recovered formerly schooled kids
julie means
does anyone have any positive stories to tell about the "recovery"
of kids who were sent to school and then unschooled? we are going thru this process now with kian, my 10 year old, and i just read some very disturbing viewpoints on another list....beginning with personality change and permanent damage after 2 years of schooling; i couldn't read any further after that...very discouraging....any encouragement or happy stories would be greatly appreciated.
thanks,
julie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of kids who were sent to school and then unschooled? we are going thru this process now with kian, my 10 year old, and i just read some very disturbing viewpoints on another list....beginning with personality change and permanent damage after 2 years of schooling; i couldn't read any further after that...very discouraging....any encouragement or happy stories would be greatly appreciated.
thanks,
julie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/12/02 6:02:31 AM, jmeans@... writes:
<< we are going thru this process now with kian, my 10 year old, and i just
read some very disturbing viewpoints on another list....beginning with
personality change and permanent damage after 2 years of schooling; >>
You can't go back, though, only forward.
If there were no problems you probably wouldn't be taking him out of school.
And at this point your choice is keep him out or put him back in, right? So
don't look back. Don't look far into the future. Look now.
Boys hang out at our house. One, Jesse, was an only child and came to
homeschooling from Montessori when he was eight. Jesse had that look of hurt
confusion, was quiet and wouldn't make eye contact with anyone at first, and
then for a while wouldn't with adults but would with kids. Within a year he
softened up and started to trust people and have fun. Soon he was talking to
me on his own, not just giving short answers to direct questions.
Had Jesse stayed in school, I think he would have continued to shut down
until he became sneaky and destructive of himself and others. That didn't
happen.
Jimmie was ten at first, defensive, and hostile, and quick to blame other
people for anything and everything. The slightest rejection got a BIG
reaction. Other kids found him rude and whiney. He started to soften up,
get more patience (which tends to come naturally with age anyway), and to see
other kids not as competitors or threats, but as sources and resources and
companions. (He's not totally unschooling, having a nervous dad.)
Logan was zippy, jittery and self conscious, a show-off and constantly in
need of recognition (for just anything--clothes, jokes, knowledge, stunts)
and attention. He left mid-school, found his routines weren't impressing the
homeschoolers, and started finding his authentic self. I more often hear him
conversing to get and share information, rather than just to create
reactions.
Joey's really quiet, and was in tenth grade when his mom took him out of
school last winter. He has a violent, unpredictable older brother at home,
so he avoids home sometimes. But in the six months since he left school he
has become open to the world in a visceral way. He used to be tense and
small, drawing in and trying to be invisible. That has softened up
noticeably. His posture's better, he's not afraid of humor, he's not flinchy
the way he was. He's unfolding.
School was hurting every one of them. They left at all different stages, but
they all got better within months or a year. Not as good as if they had
never been, but better than if they had stayed.
I get my kids' reviews on these guys too. When we were the host family for
weekly meetings, I'd know for SURE which new kids were difficult and would
hear the details afterward. So it wasn't just my own perceptions, but also
the kids' reviews and progress reports from week to week, so the progress
showed in a "three-D" way. And I also heard feedback from the moms.
But some kids are more resilient, and they take school in stride and it
doesn't harm them as much. So children will react to the lack of school
differently. Some do it verbally. "Starting now I don't have to do
schoolwork anymore and can read what I want to and do my own projects!
COOL!" and that's it. They get it. Others have to feel it gradually, with
their schedules and emotions and responses.
I know one boy whose life is odd, and he doesn't seem like the other
homeschoolers in lots of ways. So in his case I can only think how much
worse it would be if he were in school. Kids would torment him constantly.
So outside he's not fully flowering into an easy-going communicator, but I
don't doubt that he will mature in his own time and get a job and find
friends with similar interests when he's older. I remember kids like that
from my own childhood who showed no signs of maturity or awareness until
their late teens, and then they did all their growing in just a couple of
years and became suave, pretty-together adults. (And they weren't even home
schooled, although I think in several cases getting out of school was the
turning point for them.)
Sandra
<< we are going thru this process now with kian, my 10 year old, and i just
read some very disturbing viewpoints on another list....beginning with
personality change and permanent damage after 2 years of schooling; >>
You can't go back, though, only forward.
If there were no problems you probably wouldn't be taking him out of school.
And at this point your choice is keep him out or put him back in, right? So
don't look back. Don't look far into the future. Look now.
Boys hang out at our house. One, Jesse, was an only child and came to
homeschooling from Montessori when he was eight. Jesse had that look of hurt
confusion, was quiet and wouldn't make eye contact with anyone at first, and
then for a while wouldn't with adults but would with kids. Within a year he
softened up and started to trust people and have fun. Soon he was talking to
me on his own, not just giving short answers to direct questions.
Had Jesse stayed in school, I think he would have continued to shut down
until he became sneaky and destructive of himself and others. That didn't
happen.
Jimmie was ten at first, defensive, and hostile, and quick to blame other
people for anything and everything. The slightest rejection got a BIG
reaction. Other kids found him rude and whiney. He started to soften up,
get more patience (which tends to come naturally with age anyway), and to see
other kids not as competitors or threats, but as sources and resources and
companions. (He's not totally unschooling, having a nervous dad.)
Logan was zippy, jittery and self conscious, a show-off and constantly in
need of recognition (for just anything--clothes, jokes, knowledge, stunts)
and attention. He left mid-school, found his routines weren't impressing the
homeschoolers, and started finding his authentic self. I more often hear him
conversing to get and share information, rather than just to create
reactions.
Joey's really quiet, and was in tenth grade when his mom took him out of
school last winter. He has a violent, unpredictable older brother at home,
so he avoids home sometimes. But in the six months since he left school he
has become open to the world in a visceral way. He used to be tense and
small, drawing in and trying to be invisible. That has softened up
noticeably. His posture's better, he's not afraid of humor, he's not flinchy
the way he was. He's unfolding.
School was hurting every one of them. They left at all different stages, but
they all got better within months or a year. Not as good as if they had
never been, but better than if they had stayed.
I get my kids' reviews on these guys too. When we were the host family for
weekly meetings, I'd know for SURE which new kids were difficult and would
hear the details afterward. So it wasn't just my own perceptions, but also
the kids' reviews and progress reports from week to week, so the progress
showed in a "three-D" way. And I also heard feedback from the moms.
But some kids are more resilient, and they take school in stride and it
doesn't harm them as much. So children will react to the lack of school
differently. Some do it verbally. "Starting now I don't have to do
schoolwork anymore and can read what I want to and do my own projects!
COOL!" and that's it. They get it. Others have to feel it gradually, with
their schedules and emotions and responses.
I know one boy whose life is odd, and he doesn't seem like the other
homeschoolers in lots of ways. So in his case I can only think how much
worse it would be if he were in school. Kids would torment him constantly.
So outside he's not fully flowering into an easy-going communicator, but I
don't doubt that he will mature in his own time and get a job and find
friends with similar interests when he's older. I remember kids like that
from my own childhood who showed no signs of maturity or awareness until
their late teens, and then they did all their growing in just a couple of
years and became suave, pretty-together adults. (And they weren't even home
schooled, although I think in several cases getting out of school was the
turning point for them.)
Sandra
Luz Shosie and Ned Vare
on 7/13/02 12:58 AM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:
I went back through letters we've received and found some encouraging
stories.
Luz
~~~~~~~~
We took our son out of third grade when his teacher began punishing him for
not completing the required work; work that was well beneath his level. I am
hopeful that the few years he spent in the educational system has not
dampened his natural learning ability. ... I realize now that he was mostly
just passing time. In the beginning of our "home" schooling, I thought he
needed some structured time every day that was reserved for learning. We
used some of the educational computer games from JumpStart, some educational
videos from the library, and some programming from a couple of educational
channels. While he was cooperative at first, he soon started to resist this
forced education. It became obvious to me that I was going against his
natural instinct to learn by requiring his cooperation on my timetable. I
discovered that I was the one who needed to deschool!
Since we began unschooling him, he has immersed himself in his video and
computer games. He scours the internet looking for cheat codes and reads the
guidebooks cover to cover. He most recently acquired a Gameshark device for
his Nintendo 64 which allows code hacking. He enjoys watching amine
cartoons, especially Digimon, Zoids, Sailor Moon and the like. Last night he
told me he wished he possessed the power of telekinesis and psychic
abilities like a character in one of those shows!
~~~~~~~~
... we've been unschooling ever since I desperately wrote to you about three
years ago when K announced that she hated reading. We have been
extremely satisfied and encouraged by the learning that she has undertaken
all by herself (drum roll please)!
~~~~~~~~~~
... I had no plans to homeschool until I realized how much pressure school
was putting on G (age 8), and how much she was being not herself in order to
fit in. When I realized and really accepted how toxic even a relatively
sweet place like the school they were going to actually was, I didn't have
any choice. now I am looking forward so incredibly much to the entire
experience, and a heavy weight has lifted from the girls and from me as
well. In the week G has been home since school ended, the contours of her
face have actually changed and relaxed.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I am excited about getting my wonderful caring, sensitive, inquisitive,
HAPPY (15 yr old) son back. He already is happier and more relaxed.
Perhaps it is just a coincidence, but since he left public school one month
ago, a read bad case of acne which was covering his face has cleared up
almost completely! .... By the way, M. spend the day figuring out how to
use a new digital video recorder that he is going to take on our coming
trip to Alaska. He will be able to edit his footage, put a narration to
it, and add music. He couldn't believe that he didn't have to do algebra
today and that he could spend the whole day on the video recorder project.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was deeply challenged by your talk on unschooling . As I said there at the
meeting, my son is the perfect candidate for this way of learning and
experiencing the world. That night when I got home, I went into his room and
apologized to him for forcing him to stop doing what he loved in order to do
workbooks. He laughed and said, "I accept your apology. Does that mean you
won't stop me from typing next time?" I said, "Yes, that's exactly what that
means." And I can envision my daughter reading all day, day after day. She
loves books just like her mother. What great adventures lie ahead for us
all. I know it will be a big adjustment for me to no longer fill in the plan
book for the week ahead of time, and rotate my writing to a form of
recording what they have done on their own.
But I already feel like a burden has been lifted in terms of my expectations
and plans and need to be in control of the process. I look back and shake my
head at all the times I stopped them from painting, reading, drawing,
playing games, and doing LEGOs -- among other things and practically shoved
them to the table for "school." Ouch!!! So much to learn. So much to
experience. For them and for me.
~~~~~~~~
It seems easy enough to see (8 yr old) A's journey has already
begun in all the months of my NOT ball & chaining him to a chair with Mount
Book-a-thon. He has become an incredibly pleasant person to be around since
our telephone chat. I told him his education was his up to him... He was
beaming and caught on immediately. Sure, birds just KNOW how to fly!
[email protected] wrote:
> Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2002 08:08:11 -0400Hi Julie-
> From: "julie means" <jmeans@...>
> Subject: recovered formerly schooled kids
>
> does anyone have any positive stories to tell about the "recovery"
> of kids who were sent to school and then unschooled?
>
I went back through letters we've received and found some encouraging
stories.
Luz
~~~~~~~~
We took our son out of third grade when his teacher began punishing him for
not completing the required work; work that was well beneath his level. I am
hopeful that the few years he spent in the educational system has not
dampened his natural learning ability. ... I realize now that he was mostly
just passing time. In the beginning of our "home" schooling, I thought he
needed some structured time every day that was reserved for learning. We
used some of the educational computer games from JumpStart, some educational
videos from the library, and some programming from a couple of educational
channels. While he was cooperative at first, he soon started to resist this
forced education. It became obvious to me that I was going against his
natural instinct to learn by requiring his cooperation on my timetable. I
discovered that I was the one who needed to deschool!
Since we began unschooling him, he has immersed himself in his video and
computer games. He scours the internet looking for cheat codes and reads the
guidebooks cover to cover. He most recently acquired a Gameshark device for
his Nintendo 64 which allows code hacking. He enjoys watching amine
cartoons, especially Digimon, Zoids, Sailor Moon and the like. Last night he
told me he wished he possessed the power of telekinesis and psychic
abilities like a character in one of those shows!
~~~~~~~~
... we've been unschooling ever since I desperately wrote to you about three
years ago when K announced that she hated reading. We have been
extremely satisfied and encouraged by the learning that she has undertaken
all by herself (drum roll please)!
~~~~~~~~~~
... I had no plans to homeschool until I realized how much pressure school
was putting on G (age 8), and how much she was being not herself in order to
fit in. When I realized and really accepted how toxic even a relatively
sweet place like the school they were going to actually was, I didn't have
any choice. now I am looking forward so incredibly much to the entire
experience, and a heavy weight has lifted from the girls and from me as
well. In the week G has been home since school ended, the contours of her
face have actually changed and relaxed.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I am excited about getting my wonderful caring, sensitive, inquisitive,
HAPPY (15 yr old) son back. He already is happier and more relaxed.
Perhaps it is just a coincidence, but since he left public school one month
ago, a read bad case of acne which was covering his face has cleared up
almost completely! .... By the way, M. spend the day figuring out how to
use a new digital video recorder that he is going to take on our coming
trip to Alaska. He will be able to edit his footage, put a narration to
it, and add music. He couldn't believe that he didn't have to do algebra
today and that he could spend the whole day on the video recorder project.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was deeply challenged by your talk on unschooling . As I said there at the
meeting, my son is the perfect candidate for this way of learning and
experiencing the world. That night when I got home, I went into his room and
apologized to him for forcing him to stop doing what he loved in order to do
workbooks. He laughed and said, "I accept your apology. Does that mean you
won't stop me from typing next time?" I said, "Yes, that's exactly what that
means." And I can envision my daughter reading all day, day after day. She
loves books just like her mother. What great adventures lie ahead for us
all. I know it will be a big adjustment for me to no longer fill in the plan
book for the week ahead of time, and rotate my writing to a form of
recording what they have done on their own.
But I already feel like a burden has been lifted in terms of my expectations
and plans and need to be in control of the process. I look back and shake my
head at all the times I stopped them from painting, reading, drawing,
playing games, and doing LEGOs -- among other things and practically shoved
them to the table for "school." Ouch!!! So much to learn. So much to
experience. For them and for me.
~~~~~~~~
It seems easy enough to see (8 yr old) A's journey has already
begun in all the months of my NOT ball & chaining him to a chair with Mount
Book-a-thon. He has become an incredibly pleasant person to be around since
our telephone chat. I told him his education was his up to him... He was
beaming and caught on immediately. Sure, birds just KNOW how to fly!
Betsy
**He enjoys watching amine
cartoons, especially Digimon, Zoids, Sailor Moon and the like. Last
night he
told me he wished he possessed the power of telekinesis and psychic
abilities like a character in one of those shows!**
This sounds a bit familiar! My son's a big Pokemon fan, and often when
we get on the freeway he tells me, "if we had the powers of an Abra,
we'd be there by now!"
Betsy
cartoons, especially Digimon, Zoids, Sailor Moon and the like. Last
night he
told me he wished he possessed the power of telekinesis and psychic
abilities like a character in one of those shows!**
This sounds a bit familiar! My son's a big Pokemon fan, and often when
we get on the freeway he tells me, "if we had the powers of an Abra,
we'd be there by now!"
Betsy
llindsey
wow.. thanks so much for posting these bits ... it is very
encouraging to me.. My son, 8, is now free of school... and
i, too am seeing some difference already.. (and i'ts still
summer.) i am really really trying to convince myself that
his obsession with wrestling and behaving just like the
totally offensive wrestlers on tv is not to be worried too
much about.. i am sure he will eventually lose the need to
be so obnoxious... (please, somebody, tell me i am right...
)
i told him that the worst i would do about school is to hand
him the booklet that explains (in rediculously obscure
'educatoreze' what fourth graders are supposed to be
learning in his district.. i said he could check it out and
see what he already knows and ck out the other stuff in case
he might find something he's curious about..
i am really trying to keep it at that. .. (besides.. i can
tell his dad.. oh yeah.. we're going by this list of things
he's sposed to know.. )...
Linda LL
encouraging to me.. My son, 8, is now free of school... and
i, too am seeing some difference already.. (and i'ts still
summer.) i am really really trying to convince myself that
his obsession with wrestling and behaving just like the
totally offensive wrestlers on tv is not to be worried too
much about.. i am sure he will eventually lose the need to
be so obnoxious... (please, somebody, tell me i am right...
)
i told him that the worst i would do about school is to hand
him the booklet that explains (in rediculously obscure
'educatoreze' what fourth graders are supposed to be
learning in his district.. i said he could check it out and
see what he already knows and ck out the other stuff in case
he might find something he's curious about..
i am really trying to keep it at that. .. (besides.. i can
tell his dad.. oh yeah.. we're going by this list of things
he's sposed to know.. )...
Linda LL
>
>
> <tt>
> on 7/13/02 12:58 AM, [email protected]
> at<BR> [email protected] wrote:<BR>
> <BR>
> > Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2002 08:08:11 -0400<BR>
> > From: "julie means"
> <jmeans@...><BR> > Subject: recovered
> formerly schooled kids<BR> > <BR>
> > does anyone have any positive stories to tell about
> the "recovery"<BR> > of kids who were sent to
> school and then unschooled?<BR> > <BR>
> <BR>
> Hi Julie-<BR>
> <BR>
> I went back through letters we've received and found some
> encouraging<BR> stories.<BR>
> <BR>
> Luz<BR>
> <BR>
> ~~~~~~~~<BR>
> <BR>
> We took our son out of third grade when his teacher began
> punishing him for<BR> not completing the required work;
> work that was well beneath his level. I am<BR> hopeful
> that the few years he spent in the educational system has
> not<BR> dampened his natural learning ability. ... I
> realize now that he was mostly<BR> just passing time. In
> the beginning of our "home" schooling, I thought
> he<BR> needed some structured time every day that was
> reserved for learning. We<BR> used some of the educational
> computer games from JumpStart, some educational<BR> videos
> from the library, and some programming from a couple of
> educational<BR> channels. While he was cooperative at
> first, he soon started to resist this<BR> forced
> education. It became obvious to me that I was going
> against his<BR> natural instinct to learn by requiring his
> cooperation on my timetable. I<BR> discovered that I was
> the one who needed to deschool!<BR> <BR>
> Since we began unschooling him, he has immersed himself in
> his video and<BR> computer games. He scours the internet
> looking for cheat codes and reads the<BR> guidebooks cover
> to cover. He most recently acquired a Gameshark device
> for<BR> his Nintendo 64 which allows code hacking. He
> enjoys watching amine<BR> cartoons, especially Digimon,
> Zoids, Sailor Moon and the like. Last night he<BR> told me
> he wished he possessed the power of telekinesis and
> psychic<BR> abilities like a character in one of those
> shows!<BR> <BR>
> ~~~~~~~~<BR>
> <BR>
> ... we've been unschooling ever since I desperately wrote
> to you about three<BR> years ago when K announced that she
> hated reading. We have been<BR> extremely satisfied
> and encouraged by the learning that she has undertaken<BR>
> all by herself (drum roll please)!<BR> <BR>
> ~~~~~~~~~~<BR>
> <BR>
> ... I had no plans to homeschool until I realized how much
> pressure school<BR> was putting on G (age 8), and how much
> she was being not herself in order to<BR> fit in. When I
> realized and really accepted how toxic even a
> relatively<BR> sweet place like the school they were going
> to actually was, I didn't have<BR> any choice. now I
> am looking forward so incredibly much to the entire<BR>
> experience, and a heavy weight has lifted from the girls
> and from me as<BR> well. In the week G has been home since
> school ended, the contours of her<BR> face have actually
> changed and relaxed.<BR> <BR>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>
> <BR>
> I am excited about getting my wonderful caring,
> sensitive, inquisitive,<BR> HAPPY (15 yr old) son
> back. He already is happier and more relaxed. <BR>
> Perhaps it is just a coincidence, but since he left public
> school one month<BR> ago, a read bad case of acne which
> was covering his face has cleared up<BR> almost
> completely! .... By the way, M. spend the day
> figuring out how to<BR> use a new digital video
> recorder that he is going to take on our coming<BR> trip
> to Alaska. He will be able to edit his footage, put
> a narration to<BR> it, and add music. He couldn't
> believe that he didn't have to do algebra<BR> today and
> that he could spend the whole day on the video
> recorder project.<BR> <BR>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>
> <BR>
> I was deeply challenged by your talk on unschooling . As I
> said there at the<BR> meeting, my son is the perfect
> candidate for this way of learning and<BR> experiencing
> the world. That night when I got home, I went into his
> room and<BR> apologized to him for forcing him to stop
> doing what he loved in order to do<BR> workbooks. He
> laughed and said, "I accept your apology. Does that
> mean you<BR> won't stop me from typing next time?" I
> said, "Yes, that's exactly what that<BR> means."
> And I can envision my daughter reading all day, day after
> day. She<BR> loves books just like her mother. What great
> adventures lie ahead for us<BR> all. I know it will be a
> big adjustment for me to no longer fill in the plan<BR>
> book for the week ahead of time, and rotate my writing to
> a form of<BR> recording what they have done on their
> own.<BR> <BR>
> But I already feel like a burden has been lifted in terms
> of my expectations<BR> and plans and need to be in control
> of the process. I look back and shake my<BR> head at all
> the times I stopped them from painting, reading,
> drawing,<BR> playing games, and doing LEGOs -- among other
> things and practically shoved<BR> them to the table for
> "school." Ouch!!! So much to learn. So much
> to<BR> experience. For them and for me.<BR>
> <BR>
> ~~~~~~~~<BR>
> <BR>
> It seems easy enough to see (8 yr old) A's journey has
> already<BR> begun in all the months of my NOT ball &
> chaining him to a chair with Mount<BR> Book-a-thon.
> He has become an incredibly pleasant person to be around
> since<BR> our telephone chat. I told him his
> education was his up to him... He was<BR> beaming and
> caught on immediately. Sure, birds just KNOW how to
> fly!<BR> <BR>
> <BR>
> <BR>
> </tt>
>
> <br>
>
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julie means
thanks to sandra, and luz, and linda for posting their words of encouragement on whether the damage caused by schools is permanent or not.
i guess i'm thinking that it's possible that some damage might be permanent, but life itself - the great unschool itself! - is so full of challenges that parents sometimes have no control over. we can't raise a child completely free of negative consequences to his personality no matter how hard we may try. and who is to say what damage is caused by the school experience, and what is caused by other factors, like moving a lot, or experiencing divorce, etc.
we do the best we can and love them.
julie
i guess i'm thinking that it's possible that some damage might be permanent, but life itself - the great unschool itself! - is so full of challenges that parents sometimes have no control over. we can't raise a child completely free of negative consequences to his personality no matter how hard we may try. and who is to say what damage is caused by the school experience, and what is caused by other factors, like moving a lot, or experiencing divorce, etc.
we do the best we can and love them.
julie
----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, July 12, 2002 8:49 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] recovered formerly schooled kids
In a message dated 7/12/02 6:02:31 AM, jmeans@... writes:
<< we are going thru this process now with kian, my 10 year old, and i just
read some very disturbing viewpoints on another list....beginning with
personality change and permanent damage after 2 years of schooling; >>
You can't go back, though, only forward.
If there were no problems you probably wouldn't be taking him out of school.
And at this point your choice is keep him out or put him back in, right? So
don't look back. Don't look far into the future. Look now.
Boys hang out at our house. One, Jesse, was an only child and came to
homeschooling from Montessori when he was eight. Jesse had that look of hurt
confusion, was quiet and wouldn't make eye contact with anyone at first, and
then for a while wouldn't with adults but would with kids. Within a year he
softened up and started to trust people and have fun. Soon he was talking to
me on his own, not just giving short answers to direct questions.
Had Jesse stayed in school, I think he would have continued to shut down
until he became sneaky and destructive of himself and others. That didn't
happen.
Jimmie was ten at first, defensive, and hostile, and quick to blame other
people for anything and everything. The slightest rejection got a BIG
reaction. Other kids found him rude and whiney. He started to soften up,
get more patience (which tends to come naturally with age anyway), and to see
other kids not as competitors or threats, but as sources and resources and
companions. (He's not totally unschooling, having a nervous dad.)
Logan was zippy, jittery and self conscious, a show-off and constantly in
need of recognition (for just anything--clothes, jokes, knowledge, stunts)
and attention. He left mid-school, found his routines weren't impressing the
homeschoolers, and started finding his authentic self. I more often hear him
conversing to get and share information, rather than just to create
reactions.
Joey's really quiet, and was in tenth grade when his mom took him out of
school last winter. He has a violent, unpredictable older brother at home,
so he avoids home sometimes. But in the six months since he left school he
has become open to the world in a visceral way. He used to be tense and
small, drawing in and trying to be invisible. That has softened up
noticeably. His posture's better, he's not afraid of humor, he's not flinchy
the way he was. He's unfolding.
School was hurting every one of them. They left at all different stages, but
they all got better within months or a year. Not as good as if they had
never been, but better than if they had stayed.
I get my kids' reviews on these guys too. When we were the host family for
weekly meetings, I'd know for SURE which new kids were difficult and would
hear the details afterward. So it wasn't just my own perceptions, but also
the kids' reviews and progress reports from week to week, so the progress
showed in a "three-D" way. And I also heard feedback from the moms.
But some kids are more resilient, and they take school in stride and it
doesn't harm them as much. So children will react to the lack of school
differently. Some do it verbally. "Starting now I don't have to do
schoolwork anymore and can read what I want to and do my own projects!
COOL!" and that's it. They get it. Others have to feel it gradually, with
their schedules and emotions and responses.
I know one boy whose life is odd, and he doesn't seem like the other
homeschoolers in lots of ways. So in his case I can only think how much
worse it would be if he were in school. Kids would torment him constantly.
So outside he's not fully flowering into an easy-going communicator, but I
don't doubt that he will mature in his own time and get a job and find
friends with similar interests when he's older. I remember kids like that
from my own childhood who showed no signs of maturity or awareness until
their late teens, and then they did all their growing in just a couple of
years and became suave, pretty-together adults. (And they weren't even home
schooled, although I think in several cases getting out of school was the
turning point for them.)
Sandra
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Luz Shosie and Ned Vare
> Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 03:31:14 GMTYou're welcome & you're right -- we all go through many stages. I remember
> From: "llindsey" <llindsey@...>
> Subject: Re: Re: recovered formerly schooled kids
>
> wow.. thanks so much for posting these bits ... it is very
> encouraging to me.. My son, 8, is now free of school... and
> i, too am seeing some difference already.. (and i'ts still
> summer.) i am really really trying to convince myself that
> his obsession with wrestling and behaving just like the
> totally offensive wrestlers on tv is not to be worried too
> much about.. i am sure he will eventually lose the need to
> be so obnoxious... (please, somebody, tell me i am right...
> )
especially "macho" periods at around ages 4 and 8. Then I have a photo of
Cassidy's 9th birthday showing 5 boys with their extremely cute and cuddly
Pound Puppies (little stuffed dogs).
Have faith in your son's wisdom in following his particular path to
adulthood. And have faith in your own wisdom and love -- be prepared to love
and support a "totally offensive wrestler" if that turns out to be his path
of bliss. I bet (I hope) Jesse Ventura's mother loves him!
Luz