Mary Bianco

We're making it and I just wanted to share. Our son Joseph has always had a
hard time with anger and not knowing what to do with it. Usually the result
has been to hit his sister. It's something we've been working on for awhile.
I usually separate them and try talking to him and giving him other
alternatives. He usually just doesn't want to talk or even admit he's mad.
For quite a while they couldn't play in his room because I can't see in
there and that's always when there was a problem.

Long story short. My daughter still knows how to push his buttons and we're
working on that too. They wre outside yesterday and playing with bubbles.
Joseph had this big bubble wand and Sierra came in saying Joseph just threw
it down on the ground and broke it. Joseph came right in with a scowl and I
asked what happened. He said he threw it and it broke. I asked why and he
said, "Because Sierra made me so very mad!" Well what a revelation that was.
That was the first time he's actually admitted that quickly what he was
feeling and why he did something. So I told him I understood he was mad and
good for him that he threw the bubble wand and didn't hit his sister. Well
the look on his face was priceless. He actually did something good!!!
Meaning he was feeling awful and although the outcome wasn't great (broken
bubble wand) he still did a right thing by not hurting. So I had a talk with
him and then with his sister who was pushing buttons and is so good at it.

At the dinner table we talked about how he handled the situation and his dad
was very proud too. I saw confidence in Joseph that he can now handle things
differently. My mom was there for dinner and had to throw in "but he broke
the bubble wand" to which we quickly said so what, his sister wasn't hurt.

Might not sound like a big deal but it was to us and also Joseph. He's been
struggling with his anger for a while now. See, I've been listening here.
<BG>

Mary B





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In a message dated 10/23/02 10:05:11 AM, mummyone24@... writes:

<< I saw confidence in Joseph that he can now handle things
differently. My mom was there for dinner and had to throw in "but he broke
the bubble wand" to which we quickly said so what, his sister wasn't hurt.
>>

You can make bubble wands out of wire anyway. Maybe he'd have fun making
others!

That was a great story. I'm glad I got to read it.

Sandra

Mary Bianco

>From: SandraDodd@...

<<You can make bubble wands out of wire anyway. Maybe he'd have fun making
others!
That was a great story. I'm glad I got to read it.>>


Oooh, thanks for the idea Sandra. I never really thought of that. I'm not
real creative about stuff like that and I need to learn. My kids love making
their own things. Thanks again.

Mary B


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In a message dated 10/23/02 12:50:07 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< Oooh, thanks for the idea Sandra. I never really thought of that. I'm not
real creative about stuff like that and I need to learn. My kids love making
their own things. Thanks again. >>

Well my whole workshop at the conference was about fun things to do on a
budget.
If you want the handout, just mail me a self addressed, stamped envelope.
If a lot of people want it, I'll also need $1.00 to help with copying and
mailing costs. OR, if you're patient, I'll retype it online and email some
ideas.

Ren

[email protected]

Sierra just came to me crying, because Trevor had taken his skateboard back
and she was having a ball with it.
He was irritated because he had asked her to leave it alone.

"But I was having fun with it" she wailed.
"you really were, weren't you?"
She nods in agreement.
"I think you really need your own skateboard, don't you Sierra"
She nods again then shouts "yeah, my very own"
Then wipes her eyes and says "I KNOW, A Barbie one, then the boys won't touch
it!!
Then we both laughed.

She walked off a happy child, feeling heard, feeling understood. Not shamed
for taking her brothers toy. Trevor got to keep his feelings of ownership
intact, and now we have something to search for, a Barbie skateboard.

BIG improvement over my former methods.
Still working on the children's urge to hit when frustrated....baby steps.

Ren

Alan & Brenda Leonard

10/23/02 19:49:

> Might not sound like a big deal but it was to us and also Joseph. He's been
> struggling with his anger for a while now. See, I've been listening here.

Congratulation, Mary. I'm really glad that you're seeing progress!

I have an "I did it and it's working!" story, too.

Tim and I were having fun last night, just goofing around, when he asked if
I'd read more of our current book. I said, "Sure, kick off your shoes and
hop up on the sofa with me." So, still feeling silly, he literally kicked
off a shoe.

It hit probably the only thing breakable in the entire house that's not in a
cabinet; a ceramic goblet that belongs to his father's. As the potter later
said when I talked to him, "It flunked the bounce test".

Tim flipped and started screaming, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" over and over. I
took a deep breath and said, "Me too." So we cried over it together, and
called dh to apologize to him (because Tim wanted to get telling Daddy about
it over with), and cried some more.

Then we got out the broom and dustpan, and swept up the mess, and called the
potter who made it, and asked him to make us another, wrote him a check, and
it was over. (Oh, and we found a spot in a cupboard where the new one can
live!)

I feel like I actually did it right for once, and didn't punish over
something, and Tim felt what he was supposed to feel (sorrow over having
broken something we cared about) instead of what he shouldn't have had to
feel (fear and anger because I screamed at him or punished him).

Thanks for the help. I can do this!

brenda

Mary Bianco

>From: starsuncloud@...

<<Sierra just came to me crying, because Trevor had taken his skateboard
back and she was having a ball with it. He was irritated because he had
asked her to leave it alone.

"But I was having fun with it" she wailed.
"you really were, weren't you?"
She nods in agreement.
"I think you really need your own skateboard, don't you Sierra"
She nods again then shouts "yeah, my very own"
Then wipes her eyes and says "I KNOW, A Barbie one, then the boys won't
touch it!!
Then we both laughed.

She walked off a happy child, feeling heard, feeling understood. Not shamed
for taking her brothers toy. Trevor got to keep his feelings of ownership
intact, and now we have something to search for, a Barbie skateboard.

BIG improvement over my former methods.
Still working on the children's urge to hit when frustrated....baby steps.>>



Great Ren!! Kudos for us both today. And who said an old dog can't learn new
tricks?! <BG>

And by the way, you made me nuts when I first started to read that post. I
was thinking "Gee, Sierra wasn't playing with a skateboard." Thought maybe I
had posted about my daughter and lost my mind and forgot!!!!

Mary B (of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!)

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Mary Bianco

Good for you both Brenda. What a nice feeling when we get it right!!! And to
think how much we have to look forward to!

Mary B


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I have seen some Barbie skateboards at Toys R Us -- the kind that the
handle can come up or be locked down..sort of like a scooter and a
skateboard in one! :) Hope you find one!! Sharon

Kelli Traaseth

Mary,
This is Great! <smile>
Kelli
Mary Bianco <mummyone24@...> wrote:We're making it and I just wanted to share. Our son Joseph has always had a
hard time with anger and not knowing what to do with it. Usually the result
has been to hit his sister. It's something we've been working on for awhile.
I usually separate them and try talking to him and giving him other
alternatives. He usually just doesn't want to talk or even admit he's mad.
For quite a while they couldn't play in his room because I can't see in
there and that's always when there was a problem.

Long story short. My daughter still knows how to push his buttons and we're
working on that too. They wre outside yesterday and playing with bubbles.
Joseph had this big bubble wand and Sierra came in saying Joseph just threw
it down on the ground and broke it. Joseph came right in with a scowl and I
asked what happened. He said he threw it and it broke. I asked why and he
said, "Because Sierra made me so very mad!" Well what a revelation that was.
That was the first time he's actually admitted that quickly what he was
feeling and why he did something. So I told him I understood he was mad and
good for him that he threw the bubble wand and didn't hit his sister. Well
the look on his face was priceless. He actually did something good!!!
Meaning he was feeling awful and although the outcome wasn't great (broken
bubble wand) he still did a right thing by not hurting. So I had a talk with
him and then with his sister who was pushing buttons and is so good at it.

At the dinner table we talked about how he handled the situation and his dad
was very proud too. I saw confidence in Joseph that he can now handle things
differently. My mom was there for dinner and had to throw in "but he broke
the bubble wand" to which we quickly said so what, his sister wasn't hurt.

Might not sound like a big deal but it was to us and also Joseph. He's been
struggling with his anger for a while now. See, I've been listening here.


Mary B





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Kelli Traaseth

Ren,
I'd be interested, and I can be patient, if you want to post it.
Thanks,
Kelli
starsuncloud@... wrote:In a message dated 10/23/02 12:50:07 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< Oooh, thanks for the idea Sandra. I never really thought of that. I'm not
real creative about stuff like that and I need to learn. My kids love making
their own things. Thanks again. >>

Well my whole workshop at the conference was about fun things to do on a
budget.
If you want the handout, just mail me a self addressed, stamped envelope.
If a lot of people want it, I'll also need $1.00 to help with copying and
mailing costs. OR, if you're patient, I'll retype it online and email some
ideas.

Ren

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To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelli Traaseth

Isn't this list great? We can see the positiveness and benefits of being loving and compassionate parents!! Yeah!
Kelli
Alan & Brenda Leonard <abtleo@...> wrote:10/23/02 19:49:

> Might not sound like a big deal but it was to us and also Joseph. He's been
> struggling with his anger for a while now. See, I've been listening here.

Congratulation, Mary. I'm really glad that you're seeing progress!

I have an "I did it and it's working!" story, too.

Tim and I were having fun last night, just goofing around, when he asked if
I'd read more of our current book. I said, "Sure, kick off your shoes and
hop up on the sofa with me." So, still feeling silly, he literally kicked
off a shoe.

It hit probably the only thing breakable in the entire house that's not in a
cabinet; a ceramic goblet that belongs to his father's. As the potter later
said when I talked to him, "It flunked the bounce test".

Tim flipped and started screaming, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" over and over. I
took a deep breath and said, "Me too." So we cried over it together, and
called dh to apologize to him (because Tim wanted to get telling Daddy about
it over with), and cried some more.

Then we got out the broom and dustpan, and swept up the mess, and called the
potter who made it, and asked him to make us another, wrote him a check, and
it was over. (Oh, and we found a spot in a cupboard where the new one can
live!)

I feel like I actually did it right for once, and didn't punish over
something, and Tim felt what he was supposed to feel (sorrow over having
broken something we cared about) instead of what he shouldn't have had to
feel (fear and anger because I screamed at him or punished him).

Thanks for the help. I can do this!

brenda


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 6:40:14 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< Ren,
I'd be interested, and I can be patient, if you want to post it.
Thanks,
Kelli >>

I can mail it to you if you want to email me your address.....the handout for
the conference consisted of about 4-5 pages of a list of simple, cheap things
to have fun with.
I am also going to be working on posting some cool ideas and recipes to our
new webpage (LeAanne is working on it!!!) which should be up and running soon.
She's waiting on me to get some stuff emailed and then we should have a link
for you.

Ren

Stephanie Elms

> Well my whole workshop at the conference was about fun things
> to do on a
> budget.
> If you want the handout, just mail me a self addressed,
> stamped envelope.
> If a lot of people want it, I'll also need $1.00 to help with
> copying and
> mailing costs. OR, if you're patient, I'll retype it online
> and email some
> ideas.

I would love to see it too!

Stephanie E.

>

james e thomas

Well my whole workshop at the conference was about fun things
> to do on a
> budget.
> If you want the handout, just mail me a self addressed,
> stamped envelope.
> If a lot of people want it, I'll also need $1.00 to help with
> copying and
> mailing costs. OR, if you're patient, I'll retype it online
> and email some
> ideas.


I would be interested too. Where do I send my dollar???? Also, was it
taped? If so do you know how I could get a copy and the cost?
thanks for sharing this,
sharon

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[email protected]

In a message dated 10/24/02 10:56:50 AM Central Daylight Time,
meplusfive@... writes:

> I would be interested too. Where do I send my dollar???? Also, was it
> taped? If so do you know how I could get a copy and the cost?
> thanks for sharing this,
> sharon

Me too! Where do we send our dollars? <bwg>
~Nancy


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary Bianco

>From: starsuncloud@...

<<I can mail it to you if you want to email me your address.....the handout
for the conference consisted of about 4-5 pages of a list of simple, cheap
things to have fun with.
I am also going to be working on posting some cool ideas and recipes to our
new webpage (LeAanne is working on it!!!) which should be up and running
soon. She's waiting on me to get some stuff emailed and then we should have
a link>>



Oh I want one too. I could always use ideas. I'm creatively challenged!! Do
you want to send me your address and I'll send you a SASE. Will a legal size
envelope be enough?

Mary B


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