[email protected]

In a message dated 6/28/2002 8:55:35 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:


> In our home, hitting just isn't allowed , period! Controlling? perhaps!
> Too bad! We are not into violence that is physical. We don't like verbal
> violence either, but we are more tolerant in the home of this, but highly
> encourage our children to talk respectfully as much as possible.
> Just a few thoughts.


There are people with really good intentions who want to be kind and gentle
parents and don't want any violence or meanness in their homes, but who don't
have many quick "ideas" of how to respond when kids behavior is problematic
so they do nothing, rather than fall back on what a friend of mine calls
"cultural parenting techniques" (he means hitting, yelling, and shaming).

But, for unschoolers, that is usually because they lack the ability,
themselves, to know "what else" to do when they reject those cultural
techniques -- it isn't because they want hitting and other violent behavior
in their homes.

I agree, though, that there is a certain percentage of unschooling kids who
seem to need more "parenting" -- not more punishing - but more help in some
way the parents aren't giving it. Heck, I'm sure people have thought that
about my kids off and on, over the years, as they've gone through various
stages. I mean - most of us are figuring this out as we go along and I've
sometimes felt a step or two behind --figuring it out, finally, AFTER we've
suffered through some weeks or months of not knowing how to respond to some
sort of behavior issue.

And temperament matters. It is easy to "blame" parenting techniques when you
see an intense and apparently out-of-control kid - but maybe that kid is SO
much calmer and happier than he/she'd be without whatever the parent IS
doing.

--pam


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[email protected]

In a message dated 6/28/2002 8:55:35 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:


> No my opinions on here are always wrong. I get personal off the list
> hate mail from this list. Do you when you don't have the same
> opinion as others here?

You get personal hate mail from people on this list? You should immediately
send that to the list owner and moderator, if you haven't done so already.

--pam


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