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<< > I also can't figure out (yet) how proponents of unschooling can
> expect that their children will eventually figure out the best ways
> to live their lives, but you see adults all around you who obviously
> haven't adopted the best ways.
>>

When people live their lives in an "us vs. them" mode, they feel confident
that their team is RIGHT and all other action is WRONG.

When there are no shades of gray and when there are not explanations given
other than "I told you so" or "that's the way we do it" or "God wants it that
way," then here's what happens:

They learn to hate "the other."
They take pride in not BEING "the other."

Then if and when they begin to question their own side (say, for example,
they were in a very strict Church of Christ situation where the elders told
them what to do in every way, what to wear, what to bring for the potluck
dinner), they feel their only choice is to stay and be hypocritical and
dishonest, or cut the cords and be "other" and "bad" and "hateful."

So young men who were raised to think that dancing, drinking, carrousing were
the work of the devil and that their only options were to go to a Christian
college, marry a girl from the same denomination, be a virgin at marriage and
treat his children JUST as he was treated--that is success and there is no
other success--if he departs from that, he's likely to go CRAZY and drink
LOTS and use bad language, look at nasty magazines, go out with loose women,
get stupid tattoos, whatever all he considers would bug his parents most.

In for a penny, in for a pound. If he is not the one (good Christian on the
narrow road) he must be the other (wild party boy who doesn't care).

Those raised with the God and Satan model, if you're not for us you're
against us, seem to assume that without the same reasons for "being good,"
that everyone else must be totally debauched Satan worshippers. If you don't
believe in Hell, why wouldn't you shoot heroine and abuse strangers in
alleys? If you don't believe in God, how and why would your children learn
ANY morals?

Because their model allows for nothing between being an uptight teetotaller
and being prison material, they don't see anything between the two.

Sandra, down another tangent.

Rachel Ann

Perhaps, if you will allow me, I can give an example of how Us vs Them can lead to sad consequences, from a personal experience. I admit the harm isn't great...this isn't loss of limb in the case I am about to go into. But it caused pain.

Esther started penpalling, to make more friends because of a dearth of homeschooling children in this area (there is one whom she adores, but they can't always be together.) We found on a list a posting from a child who stated she had no friends. My daughter has the biggest heart...as soon as I mentioned that she decided to write the child.

We got a letter back, along with a cross (crusifix, not sure which.) and an angel. Esther wrote back, thanking her for the gift, explaining that we are Jewish and don't use crosses etc, telling her we passed it on, and again, thanking her for the thought.

She also made a little bracelet, and sent her stickers and maybe one or two other paper items.

It has been about a month, and I think we have given up on hearing from her.

What can we conclude? Oh, possibilities abound, but the most likely scenario is we are Jewish, and therefore, in this child's eyes, or at least the eyes of mom or dad, pariahs.

Luckily she does have other penpals (letters to penpals from this list went out last night!) And these friends will hopefully be true. She is also going to meet one of her penpals Wednesday (at a pizza parlor... I'm not totally naive!) So she is a bit sadder but wiser....

Wish the other family could be wiser and happier....Esther is a true friend.

be well,
Rachel Ann




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mike Ebbers

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Rachel Ann <hindar@o...> wrote:
> Esther started penpalling, to make more friends because of a dearth
>of homeschooling children in this area ... We got a letter back,
>along with a cross (crusifix, not sure which.) and an angel.
>Esther wrote back, thanking her for the gift, explaining that we are
>Jewish and don't use crosses etc, telling her we passed it on, and
>again, thanking her for the thought. She also made a little
>bracelet, and sent her stickers and maybe one or two other paper
>items. It has been about a month, and I think we have given up on
>hearing from her.
> What can we conclude? Oh, possibilities abound, but the most likely
>scenario is we are Jewish, and therefore, in this child's eyes, or
>at least the eyes of mom or dad, pariahs.

My daughter Maribeth (age 9) has made friends with two girls her age
from a nearby family. They play both at our house and their house.
One time at our house the TV was on and the announcer mentioned
Jesus. One girl shut off the TV quickly (they are Jewish) and made
some comment like "we don't believe that." Play continued and has
continued for months since then.

They have a club with a fourth girl (from a non-religious family) and
they meet every Sunday afternoon. That is our Sabbath and family
time but we try to be home so Maribeth can join the club meeting. I
am sorry that your girl's penpal experience turned out differently.'

Mike