Re: Question about self-regulating
Pam Hartley
----------
who really LIKE to be scared for fun, and it says here on the rating that
it's really scary and gross. Do you remember when (fill in blank) scared you
in that movie? This one looks even worse. I'll bet we can find one over
there that you might like. Oh, look! The new Pokemon is out. <g>
It works here (most of the time) because my daughters trust that I'm telling
them the truth and that's how I really do think.
If they really, really insist (try to be matter of fact in explaining it and
not alarming, as it might become a personal challenge to them to see if they
can Survive the Bad Movie Mom is Afraid Of <g>) you also might need to find
an adult (dad? uncle? cousin Jane the horror movie buff? :) who is willing
and able to sit down and watch something they REALLY want to watch with
them, ready to stop the tape or turn off the TV.
Junk food I fear not. Cheetos for breakfast have yet to give them (or me)
nightmares.
Pam
>From: [email protected]I would tell them -- they made this movie (or video game) for some adults
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 2560
>Date: Sat, Oct 26, 2002, 4:24 AM
>
> Ok, I am pretty new to this, but I am wondering about what happens if your
> 5 year old says he is really interested in a rated R movie, or what if he
> said he wanted a new video game called Hitman or something like this? Or
> even how do you all explain some of these nasty things to young kids?
> My kids pretty much do whatever they feel the need for. But, when it comes
> to junk food and tv/movies, I get all anxious and feel horrible about some
> of the stuff out there.
who really LIKE to be scared for fun, and it says here on the rating that
it's really scary and gross. Do you remember when (fill in blank) scared you
in that movie? This one looks even worse. I'll bet we can find one over
there that you might like. Oh, look! The new Pokemon is out. <g>
It works here (most of the time) because my daughters trust that I'm telling
them the truth and that's how I really do think.
If they really, really insist (try to be matter of fact in explaining it and
not alarming, as it might become a personal challenge to them to see if they
can Survive the Bad Movie Mom is Afraid Of <g>) you also might need to find
an adult (dad? uncle? cousin Jane the horror movie buff? :) who is willing
and able to sit down and watch something they REALLY want to watch with
them, ready to stop the tape or turn off the TV.
Junk food I fear not. Cheetos for breakfast have yet to give them (or me)
nightmares.
Pam
Mary Bianco
<<From: [email protected]
Ok, I am pretty new to this, but I am wondering about what happens if your 5
year old says he is really interested in a rated R movie, or what if he said
he wanted a new video game called Hitman or something like this? Or even how
do you all explain some of these nasty things to young kids?
My kids pretty much do whatever they feel the need for. But, when it comes
to junk food and tv/movies, I get all anxious and feel horrible about some
of the stuff out there.>>
Well I know that Joseph especially will see something like a movie ad and
comment about if it's good or not for him to see. We know, by experience,
what bothers him and what doesn't. I'm not terribly worried about the
violence he sees because what he enjoys is not "real, scary people' killing,
like Jason movies but fantastic stuff like giant bugs and worms. He's okay
with that and understands that giant things like that don't exist. He's also
okay with robot things like Terminator. Sexual scenes he gets uncomfortable
with and so we make sure not to have any in the movies he sees. The language
he really doesn't seem to get as far as bad words. He knows that he
shouldn't say them, he doesn't hear us say them and to be honest, pretty
much ignores them when he hears them. We know what he can handle because we
have sat with him and have seen his reactions. Now of course if I say that I
think it's a movie he wouldn't be comfortable with, he just says okay. He
knows the difference and knows I understand too. Of course as he gets older,
things will change.
I think it's important to know what your child can handle and what he can't.
The only way to do that is by sitting with him and discussing and watching
him to see his reaction. I would think that anything to strong for him he
woulnd't want to watch anymore and so you rented a movie for nothing. I
can't imagine a 5 year old being interested in things way too graphic for
them. Anyone else had this happen? A kid seeming too young watching adult
things?
As far as food, we don't worry about it at all. I have always said I choose
my battles very wisely. Harsh word battle but I think you know what I mean.
Like not sweating the small stuff, and it's mostly all small stuff!!
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online
http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963
Ok, I am pretty new to this, but I am wondering about what happens if your 5
year old says he is really interested in a rated R movie, or what if he said
he wanted a new video game called Hitman or something like this? Or even how
do you all explain some of these nasty things to young kids?
My kids pretty much do whatever they feel the need for. But, when it comes
to junk food and tv/movies, I get all anxious and feel horrible about some
of the stuff out there.>>
Well I know that Joseph especially will see something like a movie ad and
comment about if it's good or not for him to see. We know, by experience,
what bothers him and what doesn't. I'm not terribly worried about the
violence he sees because what he enjoys is not "real, scary people' killing,
like Jason movies but fantastic stuff like giant bugs and worms. He's okay
with that and understands that giant things like that don't exist. He's also
okay with robot things like Terminator. Sexual scenes he gets uncomfortable
with and so we make sure not to have any in the movies he sees. The language
he really doesn't seem to get as far as bad words. He knows that he
shouldn't say them, he doesn't hear us say them and to be honest, pretty
much ignores them when he hears them. We know what he can handle because we
have sat with him and have seen his reactions. Now of course if I say that I
think it's a movie he wouldn't be comfortable with, he just says okay. He
knows the difference and knows I understand too. Of course as he gets older,
things will change.
I think it's important to know what your child can handle and what he can't.
The only way to do that is by sitting with him and discussing and watching
him to see his reaction. I would think that anything to strong for him he
woulnd't want to watch anymore and so you rented a movie for nothing. I
can't imagine a 5 year old being interested in things way too graphic for
them. Anyone else had this happen? A kid seeming too young watching adult
things?
As far as food, we don't worry about it at all. I have always said I choose
my battles very wisely. Harsh word battle but I think you know what I mean.
Like not sweating the small stuff, and it's mostly all small stuff!!
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan Online
http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963
Dalene and Andy
>>Sexual scenes he gets uncomfortablewith and so we make sure not to have any in the movies he sees. The language
he really doesn't seem to get as far as bad words. He knows that he
shouldn't say them, he doesn't hear us say them and to be honest, pretty
much ignores them when he hears them.
So you did actually let him watch something with a sexual scene in to learn that it will make him uncomfortable??
As far as bad language goes - how do they know it's bad if they don't hear it?? My son has not really been exposed to constant bad language. The worst he know is butt head.
As far as violence goes - he doesn't like watching things that might scare him. Until not very many months ago he couldn't watch Tarzan without getting scared. Last night he watched Home Alone III and LOVED it and then wanted to watch the movie after that. But when he heard it might be a little scary he changed his mind.
I find it easy to let him choose where he has had the experiences, but more difficult when he hasn't yet, like sex and bad language. And I just can't see myself letting my five year old watch a movie with sex scenes, just to see how he will react.
Dalene
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Bianco
>From: "Dalene and Andy" <mactier@...><<So you did actually let him watch something with a sexual scene in to
learn that it will make him uncomfortable??>>
Well yes. But it's not like we rented a porn for him!! Joe and I were
waching with Joseph and Sierra. I can't really remember what movie it was
but it was a scary bug or monster thing. Had a sex scene thrown in I guess
for adults. Not real graphic. I man and a women in bed rolling around, naked
but only seeing boobs, slightly. We didn't know it was in the movie and
Sierra didn't say anything but Joseph voiced that he didn't like it and it
made him obviously uncomfortable. It was over before we could stop it and
that was that. But I know that he doesn't like to watch it so we check
movies he wants to see.
<<As far as bad language goes - how do they know it's bad if they don't hear
it?? My son has not really been exposed to constant bad language. The worst
he know is butt head.>>
Well there have been a few occasions out in public where the kids would hear
someone say something and ask what it meant. Yes we hear the word f*ck at
the grocery store! And the same for some of the movies they want to see.
Even the scary bug movies have it in. I guess just to get an R rating so
more people will go and see it. Now they really don't comment on it and I
don't see that it will be a problem for them.
<<I find it easy to let him choose where he has had the experiences, but
more difficult when he hasn't yet, like sex and bad language. And I just
can't see myself letting my five year old watch a movie with sex scenes,
just to see how he will react.>>
Well I can understand what you are saying. Again, it wasn't like we set out
to experiment and see what they could handle. It really was an innocent
accident but taught us all something. Sierra who is a year younger didn't
seem to think it was a big deal. Plenty of time her dad and I are hugging on
the couch laying down and these people just happened to look naked while
doing it. No big deal for her. Joseph just didn't like to look at it. He
also turns his head if he walks into my room and I'm wearing a bra. This is
a kid who saw my boobs out all over the county when I was bf. I just try and
be honest with him and tell him it's okay when he walks in. In his own time,
he'll ask more or be okay with it. I'm certainly not going to go on a rant
that nudity and sex are perfectly natural if he's not wanting to hear it
right now. Although again it's been mildly said. Am I being confusing??? I
made that mistake with my first. Listened to an expert that she was ready to
hear it and she wasn't at all.
I think what's most important is to watch and know your children and not
push yourself to do something that you aren't comfortable with yet. Baby
steps works for us adults too.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Unlimited Internet access for only $21.95/month.� Try MSN!
http://resourcecenter.msn.com/access/plans/2monthsfree.asp
Dalene and Andy
>>Although again it's been mildly said. Am I being confusing??? Imade that mistake with my first. Listened to an expert that she was ready to
hear it and she wasn't at all.
Thanks, Mary. Your post helped me to clarify my thoughts. When I trust that
my child will learn to read and write and all the other things when he needs
to do that and is ready for it, he will also do that with sex and other
issues. He is not asking about it at the moment, so he obviously doesn't
have a need to know.
Dalene
Fetteroll
on 10/26/02 3:44 PM, Dalene and Andy at mactier@... wrote:
child, scenes that my daughter wouldn't like didn't make an impression. I
recalled Ghostbusters as being amusingly scary because I watched it
originally with adult eyes but, now seeing it through child eyes, it was
pretty scary.
Which reminds me, if they're asking about post 1998 (I think) movies, check
with http://www.screenit.com They give brief but detailed descriptions of
scenes that might bother a child or parent in oodles of different
categories. You can read or paraphrase the descriptions to them of the types
of things that bother them to help them make a more informed decision.
Joyce
> And I just can't see myself letting my five year old watch a movie with sexAnd I've often forgotten or just don't know or, having seen the movie pre
> scenes, just to see how he will react.
child, scenes that my daughter wouldn't like didn't make an impression. I
recalled Ghostbusters as being amusingly scary because I watched it
originally with adult eyes but, now seeing it through child eyes, it was
pretty scary.
Which reminds me, if they're asking about post 1998 (I think) movies, check
with http://www.screenit.com They give brief but detailed descriptions of
scenes that might bother a child or parent in oodles of different
categories. You can read or paraphrase the descriptions to them of the types
of things that bother them to help them make a more informed decision.
Joyce
Dalene and Andy
>>And I've often forgotten or just don't know or, having seen the movie prechild, scenes that my daughter wouldn't like didn't make an impression.
We've had that experience too. Scenes that we thought would be okay, he has found to be too scary and asked us to turn the TV off. I thought he might find Home Alone scary - the whole idea of the little boy being chased by bad people. Especially since we're still detoxing from living in a country with a very high crime rate and him being worried about baddies, but he loved it. Loved how the little boy tricked the bad people. He said he thinks that boy might even be smarter than him. Ahh... they're so innocent at that age.
Dalene
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]