[email protected]

My daughter is 15 and would be a sophomore in ps. She chose to homeschool
thru the school district because she wants to go back as a senior and have
all her credits so she can do all those fun senior things. It is all a
social thing. In the mean time we jump thru all the hoops for her to get her
credits. She has to do math its a requirement, but she has no real inkling
on math and doesn't care to even attempt it. This is cause great stress for
both her and I. I have to sign of on the sheet for the teacher she meets
with once a week saying she did the work and she has to show what she did
along with all her other things the "teacher assigned for the week." She
want to do her thing but still be able to go back her senior year and
graduate from her high school. I don't see how we can do it both ways. Any
advice, our relationship is already strained by trying to survive ps for the
last 9 years, fighting over grades and completing assingments....ect, I
suggested she read the teenage liberation handbook and she refuses. She says
she is going back her senior year and nothing else matters. now what.

Heidi

Tia Leschke

> My daughter is 15 and would be a sophomore in ps. She chose to homeschool
> thru the school district because she wants to go back as a senior and have
> all her credits so she can do all those fun senior things. It is all a
> social thing. In the mean time we jump thru all the hoops for her to get
her
> credits. She has to do math its a requirement, but she has no real
inkling
> on math and doesn't care to even attempt it. This is cause great stress
for
> both her and I. I have to sign of on the sheet for the teacher she meets
> with once a week saying she did the work and she has to show what she did
> along with all her other things the "teacher assigned for the week." She
> want to do her thing but still be able to go back her senior year and
> graduate from her high school. I don't see how we can do it both ways.
Any
> advice, our relationship is already strained by trying to survive ps for
the
> last 9 years, fighting over grades and completing assingments....ect, I
> suggested she read the teenage liberation handbook and she refuses. She
says
> she is going back her senior year and nothing else matters. now what.

I'm going through something a little like that with my son. We've always
gone through a public program, and it's always been very easy to find
something he's done to send in for "evidence of learning". They never much
cared what. Now he's high school age, and they do care. Plus, he says he
wants to get a high school diploma through them.
What I've done is to put the ball into his court. I tell him that if he
wants to keep the computer (they loan us one) he has to keep the online
teacher happy. This teacher is the easiest one of the bunch to keep happy.
I honestly don't care whether he stays on the program or not. (I have my
own computer, and he earns enough working for his dad that he could buy one
for himself.)
So you might just let it be *her* problem rather than yours. You could also
consider withdrawing her from the district program and going it alone. Then
she could do what she wants.
Tia

Robyn Coburn

I am sure you will get great suggestions from the folks who have/had
teens. I just have one idea to suggest. How important are grades to you
and her really? Does it matter that she may be a "D" student in the eyes
of the school district, if her only purpose in going to be a senior is
the social aspect. Perhaps all she **needs** to do is the bare minimum
to enable her to be in the classes. I bet she does great in the subjects
that capture her interest. You may be able to feel more relaxed together
if you let go of the idea that she has to make some kind of grade and
instead say to her: "I don't care what grades you receive since grades
are not a genuine assessment of the wonderful person that you are, or
your level of authentic knowledge about what is important to you. We
know we are just playing a game with the public school to allow you to
have access to the social opportunities at the high school."

You never know - she may hate high school once she gets there ;)

Robyn Coburn

<<She chose to homeschool thru the school district because she wants to
go back as a senior and have all her credits so she can do all those fun
senior things. It is all a social thing. .....

our relationship is already strained by trying to survive ps for the
last 9 years, fighting over grades and completing assignments... She
says
she is going back her senior year and nothing else matters.>>

Fetteroll

on 11/10/02 10:47 PM, hmsclmyboy@... at hmsclmyboy@... wrote:

> In the mean time we jump thru all the hoops for her to get her
> credits. She has to do math its a requirement, but she has no real inkling
> on math and doesn't care to even attempt it.

I agree with what others said. You have to let her choose not to do the math
so that she has the opportunity to choose to do it. Or for her to seek out
some other solution. Or to decide it isn't worth it.

You have to let go of ownership of the problem. It isn't yours. Let her own
it. Let her try out whatever methods she wants to solve the problem even if
you think there's no way she's going to reach her goal that way. Trust her
to be able to see she's creating consequences by not doing the math. To her
the consequences may be worth it for now. She needs to deal with the
consequenes to decide if the program is worth putting up with to reach her
goal.

But be supportive of her. Don't dump the problem on her and let her sink or
swim. Tell her you recognize she has to do it her way and you'll be there to
help her in anyway she needs you to. Look at it as if she were working on a
video game or other puzzle that you didn't have much interest in. She's
working towards some goal that's important to her but that you're detached
from. If she was getting frustrated or having problems, you'd want to help
her. You might suggest ways she could get help or offer to seek out help
with her: search on line, call up a knowledgeable friend, find a book at the
library, take a break for a while so she can gain perspective and so on. But
you wouldn't hover over her and tell her she needs to do such and such.

Look at it not as a way to get her into school her senior year but as an
opportunity for her to set goal and figure out ways to meet them. Part of
learning about achieving goals is learning how to decide when the goal isn't
worth what's needed to get there.

> I have to sign of on the sheet for the teacher

Work out a different arrangement. Sandra has a good article "Public School
on Your Own Terms" at http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice Tell us exactly
what the program says has to happen so we can help you find other solutions.

> It is all a social thing.

Look at her choice as creativity. She's able to reject what everyone says
school is for and see it as an opportunity for something else. Let her use
it as a resource rather than follow the crowd and only see what she's told
she must see (academics).

Joyce

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/10/02 8:46:17 PM, hmsclmyboy@... writes:

<< She says
she is going back her senior year and nothing else matters. now what. >>

You might possibly consider telling her that since YOU don't care if she goes
back her senior year, and since she is compromising your integrity and making
ill use of your time and efforts, that she needs to make a decision NOW
whether she wants to do the work with your help, or do the work without your
help, or ease up about her determination to go back.

You've probably already said something like that, but if you make it clearer
to her what the factors are, maybe she will see that there is no incentive
for you the mom to drag her through something she's only pretending to do.

Another idea: Enroll her in a community college math class, or set her up
to audit a university math class, and let THAT do several thing: count as
her weekly math work; give her a chance to learn it from someone who
*perhaps* can explain some things in ways that spark her own thought; give
her a glimpse of what's in the world besides high school.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/10/2002 9:46:17 PM Central Standard Time,
hmsclmyboy@... writes:

> She says
> she is going back her senior year and nothing else matters. now what.
>

I don't think you should make her do the math, if that's what you're asking.
It's her choice to do it that way. I don't believe she understands fully the
consequences, but teenagers are like that, sometimes.

I don't know about where you live, but there may be another way to get back
into school besides doing the school-at-home approach. Don't they have a way
for out-of-town students to transfer in? Private school students?

My son went back in 10th grade, stayed for 2 semesters, caused enough trouble
for his own liking and quit. (He was always challenging the teachers re
bathroom breaks, etc. @@) Anyway, the way we got him in was to enroll him in
Clonlara, and let them send a transcript that we had reported. That was
rather expensive, but it looked at the time that he would stick with
Clonlara, so...

It's an idea.

Tuck



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/11/02 5:49:45 AM, tuckervill@... writes:

<< I don't know about where you live, but there may be another way to get
back
into school besides doing the school-at-home approach. >>

But she wants to graduate, I think, and for that she would need the credits
the state wants.

<<Anyway, the way we got him in was to enroll him in
Clonlara, and let them send a transcript that we had reported.>>

If the state would accept it, there's an option!!

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/11/2002 7:11:13 AM Central Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> <<I don't know about where you live, but there may be another way to get
> back
> into school besides doing the school-at-home approach. >>
>
> But she wants to graduate, I think, and for that she would need the credits
>
> the state wants.
>

Well, I know in TN, if you don't pass the Gateway tests in 8TH GRADE, you
don't graduate...but they give you a certificate of attendance when you walk
across the stage. Maybe she could have all the pomp and none of the
circumstance?

Seems to me that would be the ultimate thumbing-of-the-nose at the education
establishment. ;)

Tuck


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/11/02 8:23:00 AM Eastern Standard Time,
tuckervill@... writes:

> Well, I know in TN, if you don't pass the Gateway tests in 8TH GRADE, you
> don't graduate...

But what if you move to the state in 11th grade?
Elissa


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shyrley

On 11 Nov 02, at 9:30, Earthmomma67@... wrote:

> In a message dated 11/11/02 8:23:00 AM Eastern Standard Time,
> tuckervill@... writes:
>
> > Well, I know in TN, if you don't pass the Gateway tests in 8TH
> > GRADE, you don't graduate...
>
> But what if you move to the state in 11th grade?
> Elissa
>
That also made me wonder what they do with foreign kids. British
schools don't keep a test record except the SAT tests that the kids
take at 6/7 and 10/11 years old. And SATs primarily test the
school, not the child.
So, if a child moves to TN or someplece at age 12 or 15 or
whatever are they forbidden to graduate or is the 15yo put in 1st
grade so she can *do* all the US tests?
In the UK you don't have to pass any *tests* to move up a grade.
You just move up in September automatically with your class.
Everyone stays together for 12 years. At 14 you choose 5-10
subjects to take exams in at 16. You either pass or fail them.
Leave school or stay on to take 1-3 subjects at A level at 18. There
is no 'graduation'. You sit the exams then you leave. No fanfare
nothing.
In fact, no graduation ceremony until you leave university and even
then you don't have to go as your degree is given to you dependant
on your exams, not being at some shindig in a dress.

I rambled on a bit there didn't I....

Shyrley who still doen't grasp the US school system


"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/11/2002 8:32:01 AM Central Standard Time,
Earthmomma67@... writes:

> >Well, I know in TN, if you don't pass the Gateway tests in 8TH GRADE, you
> >don't graduate...
>
> But what if you move to the state in 11th grade?
>

Good question. I suppose it's waived. They tried to make my older son test
in all the credits he was claiming for homeschooling when he moved from out
of state. I challenged them on it, using the out-of-state student reasoning,
and they backed off.

Tuck


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy

<< She says
she is going back her senior year and nothing else matters. now what. >>

Regularly enrolled students sometimes flunk math and make the class up
in summer school. You may want to ask the supervising teacher in your
home study program what her options would be if she flunked. It's good
to know all the options.

Some people hire math tutors and pay them lavishly. But if it's a
motivation issue, not a skill issue, then tutoring isn't what she needs.

Unless the school requires 4 years of math, maybe she can postpone one
math class to take when she is a senior.

Despite the flavor of my suggestions, I really believe what everyoone
else said that this needs to be her decision. However, your support can
be very valuable. If you don't want to be a "drill sargeant" don't let
her make you into one.

Betsy

Tia Leschke

> I don't know about where you live, but there may be another way to get
back
> into school besides doing the school-at-home approach. Don't they have a
way
> for out-of-town students to transfer in? Private school students?

In many places, homeschoolers who end up in school just go into the same
classes as their age-mates. Sometimes they have to take a placement test.
I think sometimes, parents can make up a kind of transcript that shows
they've "covered" certain subjects.
Tia

[email protected]

Heidi,

I am all for homeschooling and do some unschooling with my 8 year old but I
also have two sophmores and here's my idea for you. You have have to go all
the way if you do it. Sit her down and tell her that you are sorry for the
fighting over grades and completion of assignments. You fought with her over
them because you love her but you were wrong . you are sorry. You tell her
you know high school is a late for you to let go And you are sorry you did
not let go sooner, you should have but you are now. Tell her I earned my
grades and did my assignments and now its your turn. Enroll her back at her
ps. Tell her (and don't expect aA's and B's) you do expect her to do for
herself what she' wants out of life but that it is her chioce. If she gets
all F's leave her alone - tell her you love her - take her out to her
favorite movies but remind her its her life and you are there if she has
questions. After being after her for grades and assignments for so long it
might take a year and a half before she "buys" into it - BUT KIDS MUST MOVE
TO DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES it works for most quite naturally at 2nd or 3rd
grade - lots of love but if she won't read the book its more about a
tug-of-war between you and her and she hasn't had a chance to find out who
she is and what she's made of. It's much better for her to fail while she's
still under your roof - its time for unnagging not unschooling

Renee


RENEE BARNEY & COMPANY, certified public accountant 650-358-4040
Business and Individual Tax *** Financial Coaching *** Small Business
Accounting






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

>
> I am all for homeschooling and do some unschooling with my 8 year old but
I
> also have two sophmores and here's my idea for you.

You do *some* unschooling? How does one do that?

You have have to go all
> the way if you do it. Sit her down and tell her that you are sorry for the
> fighting over grades and completion of assignments. You fought with her
over
> them because you love her but you were wrong . you are sorry. You tell her
> you know high school is a late for you to let go And you are sorry you did
> not let go sooner, you should have but you are now. Tell her I earned my
> grades and did my assignments and now its your turn. Enroll her back at
her
> ps.

Why? She's already said she doesn't want to go there until grade 12.

Tell her (and don't expect aA's and B's) you do expect her to do for
> herself what she' wants out of life but that it is her chioce. If she gets
> all F's leave her alone - tell her you love her - take her out to her
> favorite movies but remind her its her life and you are there if she has
> questions. After being after her for grades and assignments for so long it
> might take a year and a half before she "buys" into it - BUT KIDS MUST
MOVE
> TO DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES

Buying into it? Why should she buy into it?

it works for most quite naturally at 2nd or 3rd
> grade - lots of love but if she won't read the book its more about a
> tug-of-war between you and her and she hasn't had a chance to find out who
> she is and what she's made of. It's much better for her to fail while
she's
> still under your roof - its time for unnagging not unschooling

Why not unnagging *and* unschooling?
Tia

Gerard Westenberg

<I think sometimes, parents can make up a kind of transcript that shows they've "covered" certain subjects.Tia>>

Ann Larhson-Fisher, in the book Fundamentals of Homeschooling, mentions that one of her dd's tried school for awhile. Larhson-Fisher says that she wrote a narrative on each subject area, for the school, to show subjects were "covered"...And thanks to whoever reccommended this book! I am enjoying reading it in snatches here and there...Leonie W.




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/11/2002 5:00:32 PM Eastern Standard Time,
westen@... writes:


> Ann Larhson-Fisher, in the book Fundamentals of Homeschooling, mentions
> that one of her dd's tried school for awhile. Larhson-Fisher says that she
> wrote a narrative on each subject area, for the school, to show subjects
> were "covered"...And thanks to whoever recommended this book! I am enjoying
> reading it in snatches here and there.

Just ordered my copy today and can't wait!
Amy Kagey
Christmas gifts:
<A HREF="http://www.ubah.com/ecommerce/default.asp?sid=Z0939&gid=462366"> </A>U<A HREF="http://www.ubah.com/ecommerce/default.asp?sid=Z0939&gid=462366">sborne Books Online Catalog</A>
and
<A HREF="http://hometown.aol.com/amycats2/myhomepage/business.html">Santa Letters for Your Child!</A>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

unnagging and unschooling could be great too
I just "heard" in the message perhaps incorrectly that her mom had pushed and
controlled her at schooling to the point that she did not know what she (dd)
wanted.

By "buying into it" I meant really believing that she could decide how
dedicated she would be to her studies in school or out.

Renee




RENEE BARNEY & COMPANY, certified public accountant 650-358-4040
Business and Individual Tax *** Financial Coaching *** Small Business
Accounting






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

> unnagging and unschooling could be great too
> I just "heard" in the message perhaps incorrectly that her mom had pushed
and
> controlled her at schooling to the point that she did not know what she
(dd)
> wanted.
>
> By "buying into it" I meant really believing that she could decide how
> dedicated she would be to her studies in school or out.

Ah, now I see.
Tia