do it seriously limits their play
time. I find that even homeschoolers limit the amount of time their
kids "just" play and opt for "educational" activities.

Sheila

moonlitbatiks

>
> Why can't you just plan MUCH cooler things every day than she would
get at
> school?

I work part time at home, so I can't always spend all day doing what
she wants. I do involve her in housework, and she watches me work
(making batiks, sewing, artwork), and we do always get out once a day
for something she wants to do, but it must not be enough because she
still wants to go to school.

My plan was to find another homeschooling family we like and have the
kids switch afternoons at eachother's house, but I can't find
homeschoolers who like to play that much, and school friends are too
busy with their packed schedules to come over much. Her friends at
school now live 30 mins away, so we wouldn't see them often. If she
wasn't an only child, I don't think she would need friends so badly,
but she is and she does.

That brings up another concern. I feel like I've always made it too
big a deal that we make lots of friends. Now I'm starting to wonder
if I put too much an emphasis on it. She seems to want to impress
other kids and make them like her. Now I'm starting to encourage her
to do what she wants, instead of always trying to please her friends,
or her parents.

Thanks for all the suggestions and reminders that I need to trust
what she wants. I expect that next year when she's at school the
full day and there's a little more pressure to do things she might
not want to do, she'll want to stay home. If she doesn't, I guess I
can live with that too.

I'm trying hard to back off. She's giving me signs that she's ready
for a little independence, so maybe that's what this school thing's
all about.
Amy

Kelli Traaseth

Exactly, you, the parent, have to make a conscious effort to make those social events happen; driving them, making phone calls. All of it depends on if that's what the child wants. Maybe they don't want that much social interaction, and that's OK too.

Kelli


kayb85 <sheran@...> wrote:
"We actually have more time to see your friends staying home.
Because you don't have to be rushing around in the out of school
hours. You can just have fun, (and then she'll realize that all her
life can be fun!)
>
> My daughter is just now realizing that she doesn't want to go to
Sunday school either, because she said to me yesterday, "you know
what Mom, I can do my crafts here and the friends I see there we see
at our house too". So she figured that out all on her own."

Except that if you don't live on the same block as your children's
friends, seeing their friends involves their parents being willing to
drive them to your house when they want to get together, or their
friends inviting them to their house. Even if your kids don't have
schoolwork to do, if their friends do it seriously limits their play
time. I find that even homeschoolers limit the amount of time their
kids "just" play and opt for "educational" activities.

Sheila




~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).

To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



---------------------------------
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U2 on LAUNCH - Exclusive medley & videos from Greatest Hits CD

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

kayb85

Oh, I know, and I'm willing to do that. I make a conscious effort
all the time to plan all kinds of stuff with friends. The problem
comes when your child still wants to play with friends more even
after all the social contact you can possibly arrange, and friends
are too busy with their scheduled activities and schoolwork (either
public school or homeschool) to be able to come over.
Sheila


--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Kelli Traaseth <kellitraas@y...>
wrote:
>
> Exactly, you, the parent, have to make a conscious effort to make
those social events happen; driving them, making phone calls. All of
it depends on if that's what the child wants. Maybe they don't want
that much social interaction, and that's OK too.
>
> Kelli
>
>
> kayb85 <sheran@p...> wrote:
> "We actually have more time to see your friends staying home.
> Because you don't have to be rushing around in the out of school
> hours. You can just have fun, (and then she'll realize that all
her
> life can be fun!)
> >
> > My daughter is just now realizing that she doesn't want to go to
> Sunday school either, because she said to me yesterday, "you know
> what Mom, I can do my crafts here and the friends I see there we
see
> at our house too". So she figured that out all on her own."
>
> Except that if you don't live on the same block as your children's
> friends, seeing their friends involves their parents being willing
to
> drive them to your house when they want to get together, or their
> friends inviting them to their house. Even if your kids don't have
> schoolwork to do, if their friends do it seriously limits their
play
> time. I find that even homeschoolers limit the amount of time
their
> kids "just" play and opt for "educational" activities.
>
> Sheila
>
>
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line!
~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please
email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@e...), or the list
owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@h...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or
address an email to:
> Unschooling-dotcom-unsubscribe@y...
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
> U2 on LAUNCH - Exclusive medley & videos from Greatest Hits CD
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

My parents were nonsocial when I was young and I was very social. You try to
meet her needs and yours too. It will be a compromise she will learn from
that too.

Renee







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]