Alan & Brenda Leonard

> Every single time I go into town or to family's house, I get some variation or
> the question "Aren't you done yet?". I've yet to see a happy or even accepting
> face when I answer "nope, not yet".

I think that being "out of the ordinary" is what people have trouble with.

I have one child, and will never have another from my body. Now that my son
is 6, people have finally stopped asking so often when I'm going to have
another. We've looked into adopting, but we want an older child, and would
like Tim a little older before we go that route. Telling people that gets
me all the adoption horror stories. People seem to have a hard time with
the idea that virtually all adoptions are happy and uneventful, and that
adopted children by and large do *not* grow up to be ax murderers!

I'm becomming convinced that unless you have two children, preferably one of
each gender, born of your own body, and then stop, you're wierd in the eyes
of the world. (oh well, who cares, right? It's whatever is right for your
family.)

brenda

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/4/02 11:05:36 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< Telling people that gets
me all the adoption horror stories. People seem to have a hard time with
the idea that virtually all adoptions are happy and uneventful, and that
adopted children by and large do *not* grow up to be ax murderers! >>

Well.....I agree that people shouldn't fill you up with negativity when you
tell them your plans.
BUT, I was raised with three adopted siblings, and while two of them would be
considered "happy/uneventful" by the outside world, the damage within our
family was pretty tough.
Adopting older children is a huge responsibility, and they often have
problems you won't know about until well into the venture.

Ren, been there

Elissa Cleaveland

People seem to
> have a hard time with
> the idea that virtually all adoptions are happy and
> uneventful, and that
> adopted children by and large do *not* grow up to be
> ax murderers!

But they may grow up to be hippies who live in a yurt!
My dad may argue over which is worse!
LOL
Elissa Jill


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[email protected]

In a message dated 10/5/02 5:11:36 AM, starsuncloud@... writes:

<< << Telling people that gets
me all the adoption horror stories. People seem to have a hard time with
the idea that virtually all adoptions are happy and uneventful, and that
adopted children by and large do *not* grow up to be ax murderers! >>
>>

"Virtually all" suggests the adoption horror stories are lies.

I know as many bad stories as good, and I know lots which turned out
imperfectly if you look at them from 30-year perspectives, and not just count
five year olds, ten year olds, etc.

<<BUT, I was raised with three adopted siblings, and while two of them would
be
considered "happy/uneventful" by the outside world, the damage within our
family was pretty tough.>>

I know a family now with three adopted of five. The two natural children are
lost in the shuffle (the nicest way to say that). My parents raised two
cousins along with me and my sister. One did will. The other never did,
rarely had a good day, did not do well with her life, still hasn't, much
badness. She "sexualized" my little sister, in our home.

Not an infant adoption, so doesn't count in some ways.

I know an adopted child who caused her parents all the problems they ever
had. They had charmed lives, sweet marriage, three really very interesting,
honest, energetic boys, and adopted a girl who was mean, sneaky, has been
arrested several times, and last I knew didn't seem very grateful at all.
But they were good Catholics and saw it as doing something for Jesus, so they
were not regretful.

Ignoring the potential problems isn't good for the kids one already has.

Sandra