[email protected]

In a message dated 6/24/2002 11:07:16 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
> Then, they decided on the consequences (of
> their own accord) of not doing them. One was to not be able to use the
> computer for one month. I had to get out the calendar and explain to my 5
> 1/2, 7 and 9 year olds how long that was for not clearing the table!
>

It's not uncommon for children to "over"-punish themselves when "allowed to
choose" their own punishment. But it's NOT a consequence. A consequence of
not washing the dishes is no clean dishes for the next meal (or eating at a
restaurant! <G>) No computer time is a punishment---whether self-inflicted or
imposed by the parent.

What many of us are saying is that, if allowed to THINK about the situation
and be a part of the solution---as opposed to being given orders and
accepting punishments, children will gladly and joyfully be your partners.

As for the bike-riding. You've just given us excuses WHY you can't be the
first one at the stop sign. There's an underlying problem that has NOTHING to
do with biking. If your child won't stop at the sign, it's NOT because he has
a bike---there's something deeper there. Your getting angry and taking away
his bike doesn't TEACH him that he must stop at the stop sign. What he's
LEARNED is that you're controlling him and enjoying the taunts he receives
from his friends. Put yourself in HIS shoes. He's seven; you're the adult.
How would YOU feel? Might you stop next time? Maybe (maybe not), but what
have you learned? Compassion? Understanding? Reason?

He's seven.

YOU said you were a bad mother. Not a ONE of us wrote that---don't put words
on our fingertips.

Kelly


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