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> . But I was not referring to the
> cultural knowledge of the elite effete - but to the markers that
> let you know you are part of a larger group and react as a
> "member/guest" rather than as "unknown/other".
>
>
Hi,
If I read you right, this is the reason my son, age 23 (whose biological
clock is backwards and slept through much of school, therefore intimately
aquainting me with the principal's office) cannot understand why I won't send
his little brother to school. He sees it as a rite of passage, a common
ground, a bond with others his age. No matter how awful it is, he thinks
everyone should have the experience. Like instead of diplomas they should
hand out T shirts that say "I survived XYZ High School".
Mary J


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Fetteroll

on 8/8/02 2:49 PM, mc1mommy@... at mc1mommy@... wrote:

> He sees it as a rite of passage, a common
> ground, a bond with others his age. No matter how awful it is, he thinks
> everyone should have the experience.

It also justifies his having had to go through it. If it's the journey not
the destination that counts and if by not sending your other son to school
you're saying there's nothing of value to be gained through the school
journey, then what was the purpose of struggling through what he went
through?

Joyce

Betsy

** Hi,
If I read you right, this is the reason my son, age 23 (whose
biological
clock is backwards and slept through much of school, therefore
intimately
aquainting me with the principal's office) cannot understand why I won't
send
his little brother to school. He sees it as a rite of passage, a common
ground, a bond with others his age. No matter how awful it is, he
thinks
everyone should have the experience. Like instead of diplomas they
should
hand out T shirts that say "I survived XYZ High School".
Mary J**

Have you tried telling the older one that you wish you could give him
those years back and that you are sorry that school stole them from him?

It's often hard for siblings to see the other get good stuff that they
didn't get to have.

Betsy

Betsy

**> He sees it as a rite of passage, a common
> ground, a bond with others his age. No matter how awful it is, he thinks
> everyone should have the experience.

It also justifies his having had to go through it. If it's the journey not
the destination that counts and if by not sending your other son to school
you're saying there's nothing of value to be gained through the school
journey, then what was the purpose of struggling through what he went
through?**

Do we have any Psych majors on the list? I know that I learned (in a
management class) that there is a name for the feeling that if something
was difficult it MUST have been worth it. This concept may be the
reason that fraternities have hazing, because it makes their members
value their group identity more. It keeps bugging me that I can't
remember what this concept is called!

Anyone else heard of this? (Except from seeing me post about it without
knowing the name last year.)

Betsy

[email protected]

In a message dated 8/8/02 3:22:42 PM, ecsamhill@... writes:

<< I know that I learned (in a
management class) that there is a name for the feeling that if something
was difficult it MUST have been worth it. >>

I don't know the name, but one way they prove a related principle is getting
people to review movies. Those who pay full price review one way (that
wasn't the test factor so it didn't count <g>). Those who get in absolutely
free give the worst reviews. Those who are asked to review but are required
to pay part of the admission price give better reviews than those who get in
free.

Another related applied-psychology situation was instant cake mixes and
instant pancakes and such. When they first came out (in the 50's, I think)
people didn't want to use them. They felt lazy and it didn't seem right.
When a mix requires you to add more than just water, though, all the virtue
floods back into the activity. So they have you add eggs and oil and water.
All better! Now you're cooking!

Sandra

Betsy

**I don't know the name, but one way they prove a related principle is
getting
people to review movies. Those who pay full price review one way (that
wasn't the test factor so it didn't count <g>). Those who get in
absolutely
free give the worst reviews. Those who are asked to review but are
required
to pay part of the admission price give better reviews than those who
get in
free.**

I must be perverse! (But you guys already had a clue about that.) I'm
usually MOST enthusiastic and likely to rave about things that I got
really cheap, because there is greater "bang for the buck". Some of the
things that I come on list and recommend might not really be worth $20,
but are very satisfying when found at the library sale for a single dollar.

I usually find movies that are raved about disappointing and movies that
got panned, that interest me, better than I expected. Again, perverse.

**Another related applied-psychology situation was instant cake mixes
and
instant pancakes and such. When they first came out (in the 50's, I
think)
people didn't want to use them. They felt lazy and it didn't seem
right.
When a mix requires you to add more than just water, though, all the
virtue
floods back into the activity. So they have you add eggs and oil and
water.
All better! Now you're cooking!**

I remember reading that. When my son was an infant I made the Krusteaz
muffin mixes, because they are add water only. I was always holding him
and didn't have the dexterity to crack eggs with just one hand.

Betsy