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I've been gone for almost two days, and need to leave today for several more
hours (to help bring the camp back home, which will take three pickup loads,
my van at least once, and two other cars--medieval villages aren't
backpacking situations!)

I've read through this thread and might comment more later, but here are a
few things which struck me as vital to share, and they're things I have
always shared with my kids, too. It was a good kid-weekend, and I got lots
of positive feedback on my kids. Kirby got an award of arms (and is now Lord
Magnus Gunwaldtsson instead of just plain "Magnus"), and Marty was made a
member of the Order of The Desert Fawn, which is only for kids whose work an
potential are inspiring even to the adults. Good feedback.

So my sharings (which I have shared with my kids) are these:

The way to be truthful is not to speak unless you've carefully checked your
facts and thought about what you're going to say. Thinking before talking is
something we've encouraged always in our kids, and they got it as kids, not
having to figure it out later as adults.

If you're wrong, don't dodge. If you make an error of fact, accept the
correction, admit you were wrong, and go on! Digging in and defending
something which isn't true leads to no good, and you lose integrity points
and people lose faith in you.

In the SCA (which has been a big part of our lives, and was the overwhelming
part of life this weekend) there are people who are trusted and dependable,
and they created and maintain that reputation by attention each moment to
what they're doing and saying. There are people my kids have known all their
lives, whom I've known twenty-five years, who have not in all that time lost
the positive regard of other people. It's a goal in their lives, and they
just do it.

There are other people my kids also know who are NOT reliable, NOT considered
good sources of information or assistance, and that's just how it is. They
look at both kinds of people and their choices in life are easier to make.
There are people who used to be unreliable and less than truthful and less
than honest who have turned their lives around consciously and become
respected, high-ranking participants. One was in our camp, one of my
students (now a knight). This isn't lost on my kids.

Holly's godfather, Sir Raymond the Quiet, who was knighted in 1971 or (before
I joined), had a heart attack on Saturday and was taken to the hospital.
Angioplasty, probably home today. For those reading who are
SCA-knowledgeable, Raymond was the founding baron here, and is a triple peer.
If he says something is so, it is so. Not because he's a peer, but the
other way around. If he doesn't know he finds no shame in saying "I don't
know, but I'll try to find out." He makes (mostly cast bronze and silver)
jewelry reproductions. I watched his booth for a bit Saturday afternoon, and
Most pieces were displayed on top of a color print of a painting or
archeological photograph. Those which were based but not copied exactly from
history were displayed on a photo of the original piece. It was clear by the
backgrounds which were which. In no way whatsoever was the sales place of
these 150 or so different items misleading or "wrong." Each piece was
described straightforwardly and plainly.

Ray's been a friend of mine for a long time. Many people's lifetimes. He
just won't say things he doesn't know to be so, or know could prove useful to
the listeners. There are many such people in my life, and in my kids' lives.


He said he had been working on his website lately. I haven't looked since I
spoke with him about that Saturday, before the heart attack, but here is the
link:

http://www.quietpress.com/


The other preliminary comment I have about the thread is about whether I'm
flattered when people discuss me and argue over my comments. I am not
flattered. It's irritating like being stalked. But how can it be prevented?
I could go away, I could be less honest, I could water down my advice. But
I couldn't do that and maintain my integrity.

Those who focus on me instead of on unschooling are showing something about
themselves, their own growth and confidence and sureness about the world. If
I'm trying to keep things clearly focussed and others (not many, a couple
from time to time) are expending energy to say "Clarity isn't all that," or
"My clarity is as clear as yours is" that's kind of an embarrassing moment.

We don't need to (nor can we) take turns "being right." This began because I
stated what I saw clearly, and stated it simply. Having been proven right, I
didn't come in and do a happy dance. It was a simple fact. Had looking at
the first post proven wrong, I would have said "Oh, I'm sorry. You're right.
Sorry for the confusion."

But I looked carefully at the first post before I ever wrote anything in the
first place, and that's why I was right. Because I've learned over the years
the value of being careful about what I say and write and do.

My husband is a respected man in the SCA. He's always right. People respect
his word in meetings, about site maps, about schedules and policies. If it
ever turns out he's wrong, it's usually because a policy was changed after he
learned it. And he admits being wrong with sweet honesty. And then other
say, "No, you would have been right if they hadn't changed the schedule this
morning." If he dug in his heels and insulted those who disputed him and
claimed to be right just because he was him, the respect would start to
erode, but he doesn't. He knows the harm that comes to reputations from
defending an indefensible position, and I have never seen him do that.

He's "always right" not because I say he is, but because those who have tried
to trip him up by finding error have failed to do that. He's not right for
meanness nor out of arrogance or anything bad or evil. He's just right
because he's careful. He's truthful because he values truth.

This would be off topic if it weren't the very topic itself, and if it
weren't something that my three unschooled kids have learned from example and
osmosis and reminder and discussion.

Sandra

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In a message dated 5/27/2002 7:30:23 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:


> This would be off topic if it weren't the very topic itself, and if it
> weren't something that my three unschooled kids have learned from example
> and
> osmosis and reminder and discussion.

And - it is related to that Zen-ish quality of being fully present in the
moment, too, which is ultimately what unschooling is about, imo.

I'm not sure if I can articulate why these things seem related, to me. By
even bringing it up I'm perching on the very edge of my own personal grasp of
things.

But - what I've learned from some people is that the kind of "taking care"
that Sandra just posted about in terms of careful reading of people's emails
before responding or careful attention to detail or careful attention to
integrity - is a way of being that transcends everything or maybe it is more
accurate to say it permeates everything and gives everything we do a deeper
meaning. It is maybe comparable to how an artist sees with an artist's eyes -
so that everything is made up of shapes and lines and space and color and
pattern - and the most mundane items become unordinary - beautiful or
meaningful.

That kind of "taking care" is a way of "seeing" everything as "sacred" - in
the sense that everything matters, even the most mundane and the most
seemingly trivial things.

For me, unschooling is largely about that kind of "taking care" -- especially
taking care of my children's inner core of natural love of life - which
includes their intrinsic urge to learn. To do that, it means applying that
"taking care" to the mundane things in everyday life - making as many of them
as possible into sacred and wonderful moments where we are fully and
immediately present with each other.

--pamS



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