Another newbie delurking
Stephanie Elms
Hi everyone. I have been lurking around here for about 3-4 months and figured that I
should probably introduce myself, especially since I will probably be posting with
questions pretty soon! My name is Stephanie, married to dh Jeff and we have two boys,
Jason (5.5 yo, will be 6 in Dec) and Kyle (2.5 will be 3 in Feb). Jason did go to
a very relaxed play-based preschool for 2 years (2.5 hrs 3 days/week the first year
and 4 days/week the second). At that time I had just started really considering hsing
and last year I still had not convinced Jeff. Finally convinced him and here we are.
I have to admit that I am having very similar feelings as I did when I found an
Attachment Parenting board when my oldest was a year old. I was amazed to find
that there were people who were raising kids the way that my heart was telling
me too and that they weren't spoiling or ruining them like everyone told me that
I would LOL! I met my first hsers online at that site and at the time thought
that it was great for others, but not for me. But as time went on, I realized
that I couldn't not hs - it just makes too much sense to me and seems like
a natural extension of my parenting.
I started researching online, trying to get a feel for curriculums and options.
Read tons and tons of books. Even checked out 100 EZ lessons for teaching your
child to read but couldn't get past the directions that said that I had to read
the pages *exactly* as they were written or I would mess it up. I decided that
even if it might work for Jason it was just too structured for *me*! I found
unschooling.com a few months ago and have been reading the archives like crazy.
I can't tell you how many Ah-Ha! moments I have been having. My hubby thinks that
I have lost it because I have been staying up late just reading, reading and
reading. Trying to take it all in. I feel pretty comfortable with unschooling,
although I am finding that I still need to work on my mental checklists...I
am still seeing things in semi-schoolish terms. But I think that will change
with time and seeing my boys continue to blossom. What I am really trying to
wrap my mind around is letting go and trusting the boys in other areas. I just
removed all restrictions on tv 2 weeks ago (wasn't much to remove...when Jason was
younger, we had a 1 hr limit, which had gradually changed to a no tv in the morning
rule). So far, so good I think....I may post more about this later. I really
want to get rid of the restrictions on junk food (this is a major issue lately)
but hubby will take a little more convincing. I am also actively looking at other
ways that I try to control the boys and rethinking what I am trying to accomplish.
The funny thing is that I have always been one of the most relaxed (when it comes
to rules) moms of all my friends! I don't use "time outs" (although I do remove
Jason from a situation if needed and try to help him calm down), don't force my
kids to say sorry (although Jason is actually pretty good about doing this himself),
and generally try to limit my nos. This list has helped me realize that I really
can do an even better job at that. I think that I read someone here (or on
the boards) who posted about trying to be an advocate for their child to get what they
want out of life, rather then being the person who stands in their way. This really
spoke to me.
Well, this is getting long. I have so much I want to say and so little time to say it
in! I definitely have lots of questions as I try to sort through everything. I still have
a long way to go, but I am getting there, I think. The thing that really gets me is how
much *fun* this is! I feel so guilty some days, especially when I talk with my friends
with kids in school. But they all think that I am nuts anyway...
Thanks for reading so far and thank you for sharing this wonderful way of life with me!
Stephanie in Virginia (Yes another one! Hi guys!)
should probably introduce myself, especially since I will probably be posting with
questions pretty soon! My name is Stephanie, married to dh Jeff and we have two boys,
Jason (5.5 yo, will be 6 in Dec) and Kyle (2.5 will be 3 in Feb). Jason did go to
a very relaxed play-based preschool for 2 years (2.5 hrs 3 days/week the first year
and 4 days/week the second). At that time I had just started really considering hsing
and last year I still had not convinced Jeff. Finally convinced him and here we are.
I have to admit that I am having very similar feelings as I did when I found an
Attachment Parenting board when my oldest was a year old. I was amazed to find
that there were people who were raising kids the way that my heart was telling
me too and that they weren't spoiling or ruining them like everyone told me that
I would LOL! I met my first hsers online at that site and at the time thought
that it was great for others, but not for me. But as time went on, I realized
that I couldn't not hs - it just makes too much sense to me and seems like
a natural extension of my parenting.
I started researching online, trying to get a feel for curriculums and options.
Read tons and tons of books. Even checked out 100 EZ lessons for teaching your
child to read but couldn't get past the directions that said that I had to read
the pages *exactly* as they were written or I would mess it up. I decided that
even if it might work for Jason it was just too structured for *me*! I found
unschooling.com a few months ago and have been reading the archives like crazy.
I can't tell you how many Ah-Ha! moments I have been having. My hubby thinks that
I have lost it because I have been staying up late just reading, reading and
reading. Trying to take it all in. I feel pretty comfortable with unschooling,
although I am finding that I still need to work on my mental checklists...I
am still seeing things in semi-schoolish terms. But I think that will change
with time and seeing my boys continue to blossom. What I am really trying to
wrap my mind around is letting go and trusting the boys in other areas. I just
removed all restrictions on tv 2 weeks ago (wasn't much to remove...when Jason was
younger, we had a 1 hr limit, which had gradually changed to a no tv in the morning
rule). So far, so good I think....I may post more about this later. I really
want to get rid of the restrictions on junk food (this is a major issue lately)
but hubby will take a little more convincing. I am also actively looking at other
ways that I try to control the boys and rethinking what I am trying to accomplish.
The funny thing is that I have always been one of the most relaxed (when it comes
to rules) moms of all my friends! I don't use "time outs" (although I do remove
Jason from a situation if needed and try to help him calm down), don't force my
kids to say sorry (although Jason is actually pretty good about doing this himself),
and generally try to limit my nos. This list has helped me realize that I really
can do an even better job at that. I think that I read someone here (or on
the boards) who posted about trying to be an advocate for their child to get what they
want out of life, rather then being the person who stands in their way. This really
spoke to me.
Well, this is getting long. I have so much I want to say and so little time to say it
in! I definitely have lots of questions as I try to sort through everything. I still have
a long way to go, but I am getting there, I think. The thing that really gets me is how
much *fun* this is! I feel so guilty some days, especially when I talk with my friends
with kids in school. But they all think that I am nuts anyway...
Thanks for reading so far and thank you for sharing this wonderful way of life with me!
Stephanie in Virginia (Yes another one! Hi guys!)
[email protected]
<< I have lost it because I have been staying up late just reading, reading
and
reading. Trying to take it all in. >>
My kids do that! When they get a new game, or kit or something, they will
become engrossed for hours. It's a GOOD thing! Tell him that.
What's the last thing he got really interested in? Something new he had or
was doing?
<<I am still seeing things in semi-schoolish terms. But I think that will
change
with time and seeing my boys continue to blossom.>>
It will change, you're right.
-=-The thing that really gets me is how
much *fun* this is! I feel so guilty some days,-=-
Me too.
Sandra
and
reading. Trying to take it all in. >>
My kids do that! When they get a new game, or kit or something, they will
become engrossed for hours. It's a GOOD thing! Tell him that.
What's the last thing he got really interested in? Something new he had or
was doing?
<<I am still seeing things in semi-schoolish terms. But I think that will
change
with time and seeing my boys continue to blossom.>>
It will change, you're right.
-=-The thing that really gets me is how
much *fun* this is! I feel so guilty some days,-=-
Me too.
Sandra
Jennifer Green
Hi Stefanie, I just wanted to tell you how beautiful your post was. It gives me warm fuzzies when yet another human "gets it" about unschooling. You will do great.
Jen
Jen
----- Original Message -----
From: Stephanie Elms
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, September 23, 2002 10:33 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Another newbie delurking
Hi everyone. I have been lurking around here for about 3-4 months and figured that I
should probably introduce myself, especially since I will probably be posting with
questions pretty soon! My name is Stephanie, married to dh Jeff and we have two boys,
Jason (5.5 yo, will be 6 in Dec) and Kyle (2.5 will be 3 in Feb). Jason did go to
a very relaxed play-based preschool for 2 years (2.5 hrs 3 days/week the first year
and 4 days/week the second). At that time I had just started really considering hsing
and last year I still had not convinced Jeff. Finally convinced him and here we are.
I have to admit that I am having very similar feelings as I did when I found an
Attachment Parenting board when my oldest was a year old. I was amazed to find
that there were people who were raising kids the way that my heart was telling
me too and that they weren't spoiling or ruining them like everyone told me that
I would LOL! I met my first hsers online at that site and at the time thought
that it was great for others, but not for me. But as time went on, I realized
that I couldn't not hs - it just makes too much sense to me and seems like
a natural extension of my parenting.
I started researching online, trying to get a feel for curriculums and options.
Read tons and tons of books. Even checked out 100 EZ lessons for teaching your
child to read but couldn't get past the directions that said that I had to read
the pages *exactly* as they were written or I would mess it up. I decided that
even if it might work for Jason it was just too structured for *me*! I found
unschooling.com a few months ago and have been reading the archives like crazy.
I can't tell you how many Ah-Ha! moments I have been having. My hubby thinks that
I have lost it because I have been staying up late just reading, reading and
reading. Trying to take it all in. I feel pretty comfortable with unschooling,
although I am finding that I still need to work on my mental checklists...I
am still seeing things in semi-schoolish terms. But I think that will change
with time and seeing my boys continue to blossom. What I am really trying to
wrap my mind around is letting go and trusting the boys in other areas. I just
removed all restrictions on tv 2 weeks ago (wasn't much to remove...when Jason was
younger, we had a 1 hr limit, which had gradually changed to a no tv in the morning
rule). So far, so good I think....I may post more about this later. I really
want to get rid of the restrictions on junk food (this is a major issue lately)
but hubby will take a little more convincing. I am also actively looking at other
ways that I try to control the boys and rethinking what I am trying to accomplish.
The funny thing is that I have always been one of the most relaxed (when it comes
to rules) moms of all my friends! I don't use "time outs" (although I do remove
Jason from a situation if needed and try to help him calm down), don't force my
kids to say sorry (although Jason is actually pretty good about doing this himself),
and generally try to limit my nos. This list has helped me realize that I really
can do an even better job at that. I think that I read someone here (or on
the boards) who posted about trying to be an advocate for their child to get what they
want out of life, rather then being the person who stands in their way. This really
spoke to me.
Well, this is getting long. I have so much I want to say and so little time to say it
in! I definitely have lots of questions as I try to sort through everything. I still have
a long way to go, but I am getting there, I think. The thing that really gets me is how
much *fun* this is! I feel so guilty some days, especially when I talk with my friends
with kids in school. But they all think that I am nuts anyway...
Thanks for reading so far and thank you for sharing this wonderful way of life with me!
Stephanie in Virginia (Yes another one! Hi guys!)
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Mary Bianco
>From: "Stephanie Elms" <stephanie.elms@...><<What I am really trying to
wrap my mind around is letting go and trusting the boys in other areas. I
just removed all restrictions on tv 2 weeks ago (wasn't much to
remove...when Jason was younger, we had a 1 hr limit, which had gradually
changed to a no tv in the morning rule). So far, so good I think....I may
post more about this later. I really
want to get rid of the restrictions on junk food (this is a major issue
lately) but hubby will take a little more convincing.>>
Hi Stephanie,
Sounds like you are off to a great start. The whole trusting your boys issue
will come with time. Some people seem to get it right away, although I think
everyone has their doubts in some way or another every now and then. The
important thing is to not act on it right away and you usually find the kids
are fine before you get too much of a chance to really think about your
decision. If there is a restriction you are thinking of eliminating, I guess
the best thing is to just jump right in there. Easing into it really defeats
the purpose. I struggled with this recently when it was regarding my oldest
and her having a curfew. I was sweating it out, more so because of what my
husband would have said. He was dead set against me lifting it. Luckily she
has been great about it and very responsible. My husband even acknowledged
that I was right and he was wrong. Of course I made it seem like I had all
the confidence in the world, but secretly I was wondering myself!!!!
And as far as I'm concerned, just because you try something out, if it gets
too uncomfortable for you, that doesn't mean you have to still do it.
As many times as my kids pick their own dinners, I do have dinners at other
times that we all sit down and eat the same thing. Mind you I don't make
something that we all won't like, but I do make the decision for us to do it
all together. And I could also say we don't have set bedtimes, but I do
suggest when I see them getting tired that they get some sleep. And that is
because I don't like them sleeping until noon because we won't get out and
doing things that we all enjoy doing. So there are ways to let them decide
and have more of a free rein without making it uncomfortable for one parent
or the other.
Enjoy and have fun.
Mary B
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In a message dated 9/24/02 11:54:05 AM, mummyone24@... writes:
<< He was dead set against me lifting it. Luckily she
has been great about it and very responsible. My husband even acknowledged
that I was right and he was wrong. Of course I made it seem like I had all
the confidence in the world, but secretly I was wondering myself!!!!
Kirby was away for the weekend, at an anime convention in Denver. I expected
him back sometime late in the day Monday, or that night.
Monday (yesterday) I got up and came to the computer to find a little folder
from a Holiday Inn with a room number, an e-mail confirmation printout I
know he took with him, and to see he was the last one on AOL. That was
cool, knowing he was in the next room and a whole day early! <g>
Holly and Marty had still been awake when he got home at 1:00 a.m.
1:00 p.m. he got up and told us all stories for hours, showed us photos on
the webpage, showed us the things he had bought, paid me $70 he owed me
because he had saved and taken more money than he needed to spend, asked me
to cut his hair off (that was unexpected), and then went to the gaming shop
where he works. Even though he had the day off, he usually runs the anime
gaming session Monday from 4:30 to 6:30, and he went by just to voluntarily
help out.
That is what can happen when you let a sixteen year old have a lot of freedom.
Sandra
<< He was dead set against me lifting it. Luckily she
has been great about it and very responsible. My husband even acknowledged
that I was right and he was wrong. Of course I made it seem like I had all
the confidence in the world, but secretly I was wondering myself!!!!
>>woohoo!! glad that worked out well!
Kirby was away for the weekend, at an anime convention in Denver. I expected
him back sometime late in the day Monday, or that night.
Monday (yesterday) I got up and came to the computer to find a little folder
from a Holiday Inn with a room number, an e-mail confirmation printout I
know he took with him, and to see he was the last one on AOL. That was
cool, knowing he was in the next room and a whole day early! <g>
Holly and Marty had still been awake when he got home at 1:00 a.m.
1:00 p.m. he got up and told us all stories for hours, showed us photos on
the webpage, showed us the things he had bought, paid me $70 he owed me
because he had saved and taken more money than he needed to spend, asked me
to cut his hair off (that was unexpected), and then went to the gaming shop
where he works. Even though he had the day off, he usually runs the anime
gaming session Monday from 4:30 to 6:30, and he went by just to voluntarily
help out.
That is what can happen when you let a sixteen year old have a lot of freedom.
Sandra
Mary Bianco
>From: SandraDodd@...Yeah Sandra, I'm glad that worked too! Thanks for the vote of confidence
>woohoo!! glad that worked out well!
>That is what can happen when you let a sixteen year old have a lot of
>freedom.
>
before I actually made the decision. I was just so afraid, being that Tara
is not homeschooled, that it would back fire on me. Let's face it, she was
raised different from early on and had under gone quite a few life altering
experiences because of that. Plus, even though I've seen her change for the
better in the past year, peer pressure is still greatly on my mind and in
her daily life. I really do think my husband and I both will be very
different with the other 3 when they get to that age because of the natural
progression of how things are going.
In the meantime, things are going better than ever and we are all happy!!!
Thanks again.
Mary B
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Stephanie Elms
> My kids do that! When they get a new game, or kit orI keep telling him that! LOL! Actually I have been trying to fill him in
> something, they will
> become engrossed for hours. It's a GOOD thing! Tell him that.
on bits that I have been reading. Slowly trying to prepare him for where
I am headed. I have found in the past that I have to drag him kicking
and screaming sometimes, but he eventually comes around. Just drives me
nuts in the meantime. He still is not 100% convinced about hsing (much
less unschooling) but he did support me when my dad (who is NOT happy
about me hsing) talked to him. He told my dad that "his daughter is
a smart woman who was perfectly capable of teaching our children and
that he trusts my judgment". Blew me over when I found out. :o) Now if
I can just get him to trust me on trusting the kids....
>He is really into computers. He and his partner started an info tech consulting
> What's the last thing he got really interested in? Something
> new he had or
> was doing?
>
company around the time Jason was born and he acts as the CIO. So his hobby happens
to be work related...I keep trying to have him make the connection that hsing is
my "work", so my online time researching is just as "valid". But I also have some
hobby related email lists (I enjoy rubber stamping) and a wonderful email list
of friends from the ap board I mentioned earlier. Time spent on these lists are
just as "valid" to me. It was this realization that has made it easier for me
to accept that Jason's computer games are just as "valid" to him.
Stephanie in Virginia
Stephanie Elms
> Hi Stefanie, I just wanted to tell you how beautiful yourThanks Jen. I hope I get it anyway. Definitely getting there. I know that I
> post was. It gives me warm fuzzies when yet another human
> "gets it" about unschooling. You will do great.
still have lots of questions as I sort things through.
Stephanie in Virginia
Stephanie Elms
> and then. TheYeah...this makes sense. The whole idea is that the kids know that it
> important thing is to not act on it right away and you
> usually find the kids
> are fine before you get too much of a chance to really think
> about your
> decision. If there is a restriction you are thinking of
> eliminating, I guess
> the best thing is to just jump right in there. Easing into it
> really defeats
> the purpose.
is truly their decision which is not possible if you ease in (which
means keeping some control). It is funny...I got rid of all tv rules
about 2 weeks ago. Things have been going pretty well. I have found that
if I go outside to work in the yard or suggest that we do something together
they are more likely to turn off the tv and join me then before when we
had restrictions (when nothing I said could get them to join me if they
were watching tv, I guess because they knew that they only had a short time
to watch). I have also noticed that Jason (my oldest) does not sit absolutely
glued to the tv anymore...he is more likely to be playing with his legos or
other toys while watching. However, yesterday, I woke up with this nagging
feeling...it bothered me that the boys no longer played cars or other things
with each other in the morning, but rather just watched tv. It also was
bothering me that it seems like every time we walk in the house the tv goes on
first thing. I decided that it was too early to really judge this experiment.
Then the boys ran in and asked me to help set up their train set! They had turned
the tv off and wanted to play trains. :o) Go figure.
Yesterday was actually a very eye opening "unschooling at work" day. It started out
not so great. I was trying to get the kids out of the house so that I could run an
errand (I wanted to get it over with so we could do whatever we wanted the rest of
the day). They were dragging their feet and we did not get going until around 1.
The store we went to was near a Zany Brainy so of course Jason wanted to go. My first
reaction was no, because we had not come out to go there. But then I realized there
really was no real reason not to stop in. So we stopped in to check out the legos.
Didn't know how much money he had at home, plus we have a lego outlet near us, so he
decided to wait before buying anything. Came home. I had thought that we would try to
get together with his best friend since he hasn't seen much of him since school started
but Jason got on the computer. I kept nagging him and getting more and more upset that
he was not doing anything to help get ready to go. Finally realized that it really was
his choice. As soon as I made that realization, the day got much better. I asked
Kyle if he wanted to go outside. I started weeding and Kyle started playing. In about
15 mins Jason came out and started playing with Kyle. Then they helped me dig holes
and I transplanted some plants. Came back in and instead of turning on the tv, Jason
asked me if we could put on some music. He choose my Cats cd (I love broadway shows)
and we moved the coffee table over and they did some great dancing! (we also talked about
what an overture is). While dancing, Kyle (my 2.5 yo) went over to one speaker and put
his head down to listen, ran over to the other speaker and listened, and then went back
to the first one. Jason did the same thing and asked me why sound was coming out of
both speakers. I started playing with the balance which they thought was really cool.
We had dinner and when I added Jason's soccer schedule to the calendar, Jason wanted
to look at it and started naming off the days of the week (he knew sun, mon and tues).
Then after dinner Kyle found my calculator and was punching random numbers into it. Jason
asked me what the number was...it was -2.34556 or something like that. Then Jason
wanted to know what a negative number was. I went and googled it and found an explanation
with a number line, so we talked about it a little while. SO basically once I gave up
control of the day it went great LOL!
I am just absolutely amazed at how Jason's mind works. The things that he ponders.
He wanted to know that other day how metal was made. He will ask me from out of the
blue if 3+3 makes 6 and then go back to whatever he was doing.
> I struggled with this recently when it wasI remember you debating this. I am glad that it went so well!
> regarding my oldest
> and her having a curfew. I was sweating it out, more so
> because of what my
> husband would have said. He was dead set against me lifting
> it. Luckily she
> has been great about it and very responsible. My husband even
> acknowledged
> that I was right and he was wrong. Of course I made it seem
> like I had all
> the confidence in the world, but secretly I was wondering myself!!!!
>Thanks! I am!
> Enjoy and have fun.
>
Stephanie in Virginia
Mary Bianco
>From: "Stephanie Elms" <stephanie.elms@...><<I have also noticed that Jason (my oldest) does not sit absolutely
glued to the tv anymore...he is more likely to be playing with his legos or
other toys while watching. However, yesterday, I woke up with this nagging
feeling...it bothered me that the boys no longer played cars or other things
with each other in the morning, but rather just watched tv. It also was
bothering me that it seems like every time we walk in the house the tv goes
on first thing. I decided that it was too early to really judge this
experiment.
Then the boys ran in and asked me to help set up their train set! They had
turned the tv off and wanted to play trains. :o) Go figure.>>
See, it takes care of itself before you know it!!! And my two middle ones
are like that too with the TV. I notice that it's on and sometimes they
watch and sometimes not, they play and sometimes they do both. Just when I
think they aren't paying attention, I find that they are listening to what
interests them. They do that with what's going on in the house too. The only
thing I ask is that the last one to leave the room turns the TV off. Makes
my noise level around here a little more manageable!! (a little!)
<<Finally realized that it really was his choice. As soon as I made that
realization, the day got much better. SO basically once I gave up
control of the day it went great LOL!>>
Sounds like a great day and also sounds like you have the idea and more
importantly, the kids do too!
<<I am just absolutely amazed at how Jason's mind works. The things that he
ponders.
He wanted to know that other day how metal was made. He will ask me from out
of the
blue if 3+3 makes 6 and then go back to whatever he was doing.>>
Isn't that just great? Sometimes you have to just wonder what goes on in
those little minds. Up pops a question and you wonder where in the world did
that come from and then it's on to something else that fast again. Ahhh, to
be young again!!!
Mary B
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