Melissa D. L. Millman

Hi all! I just joined, and have been enjoying reading your posts.

It's nice to know other mothers (and fathers? any on this list?) are
thinking along the same lines as me about so many things. I would like to
add my recommendation to that of Karen's concerning the book "Mother
Nature"--I almost sent out a recommendation for it myself!

Anyhow, I have a 6yo son who just finished Kindergarten at a small
progressive private school which seemed nice enough at the beginning of the
year, but at the end of the year we are not so satisfied--they seem to
think he's "not ready for 1st grade" and suggested testing. For the past
year, even while he seemed to be having fun at school, I've been doing all
sorts of reading about unschooling philosophy, and Sudbury valley schools
and other things about trusting kids to learn what they need to learn, when
they need to learn it. In my heart, I'm totally convinced, but dh is
not. In fact, he is in the process of getting a PhD in Political Science
at MIT, and so he is highly invested in "teaching" and also in the idea of
preparing children to be good citizens (how can you trust them to learn
what they should learn to be well-informed voters?)

I think because we are not so satisfied with our son's school, I may have a
good chance at convincing dh to homeschool (or unschool?), but even I have
my moments of doubt about whether I should try for this. The thing is, our
son would only be in this school for one more year, and then we will be
moving. He has a group of friends from school that he is really close to,
and he says he's looking forward to going back in the fall (although there
are times when he clearly seems anxious about it). He was a Kindergartener
in a K-1 classroom last year. Next year he would be either a 1st-grader
who was pretty much doing K-level work, or a Kindergartener while all his
friends from last year are 1st-graders. I just don't think this atmosphere
would be good for him, and the only way I could possibly justify it for
myself is because my son is highly social and loves being around his
friends, and because it would only be for one more year. I should note
that we haven't yet talked to our son about the possibility of him being a
K next year, or the fact that he seems to be behind his classmates
(although I'm pretty sure he's aware of that). I'm not really sure if or
how that would change his opinions, but I would like to be clear within
myself first, about what are acceptable options to me, before we talk to him.

Thank you for reading this far! I would appreciate any thoughts or ideas
from the members of this list. Have any of you been in similar
situations? Sometimes I feel silly for thinking that the school year would
be "damaging" to him, and other times I cannot imagine bringing myself to
take him there ever again. Any advice?

Thanks,
Melissa

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/7/02 9:36:00 AM, mayday@... writes:

<< the only way I could possibly justify it for
myself is because my son is highly social and loves being around his
friends >>

Invite them over.

When boys fail first grade or kindergarten (and LOTS of them do fail) they
are branded for life, even if only in their own minds. Downplay that to the
point that he just forgets all about it.

Sandra

Mary Muday

Follow your feelings, I wished I had, your the mother and his first teacher, or learner, you know your child better than anyone else. You didn't say where you were moving, but what about the possibility of homeschooling or unschooling wherever you move too. Good Luck what every you do.

Supermom50mm@...
"Melissa D. L. Millman" <mayday@...> wrote: Hi all! I just joined, and have been enjoying reading your posts.

It's nice to know other mothers (and fathers? any on this list?) are
thinking along the same lines as me about so many things. I would like to
add my recommendation to that of Karen's concerning the book "Mother
Nature"--I almost sent out a recommendation for it myself!

Anyhow, I have a 6yo son who just finished Kindergarten at a small
progressive private school which seemed nice enough at the beginning of the
year, but at the end of the year we are not so satisfied--they seem to
think he's "not ready for 1st grade" and suggested testing. For the past
year, even while he seemed to be having fun at school, I've been doing all
sorts of reading about unschooling philosophy, and Sudbury valley schools
and other things about trusting kids to learn what they need to learn, when
they need to learn it. In my heart, I'm totally convinced, but dh is
not. In fact, he is in the process of getting a PhD in Political Science
at MIT, and so he is highly invested in "teaching" and also in the idea of
preparing children to be good citizens (how can you trust them to learn
what they should learn to be well-informed voters?)

I think because we are not so satisfied with our son's school, I may have a
good chance at convincing dh to homeschool (or unschool?), but even I have
my moments of doubt about whether I should try for this. The thing is, our
son would only be in this school for one more year, and then we will be
moving. He has a group of friends from school that he is really close to,
and he says he's looking forward to going back in the fall (although there
are times when he clearly seems anxious about it). He was a Kindergartener
in a K-1 classroom last year. Next year he would be either a 1st-grader
who was pretty much doing K-level work, or a Kindergartener while all his
friends from last year are 1st-graders. I just don't think this atmosphere
would be good for him, and the only way I could possibly justify it for
myself is because my son is highly social and loves being around his
friends, and because it would only be for one more year. I should note
that we haven't yet talked to our son about the possibility of him being a
K next year, or the fact that he seems to be behind his classmates
(although I'm pretty sure he's aware of that). I'm not really sure if or
how that would change his opinions, but I would like to be clear within
myself first, about what are acceptable options to me, before we talk to him.

Thank you for reading this far! I would appreciate any thoughts or ideas
from the members of this list. Have any of you been in similar
situations? Sometimes I feel silly for thinking that the school year would
be "damaging" to him, and other times I cannot imagine bringing myself to
take him there ever again. Any advice?

Thanks,
Melissa


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

>In my heart, I'm totally convinced, but dh is
>not. In fact, he is in the process of getting a PhD in Political Science
>at MIT, and so he is highly invested in "teaching" and also in the idea of
>preparing children to be good citizens (how can you trust them to learn
>what they should learn to be well-informed voters?)

Ask him how well he thinks the graduates of public schools have been
prepared to be good citizens and well-informed voters. In my opinion, the
only ones who have live in families that discuss things a lot. And
homeschooling families usually do that.


>I think because we are not so satisfied with our son's school, I may have a
>good chance at convincing dh to homeschool (or unschool?), but even I have
>my moments of doubt about whether I should try for this. The thing is, our
>son would only be in this school for one more year, and then we will be
>moving. He has a group of friends from school that he is really close to,
>and he says he's looking forward to going back in the fall (although there
>are times when he clearly seems anxious about it).

Does he hang out with any of these kids when there isn't any school? If
so, you can let him know that you'll arrange all the after-school play
dates he wants. Then you could also find a homeschooling group to get
involved with, hoping that he'll make some homeschooled friends.
Tia

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island

Fetteroll

on 7/7/02 11:34 AM, Melissa D. L. Millman at mayday@... wrote:

> he says he's looking forward to going back in the fall (although there
> are times when he clearly seems anxious about it)

Does he know he has the option to stay home? If someone assumes they have no
choice about something, then it's natural to pump up the good parts and
downplay the bad parts in order to survive it.

And it's a natural part of life for there to be good points and bad points
of every choice we make.

Invite the kids from school over so he can play with them. It's really what
he wants to do with them anyway! He only thinks school is where they need to
meet and only thinks what little social time they have at school is all
that's available to him. So open the box for him and let him see the
possibilities :-)

> he is highly invested in "teaching" and also in the idea of
> preparing children to be good citizens (how can you trust them to learn
> what they should learn to be well-informed voters?)

How much weight would he give to your opinion on some matter of Political
Science that you'd picked up from casual conversation?

If his opinion about learning is going to have any weight then he'll need to
do his homework as you're doing. An opinion on growing vegetables from
someone whose only experience with vegetables is what he picks up at the
grocery store isn't going to be worth much ;-) Having your learning handed
to you and being warped by learning that's always been hard work doesn't
equate with experience with learning on your own in freedom.

One book that men generally seem to like is David Gutersons Family Matters:
Why Homeschooling Makes Sense.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0156300001/qid=1026127890/sr=8-1/ref=
sr_8_1/103-9892368-1579018

Another really good one is Frank Smith's The Book of Learning and
Forgetting.

Also John Holt's books. His early ones involve ways to reform schools but
the later ones have him realizing the futility of it.

Joyce