Julie Stauffer

<<If this is what you people think then why couldn't a TCS parent always
reason with their kid and never coerce? As we suggest...>>

Because, just like adults, kids are often agreeable to things and then
change their minds. Because, just like adults, sometimes kids have trouble
controlling their behavior and emotions. Because, just like adults,
sometimes they require coercion to do what is most appropriate for the group
(since none of us live in a vacuum).

True life example from last night:

Zach (8) has a Little League Game. We eat dinner then load up all the kids
with snacks and juiceboxes and head out. We set up lawn chairs on one side
of the field where there are lots of rocks and dirt that the kids like to
play in. On the other side are swings. Danny (3) and Michelle (2) ask me
to take them to the swings. I agree to take them but say that I am not
willing to push them because I want to watch Zach's game. (Zach is doing
really well this year and quite naturally wants us to watch him). I can
stand by the field and watch the game and the swings but if I go to the
swings I can't see the game.

The youngsters agreed to swing themselves (laying on their stomachs) and off
we went. After a few minutes, Danny comes running up and wants me to push
him in the swing. I reminded him that I wanted to watch the game, that I
had told Zach I would watch the game, that Zach would be sad if he looked up
and I was gone, that Danny had agreed to swing himself, etc.. Danny began
to whine. I suggested he ask Michelle to take turns pushing each other, or
go ask Adriane (11) or see if Daddy wanted to push. Danny's response was
louder whines, flop onto the grass and screams of "But I want
Y-o-o-u-u-u!!". I told him I would hold him, we could sit together, we
could play however he wanted as long I could also watch Zach. Danny howled
that he wanted me to push him in the swing. At this point, I got mad and
said "I am going to watch the game now. If you want to stay here with me,
you need to cut it out" and I turned to watch the game. The yelling
simmered into glares and eventually stopped. Within 5 minutes, Danny is
running around catching various bugs which he brings to me to "ooh" and
"aaah" over.

The dilemma was that I have responsibilities to more people than just Danny.
I have responsibilities to the older kids to be an attentive parent. I have
responsibilities to Michelle to stay near her while she plays so she can be
safe (I couldn't leave the swing area). Danny is 3. I have the
responsibility to him to be understanding when he has difficulty seeing that
I am more than just HIS MOM, but also mom to the other kids as well.