Re: sibling, squabbles, impulse control
[email protected]
Thanks to all who responded (and anyone else who still wants to!) and
reminded me that three is a tough age. I think one thing I've been negligent
of is explaining to my eight year old just how three year olds work (if
anybody really knows!). I've started doing this and Sam says, "Yeah, that's
why he's so stupid!" which pushes my buttons when it's in Nicky's earshot,
but it's better that bowling him over.
I can't remember who said it, but I really appreciate the suggestion that
it's more calming to sit down and do with them whatever project is going on
than to just give it to them and run off. I've been trying that and it's
amazing. It's all about really being present, isn't it?
Mary B. - My 8yo too is whacking first and feeling sorry later. Seems like a
few posters have mentioned seven and eight year olds doing this, so maybe it
is a stage. Always reassuring when it is! I'll also check out Pam S's book
suggestion, but I've really liked (and really need to pull out again) Mary
Sheedy Kurcinka's books, "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "Kids, Parents and
Power Struggles." I think her suggestions are helpful even if you don't
consider your child "spirited." She has lots of strategies for helping kids
bring down their intensity. I also love the Faber and Mazlish books - you
might want to look again. Every time I look at them again I find some
discussion that's exactly on point that I don't remember seeing before, even
though I pull those books out every time I'm driven to tears and I'm always a
better mom for at least a few days afterwards.
-Pam T.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
reminded me that three is a tough age. I think one thing I've been negligent
of is explaining to my eight year old just how three year olds work (if
anybody really knows!). I've started doing this and Sam says, "Yeah, that's
why he's so stupid!" which pushes my buttons when it's in Nicky's earshot,
but it's better that bowling him over.
I can't remember who said it, but I really appreciate the suggestion that
it's more calming to sit down and do with them whatever project is going on
than to just give it to them and run off. I've been trying that and it's
amazing. It's all about really being present, isn't it?
Mary B. - My 8yo too is whacking first and feeling sorry later. Seems like a
few posters have mentioned seven and eight year olds doing this, so maybe it
is a stage. Always reassuring when it is! I'll also check out Pam S's book
suggestion, but I've really liked (and really need to pull out again) Mary
Sheedy Kurcinka's books, "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "Kids, Parents and
Power Struggles." I think her suggestions are helpful even if you don't
consider your child "spirited." She has lots of strategies for helping kids
bring down their intensity. I also love the Faber and Mazlish books - you
might want to look again. Every time I look at them again I find some
discussion that's exactly on point that I don't remember seeing before, even
though I pull those books out every time I'm driven to tears and I'm always a
better mom for at least a few days afterwards.
-Pam T.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Judy
the Gesell institute books,
Your one Year old
Your Two Year old
blah
blah
blah,
While they have some whacked out ideas about separation, etc.- can be
very helpful in explaining developmental issues. I always benefited from
reading them.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/series/-/622/paperback/ref=pd_sbs_b_5/002-5518321-8428066
you can read much of the books on amazon- they have about 2 dozen pages
of each accessible.
-J
warblwarbl@... wrote:
[Image]
[Image]
Your one Year old
Your Two Year old
blah
blah
blah,
While they have some whacked out ideas about separation, etc.- can be
very helpful in explaining developmental issues. I always benefited from
reading them.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/series/-/622/paperback/ref=pd_sbs_b_5/002-5518321-8428066
you can read much of the books on amazon- they have about 2 dozen pages
of each accessible.
-J
warblwarbl@... wrote:
> Thanks to all who responded (and anyone else who still wants to!) andADVERTISEMENT
>
> reminded me that three is a tough age. I think one thing I've been
> negligent
> of is explaining to my eight year old just how three year olds work
> (if
> anybody really knows!). I've started doing this and Sam says, "Yeah,
> that's
> why he's so stupid!" which pushes my buttons when it's in Nicky's
> earshot,
> but it's better that bowling him over.
>
> I can't remember who said it, but I really appreciate the suggestion
> that
> it's more calming to sit down and do with them whatever project is
> going on
> than to just give it to them and run off. I've been trying that and
> it's
> amazing. It's all about really being present, isn't it?
>
> Mary B. - My 8yo too is whacking first and feeling sorry later. Seems
> like a
> few posters have mentioned seven and eight year olds doing this, so
> maybe it
> is a stage. Always reassuring when it is! I'll also check out Pam
> S's book
> suggestion, but I've really liked (and really need to pull out again)
> Mary
> Sheedy Kurcinka's books, "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "Kids,
> Parents and
> Power Struggles." I think her suggestions are helpful even if you
> don't
> consider your child "spirited." She has lots of strategies for
> helping kids
> bring down their intensity. I also love the Faber and Mazlish books -
> you
> might want to look again. Every time I look at them again I find some
>
> discussion that's exactly on point that I don't remember seeing
> before, even
> though I pull those books out every time I'm driven to tears and I'm
> always a
> better mom for at least a few days afterwards.
>
> -Pam T.
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/02 2:16:14 AM, warblwarbl@... writes:
<< I can't remember who said it, but I really appreciate the suggestion that
it's more calming to sit down and do with them whatever project is going on
than to just give it to them and run off. I've been trying that and it's
amazing. It's all about really being present, isn't it? >>
I didn't use those words at first, but looking back I saw that that's what
was having the greatest effect. The past couple of years I've sometimes the
same vocabulary used in American-Buddhist counseling to talk about what helps
unschooling become established. And it's BEING with your children. Being
WITH is the more common emphasis on the thought, in our culture. Heavy on
the "with." But heavier on the BEING is an advantage.
Now those who think the difference between teach and learn is worthless will
think I'm REALLY nuts, making a distinction between "*being* with your child"
and "being *with* your child." But I can't help it. Any kid of being with
helps, though.
My best current already-written thing on that is
http://sandradodd.com/truck
Sandra
<< I can't remember who said it, but I really appreciate the suggestion that
it's more calming to sit down and do with them whatever project is going on
than to just give it to them and run off. I've been trying that and it's
amazing. It's all about really being present, isn't it? >>
I didn't use those words at first, but looking back I saw that that's what
was having the greatest effect. The past couple of years I've sometimes the
same vocabulary used in American-Buddhist counseling to talk about what helps
unschooling become established. And it's BEING with your children. Being
WITH is the more common emphasis on the thought, in our culture. Heavy on
the "with." But heavier on the BEING is an advantage.
Now those who think the difference between teach and learn is worthless will
think I'm REALLY nuts, making a distinction between "*being* with your child"
and "being *with* your child." But I can't help it. Any kid of being with
helps, though.
My best current already-written thing on that is
http://sandradodd.com/truck
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/02 6:04:17 AM, jorganic@... writes:
<< Your one Year old
Your Two Year old
blah
blah
blah,
While they have some whacked out ideas about separation, etc.- can be
very helpful in explaining developmental issues. I always benefited from
reading them. >>
I had a couple of those, and it WAS helpful. Because knowing child
development from the overall, summary level is fine, but to see a BUNCH of
traits and liklihoods and "normalcies" all put in one place helped remind me
that it's the whole large package of what Piaget and Maslow and Freud and
Jung and ALL those guys predicted or observed or measured all poured into one
forty-pound package sometimes that makes the squirmy reality not look like
the text book.
When my kids were first ever going to be around younger kids I would remind
them what that kid could or couldn't or might like to do, what would be too
much, what would be dangerous. Once we went to a barbecue where we knew
only one other person. There was an autistic boy, about eight years old.
Kirby and Marty were about six and nine. They asked me quietly what was
wrong with that boy, because he wasn't playing with them the way they
expected him to. I told them he had a condition that made him afraid of some
things, and if they played with him more like they play with Holly it would
probably work better. It wasn't the most perfect of explanations, but they
were little, and said "Okay!" and zipped back out to the swings and the big
yard. Holly was three. That was the day she got the 18-or-so mosquito bites
which got badly infected and we figured out she should NOT play near the Rio
Grande in the summer for a few years.
So they played with him and didn't get grumpy when he wouldn't give the
playground ball back, and they didn't swing so high when he yelled "Too HIGH
too HIGH" even though it was them swinging and not him, because they were
used to being nice to Holly and other little kids.
When we were leaving, his mom followed me out of the house and out of the y
ard, to tell me with tears in her eyes that my boys had played with her son
nicer than anyone ever had before. I told her they had never been to school,
so they were fine with people being different. She was really kind of
overwhelmed, emotionally, by how well the afternoon had gone.
She and most of the women there were special ed teachers in the public
schools. I had never said, in their conversations, that I had taught, nor
said anything about homeschooling. I just let them go on and on and I went
out and helped with food and the kids.
There had been a big toad in the yard, and I caught it so the kids could see
it and touch it. One of the moms started shrieking (not quite screaming, but
not just yelling) that it might be POISONOUS!!! She had an east-coast
accent, and I grew up by the Rio Grande, and so she didn't slow me down a
bit, and I reassured her calmly that they are not poisonous. All the kids
got to hold it, feel its feet, touch its belly, look at its eyes, feel its
heart beat, and we let it into the orchard toward the river. I told the kids
they don't swim, but they like to be near the muddy places to eat the bugs.
It wasn't a group of people I was interested in socializing any further, but
my kids did make a good impression on them, and probably changed the view of
homeschoolers for half a dozen teachers for life.
What was the point? LOL!
Oh. The autistic child wouldn't have been in the normal range for his age in
the "your seven year old" books, but because my kids were aware that there
are some things younger kids are still not good at and they were able to
treat him as being at an earlier developmental stage, it worked out.
Sandra
<< Your one Year old
Your Two Year old
blah
blah
blah,
While they have some whacked out ideas about separation, etc.- can be
very helpful in explaining developmental issues. I always benefited from
reading them. >>
I had a couple of those, and it WAS helpful. Because knowing child
development from the overall, summary level is fine, but to see a BUNCH of
traits and liklihoods and "normalcies" all put in one place helped remind me
that it's the whole large package of what Piaget and Maslow and Freud and
Jung and ALL those guys predicted or observed or measured all poured into one
forty-pound package sometimes that makes the squirmy reality not look like
the text book.
When my kids were first ever going to be around younger kids I would remind
them what that kid could or couldn't or might like to do, what would be too
much, what would be dangerous. Once we went to a barbecue where we knew
only one other person. There was an autistic boy, about eight years old.
Kirby and Marty were about six and nine. They asked me quietly what was
wrong with that boy, because he wasn't playing with them the way they
expected him to. I told them he had a condition that made him afraid of some
things, and if they played with him more like they play with Holly it would
probably work better. It wasn't the most perfect of explanations, but they
were little, and said "Okay!" and zipped back out to the swings and the big
yard. Holly was three. That was the day she got the 18-or-so mosquito bites
which got badly infected and we figured out she should NOT play near the Rio
Grande in the summer for a few years.
So they played with him and didn't get grumpy when he wouldn't give the
playground ball back, and they didn't swing so high when he yelled "Too HIGH
too HIGH" even though it was them swinging and not him, because they were
used to being nice to Holly and other little kids.
When we were leaving, his mom followed me out of the house and out of the y
ard, to tell me with tears in her eyes that my boys had played with her son
nicer than anyone ever had before. I told her they had never been to school,
so they were fine with people being different. She was really kind of
overwhelmed, emotionally, by how well the afternoon had gone.
She and most of the women there were special ed teachers in the public
schools. I had never said, in their conversations, that I had taught, nor
said anything about homeschooling. I just let them go on and on and I went
out and helped with food and the kids.
There had been a big toad in the yard, and I caught it so the kids could see
it and touch it. One of the moms started shrieking (not quite screaming, but
not just yelling) that it might be POISONOUS!!! She had an east-coast
accent, and I grew up by the Rio Grande, and so she didn't slow me down a
bit, and I reassured her calmly that they are not poisonous. All the kids
got to hold it, feel its feet, touch its belly, look at its eyes, feel its
heart beat, and we let it into the orchard toward the river. I told the kids
they don't swim, but they like to be near the muddy places to eat the bugs.
It wasn't a group of people I was interested in socializing any further, but
my kids did make a good impression on them, and probably changed the view of
homeschoolers for half a dozen teachers for life.
What was the point? LOL!
Oh. The autistic child wouldn't have been in the normal range for his age in
the "your seven year old" books, but because my kids were aware that there
are some things younger kids are still not good at and they were able to
treat him as being at an earlier developmental stage, it worked out.
Sandra
Collette
. > There was an autistic boy, about eight years old.
Sandra <
It's very hard when you go to school and see someone "different"
from you. My nephew is 7 y/o and has cerebral palsy. Sarah (9) has
no problems with him being different. He's just her cousin.
Collette
Sandra <
It's very hard when you go to school and see someone "different"
from you. My nephew is 7 y/o and has cerebral palsy. Sarah (9) has
no problems with him being different. He's just her cousin.
Collette
Mary Bianco
>From: warblwarbl@...Pam T. I have heard about the Spirited Child book and just recently went to
>Mary B. - My 8yo too is whacking first and feeling sorry later. Seems like
>a
>few posters have mentioned seven and eight year olds doing this, so maybe
>it
>is a stage. Always reassuring when it is! I'll also check out Pam S's
>book
>suggestion, but I've really liked (and really need to pull out again) Mary
>Sheedy Kurcinka's books, "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "Kids, Parents
>and
>Power Struggles." I think her suggestions are helpful even if you don't
>consider your child "spirited." She has lots of strategies for helping
>kids
>bring down their intensity. I also love the Faber and Mazlish books - you
>might want to look again. Every time I look at them again I find some
>discussion that's exactly on point that I don't remember seeing before,
>even
>though I pull those books out every time I'm driven to tears and I'm always
>a
>better mom for at least a few days afterwards.
the bookstore to check it out and they didn't have it. I just let it go
after that. Guess I will look into now for sure. And yes I also should go
back and read some others again as somethimes maybe it's just the mood I'm
in or things are going so well at the time I read about solving problems, I
don't see how it applies. Thanks again.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com
Mary Bianco
>From: SandraDodd@...Thanks for this, I really enjoyed the article. It was also nice to know that
>http://sandradodd.com/truck
my husband and I do these kinds of things with our children too. The only
thing that bothered me was the part about yard sale puzzles missing a piece
or two. I've actually thrown out puzzles for just missing one piece. It
bothers the daylights out of me. I guess I'm real anal about that!!!
While I was reading it, Joseph and Sierra came to read over my sholder and
saw the picture of the puzzle and off they went to the puzzle cabinet and
have been busy ever since. I also got down some old little kid puzzles for
the Alyssa. Been quiet for awhile now!!
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/2002 7:17:39 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
Ames (??). Short books - he might really enjoy reading about or hearing bits
about the typical characteristics of 3 year olds -- the nice thing is that
when he sees them in action he can feel so proud of himself that he
UNDERSTANDS that this is normal child development. Bet he'd want to read
"Your 8 Year Old" too, and that could be really interesting for him --
encourage self-reflection, etc.
Hope those books still exist - its been more than 15 years since I looked at
one -- but there are surely some out there.
--pam
Not speaking officially for:
The National Home Education Network
http://www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> I think one thing I've been negligentYou could get him one of those "Your 3 Year Old" books - I think their by
> of is explaining to my eight year old just how three year olds work (if
> anybody really knows!). I've started doing this and Sam says, "Yeah,
> that's
> why he's so stupid!" which pushes my buttons when it's in Nicky's earshot,
>
> but it's better that bowling him over.
Ames (??). Short books - he might really enjoy reading about or hearing bits
about the typical characteristics of 3 year olds -- the nice thing is that
when he sees them in action he can feel so proud of himself that he
UNDERSTANDS that this is normal child development. Bet he'd want to read
"Your 8 Year Old" too, and that could be really interesting for him --
encourage self-reflection, etc.
Hope those books still exist - its been more than 15 years since I looked at
one -- but there are surely some out there.
--pam
Not speaking officially for:
The National Home Education Network
http://www.NHEN.org
Changing the Way the World Sees Homeschooling!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/02 4:24:19 PM Central Daylight Time,
mummyone24@... writes:
would be glad to.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummyone24@... writes:
>Would you like me to mail you my copy of *Raising Your Spirited Child*? I
> Pam T. I have heard about the Spirited Child book and just recently went to
> the bookstore to check it out and they didn't have it. I just let it go
> after that. Guess I will look into now for sure. And yes I also should go
> back and read some others again as somethimes maybe it's just the mood I'm
> in or things are going so well at the time I read about solving problems, I
> don't see how it applies. Thanks again.
>
> Mary B
would be glad to.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/2002 4:24:05 PM Central Standard Time,
mummyone24@... writes:
help my 4 year old has become pretty good at self soothing skills. As with
any book, though, take it with a grain of salt. What child wouldn't, unless
stopped by a care giver, want to examine the rainbow made in an oily puddle?
The book really helped me to cue in on Nathan's skin sensitivities. All
sensory sensitivities, actually.
I also really liked The Encouraging Parent, although we aren't at an age
where his prescribed "discipline" made any sense and I'm not sure we would
use it.
Elizabeth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mummyone24@... writes:
> I have heard about the Spirited Child book and just recently went toI liked the Spirited Child book and found some good ideas in it. And with my
> the bookstore to check it out and they didn't have it.
help my 4 year old has become pretty good at self soothing skills. As with
any book, though, take it with a grain of salt. What child wouldn't, unless
stopped by a care giver, want to examine the rainbow made in an oily puddle?
The book really helped me to cue in on Nathan's skin sensitivities. All
sensory sensitivities, actually.
I also really liked The Encouraging Parent, although we aren't at an age
where his prescribed "discipline" made any sense and I'm not sure we would
use it.
Elizabeth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]