When the kids don't seem to need you
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/6/02 7:51:58 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< But, really, are you sure it will pass?!?!?! BWEG >>
I have to say YES! My oldest had a really rough time from around 9 y.o. to 11
ish....
He is really sweet most of the time now, moody somewhat, but really sweet
overall.
He's going to be 13 soon, so I think that's pretty good.
I really enjoy him.
I also wanted to say, that if you have one child that doesn't want to go
anywhere, and others that do, it isn't fair to center the plans around the
one that wants to stay home all of the time.
I'd try to balance having him come along and staying home by trying to choose
together what is really important at that time.
If there is a play or concert that you can't see again and someone really
wants to go, I don't see that it's fair to make them miss over and over.
I'd take him, with some options for if he's miserable.
Like bringing along some items that are appropriate for the time and
place....a gameboy in some cases, maybe legos in another.
I encourage my reluctant children to come along on some outings, they don't
know until they try. And most of the time they admit it was worth
going....if they aren't enjoying themselves, there's always some option that
makes it more fun.
Ren
[email protected] writes:
<< But, really, are you sure it will pass?!?!?! BWEG >>
I have to say YES! My oldest had a really rough time from around 9 y.o. to 11
ish....
He is really sweet most of the time now, moody somewhat, but really sweet
overall.
He's going to be 13 soon, so I think that's pretty good.
I really enjoy him.
I also wanted to say, that if you have one child that doesn't want to go
anywhere, and others that do, it isn't fair to center the plans around the
one that wants to stay home all of the time.
I'd try to balance having him come along and staying home by trying to choose
together what is really important at that time.
If there is a play or concert that you can't see again and someone really
wants to go, I don't see that it's fair to make them miss over and over.
I'd take him, with some options for if he's miserable.
Like bringing along some items that are appropriate for the time and
place....a gameboy in some cases, maybe legos in another.
I encourage my reluctant children to come along on some outings, they don't
know until they try. And most of the time they admit it was worth
going....if they aren't enjoying themselves, there's always some option that
makes it more fun.
Ren
Gerard Westenberg
< encourage my reluctant children to come along on some outings, they don't know until they try. >
We do deals a lot - for eg, a favourite snack at a coffee shop, calling by a place they want to go to ( eg the video shop, toy shop, etc) on the way home from the other outing, the one that we "have" to do or that others want to do. Deals work well here, and they also model negotiating skills! :-)..Leonie W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We do deals a lot - for eg, a favourite snack at a coffee shop, calling by a place they want to go to ( eg the video shop, toy shop, etc) on the way home from the other outing, the one that we "have" to do or that others want to do. Deals work well here, and they also model negotiating skills! :-)..Leonie W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelli Traaseth
*I encourage my reluctant children to come along on some outings, they don't
know until they try. And most of the time they admit it was worth
going...*
Thanks, Ren, I think this is what I'll try, I think we have a battle with my ds to go anywhere because he is sooo focused. When he is doing his PS2 he just wants to accomplish his task or what ever and if I can let him save it and then say, "lets just give this a try!" I think he'll come along. He often asks, "do I have to?" and this one gets to me when I'm trying to be noncontrolling. There is such a fine line...hence, lies my struggle. (sounds like a line from a movie,<g>).
Take Care,
Kelli
starsuncloud@... wrote:In a message dated 11/6/02 7:51:58 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< But, really, are you sure it will pass?!?!?! BWEG >>
I have to say YES! My oldest had a really rough time from around 9 y.o. to 11
ish....
He is really sweet most of the time now, moody somewhat, but really sweet
overall.
He's going to be 13 soon, so I think that's pretty good.
I really enjoy him.
I also wanted to say, that if you have one child that doesn't want to go
anywhere, and others that do, it isn't fair to center the plans around the
one that wants to stay home all of the time.
I'd try to balance having him come along and staying home by trying to choose
together what is really important at that time.
If there is a play or concert that you can't see again and someone really
wants to go, I don't see that it's fair to make them miss over and over.
I'd take him, with some options for if he's miserable.
Like bringing along some items that are appropriate for the time and
place....a gameboy in some cases, maybe legos in another.
I encourage my reluctant children to come along on some outings, they don't
know until they try. And most of the time they admit it was worth
going....if they aren't enjoying themselves, there's always some option that
makes it more fun.
Ren
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know until they try. And most of the time they admit it was worth
going...*
Thanks, Ren, I think this is what I'll try, I think we have a battle with my ds to go anywhere because he is sooo focused. When he is doing his PS2 he just wants to accomplish his task or what ever and if I can let him save it and then say, "lets just give this a try!" I think he'll come along. He often asks, "do I have to?" and this one gets to me when I'm trying to be noncontrolling. There is such a fine line...hence, lies my struggle. (sounds like a line from a movie,<g>).
Take Care,
Kelli
starsuncloud@... wrote:In a message dated 11/6/02 7:51:58 PM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< But, really, are you sure it will pass?!?!?! BWEG >>
I have to say YES! My oldest had a really rough time from around 9 y.o. to 11
ish....
He is really sweet most of the time now, moody somewhat, but really sweet
overall.
He's going to be 13 soon, so I think that's pretty good.
I really enjoy him.
I also wanted to say, that if you have one child that doesn't want to go
anywhere, and others that do, it isn't fair to center the plans around the
one that wants to stay home all of the time.
I'd try to balance having him come along and staying home by trying to choose
together what is really important at that time.
If there is a play or concert that you can't see again and someone really
wants to go, I don't see that it's fair to make them miss over and over.
I'd take him, with some options for if he's miserable.
Like bringing along some items that are appropriate for the time and
place....a gameboy in some cases, maybe legos in another.
I encourage my reluctant children to come along on some outings, they don't
know until they try. And most of the time they admit it was worth
going....if they aren't enjoying themselves, there's always some option that
makes it more fun.
Ren
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karin
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
a 2 1/2 hr play. I brought my 2 boys, Ben (11) and Jon (9). Soon after it
started, Jon started acting antsy and fidgety. He wasn't understanding the
dialogue and wasn't following the play. After about 45 minutes he actually
started (silently) crying, he was so miserable. I asked him to wait until
the intermission and we would talk about leaving the play. Ben did want to
stay and watch, and wouldn't feel good about staying alone if I just walked
outside with my younger son. I also wanted to stay. So, Jon somehow suffered
through the next 1/2 hour until intermission. We all went outside to talk
and he was adamant about leaving, and I thought it wasn't fair to Ben who
wanted to stay, and so did I. SO, I bribed him. I told him if we stayed, I'd
buy him a pokemon booster pack (they still collect those cards) and go get
something to eat at Taco Bell afterwards. I also had to promise I'd never
make him come to a Shakespeare play again. Of course, I also had to buy Ben
a booster pack, too, to make it fair. Jon reluctantly agreed and we got to
watch the rest of the play. After the intermission, the pace of the play
picked up was more interesting. I even saw Jon watching and laughing a few
times. <g> And all the kids in the audience (it was a school field trip
audience) were shocked and wowed when the actors came to a scene and kept
saying ASS. They couldn't believe they were allowed to hear that kind of
talk. <g>
I felt really frustrated about how we were all going to come away happy from
that play, and that was the best solution I could think of at the moment.
While I was faced with decisions, I thought about what I might have done in
the past to get through the situation. I might have threatened Jon with
punishments to get him to cooperate and used my authority as a solution. But
I kept thinking about what my unschooling compadres might do in a situation
like that - and how to solve it in a peaceful way rather than a harsh way. I
thank you all for helping me get through that little dillema. :-)
Karin
>choose
> I also wanted to say, that if you have one child that doesn't want to go
> anywhere, and others that do, it isn't fair to center the plans around the
> one that wants to stay home all of the time.
> I'd try to balance having him come along and staying home by trying to
> together what is really important at that time.don't
> If there is a play or concert that you can't see again and someone really
> wants to go, I don't see that it's fair to make them miss over and over.
> I'd take him, with some options for if he's miserable.
> Like bringing along some items that are appropriate for the time and
> place....a gameboy in some cases, maybe legos in another.
> I encourage my reluctant children to come along on some outings, they
> know until they try. And most of the time they admit it was worththat
> going....if they aren't enjoying themselves, there's always some option
> makes it more fun.A week ago we went to a play. It was Much Ado About Nothing by Skakespeare -
>
> Ren
a 2 1/2 hr play. I brought my 2 boys, Ben (11) and Jon (9). Soon after it
started, Jon started acting antsy and fidgety. He wasn't understanding the
dialogue and wasn't following the play. After about 45 minutes he actually
started (silently) crying, he was so miserable. I asked him to wait until
the intermission and we would talk about leaving the play. Ben did want to
stay and watch, and wouldn't feel good about staying alone if I just walked
outside with my younger son. I also wanted to stay. So, Jon somehow suffered
through the next 1/2 hour until intermission. We all went outside to talk
and he was adamant about leaving, and I thought it wasn't fair to Ben who
wanted to stay, and so did I. SO, I bribed him. I told him if we stayed, I'd
buy him a pokemon booster pack (they still collect those cards) and go get
something to eat at Taco Bell afterwards. I also had to promise I'd never
make him come to a Shakespeare play again. Of course, I also had to buy Ben
a booster pack, too, to make it fair. Jon reluctantly agreed and we got to
watch the rest of the play. After the intermission, the pace of the play
picked up was more interesting. I even saw Jon watching and laughing a few
times. <g> And all the kids in the audience (it was a school field trip
audience) were shocked and wowed when the actors came to a scene and kept
saying ASS. They couldn't believe they were allowed to hear that kind of
talk. <g>
I felt really frustrated about how we were all going to come away happy from
that play, and that was the best solution I could think of at the moment.
While I was faced with decisions, I thought about what I might have done in
the past to get through the situation. I might have threatened Jon with
punishments to get him to cooperate and used my authority as a solution. But
I kept thinking about what my unschooling compadres might do in a situation
like that - and how to solve it in a peaceful way rather than a harsh way. I
thank you all for helping me get through that little dillema. :-)
Karin
marji
Karin, it's so cool to hear how you were able to come up with a solution
for both your guys. I love the peaceful resolutions that can happen when
we practice compassion. It's so inspiring for me to read what everyone
does, and it's comforting to know that we all maybe didn't use to
think/behave that way.
Thanks for telling about this!
Love,
Marji
At 08:13 11/7/02 -0700, Karin wrote:
for both your guys. I love the peaceful resolutions that can happen when
we practice compassion. It's so inspiring for me to read what everyone
does, and it's comforting to know that we all maybe didn't use to
think/behave that way.
Thanks for telling about this!
Love,
Marji
At 08:13 11/7/02 -0700, Karin wrote:
>A week ago we went to a play. It was Much Ado About Nothing by Skakespeare -[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>a 2 1/2 hr play. I brought my 2 boys, Ben (11) and Jon (9). Soon after it
>started, Jon started acting antsy and fidgety. He wasn't understanding the
>dialogue and wasn't following the play. After about 45 minutes he actually
>started (silently) crying, he was so miserable. I asked him to wait until
>the intermission and we would talk about leaving the play. Ben did want to
>stay and watch, and wouldn't feel good about staying alone if I just walked
>outside with my younger son. I also wanted to stay. So, Jon somehow suffered
>through the next 1/2 hour until intermission. We all went outside to talk
>and he was adamant about leaving, and I thought it wasn't fair to Ben who
>wanted to stay, and so did I. SO, I bribed him. I told him if we stayed, I'd
>buy him a pokemon booster pack (they still collect those cards) and go get
>something to eat at Taco Bell afterwards. I also had to promise I'd never
>make him come to a Shakespeare play again. Of course, I also had to buy Ben
>a booster pack, too, to make it fair. Jon reluctantly agreed and we got to
>watch the rest of the play. After the intermission, the pace of the play
>picked up was more interesting. I even saw Jon watching and laughing a few
>times. <g> And all the kids in the audience (it was a school field trip
>audience) were shocked and wowed when the actors came to a scene and kept
>saying ASS. They couldn't believe they were allowed to hear that kind of
>talk. <g>
>
>I felt really frustrated about how we were all going to come away happy from
>that play, and that was the best solution I could think of at the moment.
>While I was faced with decisions, I thought about what I might have done in
>the past to get through the situation. I might have threatened Jon with
>punishments to get him to cooperate and used my authority as a solution. But
>I kept thinking about what my unschooling compadres might do in a situation
>like that - and how to solve it in a peaceful way rather than a harsh way. I
>thank you all for helping me get through that little dillema. :-)
>
>Karin
Shyrley
On 7 Nov 02, at 3:11, Kelli Traaseth wrote:
wants to step foot outside the fron door but its not fair on the other
two to become hermits plus I have to get groceries!
Sometimes he enjoys himself when he's there, other times he
sulks and whines.
We're planning this GC trip and he doesn't want to go. I don't know
if it is his Aspergers or the PlayStation...
He is so adamant about not going places he goes and hides under
his bed and has to be tugged out.
I can't seem to find any common preferences here :-(
Shyrley
"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."
>This is something I struggle with too.Middle child (9) never ever
> *I encourage my reluctant children to come along on some outings, they
> don't know until they try. And most of the time they admit it was
> worth going...*
>
>
>
> Thanks, Ren, I think this is what I'll try, I think we have a battle
> with my ds to go anywhere because he is sooo focused. When he is
> doing his PS2 he just wants to accomplish his task or what ever and if
> I can let him save it and then say, "lets just give this a try!" I
> think he'll come along. He often asks, "do I have to?" and this one
> gets to me when I'm trying to be noncontrolling. There is such a fine
> line...hence, lies my struggle. (sounds like a line from a movie,<g>).
>
>
wants to step foot outside the fron door but its not fair on the other
two to become hermits plus I have to get groceries!
Sometimes he enjoys himself when he's there, other times he
sulks and whines.
We're planning this GC trip and he doesn't want to go. I don't know
if it is his Aspergers or the PlayStation...
He is so adamant about not going places he goes and hides under
his bed and has to be tugged out.
I can't seem to find any common preferences here :-(
Shyrley
"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/7/02 6:50:26 AM, curtkar@... writes:
<< While I was faced with decisions, I thought about what I might have done in
the past to get through the situation. I might have threatened Jon with
punishments to get him to cooperate and used my authority as a solution. But
I kept thinking about what my unschooling compadres might do in a situation
like that - and how to solve it in a peaceful way rather than a harsh way. I
thank you all for helping me get through that little dillema. :-) >>
Holly wanted to leave halfway through Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor
Dreamcoat, when we saw it live in a local production when she was eight,
nearly nine.
Neither of us had ever seen it or seen the video. I really like seeing
theatre cold when I can, and THEN immerse myself in the text and videos.
I did NOT want to leave, not even a little bit. So we sat on the curb
outside during intermission and I told her from the Bible the story of Joseph
entrapping Benjamin with the golden cup, and how eventually his father and
brothers come to live there.
I was HOPING that was going to happen in the next few scenes, and it did, so
she was happy.
Of course now she knows every word of it and is thrilled that she saw it.
I would have offered her $25 to stay. But I didn't end up needing to.
Sandra
<< While I was faced with decisions, I thought about what I might have done in
the past to get through the situation. I might have threatened Jon with
punishments to get him to cooperate and used my authority as a solution. But
I kept thinking about what my unschooling compadres might do in a situation
like that - and how to solve it in a peaceful way rather than a harsh way. I
thank you all for helping me get through that little dillema. :-) >>
Holly wanted to leave halfway through Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor
Dreamcoat, when we saw it live in a local production when she was eight,
nearly nine.
Neither of us had ever seen it or seen the video. I really like seeing
theatre cold when I can, and THEN immerse myself in the text and videos.
I did NOT want to leave, not even a little bit. So we sat on the curb
outside during intermission and I told her from the Bible the story of Joseph
entrapping Benjamin with the golden cup, and how eventually his father and
brothers come to live there.
I was HOPING that was going to happen in the next few scenes, and it did, so
she was happy.
Of course now she knows every word of it and is thrilled that she saw it.
I would have offered her $25 to stay. But I didn't end up needing to.
Sandra
Kelli Traaseth
Shyrley said:
*I don't know
if it is his Aspergers or the PlayStation...*
I have to look into Aspergers, my nephew has it and I wonder about my son.
Kelli
Shyrley <shyrley.williams@...> wrote:On 7 Nov 02, at 3:11, Kelli Traaseth wrote:
wants to step foot outside the fron door but its not fair on the other
two to become hermits plus I have to get groceries!
Sometimes he enjoys himself when he's there, other times he
sulks and whines.
We're planning this GC trip and he doesn't want to go. I don't know
if it is his Aspergers or the PlayStation...
He is so adamant about not going places he goes and hides under
his bed and has to be tugged out.
I can't seem to find any common preferences here :-(
Shyrley
"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
*I don't know
if it is his Aspergers or the PlayStation...*
I have to look into Aspergers, my nephew has it and I wonder about my son.
Kelli
Shyrley <shyrley.williams@...> wrote:On 7 Nov 02, at 3:11, Kelli Traaseth wrote:
>This is something I struggle with too.Middle child (9) never ever
> *I encourage my reluctant children to come along on some outings, they
> don't know until they try. And most of the time they admit it was
> worth going...*
>
>
>
> Thanks, Ren, I think this is what I'll try, I think we have a battle
> with my ds to go anywhere because he is sooo focused. When he is
> doing his PS2 he just wants to accomplish his task or what ever and if
> I can let him save it and then say, "lets just give this a try!" I
> think he'll come along. He often asks, "do I have to?" and this one
> gets to me when I'm trying to be noncontrolling. There is such a fine
> line...hence, lies my struggle. (sounds like a line from a movie,<g>).
>
>
wants to step foot outside the fron door but its not fair on the other
two to become hermits plus I have to get groceries!
Sometimes he enjoys himself when he's there, other times he
sulks and whines.
We're planning this GC trip and he doesn't want to go. I don't know
if it is his Aspergers or the PlayStation...
He is so adamant about not going places he goes and hides under
his bed and has to be tugged out.
I can't seem to find any common preferences here :-(
Shyrley
"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
U2 on LAUNCH - Exclusive medley & videos from Greatest Hits CD
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