luv2unskool

My daughter (age 9) has been taking violin lessons for a little more
than a year. When she chose the instrument, she committed to regular
practices. She plays beautifly.

Lately, I have to "remind" her to practice, and of her commitment,
and it's becoming a real pain! I've told her that it is her choice
to continue with the instrument or not, but if she's going to
continue, practice is part of the package deal. I'm paying for
weekly lessons, it doesn't make sense to do that if she's not willing
to put in the practice time. I think she's just bored with it right
now.

She mentions she wants to now play flute, but we shelled out big
bucks for the violin. (Her best friend just changed from playing
piano to violin) I am not willing to keep buying (or renting)
instruments because she's changing her mind like the weather.

What advice can you all give me? I hope she continues with it, she
has a real gift, but I don't want to force it. We're unschooling! I
don't force ANYTHING, I require NOTHING. We switched to unschooling
about 9 months ago, and love it. When we did that, I gave her the
choice about the violin, and she was definately interested, and
committed to practice. I had considered stopping paying for lessons
until she gets interested again, but she'll lose so much if she lets
it slide for a year or more.

Has anyone had children that pursued musical instruments while
unschooling? How did you handle it? Thanks!

Mica

luv2unskool wrote: Lately, I have to "remind" her to practice, and of
her commitment, and it's becoming a real pain! I've told her that it is
her choice to continue with the instrument or not, but if she's going to

continue, practice is part of the package deal. I'm paying for
weekly lessons, it doesn't make sense to do that if she's not willing
to put in the practice time. I think she's just bored with it right
now.

Have you tried a problem-solving session? Outlining all the issues -
what each of you really want from the violin, then together
brainstorming ideas to meet both of your needs? Just to start while
weekly lessons are typical, surely they are not the only way to learn to
play an instrument? One can spend a lot of time trying things out for
oneself, one can watch videos, one can take monthly lessons, or perhaps
a lesson could be booked when your daughter is ready to learn something
new?

I imagine it was a child-size violin? If so, I imagine she will grow
out of it in a few years. In the meantime she may pick it up a few
times - she may or may not pursue it more avidly. It is a fact that
throughout our lives we occasionally wish we had back the money we spent
(on getting to a dud of an event, on wedding dresses, or washed out
holidays) - perhaps the violin may be one of those, but there is no way
to be sure yet. When the violin is eventually grown out of, if you have
no younger children to give it a go, perhaps it might be sold on to
another child who wants to try the violin.

You wrote:
>I had considered stopping paying for lessons
>until she gets interested again, but she'll lose so much if she lets
>it slide for a year or more.

What would she lose? Is it something she can't find again?

Joshua and I took a few violin lessons - his stopped when he lost
interest, mine when the weekly budget required that money for other
things. We hadn't been able to afford to buy violins and had been
hiring them, so now I can't even pick up a violin and give it a go by
myself. Perhaps it would have been a good idea to layby a violin for
myself and forget about the lessons.

I also wish we had a piano in the house so I could play it occasionally.

It isn't easy choosing how to help our kids with their interests -
wanting to try something out can become in a hopeful parent's eyes the
start of a brilliant career! It happened that way for me. And then
there is my frugal side which says - if they aren't serious about it
then it isn't worth the money. Darcy wanted to get taps for his shoes -
I started imagining tap dancing lessons. We have found some tie on taps
and if he asks for actual tap shoes or lessons *then* we shall work out
how to do them. Of course I fear what if I don't offer what they need,
what if I don't spot the latent life-shaping spark that needs to be
blown to develop into a flame for my son? Can anyone answer that for
me?

Mica
ghal9720@...
Stawell, Victoria, Australia

laura90713

>
> Lately, I have to "remind" her to practice, and of her commitment,
> and it's becoming a real pain! I've told her that it is her choice
> to continue with the instrument or not, but if she's going to
> continue, practice is part of the package deal. I'm paying for
> weekly lessons, it doesn't make sense to do that if she's not
willing
> to put in the practice time. I think she's just bored with it
right
> now.

I've had four kids in music lessons. I always had to remind them to
practice. My son became tired of practicing the guitar and would
prefer just having a guitar around to pick up at his leisure. My
oldest daughter tried a few different instruments and regrets giving
up the violin. Actually I took her out because I got tired of telling
her to get ready for her lessons as she sat on the couch or whatever
and wouldn't get her act together, so I removed the frustration from
my life and took her out. Like I said before, she now regrets it and
would like to start up again. My other daughter had to be reminded
and told to practice the piano when she first started, but now she is
in her seventh year of piano and really enjoys playing. She is past
the struggling part, so that makes it much more fun to play. It is
like having a private concert each day!!! My youngest daughter who
will be ten soon started piano and can't stand practicing the first
two days after lessons because it is hard for her. I know she really
wants to play, so I told her she had to practice, or I wasn't going
to continue lessons. It wasn't fair to expect us to pay for lessons
and to take the time and energy on my part to drive her there if she
wasn't going to do her part.
>
> She mentions she wants to now play flute, but we shelled out big
> bucks for the violin. (Her best friend just changed from playing
> piano to violin) I am not willing to keep buying (or renting)
> instruments because she's changing her mind like the weather.

I sympathize with you. My oldest daughter tried the flute, piano and
violin, each reaquiring a rental with the gear that came along with
it. At least we owned the piano! Maybe she could save some $$ from
birthdays or doing small jobs and pay a percentage. This way she has
a vested interest in the matter.
>
I had considered stopping paying for lessons
> until she gets interested again, but she'll lose so much if she
lets
> it slide for a year or more.

Only you know you child's personality. Maybe she just needs a break
for a month! I love different things, but would not want to do them
year round. You get the picture. To do something I like 24/7,
YIKES!!

Laura

zenmomma *

>>Has anyone had children that pursued musical instruments while
unschooling? How did you handle it? Thanks!>>

My kids took piano lessons for a year. They were both into it for awhile and
learned lots of cool stuff about musical notation, harmonies, finger
placement, composers, etc. When they started balking at practicing, we
talked. They dropped it with the option to return at any time. No lesson is
wasted if they child wanted it and got something out of it. IMHO

Life is good.
~Mary


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> Has anyone had children that pursued musical instruments while
> unschooling? How did you handle it? Thanks!

My son took lessons from a very nice high school girl for two years. She
was not strict or bossy and he really loved her. When she went to
college he still liked piano and we tried a different teacher. It didn't
go well. She required homework, a certain amount of practice, lots of
exercises etc, and it just wasn't fun any more. I talked with her
privately to see if she would just let him play and ease off the other
and she said "that's not how we teach piano!" My son decided to quit
those lessons but took lessons again when his former instructor came home
for the summer. He hasn't taken lessons in a year, but he still plays.
He asked me if we could find another student so he could learn some
Christmas songs and I'll call the high school band teacher today and ask
if he knows anyone.

We bought the piano before he was taking lessons. We bought it because
it was old and beautiful and an amazing price. At the time we lived in
the smallest house and we had to put our sofa in the back of my husbands
truck to fit the piano in the living room. We lived with one chair and a
piano bench for two years before we moved into a bigger place. We
actually discoverd a lot of our friends could play a little when the only
place to sit was at the piano. <g>
We bought a used violin so Dylan could mess around with it. He hasn't
wanted lessons but he enjoys it. He's lately playing his recorder and
has asked for bongo drums and we'll find some somewhere I'm sure. He
plays around with his dads guitar sometimes. He has tried my brothers
flute and we rented a piccolo for a while but he never took lessons. I
don't think any of it is a waste. He's getting what he needs for now.

I wouldn't push the practice. Just let her decide the level of
participation she wants right now. Maybe the lessons are still fun and
that can't hurt. Let it be her choice.

We found a clarinet for my niece by calling around to some of the folks
who gave lessons and asking where we could find a used clarinet. One
steered us to a student who had just switched to something else and we
bought a fairly good one for $50.00. It might take a little effort but
you could call music stores and schools and so on and just ask where you
might find a good used flute for a good price. If you have a symphony in
your area call some of the members who play flute and get their ideas.
There are also pawn shops. Maybe renting for a while would be ok, until
she knows for sure.

People with little hands can have a hard time with a flute so visiting a
music store where she could hold one might be good.

Deb L

[email protected]

On Tue, 17 Sep 2002 15:05:26 +1000 "Mica" <ghal9720@...>
writes:
> luv2unskool wrote: Lately, I have to "remind" her to practice, and of
> her commitment, and it's becoming a real pain! I've told her that it
is
> her choice to continue with the instrument or not, but if she's going
to
> continue, practice is part of the package deal.

I've always tried to let things like this be between my child and her
chosen teacher. I'll help, if asked, but I don't feel that making her
practice is my job. If the teacher is willing to continue to give lessons
to someone who doesn't practice regularly (or at all), and the child
still wants to continue with the lessons, then that's fine. If the
teacher isn't, maybe a different teacher would be okay with that set-up,
or maybe lessons from a teacher aren't the right way for her to learn
right then.

Dar