Luz Shosie and Ned Vare

Kids wanting to return to school...

This is something we all might face, and not without anguish. The responses
from this list will reveal both our deepest concerns about public school and
our deepest desires for our particular alternative of
homeschooling/unschooling. I hope this list can help.

Your relationship with your daughter is the most important consideration.
She needs to know, above all else, that you are on her side, that you trust
her judgment, and want only her happiness. If she feels that she can get
those things from attending the school, your position becomes one of
supporting her decision. (not supporting her, or worse, arguing about it,
can be the beginning of a life-long rift between you and her. You are at a
crossroad now)

However, her decision needs to be based on a clear evaluation of her
expectations. It will help you to know why she wants to return. She needs to
be open to telling you what those reasons are, if only to help you to accept
her choice. That should not be too much to ask of her. It is just possible
that her needs are not being met by the home experience. In that case, you
might find that she could, after all, meet those needs with a different
"arrangement" in her life at home.

(she might feel that going to school offers a new type of "freedom" when in
fact it is still prison. If she needs freedom, then you can probably help
her gain more of it, without going to the school.

Then, if she does stick to her decision of going, and those reasons are not
satisfied by her attendance, then you can have another talk about staying or
leaving, later. It will probably help her to know that if things do not go
as she now hopes, she will always be free to change plans again, because the
idea is not to finish something just because it was started, but to find the
best way to get where you want to go.

Ned Vare