[email protected]

I have just pulled my children from public school this year and after
researching many life styles have chosen to work hard at a life style of
unschooling. Now for a few quick questions.

1. Where do you stand with TV? If children chose, may they chose to
watch TV all day. My 15 year old would never do anything else if I would let
her.
2. Cleaning there rooms.... Do you require that your kids keep their
room clean or just close the door. I'm afraid I would run out of dishes if I
did this.
3. What about when their messiness intrude on others space. I have a
child that always leave their clothes on the bathroom floor. It drives
everyone else crazy to have to step over it.
4 How do your husband on board. And I also have my Mother moving in
and Father-in-law living with us (he has Alztimers and after my dad died Mom
got very lonely and is moving in with us.) I know my Mom will have a really
hard time with my daughters messy room. Do I let my daughter deal with her
grandma? She told grandma she would do better when she gets moved in which
should be in the next few months.

Thanks for all the wonderful thoughts and ideas.

Heidi

Stephanie Elms

I am pretty new to unschooling too, but here are some of my thoughts!


> 1. Where do you stand with TV? If children chose,
> may they chose to
> watch TV all day. My 15 year old would never do anything
> else if I would let
> her.

I thought this of my 5 yo until I tried it. I have found that if
his brother and I are doing interesting things, he usually comes
and joins us. I have found that he is more likely to turn the tv
off on his own. The tv is on more, but he is not watching it
constantly. He does watch more tv then he used to (when we
had limits, about a month ago) but it is a balance that I actually
feel pretty comfortable with. I am also looking at tv and seeing what
he is getting out of it, which contrary to popular opinion is quite a bit.

> 2. Cleaning there rooms.... Do you require that your
> kids keep their
> room clean or just close the door. I'm afraid I would run
> out of dishes if I
> did this.

My son is only 5, but I plan on just closing the door. If I run out of
dishes, I would know where to find them and could go get them.

> 3. What about when their messiness intrude on others
> space. I have a
> child that always leave their clothes on the bathroom floor.
> It drives
> everyone else crazy to have to step over it.

It drove my dh nuts because I always left my pjs on the bathroom
floor. I tried to remember putting them away after my shower, but
it never worked. I read an organizing book that said to create
a system around what you already do...so I put a basket on the floor
where I throw my pj's when I get into the shower. A hook did not work
because I would not take the time to hang it up. Throwing my pjs into
a basket on the floor is pretty much the same thing as throwing them
on the floor, so it works. DH is happy and so am I. :o)

> 4 How do your husband on board. And I also have my
> Mother moving in
> and Father-in-law living with us (he has Alztimers and after
> my dad died Mom
> got very lonely and is moving in with us.) I know my Mom
> will have a really
> hard time with my daughters messy room. Do I let my daughter
> deal with her
> grandma? She told grandma she would do better when she gets
> moved in which
> should be in the next few months.

Still working on the dh thing. Keep talking. Personally I would talk with
the grandmother and try help her understand. I would also talk with your
dd work on coming up with ideas of how she can handle the grandmother.

Just some quick thoughts...I am sure others will have more!

Stephanie E.

kayb85

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., hmsclmyboy@a... wrote:
> I have just pulled my children from public school this year and
after
> researching many life styles have chosen to work hard at a life
style of
> unschooling. Now for a few quick questions.


I think you'll really like it. :)

> 1. Where do you stand with TV? If children chose, may they
chose to
> watch TV all day. My 15 year old would never do anything else if I
would let
> her.


I used to control tv, but I don't anymore. After they get over the
fact that they are allowed to watch all the tv they want, they stop
doing it all the time just because they can.


> 2. Cleaning there rooms.... Do you require that your kids
keep their
> room clean or just close the door. I'm afraid I would run out of
dishes if I
> did this.

I do kind of make them keep their rooms clean. I have a friend who
was reported to children and youth for a messy house, and one of the
things they checked was the bedrooms. She was told to have them
clean by the next day or the children would be removed. I don't ever
want to face a situation like that. When I say clean, I mean that
clothes can't be on the floor up to the knees. No dirty dishes or
dirty clothes on the floor. There has to be a path to the bed.
Right now dd's big problem is too much stuff in too small of a room.
I've never forbidden it, but for some reason no one ever brings food
upstairs except for water on the nightstand.

> 3. What about when their messiness intrude on others
space. I have a
> child that always leave their clothes on the bathroom floor. It
drives
> everyone else crazy to have to step over it.

I am guilty of that. :) I drive my husband nuts. ;)

> 4 How do your husband on board. And I also have my Mother
moving in
> and Father-in-law living with us (he has Alztimers and after my dad
died Mom
> got very lonely and is moving in with us.) I know my Mom will have
a really
> hard time with my daughters messy room. Do I let my daughter deal
with her
> grandma? She told grandma she would do better when she gets moved
in which
> should be in the next few months.
>
> Thanks for all the wonderful thoughts and ideas.
>
> Heidi

I would probably speak to my mom and tell her what my decision is
about room cleanliness. If you decide to not worry about messy
rooms, then I would insist to your mom that you don't want dd
bothered about it. I would insist that my wishes be honored. Btw, I
think it's great that you're moving your parents in with you. I
think that's so much kinder than nursing homes or loneliness. :)

Sheila

Todd M.

At 11:26 AM 10/19/02 -0400, you wrote:

>I have just pulled my children from public school this year and after
>researching many life styles have chosen to work hard at a life style of
>unschooling.
==
Congratulations to you all :-)


> Now for a few quick questions.
==
I'm sure you'll get lots of 'not-so-quick' answers to them. <smiling>


> 1. Where do you stand with TV? If children chose, may they
> chose to
>watch TV all day. My 15 year old would never do anything else if I would let
>her.
==
Keep in mind that she's spent the better part of her life *having* to sit
still listening to teachers drone on and on and on... For a while she may
feel the need to just sit in front of the TV...but I'm *guessing* it
wouldn't/won't last forever :) As for where we stand w/the TV, our kids
have unlimited access to it, some days they watch more than others, and on
the "more" days, it's not for more than a couple of hours at a time.

> 2. Cleaning there rooms.... Do you require that your kids keep their
>room clean or just close the door. I'm afraid I would run out of dishes if I
>did this.
==
We just keep the doors closed. Actually, they keep their doors closed
themselves because they don't want the cats in their rooms.<g> If they take
dishes (usually glasses) into their rooms, we ask them to bring those out
to be washed. If they forget, and we spot them when we go in to put clothes
away or whatever, we bring them out ourselves :)


> 3. What about when their messiness intrude on others space. I
> have a
>child that always leave their clothes on the bathroom floor. It drives
>everyone else crazy to have to step over it.
==
Maybe putting a basket, hamper, or something in there that anyone can toss
clothes into, whether it's theirs or not. Just a thought.

> 4 How do your husband on board.
==
Duct-tape! <eg> Oh wait, *I'm* the husband. LOL. And I've been all for the
unschooling life-style, and so has my wife, so we didn't need to convince
ourselves.<g>

>Thanks for all the wonderful thoughts and ideas.
>
>Heidi
==
You are most welcome for mine. Welcome to the list :-D

Todd
------
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to ME! <g>
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html

Kimber

<<< 1. Where do you stand with TV? >>>


We fully quit limiting TV about 5 months ago and I can tell a big difference in their viewing styles. Before, they felt like they were 'missing out' on something if they went to play outside instead of watching every Simpson's episode. (Had to be inside @ 5p. to watch it every day no matter how much fun they were having.) Now, they spend much more time on other interests. At first, my ds would watch hours of Animal Planet, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, Discovery, etc.... Hours and hours. Gradually, I think he got bored with the TV. Lately, he has been spending hours playing with his Transformers, army guys, looking at toy catalogs (gotta have that list ready for Mema), whittling, playing Sorry with dd, and even reading. He now only watches about 2-3 hours a day. Somedays he spends the whole day outside and doesn't watch at all. And only because I quit controlling it. At least that's the way it seems to me.



<<<2. Cleaning there rooms.... Do you require that your kids keep their
room clean or just close the door. >>>



My kids' rooms are marginal............at least by my standards. There are dirty clothes, Polly Pocket pieces, Barbie stuff, books, and lots of shoes in my dd's floor. I like things very neat. She doesn't. We usually try to compromise on room cleaning. I won't go round up their dirty clothes, so they have to take them to the laundry room if they want them washed. Usually, when I am doing laundry, I have to haul my stuff from my bathroom and I will let everyone know "Hey guys, I'm washing some clothes.........better bring 'em out if you want them clean." Usually, they are glad that their favorite outfit will get washed and everyone scurries about to get dirty stuff to the laundry room. It works for us. :) I have also started using a milk crate for each family member's clean clothes. When it is full, they can take it to their room and put away the stuff. ( I read that on this board, I think. Great idea! Thanks!)

As for the dirty dishes, I kinda do the same thing when I load the dishwasher daily. I will announce that "I need all the dirty dishes, please. I am gonna run the d/w." Dishes start flowing back into the kitchen pretty quickly without much grumbling. I think it's because they have seen the 'science experiments' that can come from dirty dishes left in a room too long. I also remind them that if they want to be able to eat/drink things throughout the house, that they really have to be able to get their dirty dishes back to the sink.



<<<3. What about when their messiness intrude on others space. I have a
child that always leave their clothes on the bathroom floor. It drives
everyone else crazy to have to step over it.>>>


I am too neat freaky to let the stuff lay around too long. Usually about once or twice a day I will announce that it's getting too messy for me in here...... living room, kitchen, bathroom... any 'public area'. They grumble a little but they do know 'mom is just that way about it' and usually comply without too much trouble. We work together to make it look neater, gather up the dirty dishes, put away the forgotten card game, and pick up the trash. ( my dd thinks the floor is her trash can....any wrapper she opens still falls to the floor.) It only takes about 10-15 minutes to pick up, Mom is happier, and they have the room to start a new project/game/puzzle.


Kimber


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Myranda

1. Where do you stand with TV? If children chose, may they chose to
watch TV all day. My 15 year old would never do anything else if I would let
her.
** I have the TV programmed to only allow kid-friendly channels (til they get older anyway), and they can watch as much on those channels as they want. For other things, me or DH has to sit with them to watch. Usually the TV is on all day, but no one watches more than a few minutes here or there. They usually listen while doing something else.


2. Cleaning there rooms.... Do you require that your kids keep their
room clean or just close the door. I'm afraid I would run out of dishes if I
did this.

** Room clean-up day is on Saturday's.... they clean their rooms, I clean mine. We help each other if there are any huge messes or if we just really don't feel like cleaning. Afterwards, I vacuume rooms. Dishes are not allowed out of the kitchen/dining room area, for any of us, as we live in a state with big ant and roach problems. The only way to keep the bugs out is to make sure there are no crumbs whatsoever for them to find. We do have our own mugs (those that you can put a decorated paper in) and can take water anywhere in the house. Everything else is glass, so it doesn't leave the kitchen either.

3. What about when their messiness intrude on others space. I have a
child that always leave their clothes on the bathroom floor. It drives
everyone else crazy to have to step over it.

** I pick up the living room every night, and put others' belongings in their own basket and take it to their rooms. My boys switch days cleaning up their bathroom. My oldest cleans the kitchen table and takes stuff to whoever's room it belongs in.

4 How do your husband on board. And I also have my Mother moving in
and Father-in-law living with us (he has Alztimers and after my dad died Mom
got very lonely and is moving in with us.) I know my Mom will have a really
hard time with my daughters messy room. Do I let my daughter deal with her
grandma? She told grandma she would do better when she gets moved in which
should be in the next few months.

** Just explain that it's not important to you guys as a family to have spotless bedrooms. Keep the door shut if it bothers anyone. I wouldn't want your daughter to feel she HAS to be neat and clean to keep grandma happy, that isn't her responsibility.
Myranda

Thanks for all the wonderful thoughts and ideas.

Heidi


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dalene and Andy

Hey Heidi

Since your kids are much older than mine, my experience is probably quite different and I won't be of any help. One thing I noticed is your dishes in the rooms. We as a family always have our drinks and food in the kitchen and that helps with that.

As far as convincing your husband, I think the only thing to do is to talk and share all the information you have. I constantly tell him about something I read somewhere or print something out to be read and I share all the little bits that I pick up here. Mine is quite open to unschooling, but sometimes he feels uneasy with the parenting practices that go together with the philosophy. I shamelesly repeat phrases that I pick up here. Last night we talked about how I think we as a family should encourage team efforts more - instead of saying please pick up your blocks, say let's pick up your blocks. His response was that would only teach him to do nothing at all. I asked why expect the worst from him and I could see that thought really clicked with him.

Again this morning we spoke about him pushing independence - I feel it will happen when my DS is ready - last week someone mentioned how she often reminds her husband that he had 30 years before kids to himself and probably will have another 30 after kids. I shared that with him and again I could see just how it clicked for him.

For Dads, like us, there is the fear of making the wrong choices, but with all the information they will feel less anxious.

Enjoy

Dalene


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Alan & Brenda Leonard

Welcome, Heidi!

> 1. Where do you stand with TV?
As far away as possible! <g>

> If children chose, may they chose to watch TV all day. My 15 year old would
never do anything else if I would let her.
If this is her first year out of school, she needs time to get out of the
school pattern. Give it a try and let her watch all day.

> 2. Cleaning there rooms.... Do you require that your kids keep their
> room clean or just close the door. I'm afraid I would run out of dishes if I
> did this.

I keep food out of the bedrooms because in our lovely Army quarters, we have
bugs and other ickys. When my son's room gets out of hand, I usually help
him put it in order. He's 6, but I think it's just overwhelming to face the
mess alone.

> 3. What about when their messiness intrude on others space. I have a
> child that always leave their clothes on the bathroom floor. It drives
> everyone else crazy to have to step over it.

Everyone steps over it? Nobody picks it up? Wouldn't it be easier if you
just picked it up? I've occasionally asked Tim to go back and pick up
clothes, but usually either he remembers or I do it. It's not THAT big a
deal.

> 4 How do your husband on board.
How far "off board" is he? Are you looking for a book he could read?
Stories from successful unschoolers? Is he willing to trust you for a year?
I talk a lot about what I read, both here, in books, etc. My husband is
fine with the idea of unschooling. It's these "wierd" parenting ideas I
come up with from here that bug him....

> And I also have my Mother moving in and Father-in-law living with us I know my
Mom will have a really hard time with my daughters messy room. Do I let my
daughter deal with her grandma? She told grandma she would do better when
she gets moved in which should be in the next few months.

I think you and your daughter need to come to a consenses on her room before
Grandma arrives. Ignore it, you clean it, close the door, whatever. As
long as Grandma and grandaughter aren't sharing a room, it shouldn't be a
problem, right? But no, I don't think it's your daughter's place to have to
"deal with it" with her grandma. You need to discuss those kind of issues
with your Mom, in my opinion. She is your daughter to raise. Grandma had
her chance, and now it's your turn.

I hope that you have a great time unschooling. We do, every day!

brenda

the_clevengers

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., hmsclmyboy@a... wrote:
> I have just pulled my children from public school this year and
after
> researching many life styles have chosen to work hard at a life
style of
> unschooling. Now for a few quick questions.
>
> 1. Where do you stand with TV?

We don't have one. We have a DVD player on the computer, and we
have "family movie night" once a week where we pick a movie and watch
it as a family. We sometimes do other movie days. Recently we rented
Lord of the Rings and watched it every day for a solid week! But
that's pretty rare. Usually just the monday movie night.


> 2. Cleaning there rooms.... Do you require that your kids
keep their
> room clean or just close the door.

We do a "room rescue" every night and basically clear the floor of
all toys. We have a bunch of bins so that everything more or less has
a place. It's pretty quick and painless, and we help the kids out so
it's fun.


> 3. What about when their messiness intrude on others
space. I have a
> child that always leave their clothes on the bathroom floor. It
drives
> everyone else crazy to have to step over it.


Nope. Public spaces stay picked up. The kids are pretty good about
taking stuff to the clothes hamper or shoes to the rack. I just
mention it and they'll come and get it when they're at a stopping
point in their play.


> 4 How do your husband on board. And I also have my Mother
moving in
> and Father-in-law living with us (he has Alztimers and after my dad
died Mom
> got very lonely and is moving in with us.) I know my Mom will have
a really
> hard time with my daughters messy room. Do I let my daughter deal
with her
> grandma? She told grandma she would do better when she gets moved
in which
> should be in the next few months.


I guess it would depend on how much it matters that things be clean.
A good friend had an Altzheimer's relative living with them, and they
had to be extra careful about what got left around because she would
take things and hide them places, or write with pen on books, or
whatever. So if it is going to be a health or safety hazard, or if
your daughter will lose things, she might want to choose to be extra
vigilant. Alternatively, you could get some kind of lock for her
door. If your mom is just going to have a hard time because she
doesn't like messy rooms, well, I guess it's up to you how much you
want to allow your mom's feelings to have a say in what your daughter
experiences. Personally, I separate my parents from our own parenting
decisions. They can agree or disagree with them, but that doesn't
change what we decide. It was important to us to make this
distinction, so that the kids don't feel obliged to live up to a set
of standards that we don't agree with.

Best of luck on your parenting/unschooling journey. Sounds like you
will have your hands, and house, full!

Blue Skies,

-Robin-

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/19/02 3:01:58 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
abtleo@... writes:


> How far "off board" is he? Are you looking for a book he could read?
>

Well, that would be great but he doesn't read..... and It took a bit to
convince him on homeschooling and now I am going to unschooling.... he is so
off board he is on another ship. <g>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shyrley

On 19 Oct 02, at 11:26, hmsclmyboy@... wrote:

> I have just pulled my children from public school this year and after
> researching many life styles have chosen to work hard at a life style
> of unschooling. Now for a few quick questions.
>
> 1. Where do you stand with TV? If children chose, may they
> chose to
> watch TV all day. My 15 year old would never do anything else if I
> would let her.

The TV is just on of many things my kids may choose to do.
Usually they don't. Usually the Play Staion is going on the TV.

> 2. Cleaning there rooms.... Do you require that your kids keep
> their
> room clean or just close the door. I'm afraid I would run out of
> dishes if I did this.

I go and collect dishes and cups but their mess is their mess.

> 3. What about when their messiness intrude on others space. I
> have a
> child that always leave their clothes on the bathroom floor. It
> drives everyone else crazy to have to step over it.

If it bothers someone they should pick it up. It doesn't bother me
but it does bother my kids when their stuff doesn't get washed cos
its on the floor. I made it clear I only wash what turns up next to
the machine.

> 4 How do your husband on board. And I also have my Mother
> moving in
> and Father-in-law living with us (he has Alztimers and after my dad
> died Mom got very lonely and is moving in with us.) I know my Mom
> will have a really hard time with my daughters messy room. Do I let
> my daughter deal with her grandma? She told grandma she would do
> better when she gets moved in which should be in the next few months.

Ummm, don't know what I would do here. How old is your
daughter? Is she old enough to deal with her grandma or does she
need your help?

>
>
> Thanks for all the wonderful thoughts and ideas.
>
> Heidi
>
Have a great time unschooling with your kids!

Shyrley


"You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you are all the same."