debi watson

I had the same situation here with my dd (7) and my ds (9). They have strong imaginations -- and even stronger nightmares. We had seen a stage adaptation of The Hobbit and they were very interested in seeing the rest of the story. So.... we went to the dollar cinema. I made it clear at every stage that we were free to go if they were ever uncomfortable, and asked them every time I felt their bodies stiffen: "do you want to leave?" The answer was always, "No, I want to make sure everything turns out okay." When the movie finally ended, they were very angry with me. "We don't ever want to see that again!" I asked them what specifically bothered them, and it wasn't the horrible monsters so much as Bilbo becoming Gollum-like -- they hate it when someone they trusted is bad. I asked if that meant they wouldn't want to see the sequel, and they said they DID, but on video so they could stop or fast forward over the scary parts. Then, about a week later in a book store, they found a book called "The Lord of the Rings Movie Book" with photos of the actors, and a pile of hobbit feet, and some explanations of the special effects, etc. When they had had a chance to see all the orcs and urukhai (or however you spell it) at their own pace, and read about the people involved in the project, thay asked to see LOTR again. So we went back. This time, they knew what was coming, so nothing took them by surprise. Since then, they have rented it several times, and are asking for their own copy for Christmas. I don't know about your dd, but for my kids preparation in terms of the story line and foreknowledge of something they would find upsetting (Gandalf's apparent death, etc.) and the chance to look at the photos to talk about the makeup and actors without the compelling music dispelled all their fear. Some people would say that ruins the movie, but at this stage my kids don't like not knowing what comes next, or who to trust.
However, this has led to a new problem: my kids, gently raised in a pacifist home with no war toys and mostly cooperative games have developed a real interest in sword play. They are absolutely taken with the whole Tolkien thing, and have even read bits of his biography. I know they want to use the swords to fight the orcs and not each other, but after nearly ten years of a "no weapons" rule, I am finding it hard to be positive about this. Even my two year old daughter wants a sword! Some people have told me to just give them cardboard tubes and turn a blind eye, but I don't want them feeling they are deceiving me. I would hope we have a more open relationship than than that. I talked to them about it, and explained my feelings, and they acknowledged them, but are still really attracted to sword play (and are miming bows and arrows). So would it be ridiculous to give in and allow something I am so opposed to, if I impose the rule that if the weapons are ever used against each other or other children the toys will be immediately put on a shelf? This feels too much like a gift with strings. Am I being ridiculous here? Did any of you involved with SCA have similar feelings? I know weaponry is a really big part of the Middle ages. And can I still ban guns? Secondly, do I let them make do with odds and ends, or do I help them earn the money for the gorgeous plastic swords encrusted with fake jewels? I know the former would be really great for their imagination, but I also know that they would really prefer them to look authentic. (And where would I get such articles? Any suggestions? The toy store (we only have Toys R Us here) has nothing like that, just machine guns and fake hand grenades.) Debi
>>-My husband and I rented Lord of the Rings. My 8 yr. old really wanted to see it.


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