pamhartley ;-)
[email protected]
Your post have really enlightened me I am new to the list and enjoyed reading
your out look. How do you get to that point, or have you always been there?
I just pulled my 2 children from school this year (we are struggling) and am
trying to rediscover myself and my children and must say I admire your
outlook.
Thank you for sharing.
Heidi
Mom to Natasha 15 and Dane 7
Wife to Joe
your out look. How do you get to that point, or have you always been there?
I just pulled my 2 children from school this year (we are struggling) and am
trying to rediscover myself and my children and must say I admire your
outlook.
Thank you for sharing.
Heidi
Mom to Natasha 15 and Dane 7
Wife to Joe
Pam Hartley
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., hmsclmyboy@a... wrote:
list.
I was very fortunate to discover, while pregnant with my oldest
daughter, the late (lamented) America On-Line homeschooling
forum. Some of the people you see posting here I've known for
over eight years, and they were instrumental in my own growth
as a person and a parent.
I was also raised in a pretty bizarre combination of support for
just about anything I wanted to try (flying around to science fiction
conventions as a teen, raising rats as a hobby, etc.) and yet still
in a crime-and-punishment oriented household. It has given me
a pretty good look at what works and what doesn't if you want to
create a happy and mentally-healthy household.
Pam
> Your post have really enlightened me I am new to the list andenjoyed reading
> your out look. How do you get to that point, or have you alwaysbeen there?
> I just pulled my 2 children from school this year (we arestruggling) and am
> trying to rediscover myself and my children and must say Iadmire your
> outlook.Hi Heidi (my sister in law's name is Heidi! :) and welcome to the
list.
I was very fortunate to discover, while pregnant with my oldest
daughter, the late (lamented) America On-Line homeschooling
forum. Some of the people you see posting here I've known for
over eight years, and they were instrumental in my own growth
as a person and a parent.
I was also raised in a pretty bizarre combination of support for
just about anything I wanted to try (flying around to science fiction
conventions as a teen, raising rats as a hobby, etc.) and yet still
in a crime-and-punishment oriented household. It has given me
a pretty good look at what works and what doesn't if you want to
create a happy and mentally-healthy household.
Pam
Stephanie Elms
I enjoyed it too. I have been enjoying this whole conversation immensely!
I have found that I am getting better at avoiding punishments. I do have one
area that I am not sure how to handle. Maybe some of you would like to make
some suggestions??
I have two boys, Jason (5) and Kyle (2). I have gotten pretty good at handling the bickering
and fighting when there is a reason...wanting to watch something different,
play with each others toys etc. I have been talking them through the disagreements
helping them put into words what they want and need and helping them come to
agreements. It is paying off so far, as I have noticed Jason is getting better at
negotiating and asking Kyle for things. And Kyle is starting to do the same.
Where I am having a problem is with what to do with the little jabs and pushes.
Jason will walk past Kyle and bonk him on the head. Or push him as he walks by.
Or basically do things to torment him (like consistently riding his bike close
to Kyle's). Basically looking for a reaction and getting one. Any suggestions
on how to handle this? I have been stopping him and telling him not to, but
I feel it is ineffective and that I should be doing more. I have to admit that
I have yelled in frustration which has not helped and actually led to him
spitting in my face (this is not normal behavior for him and I know that it
was a way of getting a reaction from me as he did not like me yelling). I am
getting better at handling things but still tend to have the old patterns come
out...feeling that I can not let him treat Kyle (or me) this way, but not sure
what to do except use punishments (which I normally try to avoid).
I think part of it has to do with attention...Kyle is giving up his naps which
has resulted in a very cranky 2 year old most days. We have talked about this
being a phase and Jason has been pretty good about playing on the computer or
watching tv. I try to give him attention when I can, but I have been pretty
emotionally exhausted many nights. Jason is the type of kid who thrives on
attention. I realized this weekend while down at my ILs how much better
he was behaving, mostly because my ILs dote on him (which is definitely a good
thing!). Any suggestions? Jason has also been staying up much later then usual and
has been ignoring his body signals (we don't have a set bedtime and he used
to be pretty good at going to bed when tired). It just hit me last night that I think
this is his way of getting more time with me.
I would love to get a new perspective on this...thanks!
Stephanie E.
I have found that I am getting better at avoiding punishments. I do have one
area that I am not sure how to handle. Maybe some of you would like to make
some suggestions??
I have two boys, Jason (5) and Kyle (2). I have gotten pretty good at handling the bickering
and fighting when there is a reason...wanting to watch something different,
play with each others toys etc. I have been talking them through the disagreements
helping them put into words what they want and need and helping them come to
agreements. It is paying off so far, as I have noticed Jason is getting better at
negotiating and asking Kyle for things. And Kyle is starting to do the same.
Where I am having a problem is with what to do with the little jabs and pushes.
Jason will walk past Kyle and bonk him on the head. Or push him as he walks by.
Or basically do things to torment him (like consistently riding his bike close
to Kyle's). Basically looking for a reaction and getting one. Any suggestions
on how to handle this? I have been stopping him and telling him not to, but
I feel it is ineffective and that I should be doing more. I have to admit that
I have yelled in frustration which has not helped and actually led to him
spitting in my face (this is not normal behavior for him and I know that it
was a way of getting a reaction from me as he did not like me yelling). I am
getting better at handling things but still tend to have the old patterns come
out...feeling that I can not let him treat Kyle (or me) this way, but not sure
what to do except use punishments (which I normally try to avoid).
I think part of it has to do with attention...Kyle is giving up his naps which
has resulted in a very cranky 2 year old most days. We have talked about this
being a phase and Jason has been pretty good about playing on the computer or
watching tv. I try to give him attention when I can, but I have been pretty
emotionally exhausted many nights. Jason is the type of kid who thrives on
attention. I realized this weekend while down at my ILs how much better
he was behaving, mostly because my ILs dote on him (which is definitely a good
thing!). Any suggestions? Jason has also been staying up much later then usual and
has been ignoring his body signals (we don't have a set bedtime and he used
to be pretty good at going to bed when tired). It just hit me last night that I think
this is his way of getting more time with me.
I would love to get a new perspective on this...thanks!
Stephanie E.
>
Myranda
Brett started doing these type things to Tyler when he was 4 and Tyler was 3. I think it's just part of being siblings. Every child with a brother or sister that I've known has gone through that "let's get a rise out of the other" stage. I handled it by letting Tyler know that whenever Brett was bugging him, to say "stop doing that, please" and had a talk with Brett about how when he says "stop" to someone, he wants and expects them to listen to him, so he needs to do the same when someone tells him to stop. I told Tyler if Brett didn't stop after being asked, that he could always come to me and we'd do something fun together. When he did, Brett would eventually wonder up wanting to join in - I left it up to Tyler whether or not Brett could join, since it was Brett's actions that caused Tyler to come do whatever in the first place. About half the time, Tyler wouldn't let Brett join, and I think that made the biggest difference of all. I guess that stage lasted a little over a year, and it still surfaces now and then, but now Tyler has gotten sneaky and will get back at Brett in other ways, and Brett knows it. LOL
Myranda
I enjoyed it too. I have been enjoying this whole conversation immensely!
I have found that I am getting better at avoiding punishments. I do have one
area that I am not sure how to handle. Maybe some of you would like to make
some suggestions??
I have two boys, Jason (5) and Kyle (2). I have gotten pretty good at handling the bickering
and fighting when there is a reason...wanting to watch something different,
play with each others toys etc. I have been talking them through the disagreements
helping them put into words what they want and need and helping them come to
agreements. It is paying off so far, as I have noticed Jason is getting better at
negotiating and asking Kyle for things. And Kyle is starting to do the same.
Where I am having a problem is with what to do with the little jabs and pushes.
Jason will walk past Kyle and bonk him on the head. Or push him as he walks by.
Or basically do things to torment him (like consistently riding his bike close
to Kyle's). Basically looking for a reaction and getting one. Any suggestions
on how to handle this? I have been stopping him and telling him not to, but
I feel it is ineffective and that I should be doing more. I have to admit that
I have yelled in frustration which has not helped and actually led to him
spitting in my face (this is not normal behavior for him and I know that it
was a way of getting a reaction from me as he did not like me yelling). I am
getting better at handling things but still tend to have the old patterns come
out...feeling that I can not let him treat Kyle (or me) this way, but not sure
what to do except use punishments (which I normally try to avoid).
I think part of it has to do with attention...Kyle is giving up his naps which
has resulted in a very cranky 2 year old most days. We have talked about this
being a phase and Jason has been pretty good about playing on the computer or
watching tv. I try to give him attention when I can, but I have been pretty
emotionally exhausted many nights. Jason is the type of kid who thrives on
attention. I realized this weekend while down at my ILs how much better
he was behaving, mostly because my ILs dote on him (which is definitely a good
thing!). Any suggestions? Jason has also been staying up much later then usual and
has been ignoring his body signals (we don't have a set bedtime and he used
to be pretty good at going to bed when tired). It just hit me last night that I think
this is his way of getting more time with me.
I would love to get a new perspective on this...thanks!
Stephanie E.
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Myranda
I enjoyed it too. I have been enjoying this whole conversation immensely!
I have found that I am getting better at avoiding punishments. I do have one
area that I am not sure how to handle. Maybe some of you would like to make
some suggestions??
I have two boys, Jason (5) and Kyle (2). I have gotten pretty good at handling the bickering
and fighting when there is a reason...wanting to watch something different,
play with each others toys etc. I have been talking them through the disagreements
helping them put into words what they want and need and helping them come to
agreements. It is paying off so far, as I have noticed Jason is getting better at
negotiating and asking Kyle for things. And Kyle is starting to do the same.
Where I am having a problem is with what to do with the little jabs and pushes.
Jason will walk past Kyle and bonk him on the head. Or push him as he walks by.
Or basically do things to torment him (like consistently riding his bike close
to Kyle's). Basically looking for a reaction and getting one. Any suggestions
on how to handle this? I have been stopping him and telling him not to, but
I feel it is ineffective and that I should be doing more. I have to admit that
I have yelled in frustration which has not helped and actually led to him
spitting in my face (this is not normal behavior for him and I know that it
was a way of getting a reaction from me as he did not like me yelling). I am
getting better at handling things but still tend to have the old patterns come
out...feeling that I can not let him treat Kyle (or me) this way, but not sure
what to do except use punishments (which I normally try to avoid).
I think part of it has to do with attention...Kyle is giving up his naps which
has resulted in a very cranky 2 year old most days. We have talked about this
being a phase and Jason has been pretty good about playing on the computer or
watching tv. I try to give him attention when I can, but I have been pretty
emotionally exhausted many nights. Jason is the type of kid who thrives on
attention. I realized this weekend while down at my ILs how much better
he was behaving, mostly because my ILs dote on him (which is definitely a good
thing!). Any suggestions? Jason has also been staying up much later then usual and
has been ignoring his body signals (we don't have a set bedtime and he used
to be pretty good at going to bed when tired). It just hit me last night that I think
this is his way of getting more time with me.
I would love to get a new perspective on this...thanks!
Stephanie E.
>Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelli Traaseth
Stephanie,
I have had this with my two oldest, doing it to the younger,
What has seemed to help is I talk with them individually. We talk about how important and special siblings are and how when they are older they will really enjoy having siblings. Even is they don't enjoy them now. (Like if the younger is getting annoying). Also I do alot of telling them stories of how I felt being a youngest child and it really affected how I felt about myself. ( My older siblings were very resentful of me and were very angry with me all the time. ) I don't shame them or blame them, but talk about how they are feeling.
They seem to really treat the younger ones better when they see it as a special thing to have a younger sibling. Those younger ones really look up to the older and when the older ones figure that out they are so proud of it!
Hope it helps,
Take Care, Kelli
Stephanie Elms <stephanie.elms@...> wrote:I enjoyed it too. I have been enjoying this whole conversation immensely!
I have found that I am getting better at avoiding punishments. I do have one
area that I am not sure how to handle. Maybe some of you would like to make
some suggestions??
I have two boys, Jason (5) and Kyle (2). I have gotten pretty good at handling the bickering
and fighting when there is a reason...wanting to watch something different,
play with each others toys etc. I have been talking them through the disagreements
helping them put into words what they want and need and helping them come to
agreements. It is paying off so far, as I have noticed Jason is getting better at
negotiating and asking Kyle for things. And Kyle is starting to do the same.
Where I am having a problem is with what to do with the little jabs and pushes.
Jason will walk past Kyle and bonk him on the head. Or push him as he walks by.
Or basically do things to torment him (like consistently riding his bike close
to Kyle's). Basically looking for a reaction and getting one. Any suggestions
on how to handle this? I have been stopping him and telling him not to, but
I feel it is ineffective and that I should be doing more. I have to admit that
I have yelled in frustration which has not helped and actually led to him
spitting in my face (this is not normal behavior for him and I know that it
was a way of getting a reaction from me as he did not like me yelling). I am
getting better at handling things but still tend to have the old patterns come
out...feeling that I can not let him treat Kyle (or me) this way, but not sure
what to do except use punishments (which I normally try to avoid).
I think part of it has to do with attention...Kyle is giving up his naps which
has resulted in a very cranky 2 year old most days. We have talked about this
being a phase and Jason has been pretty good about playing on the computer or
watching tv. I try to give him attention when I can, but I have been pretty
emotionally exhausted many nights. Jason is the type of kid who thrives on
attention. I realized this weekend while down at my ILs how much better
he was behaving, mostly because my ILs dote on him (which is definitely a good
thing!). Any suggestions? Jason has also been staying up much later then usual and
has been ignoring his body signals (we don't have a set bedtime and he used
to be pretty good at going to bed when tired). It just hit me last night that I think
this is his way of getting more time with me.
I would love to get a new perspective on this...thanks!
Stephanie E.
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have had this with my two oldest, doing it to the younger,
What has seemed to help is I talk with them individually. We talk about how important and special siblings are and how when they are older they will really enjoy having siblings. Even is they don't enjoy them now. (Like if the younger is getting annoying). Also I do alot of telling them stories of how I felt being a youngest child and it really affected how I felt about myself. ( My older siblings were very resentful of me and were very angry with me all the time. ) I don't shame them or blame them, but talk about how they are feeling.
They seem to really treat the younger ones better when they see it as a special thing to have a younger sibling. Those younger ones really look up to the older and when the older ones figure that out they are so proud of it!
Hope it helps,
Take Care, Kelli
Stephanie Elms <stephanie.elms@...> wrote:I enjoyed it too. I have been enjoying this whole conversation immensely!
I have found that I am getting better at avoiding punishments. I do have one
area that I am not sure how to handle. Maybe some of you would like to make
some suggestions??
I have two boys, Jason (5) and Kyle (2). I have gotten pretty good at handling the bickering
and fighting when there is a reason...wanting to watch something different,
play with each others toys etc. I have been talking them through the disagreements
helping them put into words what they want and need and helping them come to
agreements. It is paying off so far, as I have noticed Jason is getting better at
negotiating and asking Kyle for things. And Kyle is starting to do the same.
Where I am having a problem is with what to do with the little jabs and pushes.
Jason will walk past Kyle and bonk him on the head. Or push him as he walks by.
Or basically do things to torment him (like consistently riding his bike close
to Kyle's). Basically looking for a reaction and getting one. Any suggestions
on how to handle this? I have been stopping him and telling him not to, but
I feel it is ineffective and that I should be doing more. I have to admit that
I have yelled in frustration which has not helped and actually led to him
spitting in my face (this is not normal behavior for him and I know that it
was a way of getting a reaction from me as he did not like me yelling). I am
getting better at handling things but still tend to have the old patterns come
out...feeling that I can not let him treat Kyle (or me) this way, but not sure
what to do except use punishments (which I normally try to avoid).
I think part of it has to do with attention...Kyle is giving up his naps which
has resulted in a very cranky 2 year old most days. We have talked about this
being a phase and Jason has been pretty good about playing on the computer or
watching tv. I try to give him attention when I can, but I have been pretty
emotionally exhausted many nights. Jason is the type of kid who thrives on
attention. I realized this weekend while down at my ILs how much better
he was behaving, mostly because my ILs dote on him (which is definitely a good
thing!). Any suggestions? Jason has also been staying up much later then usual and
has been ignoring his body signals (we don't have a set bedtime and he used
to be pretty good at going to bed when tired). It just hit me last night that I think
this is his way of getting more time with me.
I would love to get a new perspective on this...thanks!
Stephanie E.
>Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
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