[email protected]

***I
think you are a young and a bit overwhelmed by having three kids by age, is it
25 or less? I've had plenty of friends like you in the past. Just getting by
and trying their best but still young enough to be working through their own
issues instead of seeing their kid's issues as separate from them.***

I'm veering off topic a little bit, but I had to respond to this as a "young" mother myself. Yes, some people are overwhelmed by having three kids in a short time period, but I don't think age has anything to do with it. I've known young mothers who handled it well and older mothers who didn't and vice versa.

And having our own issues to work through before we can adequately see our kids' issues for what they are can be a problem at *any* age... in fact I think that sometimes it's *having* kids, regardless of our age at the time of their birth, that prompts of to confront our own childhood issues. And this can happen whether you have kids at 20 or 40. So perhaps what you've said above about Myranda is true, but I don't think it has anything to do with her age.

I've actually been told that the reason I parent my kids the way I do (unschooling and striving for mutual respect) is that I'm just "young" and "idealistic."

Patti

Peggy

patti.schmidt2@... wrote:
>
> ***I
> think you are a young and a bit overwhelmed by having three kids by age, is it
> 25 or less? I've had plenty of friends like you in the past. Just getting by
> and trying their best but still young enough to be working through their own
> issues instead of seeing their kid's issues as separate from them.***
>
> I'm veering off topic a little bit, but I had to respond to this as a "young" mother myself. Yes, some people are overwhelmed by having three kids in a short time period, but I don't think age has anything to do with it. I've known young mothers who handled it well and older mothers who didn't and vice versa.
>
> And having our own issues to work through before we can adequately see our kids' issues for what they are can be a problem at *any* age... in fact I think that sometimes it's *having* kids, regardless of our age at the time of their birth, that prompts of to confront our own childhood issues. And this can happen whether you have kids at 20 or 40. So perhaps what you've said above about Myranda is true, but I don't think it has anything to do with her age.
>
> I've actually been told that the reason I parent my kids the way I do (unschooling and striving for mutual respect) is that I'm just "young" and "idealistic."
>
> Patti

Patti, yes, I have met young moms who had their sense of self and needs filled
enough to give full emotional support to young children. So, I apologize for
the generalization. And, I too have met older moms who had aged but not grown
in emotional strength. I think that finding that balance takes some time in a
person's life and in our culture many of the young people, because their needs
are usually NOT respected, tend to go though years of reacting against what
happened to them when young rather before moving on and developing the degree
of emotional health and intelligence that a child needs from a parent. I think
so many of them are young because it takes time, support, and awareness to
work though the earlier issues and having kids young can put that growth on
hold.

Peggy

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 11:10:23 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< Kelli,
I *do* understand what is being said, I just don't agree with it all. A lot
of it goes into things I really don't want to discuss on a list of people
that I don't know well. Yes, I've found that my idea of unschooling is
different from most posters here. I see unschooling as an educational choice,
nothing more or less. All of this other about it being a way of parenting, I
don't agree with. Sure, most unschoolers choose to respect their children, to
give them freedom of choice in all areas, to put their rights above all else,
but to me those are parenting choices, not unschooling choices. >>

So can you see why we are saying "that's not respectful to children" and you
aren't getting it?
And why it seems ludicrous when you say that you only hang out with, and are
around people that are respectful to children when most parents are NOT.
Your definition of respect is not one that is accepted by most members at
this list.
And therein lies the crux of the problem I think.
Maybe you ought to get the feel of the views here before trying to convince
other people that your views are just as valid.

So you've been living on your own since you were 15 Myranda?
I think your life has been rougher than you want to admit, and by comparison
your home is respectful of children.
That doesn't mean you couldn't do a whole lot of thinking and changing and
try to understand the DEEP level of respect that is being discussed here.

Ren

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 11:10:23 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< I understand, but I'm already past that point. I've already sifted through
what this expert suggests and what that expert swears by. We've already
figured out what works for us and what doesn't, and we've had our "system" in
effect for years now. >>

This REALLY bugs me.
You are saying to a group of women that are more experienced and older than
you, that you've already got it all figured out in respect to parenting and
unschooling?
Past that point?
At what point does a person just have it all figured out.
Life is a growth process, and judging by your posts, there is a LOT you
could learn from the people here if you'd just start questioning yourself
instead of trying to convince everyone you've got it all figured out.
Parenting is hugely complex, and takes a lot of letting go of former ideas in
order to do it well.
You are telling me that you've been on your own since the tender age of 15,
been married since 17 and been a mother since age 18, yet you've got it all
figured out?
HOW???!!!
Please just come here with an attitude of wanting to learn and I think you'll
find the atmosphere a lot friendlier.

Ren

Myranda

I'm sorry it bugs you! I can't say that everyone here is or is not more experienced than me, and I don't believe age has much to do with it. I am always open to learning new things, but that doesn't mean that I will agree with or actually put those things into practice if there is not a need to do so. Two years from now or two weeks from now, situations may change and I may be in need of some changes. And when that happens, I'll be happy to accept advice and try it out.

I've learned a lot here. Just recently I've learned how to make cool playhouses out of newspapers, I've learned what google is, I've learned a lot about the Jewish and other religions I didn't know that much about, and I am learning about rats right now. Those are the kinds of things I'm looking for here, not parenting advice that I've already heard and either accepted or rejected years ago.
Myranda

From: starsuncloud@...
This REALLY bugs me.
You are saying to a group of women that are more experienced and older than
you, that you've already got it all figured out in respect to parenting and
unschooling?
Past that point?
At what point does a person just have it all figured out.
Life is a growth process, and judging by your posts, there is a LOT you
could learn from the people here if you'd just start questioning yourself
instead of trying to convince everyone you've got it all figured out.
Parenting is hugely complex, and takes a lot of letting go of former ideas in
order to do it well.
You are telling me that you've been on your own since the tender age of 15,
been married since 17 and been a mother since age 18, yet you've got it all
figured out?
HOW???!!!
Please just come here with an attitude of wanting to learn and I think you'll
find the atmosphere a lot friendlier.

Ren





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

***I think
so many of them are young because it takes time, support, and awareness to
work though the earlier issues and having kids young can put that growth on
hold.***

Or, as in my case, having children young can accelerate one's emotional growth. I think it's easy prior to having children to keep one's emotional baggage comfortably swept under the carpet, but not so easy after! In my experience anyway...

Patti

Stephanie Elms

> I'm sorry it bugs you! I can't say that everyone here is or
> is not more experienced than me, and I don't believe age has
> much to do with it. I am always open to learning new things,
> but that doesn't mean that I will agree with or actually put
> those things into practice if there is not a need to do so.
> Two years from now or two weeks from now, situations may
> change and I may be in need of some changes. And when that
> happens, I'll be happy to accept advice and try it out.

Then can I ask a favor? Can you just take what you want and ignore
the rest? It is perfectly fine to not agree with everything here.
But to constantly argue your point when it goes against the
purpose of the list, especially when your mind is already made up to
*not* take the advice (i.e, you are not looking for clarification),
is very distracting to the rest of us who *are* looking to learn.

It would be like me going onto a vegetarian list looking for some
good vegetable recipes and then starting to tell them that meat
really is not that bad and that I have good reasons for eating it.
On that list, it would not serve any kind of purpose except disrupting
it. I would not be able to convince them that I am right and we would
just be going around in circles and no one would be sharing great
veggie recipes.

>
> I've learned a lot here. Just recently I've learned how to
> make cool playhouses out of newspapers, I've learned what
> google is, I've learned a lot about the Jewish and other
> religions I didn't know that much about, and I am learning
> about rats right now. Those are the kinds of things I'm
> looking for here, not parenting advice that I've already
> heard and either accepted or rejected years ago.
> Myranda

Well, many of us *are* looking for parenting advice and appreciate
the feedback that we get from the old timers here. I am 34 and still
feel like there is a lot for me to learn. The advice that I have
received here has really resounded with me and I am looking forward
to learning more. If the list is not meeting your needs, there are
plenty of other unschooling lists out there, maybe one might fit better.
I am not saying this to be mean, but rather because I really want to
get back to discussing unschooling and how that can affect other areas
of my parenting. And that is not happening right now.

Stephanie E.

> >

Myranda

Stephnaie, I've tried very hard not to argue or reply to anything that didn't specifically ask me a question. Maybe I should just start ignoring people who ask me questions if it's something I think people are going to argue about? I don't know. I certainly haven't started any threads or subjects with the intention to debate or argue anything, and I'm sorry if I've caused any debates or arguements. I agree, I would LOVE to get back to discussing unschooling instead of these endless circles of questions, answers, and arguements.
Myranda

From: Stephanie Elms
Then can I ask a favor? Can you just take what you want and ignore
the rest? It is perfectly fine to not agree with everything here.
But to constantly argue your point when it goes against the
purpose of the list, especially when your mind is already made up to
*not* take the advice (i.e, you are not looking for clarification),
is very distracting to the rest of us who *are* looking to learn.

It would be like me going onto a vegetarian list looking for some
good vegetable recipes and then starting to tell them that meat
really is not that bad and that I have good reasons for eating it.
On that list, it would not serve any kind of purpose except disrupting
it. I would not be able to convince them that I am right and we would
just be going around in circles and no one would be sharing great
veggie recipes.

>
> I've learned a lot here. Just recently I've learned how to
> make cool playhouses out of newspapers, I've learned what
> google is, I've learned a lot about the Jewish and other
> religions I didn't know that much about, and I am learning
> about rats right now. Those are the kinds of things I'm
> looking for here, not parenting advice that I've already
> heard and either accepted or rejected years ago.
> Myranda

Well, many of us *are* looking for parenting advice and appreciate
the feedback that we get from the old timers here. I am 34 and still
feel like there is a lot for me to learn. The advice that I have
received here has really resounded with me and I am looking forward
to learning more. If the list is not meeting your needs, there are
plenty of other unschooling lists out there, maybe one might fit better.
I am not saying this to be mean, but rather because I really want to
get back to discussing unschooling and how that can affect other areas
of my parenting. And that is not happening right now.

Stephanie E.

> >

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Deborah Lewis

***I am 34 and still feel like there is a lot for me to learn.***

I'm 39, and every day I learn something new about myself and about my
son.
My son is like one of his beautiful paintings. He works on them for a
few weeks and everyday they change and become something different. At
age ten he might be like day three of his painting, beautiful, complex,
mysterious, funny, with no hint at what the next day will bring. If I
can go to bed at night and say, ok, I got it right today, that doesn't
mean I can expect the same thing in the morning. Because my son will be
a different boy tomorrow. He'll have learned new things and thought new
thoughts and I will have to catch up with him all over again. He's such
a perfect learning person he makes me want to get it perfect too. I
never will, but I'll wake up everyday ready to try.

Deb L

Mike Ebbers

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Myranda" <myrandab@b...> wrote:
> I agree, I would LOVE to get back to discussing unschooling instead
>of these endless circles of questions, answers, and arguements.
> Myranda

Myranda, You can get back to the main topics (your wish is granted)
<G>. Simply don't answer every post (or even very many). Recently a
fellow poster mentioned how much time she had spent reading this list
and posting a dozen items. She couldn't imagine how much time you
were spending on the computer reading it all and posting all your
replies.

I agree with her. I suggest that you give yourself a certain amount
of time online (an hour a day?) and then spend all the rest of the
time doing other things you like, perhaps with your family.

I know it is energizing to see your name in print and exchange views
with others, but a list is not like a person-to-person conversation
where you have to be there every minute. People on the list realize
you have a life offline. They won't be offended if you don't answer
them right away (or even at all sometimes). And you don't have to
keep posting until you feel you are understood or change others'
minds. See this advice also:
>
> It is perfectly fine to not agree with everything here.
> But to constantly argue your point when it goes against the
> purpose of the list, especially when your mind is already made up
> to *not* take the advice (i.e, you are not looking for
> clarification), is very distracting to the rest of us who *are*
> looking to learn.

Let me know (offline) if you don't agree.
Mike
mikeebb@...

Myranda

I know, Mike, and I agree, but I just have this bad habit of answering when someone asks me a direct question, and that has happened every 10 minutes, it seems, the past couple of days. FTR, my time online is spent when the baby is napping (which is still 4 times a day) and I cannot do anything else that makes the slightest noise or she wakes, and on the run between doing other stuff.

How's this? I'll say what I have to say, and shut up. If someone has a question about it, e-mail me privately so I don't clog up the list answering your questions. Work for everyone?
Myranda :-)
Myranda, You can get back to the main topics (your wish is granted)
<G>. Simply don't answer every post (or even very many). Recently a
fellow poster mentioned how much time she had spent reading this list
and posting a dozen items. She couldn't imagine how much time you
were spending on the computer reading it all and posting all your
replies.

I agree with her. I suggest that you give yourself a certain amount
of time online (an hour a day?) and then spend all the rest of the
time doing other things you like, perhaps with your family.

I know it is energizing to see your name in print and exchange views
with others, but a list is not like a person-to-person conversation
where you have to be there every minute. People on the list realize
you have a life offline. They won't be offended if you don't answer
them right away (or even at all sometimes). And you don't have to
keep posting until you feel you are understood or change others'
minds. See this advice also:
>
> It is perfectly fine to not agree with everything here.
> But to constantly argue your point when it goes against the
> purpose of the list, especially when your mind is already made up
> to *not* take the advice (i.e, you are not looking for
> clarification), is very distracting to the rest of us who *are*
> looking to learn.

Let me know (offline) if you don't agree.
Mike
mikeebb@...



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~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

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To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 2:11:28 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< . Those are the kinds of things I'm looking for here, not parenting advice
that I've already heard and either accepted or rejected years ago. >>

You're on the wrong list Myranda.
This is primarily a discussion list. Not an ideas list. The ideas get shared
and come along as a natural flow to the discussion....but this list is a
discussion list specifically about unschooling. Unschooling and how it
relates to parenting.
If you want cool projects and fun ideas, there are better places.
If you've got the whole parenting thing so figured out, this isn't the place
for you.
It's strange to me, cuz I talk to people here in their 30's, 40's, 50's and
sometimes beyond, that don't claim to have it all figured out. People with
teens (have you ever raised a teen?) people that have VAST quantities of
experience and time being gentle parents and I hugely value their input.
If you are already a perfect parent, why oh why disrupt this list?

Ren

james e thomas

Ren,
you wrote:
**cuz I talk to people here in their 30's, 40's, 50's and
sometimes beyond, that don't claim to have it all figured out. People
with
teens (have you ever raised a teen?) people that have VAST quantities of
experience and time being gentle parents and I hugely value their
input.**

I was excited to hear this. I have yet to actually get to really talk to
folks with experience in gentle discipline.
I don't mean to seem like a dunce here but I would love to pick
"brains" and get insights. I am new and the posts have been moving so
quickly. I am not sure where to start in asking my questions or if I even
know yet what to ask.
The best I have gotten was LLL when my oldest was young and I met a
couple of moms that had children older than mine that seemed so calm.
When I went to talk to them for ideas I was told that LLL stand was no
spanking but their personal stand was they did occassionally because they
felt no spanking had not worked. for their family.
I thought that this list was strictly unschooling but one poster shared
that there was more to it.
We have 4 children 15,14,7,&5....I am still learning and while I feel
like I have learned some things (from experience) a new day dawns and I
start all over.
Are there moms here that have never spanked and had great results? And
moms that started out spanking and stopped by learning better ways? If
so what did you read or do to get to that point?
In groups at homeschool meetings I have heard conversations about
someone in the group not spanking. The gist of it was "oh,they don't
spank...you can see that it doesn't worklook how ill behaved the child
is."
I sense from this list that there are parents that are misunderstanding
not spanking like they misunderstand unschooling. It is not doing nothing
but learning what to do when? Like Sandra has shared lots of ways to give
choices or to (for lack of a better word *please forgive the wording*)
train children without harshness.
Parents go through difficulties with behaviour whether they spank or
not...is it because some parents do nothing that brings about the
negative feedback? Or people just don't feel that it can be done gently?
I hope to learn more.

sharon
.


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Deborah Lewis

***Are there moms here that have never spanked and had great results?***

My son is ten and we didn't spank. We started out knowing we wouldn't
spank, and we had to listen to a lot of people tell us how naive we were,
how wrong we were, how sorry we'd be, etc. We weren't naive or wrong and
we've never been sorry.

What I came to understand is there was always a reason my son did what he
did. If it was something I wasn't happy about there was still a reason
for it. In every case I can remember, when he did something I wasn't
happy about he was reacting to the way I was parenting. What I learned
was to respond to him quickly when he was upset, tired, hungry, lonely.
And if I did my job well he was a very cooperative and happy person.
Never, ever once can I remember feeling like the decision to not spank
was wrong.

He's a nice, well adjusted boy who gets along with others and is happy
and confident. He's never been hit by anyone (outside of sparring in
Karate and Tae Kwon Do) and he's never hit any one.
He is even credited as the reason one of our friends stopped spanking her
kids. He was five at the time and her kids were five and seven.

Deb L

Tia Leschke

>
> I've actually been told that the reason I parent my kids the way I do
(unschooling and striving for mutual respect) is that I'm just "young" and
"idealistic."

My daughter gets that. Usually the people who say it are the kinds who just
accept whatever the societal norms are for child-rearing, while she's done
tons of research. *I've* learned lots from her about parenting. She's 27
and I'm 53.
Tia

[email protected]

Someone wrote, to Myranda:
<< Please just come here with an attitude of wanting to learn and I think
you'll
find the atmosphere a lot friendlier. >>

AND, if you haven't read anything here you hadn't already heard or read half
a dozen times, and since your own input is quite contrary to the purpose of
the group. how bout finding another group? If we're not helping you and
you're not helping other unschoolers, there's really no reason for you to
keep filling the list up with your personal problems, your admitted
confusion, and your admitted lack of understanding of what others are
expressing.

Myranda, you said you have attended conferences. Which others than the one
you went to weekend before last for which others generously paid your fees?
Other homeschooling conferences? Unschooling?

-=-You guys gotta quit asking me stuff, we're clogging the list! -=-

We don't gotta do anything. The list existed before you joined.
Just give simple direct answers that don't change, and the list will flow
fine.

Sandra

Pam Hartley

----------
>From: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 2543
>Date: Thu, Oct 24, 2002, 1:55 PM
>

> ***I am 34 and still feel like there is a lot for me to learn.***
>
> I'm 39, and every day I learn something new about myself and about my
> son.


Sandra (yes, that Sandra <g>) told me when I was 28 or 29 that after I was
30 I would change and realize I didn't know everything. <g> I argued
fiercely, as I recall.

Turns out, she was right. Turns out, almost all thoughtful over-30 year olds
I've met have gone through "the mental change".

It's freaking annoying to have it pointed out to you when you're in your
20s, though. ;) And disconcerting when soon-after-30 you begin to realize
that you'll always not-know more than you know.

I hear after-40 the not knowing will bother me less. This time, I'm
believing. <g>

Pam

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 5:54:23 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< Are there moms here that have never spanked and had great results? And
moms that started out spanking and stopped by learning better ways? If
so what did you read or do to get to that point? >>

I used to. I don't now. I have had a couple slip ups where I did the "light
swat" crap.....didn't like myself much after the fact.
The truth is, I am impatient by nature (or maybe by the way I was raised, who
knows) I get stressed when too many distractions start at me and that's when
I tend to lose my temper. Although lately, losing my temper means speaking in
a very stern voice, but not anything worse. No, I take that back. The worst
thing I do, and I seem to have a hard time with this one, is the guilt thing.
Not over stuff the kids do wrong, or breaking things or stuff like that. But
about not helping me. I will do the "I feel so used you guys, you expect me
to run around cleaning up after you all day while you goof off"
Sheesh. You'd think that would have done a silent death by now.
The struggles of being a mindful parent constantly present themselves, and
yet, the struggle is not overwhelming, nor is it a bad thing. It's just what
it is.
A person trying to change ingrained behavior. Never easy, but certainly
satisfying.

How I got to this point?
Reading, reading and reading some more. Meeting real people that believe the
same way and don't think you're nutso. Having family that is very supportive
about not spanking (really cool) and my online support network.
Unschooling.com literally changed my life. Changed the way I parent forever.
I never see a need to spank, I do see that it only damages.
I know people that never, ever spanked and had wonderful results.
Not spanking is only one facet of being a good parent though....there is so
much more to it.
It's like people that are vegetarian, but eat candy bars, loads of cheese
etc....and then they're overweight and people point at them and say "see,
being a vegetarian doesn't work".
That's what the non spanking parents that have totally out of control,
dysfunctional families do for other non spankers.
Make people say "Oooh, look, you better spank, that doesn't work" without
looking at the entire picture or all of the parenting skills (or lack
thereof) that are being called into play.
Not spanking is one part of it. Being available, being involved, being
interested in your children's interests, seeing them as worthy, intelligent,
capable human beings, trusting them, not being coercive, dialoguing and
modeling decent behavior, stopping harmful behavior (not being coercive does
not mean allowing another human to be hurt at the hands of my child) and
caring about every aspect of their lives and happiness.
These are all things that tie into unschooling and not spanking for me.
There are parents that don't spank but are still really rotten parents
(although not nearly as common).

Another helpful thing for me was taking some positive parenting courses,
including Stephen Glenn's nine week course titled after his book "Raising
Self Reliant Children in a Self Indulgent World".
Sandra Dodd and Richard Pytowski's talk at the California Homeschooling
conference is available on tape, and I highly recommend it.
Daily meditation helps hugely.
I have many inspirational books that help me focus and I try to read
something every day to remind me of what is important right now, today.

Ren

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 8:15:15 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< My son is ten and we didn't spank. We started out knowing we wouldn't
spank, and we had to listen to a lot of people tell us how naive we were,
how wrong we were, how sorry we'd be, etc. We weren't naive or wrong and
we've never been sorry.
>>

Deb L.,
YOU ARE SO COOL!!
I think it is so neat to hear about people that were good parents from the
start.
I became a Mom at 20, and really feel I would have been a much better Mom if
I'd been older! But then, maybe having Trevor was the catalyst to learning
better skills. Who knows?
Anyway, You're the Bomb!!
Ren

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 8:15:15 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< I hear after-40 the not knowing will bother me less. This time, I'm
believing. <g>
>>

You know Pam, that's what I think is great about being in your 30's. You
finally don't feel your ego all wrapped up in the not knowing part AND I
actually can put myself ahead to 40, 50 and beyond mentally, and understand a
little bit of what it's going to be like.
Even picturing 30's when I was still in my 20's was completely baffling.

Ren

joanna514

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Myranda" <myrandab@b...> wrote:
> FTR, my time online is spent when the baby is napping (which is
still 4 times a day) and I cannot do anything else that makes the
slightest noise or she wakes, and on the run between doing other
stuff.
>

Where are your other children during nap times?
I haven't been able to keep a silent house for a long time.
My baby(she's 3 now) can sleep through *anything*, with 3 older
siblings in the house.
Joanna

Mary Bianco

>From: Pam Hartley <pamhartley@...>

<<Sandra (yes, that Sandra <g>) told me when I was 28 or 29 that after I was
30 I would change and realize I didn't know everything. <g> I argued
fiercely, as I recall.
Turns out, she was right. Turns out, almost all thoughtful over-30 year olds
I've met have gone through "the mental change".
It's freaking annoying to have it pointed out to you when you're in your
20s, though. ;) And disconcerting when soon-after-30 you begin to realize
that you'll always not-know more than you know.>>


I wish I would have had anyone to tell me such things when I was in my
twenties. I'm not sure I would have listened but maybe I would have learned
some stuff a bit sooner.



<<I hear after-40 the not knowing will bother me less. This time, I'm
believing. <g>>


Oh now I can vouch for that one!! 40 for me was great. I just all of sudden,
okay like not overnight, had such a comfort with myself that I had never
known before. Just so darned comfortable in my skin and much more patient
and relaxed. That's the reason why we decided to have anothe baby too. It
was just so right and not adding anything but more love. And now that I'm
44, I'm ready to do it again. Just need to find a partner, my husband said
no more!!!

Mary B




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Deborah Lewis

Well, we didn't spank from the start but I don't know if that means we
were good parents.<g>
I was older, I'd just turned 29 when Dylan was born. His dad was older
33. We had a long time away from our own childhoods, a long time away
from our families, out in the world, and by that time almost all of our
friends from our younger days had kids. There was so much growing up
time and I think that helped.
But I would cry myself to sleep sometimes because I'd been frustrated or
tired and said something I shouldn't have. I couldn't sleep at all some
nights wondering if I'd ruined his life completely.
I'm not a yeller, I internalize, but when you have a sensitive child they
see and know everything.
I remembered as a child feeling responsible for my mother's stress and I
didn't want Dylan feeling that way.
Letting go of the way we were raised is maybe the hardest thing to do and
I couldn't have done it without deliberating on it every day. I didn't
have a horrible childhood but what I'd had didn't seem at all good enough
for Dylan.
The thing is you have to wake up every day and decide what's important,
and let go of the rest. But you have to think about it because, for me
at least, it wasn't automatic.
I'm five months away from 40 and SO looking forward to that calm
acceptance that I'll never know it all.<g>

Deb L, who's son gets all the credit for anything I did manage to do
right. HE's the Bomb!


>On Thu, 24 Oct 2002 21:25:01 EDT starsuncloud@... writes:
> I think it is so neat to hear about people that were good parents
> from the
> start.
> I became a Mom at 20, and really feel I would have been a much
> better Mom if
> I'd been older! But then, maybe having Trevor was the catalyst to
> learning
> better skills. Who knows?
> Anyway, You're the Bomb!!
> Ren

Myranda

A lot of times they choose to go outside so they can be noisy. Other times they watch a movie, or Brett will read to Tyler at the other end of the house. Coloring and painting are popular. They also usually get snacks at some point during each nap. My 5yo naps once a day, too, a lot of days. They don't have a problem being quiet when she's sleeping, they learned real quick that if they wake up the baby, the baby's gonna be REALLY fussy and mom doesn't have time to do much with them if she has to keep a fussy baby happy. Both of the boys slept like logs when they were little, they still do actually, but this little lady wakes up if the tone of the TV changes or if the neighbor's dog barks.
Myranda

From: joanna514
Where are your other children during nap times?
I haven't been able to keep a silent house for a long time.
My baby(she's 3 now) can sleep through *anything*, with 3 older
siblings in the house.
Joanna





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 7:19:04 PM, starsuncloud@... writes:

<< Sandra Dodd and Richard Pytowski's talk at the California Homeschooling
conference is available on tape, and I highly recommend it. >>

Me too. <g>
Richard's awesome.

His last name is hard to spell, but it's Prystowsky,
I think.

Stephanie Elms

> I'm 39, and every day I learn something new about myself and about my
> son.
> My son is like one of his beautiful paintings. He works on
> them for a
> few weeks and everyday they change and become something
> different. At
> age ten he might be like day three of his painting,
> beautiful, complex,
> mysterious, funny, with no hint at what the next day will
> bring. If I
> can go to bed at night and say, ok, I got it right today,
> that doesn't
> mean I can expect the same thing in the morning. Because my
> son will be
> a different boy tomorrow. He'll have learned new things and
> thought new
> thoughts and I will have to catch up with him all over again.
> He's such
> a perfect learning person he makes me want to get it perfect too. I
> never will, but I'll wake up everyday ready to try.
>
> Deb L

Deb...this was beautiful! And so right...my boys have taught me so much.
It is amazing how much you learn about yourself when you have kids.

Stephanie E.

kayb85

I finally got that tape in the mail. I enjoyed it VERY much. But
it's not one I could loan to most of my Christian friends. I didn't
agree with all the eastern religion in it, but I was able to look
past it and benefit from it. I don't have a lot of Christian friends
who would be able too though. He came on pretty strong.

Sandra said something on there that just hit the right cord with me.
She said to smell your child's hair when you're tempted to ignore
your child's needs, so that you realize just who this person is that
you're ignoring. (My rough paraphrase, she said it much better!) I
found that very helpful, and have actually done that a few times
already.

Sheila

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 10/24/02 7:19:04 PM, starsuncloud@c... writes:
>
> << Sandra Dodd and Richard Pytowski's talk at the California
Homeschooling
> conference is available on tape, and I highly recommend it. >>
>
> Me too. <g>
> Richard's awesome.
>
> His last name is hard to spell, but it's Prystowsky,
> I think.

marji

At 23:14 10/24/02 -0400, Sandra Dodd wrote:
>In a message dated 10/24/02 7:19:04 PM, starsuncloud@... writes:
>
><< Sandra Dodd and Richard Pytowski's talk at the California Homeschooling
>conference is available on tape, and I highly recommend it. >>
>
>Me too. <g>

Me too!!

>Richard's awesome.

You're no slouch, Sandra!!

I was driving home from a rehearsal tonight and listening to that
particular tape. If someone asked me what I think every brand new parent
should receive, I'd have to say a copy of that tape for sure, along with a
very, very few other things, namely the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding; a
sling in not too fruity a pattern so Dad will use it, too; and the book the
The Continuum Concept. I'm sure there are a couple of more things, but I
just can't think of them right now. Oh yes, a bottle of lavender essential
oil.

One of my favorite things about the tape is hearing Sandra's voice, which I
really like. One of the other favorite things is the subtle ways that
Sandra and Richard differ. Both of them get there, but they use ever so
slightly different paths, and they are both accessible paths.

GREAT tape!!

marji

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 11:19:12 PM, marji@... writes:

<< You're no slouch, Sandra!!>>

Thanks!

And WOW! THANKS! to this:

-=-I was driving home from a rehearsal tonight and listening to that
particular tape. If someone asked me what I think every brand new parent
should receive, I'd have to say a copy of that tape for sure, along with a
very, very few other things, namely the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding; a
sling in not too fruity a pattern so Dad will use it, too; and the book the
The Continuum Concept. I'm sure there are a couple of more things, but I
just can't think of them right now. Oh yes, a bottle of lavender essential
oil. -=-

Wow.

Sandra

james e thomas

Sandra Dodd and Richard Pytowski's talk at the California Homeschooling
conference is available on tape, and I highly recommend it. >>





how do we get the tape you spoke about? what is the cost?
thanks for sharing.
sharon

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