Rachel Ann

There are ways around this. Have the child with someone else that day. Make sure a friend the child likes to play with is there. Meet only as adults, when dhs can take over. Have a way that the children don't have to interreact much; a video for instance that both like to watch. Or two different rooms to play two different games. Make sure the older child's room is off limits to the younger ones.

It doesn't usually have to be one person's way or the other...

be well,
Rachel Ann
----- Original Message -----
From: starsuncloud@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, October 02, 2002 9:50 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 2425


In a message dated 10/2/02 1:00:32 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< My seven year old would at times get
quite fed up with my friend's twin four year olds and say similar things. I
told him to live with it as their Mother is my friendT and they are my
friends and he can play in a different room if he doesn't want to be around
them when they are visiting.
>>

That's not the most sympathetic response "live with it" in regards to a
situation in which the child has very little control.
Is it really the end of the world to take a break from some friends for a few
months? In order to save a child's esteem?
Saying "I don't like ABC" or whatever people they've decided to announce
they don't like is fairly common at a young age.
Often it has to do with the fact that they are figuring out autonomy. They
can say it, so they do! I would take it seriously, but also remember it may
be a developmental stage in which the child is figuring out what he really
does and doesn't like.
Or that he can say powerful things.
But the other child should not have to suffer hurt feelings over it all the
time.
Parent's are required to put children first in this situation I believe.
Just as we are in a lot of situations.
It doesn't mean giving up our personal needs, it may mean putting them on
hold for the better good.
If a person isn't willing to give up their own needs to place a child's first
many, many times, they aren't ready to be parents.

"
Also, asking a child to give a reason for not liking someone can be like
asking for the moon. Analyzing one's feelings is something that even adults
find hard"

I agree.
Especially if, as I mentioned above, the child is merely trying out the ways
in which he can wield some power.
Or test out reactions.
But I would always try to have a respectful reaction.

Ren



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