A son and his bike
diamond_h2o
Okay my son came up to me today and told me that he would really like
to have his bike back. And I asked how i would know he would be more
responsible. He replied that he thought showing the other kids in
the neighborhood that he was so brave he didn't stop at stop signs
would make them like him, but instead they called him stupid and
laughed at him because he didn't have a bike so he guessed running
stop signs didn't make the kids like him. So in the almost two days
since his bike was taken away Bunky has gone from crying and telling
me how terrible I am to articulating why he did what he did and why
it was wrong--and even if it was wrong because the older boy said it
was stupid instead of because he could have been killed atleast he
has told me he will stop at stop signs in the future so he now has
his bike back. My sons greastest concerns in life is marrying Bill
Gates daughter so he never has to work and impressing older kids.
If he can't be the biggest, bravest, most impressive loudest gas
passer etc he does anything that will gain him this status and
anything that takes away from that status causes him great distress.
He has his hair dyed different colors atlest once a year, changes his
name anything to impress other kids. The worst part is that other
kids don't like my son because my son always has to be the best or
bravest etc or else he (in the words of the boys he is always
trying to impress) "acts like a baby" And I don't know how to
let my son know that. Talking doesn't work because I am old and
don't know anything. He does act like a perfect child infront of
people he doesn't know well. His attitude is that of what many
people consider that of a teenager and he has been like this since
he was 3 or 4. My other son isn't like this and another child
that lived with me for the first 3 years isn't like this. But the
punishment of the taunting of the neighborhood boys (which i didn't
enjoy but i knew would probably work) worked and I trust him to be
able to use his bike responsibly so he has it back.
to have his bike back. And I asked how i would know he would be more
responsible. He replied that he thought showing the other kids in
the neighborhood that he was so brave he didn't stop at stop signs
would make them like him, but instead they called him stupid and
laughed at him because he didn't have a bike so he guessed running
stop signs didn't make the kids like him. So in the almost two days
since his bike was taken away Bunky has gone from crying and telling
me how terrible I am to articulating why he did what he did and why
it was wrong--and even if it was wrong because the older boy said it
was stupid instead of because he could have been killed atleast he
has told me he will stop at stop signs in the future so he now has
his bike back. My sons greastest concerns in life is marrying Bill
Gates daughter so he never has to work and impressing older kids.
If he can't be the biggest, bravest, most impressive loudest gas
passer etc he does anything that will gain him this status and
anything that takes away from that status causes him great distress.
He has his hair dyed different colors atlest once a year, changes his
name anything to impress other kids. The worst part is that other
kids don't like my son because my son always has to be the best or
bravest etc or else he (in the words of the boys he is always
trying to impress) "acts like a baby" And I don't know how to
let my son know that. Talking doesn't work because I am old and
don't know anything. He does act like a perfect child infront of
people he doesn't know well. His attitude is that of what many
people consider that of a teenager and he has been like this since
he was 3 or 4. My other son isn't like this and another child
that lived with me for the first 3 years isn't like this. But the
punishment of the taunting of the neighborhood boys (which i didn't
enjoy but i knew would probably work) worked and I trust him to be
able to use his bike responsibly so he has it back.
Nora or Devereaux Cannon
Congrats on one crisis weathered! One of our kids was pretty
socially maladroit - though in different ways. If you can find
some movies or books with characters struggling with the same
awkward behavior, they may let him try out different mechanisms -
or tricks of the trade - without having to "check" with you by
talking about it.
socially maladroit - though in different ways. If you can find
some movies or books with characters struggling with the same
awkward behavior, they may let him try out different mechanisms -
or tricks of the trade - without having to "check" with you by
talking about it.
----- Original Message -----
From: "diamond_h2o" <diamond_h2o@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, June 25, 2002 3:38 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] A son and his bike
| Okay my son came up to me today and told me that he would
really like
| to have his bike back. And I asked how i would know he would
be more
| responsible. He replied that he thought showing the other kids
in
| the neighborhood that he was so brave he didn't stop at stop
signs
| would make them like him, but instead they called him stupid
and
| laughed at him because he didn't have a bike so he guessed
running
| stop signs didn't make the kids like him. So in the almost two
days
| since his bike was taken away Bunky has gone from crying and
telling
| me how terrible I am to articulating why he did what he did
and why
| it was wrong--and even if it was wrong because the older boy
said it
| was stupid instead of because he could have been killed
atleast he
| has told me he will stop at stop signs in the future so he
now has
| his bike back. My sons greastest concerns in life is marrying
Bill
| Gates daughter so he never has to work and impressing older
kids.
| If he can't be the biggest, bravest, most impressive loudest
gas
| passer etc he does anything that will gain him this status
and
| anything that takes away from that status causes him great
distress.
| He has his hair dyed different colors atlest once a year,
changes his
| name anything to impress other kids. The worst part is that
other
| kids don't like my son because my son always has to be the best
or
| bravest etc or else he (in the words of the boys he is always
| trying to impress) "acts like a baby" And I don't know how
to
| let my son know that. Talking doesn't work because I am old
and
| don't know anything. He does act like a perfect child infront
of
| people he doesn't know well. His attitude is that of what
many
| people consider that of a teenager and he has been like this
since
| he was 3 or 4. My other son isn't like this and another
child
| that lived with me for the first 3 years isn't like this. But
the
| punishment of the taunting of the neighborhood boys (which i
didn't
| enjoy but i knew would probably work) worked and I trust him
to be
| able to use his bike responsibly so he has it back.
|
|
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In a message dated 6/25/02 2:39:44 PM, diamond_h2o@... writes:
<< he does anything that will gain him this status and
anything that takes away from that status causes him great distress. >>
Was he in school much?
Kids who do that are needy of attention and positive regard and success.
If you can figure out what he's good at, give him opportunities to do that
more and brag him up and spend time with him it won't be as important to him
anymore what color his hair is.
Our hair-dyingest friend who was always trying to do some dumbass thing to
get attention finally convinced his mom to let him homeschool. He toned WAY
way down when he had the time and attention of his mom and of other
homeschooled kids who thought actually discussing real things was WAY better
than commenting on music videos and painting his nails purple.
<<But the punishment of the taunting of the neighborhood boys (which i didn't
enjoy but i knew would probably work) worked >>
Then why aren't kids at school who are taunted and teased all the time the
best behaved people on the planet?
Taunting hurts badly.
<< Bunky has gone from crying and telling
me how terrible I am to articulating why he did what he did and why
it was wrong>>
Maybe next time he will start at the articulation stage. You could help that
happen.
Sandra
<< he does anything that will gain him this status and
anything that takes away from that status causes him great distress. >>
Was he in school much?
Kids who do that are needy of attention and positive regard and success.
If you can figure out what he's good at, give him opportunities to do that
more and brag him up and spend time with him it won't be as important to him
anymore what color his hair is.
Our hair-dyingest friend who was always trying to do some dumbass thing to
get attention finally convinced his mom to let him homeschool. He toned WAY
way down when he had the time and attention of his mom and of other
homeschooled kids who thought actually discussing real things was WAY better
than commenting on music videos and painting his nails purple.
<<But the punishment of the taunting of the neighborhood boys (which i didn't
enjoy but i knew would probably work) worked >>
Then why aren't kids at school who are taunted and teased all the time the
best behaved people on the planet?
Taunting hurts badly.
<< Bunky has gone from crying and telling
me how terrible I am to articulating why he did what he did and why
it was wrong>>
Maybe next time he will start at the articulation stage. You could help that
happen.
Sandra