older kids needing mom to get to sleep
kayb85
I'm wondering what everyone's input is on older kids who can't get to
sleep without mom. My daughter is 9, and is used to me laying with
her, talking with her and praying with her, and singing the same two
songs every night before she goes to sleep. I don't mind doing this
at all, but I'm wondering if I should be worried about her. She
can't sleep over at friend's houses because I'm not there. She wants
to go to sleepovers but almost always comes home crying. I've
offered to come to the sleepover when she calls me to tell me she's
ready to go to sleep, and sing to her. That doesn't work. I've
tried cuddling and singing to her before she goes, and that doesn't
work. I just worry that she won't ever be able to leave mom. I mean,
I don't want her to be 20 and still need me. Should I keep singing
and laying with her at night or should I start insisting that she
learn to sleep without me?
sleep without mom. My daughter is 9, and is used to me laying with
her, talking with her and praying with her, and singing the same two
songs every night before she goes to sleep. I don't mind doing this
at all, but I'm wondering if I should be worried about her. She
can't sleep over at friend's houses because I'm not there. She wants
to go to sleepovers but almost always comes home crying. I've
offered to come to the sleepover when she calls me to tell me she's
ready to go to sleep, and sing to her. That doesn't work. I've
tried cuddling and singing to her before she goes, and that doesn't
work. I just worry that she won't ever be able to leave mom. I mean,
I don't want her to be 20 and still need me. Should I keep singing
and laying with her at night or should I start insisting that she
learn to sleep without me?
marji
At 04:39 10/5/02 +0000, kayb85 wrote:
wonderful metaphor for me when I was getting ready to give birth all those
nearly eight years ago! She wanted me to respect the labor process and
understand that not all development happens in ways we can see. So,
although I might be in labor and chugging along and at 5 cm and getting
ready to go into transition soon, but there might be some further
development that has to happen (spiritually, even), and the process could
sort of stop for a while until this other thing catches up. She said that
doctors usually call this "failure to progress," but it really may not
be. Okay, here's the metaphor she gave me: She said that all the apples
ripen on an apple tree, but not all at the same time.
My point is this: Our kids are all moving along in a progression of sorts,
but not everyone moves at the same rate. Because we humans like to
quantify things, we might say that some kid is "developmentally delayed,"
but I don't agree entirely with that.
This is just my guess, but on some level your daughter may need you because
she is still working on some aspect of her Self. If you can be patient
(and it sounds like you are wonderfully patient) to continue to allow her
to unfold in her time--the way a blossom is allowed to unfold--I think she
will get to the point where she is feeling independent enough to do her own
bedtime routine, and one day she'll sleep over other folks' houses and get
married and all sorts of stuff (good stuff!) that you can't even imagine
now! <G>
In the meantime, it sounds like a wonderful bedtime routine you guys have
going! (Sorry this is so long!)
~marji~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>I'm wondering what everyone's input is on older kids who can't get toHere's my (long-winded) take on the subject: My Bradley instructor had a
>sleep without mom. My daughter is 9, and is used to me laying with
>her, talking with her and praying with her, and singing the same two
>songs every night before she goes to sleep. I don't mind doing this
>at all, but I'm wondering if I should be worried about her. <snip>...I mean,
>I don't want her to be 20 and still need me. Should I keep singing
>and laying with her at night or should I start insisting that she
>learn to sleep without me?
wonderful metaphor for me when I was getting ready to give birth all those
nearly eight years ago! She wanted me to respect the labor process and
understand that not all development happens in ways we can see. So,
although I might be in labor and chugging along and at 5 cm and getting
ready to go into transition soon, but there might be some further
development that has to happen (spiritually, even), and the process could
sort of stop for a while until this other thing catches up. She said that
doctors usually call this "failure to progress," but it really may not
be. Okay, here's the metaphor she gave me: She said that all the apples
ripen on an apple tree, but not all at the same time.
My point is this: Our kids are all moving along in a progression of sorts,
but not everyone moves at the same rate. Because we humans like to
quantify things, we might say that some kid is "developmentally delayed,"
but I don't agree entirely with that.
This is just my guess, but on some level your daughter may need you because
she is still working on some aspect of her Self. If you can be patient
(and it sounds like you are wonderfully patient) to continue to allow her
to unfold in her time--the way a blossom is allowed to unfold--I think she
will get to the point where she is feeling independent enough to do her own
bedtime routine, and one day she'll sleep over other folks' houses and get
married and all sorts of stuff (good stuff!) that you can't even imagine
now! <G>
In the meantime, it sounds like a wonderful bedtime routine you guys have
going! (Sorry this is so long!)
~marji~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tami Labig Duquette
My Daughter is 9 yo, she still sleeps in the family bed. I am not concerned
at all, her brother is 12 and sometimes he will come sleep with us, my
oldest 13 yo, sometimes she does as well(although rare, but she has that
option). When I was little, I wasnt allowed, bad dreams, being scared, didnt
matter. So I allow this luxury to our children. I guess some might find it
wrong, or blah blah, but we as a family do not.
Peace, Tami
at all, her brother is 12 and sometimes he will come sleep with us, my
oldest 13 yo, sometimes she does as well(although rare, but she has that
option). When I was little, I wasnt allowed, bad dreams, being scared, didnt
matter. So I allow this luxury to our children. I guess some might find it
wrong, or blah blah, but we as a family do not.
Peace, Tami
----- Original Message -----
From: "marji" <marji@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, October 05, 2002 1:03 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] older kids needing mom to get to sleep
> At 04:39 10/5/02 +0000, kayb85 wrote:
> >I'm wondering what everyone's input is on older kids who can't get to
> >sleep without mom. My daughter is 9, and is used to me laying with
> >her, talking with her and praying with her, and singing the same two
> >songs every night before she goes to sleep. I don't mind doing this
> >at all, but I'm wondering if I should be worried about her. <snip>...I
mean,
> >I don't want her to be 20 and still need me. Should I keep singing
> >and laying with her at night or should I start insisting that she
> >learn to sleep without me?
Deborah Lewis
Wow! This was wonderful!
Deb L
***Here's my (long-winded) take on the subject: My Bradley instructor
had a
wonderful metaphor for me when I was getting ready to give birth all
those
nearly eight years ago! She wanted me to respect the labor process and
understand that not all development happens in ways we can see. So,
although I might be in labor and chugging along and at 5 cm and getting
ready to go into transition soon, but there might be some further
development that has to happen (spiritually, even), and the process could
sort of stop for a while until this other thing catches up. She said
that
doctors usually call this "failure to progress," but it really may not
be. Okay, here's the metaphor she gave me: She said that all the apples
ripen on an apple tree, but not all at the same time.
My point is this: Our kids are all moving along in a progression of
sorts,
but not everyone moves at the same rate. Because we humans like to
quantify things, we might say that some kid is "developmentally delayed,"
but I don't agree entirely with that.
This is just my guess, but on some level your daughter may need you
because
she is still working on some aspect of her Self. If you can be patient
(and it sounds like you are wonderfully patient) to continue to allow her
to unfold in her time--the way a blossom is allowed to unfold--I think
she
will get to the point where she is feeling independent enough to do her
own
bedtime routine, and one day she'll sleep over other folks' houses and
get
married and all sorts of stuff (good stuff!) that you can't even imagine
now! <G>
In the meantime, it sounds like a wonderful bedtime routine you guys have
going! (Sorry this is so long!)***
~marji~
Deb L
***Here's my (long-winded) take on the subject: My Bradley instructor
had a
wonderful metaphor for me when I was getting ready to give birth all
those
nearly eight years ago! She wanted me to respect the labor process and
understand that not all development happens in ways we can see. So,
although I might be in labor and chugging along and at 5 cm and getting
ready to go into transition soon, but there might be some further
development that has to happen (spiritually, even), and the process could
sort of stop for a while until this other thing catches up. She said
that
doctors usually call this "failure to progress," but it really may not
be. Okay, here's the metaphor she gave me: She said that all the apples
ripen on an apple tree, but not all at the same time.
My point is this: Our kids are all moving along in a progression of
sorts,
but not everyone moves at the same rate. Because we humans like to
quantify things, we might say that some kid is "developmentally delayed,"
but I don't agree entirely with that.
This is just my guess, but on some level your daughter may need you
because
she is still working on some aspect of her Self. If you can be patient
(and it sounds like you are wonderfully patient) to continue to allow her
to unfold in her time--the way a blossom is allowed to unfold--I think
she
will get to the point where she is feeling independent enough to do her
own
bedtime routine, and one day she'll sleep over other folks' houses and
get
married and all sorts of stuff (good stuff!) that you can't even imagine
now! <G>
In the meantime, it sounds like a wonderful bedtime routine you guys have
going! (Sorry this is so long!)***
~marji~
Troy Brown
My kids are 8, almost 10, and almost 12. More often than not, they sleep on
the floor in my room. My 9 y.o. daughter is usually on the floor right next
to my bed; she likes to hold my hand as she falls asleep. I don't have a
problem with this. Physical affection is a very real need, whether you are
two years old or 20-I know that if they're getting these needs met by me and
my husband, they won't be looking to have them met somewhere else.
I've always gotten grief from others about 'holding my kids too much'-more
when they were little-but *I* know that I'm doing the right thing. Plus, I
like it, too!
The bedtime problems do get better. Bedtimes were a nightmare when they
were little, partly because I worked evenings, but over the years I
developed the attitude that as long as they didn't disrupt *my* sleep, (In
other words, as long as they aren't tossing and turning and hogging the
covers!) they were welcome in my bed, or on the floor. We've tried every
arrangement imaginable-mattresses on the floor, cots, etc. Now they just
bring in their sleeping bags. I'm planning to get the biggest king-sized
bed I can find, now that they're bigger.
I'm, frankly, happy that my 11 y.o. ds wants to be in my room; he likes to
come in and read at night while I'm watching tv or reading. Other kids his
age are getting into girls, and we all know how young some kids are starting
to have sex. I'm not about to turn him away.
There are some nights when my husband and I tell them to sleep somewhere
else, and they're usually OK with that. I think back to my child psych
class, and how infants and toddlers need to develop trust; I think the same
is true of older kids. When they need (or want) us, and we turn them away,
how are they supposed to trust us? Or trust their own feelings, for that
matter?
Troy
_________________________________________________________________
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the floor in my room. My 9 y.o. daughter is usually on the floor right next
to my bed; she likes to hold my hand as she falls asleep. I don't have a
problem with this. Physical affection is a very real need, whether you are
two years old or 20-I know that if they're getting these needs met by me and
my husband, they won't be looking to have them met somewhere else.
I've always gotten grief from others about 'holding my kids too much'-more
when they were little-but *I* know that I'm doing the right thing. Plus, I
like it, too!
The bedtime problems do get better. Bedtimes were a nightmare when they
were little, partly because I worked evenings, but over the years I
developed the attitude that as long as they didn't disrupt *my* sleep, (In
other words, as long as they aren't tossing and turning and hogging the
covers!) they were welcome in my bed, or on the floor. We've tried every
arrangement imaginable-mattresses on the floor, cots, etc. Now they just
bring in their sleeping bags. I'm planning to get the biggest king-sized
bed I can find, now that they're bigger.
I'm, frankly, happy that my 11 y.o. ds wants to be in my room; he likes to
come in and read at night while I'm watching tv or reading. Other kids his
age are getting into girls, and we all know how young some kids are starting
to have sex. I'm not about to turn him away.
There are some nights when my husband and I tell them to sleep somewhere
else, and they're usually OK with that. I think back to my child psych
class, and how infants and toddlers need to develop trust; I think the same
is true of older kids. When they need (or want) us, and we turn them away,
how are they supposed to trust us? Or trust their own feelings, for that
matter?
Troy
_________________________________________________________________
Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com
marji
Thanks, Deb! You made me smile!
Marji
P.S. I really like your posts very much, too!
At 07:14 10/5/02 -0600, Deb L wrote:
Marji
P.S. I really like your posts very much, too!
At 07:14 10/5/02 -0600, Deb L wrote:
>Wow! This was wonderful![Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Deb L
>
>
>***Here's my (long-winded) take on the subject: My Bradley instructor
>had a
>wonderful metaphor for me when I was getting ready to give birth all
>those
>nearly eight years ago! She wanted me to respect the labor process and
>understand that not all development happens in ways we can see. So,
>although I might be in labor and chugging along and at 5 cm and getting
>ready to go into transition soon, but there might be some further
>development that has to happen (spiritually, even), and the process could
>
>sort of stop for a while until this other thing catches up. She said
>that
>doctors usually call this "failure to progress," but it really may not
>be. Okay, here's the metaphor she gave me: She said that all the apples
>
>ripen on an apple tree, but not all at the same time....
MO Milligans
At 04:39 AM 10/5/02 +0000, kayb85 wrote:
Our daughter didn't sleep in a bedroom by herself until after she was nine
(she's now almost 10). But she still comes and sleeps in our bed from time
to time. I don't personally think you have anything to worry about :-)
Todd
-------------------------------------
"Despite the high cost of living
it's still extremely popular!"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
>I'm wondering what everyone's input is on older kids who can't get to==
>sleep without mom. My daughter is 9, and is used to me laying with
>her, talking with her and praying with her, and singing the same two
>songs every night before she goes to sleep. I don't mind doing this
>at all, but I'm wondering if I should be worried about her.
Our daughter didn't sleep in a bedroom by herself until after she was nine
(she's now almost 10). But she still comes and sleeps in our bed from time
to time. I don't personally think you have anything to worry about :-)
Todd
-------------------------------------
"Despite the high cost of living
it's still extremely popular!"
http://rambleman.tripod.com/index.html
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/4/02 10:40:38 PM, sheran@... writes:
<< I just worry that she won't ever be able to leave mom. I mean,
I don't want her to be 20 and still need me. Should I keep singing
and laying with her at night >>
I would.
She'll grow out of it.
Not spending the night away at her age isn't so bad.
<< I just worry that she won't ever be able to leave mom. I mean,
I don't want her to be 20 and still need me. Should I keep singing
and laying with her at night >>
I would.
She'll grow out of it.
Not spending the night away at her age isn't so bad.
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/4/02 10:40:38 PM, sheran@... writes:
<< Should I keep singing
and laying with her at night or should I start insisting that she
learn to sleep without me? >>
OH!
Consider taping your voice. We did that sometimes. I taped reading a book,
and I have a tape of me doing ballads and there were times I wasn't around
and Marty went to sleep by the mom tapes.
Sandra
<< Should I keep singing
and laying with her at night or should I start insisting that she
learn to sleep without me? >>
OH!
Consider taping your voice. We did that sometimes. I taped reading a book,
and I have a tape of me doing ballads and there were times I wasn't around
and Marty went to sleep by the mom tapes.
Sandra