birthday parties
[email protected]
Help! I'm trying to get away from the birthday party bonanza. We got
ANOTHER invitation today.
Here's my take: we (American's) seem to have agreed that we will host a
party for our child's birthday and everyone will bring a (hopefully nice)
gift. Then when it is another child's birthday, we give them a gift.
This struck me as so ridiculous at the last party I attended, when the
FOUR year old got a giant stack of gifts that he got tired of before they
were even all opened. Although my children HAVE received some lovely
gifts, they've also got junk that I couldn't wait until they tired of or
broke it. (And I'm probably guilty of giving junk just bc I didn't know
a child well enough to pick out something meaningful.) I'm so tired of
it!
Lisa, nearly 7, really is quite social and has tons of friends between
our neighborhood, homeschool group, and friends from my volunteer work.
She would love to have a party, of course. I Do NOT want her to get a
giant pile of presents. Her birthday is in December and it is just too
much stuff all at once! I can't imagine her choosing just one friend to
have a special outing with either, she really doesn't have ONE best
friend at this time.
How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her?
After all, she enjoys the parties! I've talked to her about not having a
party this year, but she still comes to with ideas about her party. We
also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?
Mary Ellen
SAVE EVERYTHING IMPORTANT ON FLOPPY DISK!
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ANOTHER invitation today.
Here's my take: we (American's) seem to have agreed that we will host a
party for our child's birthday and everyone will bring a (hopefully nice)
gift. Then when it is another child's birthday, we give them a gift.
This struck me as so ridiculous at the last party I attended, when the
FOUR year old got a giant stack of gifts that he got tired of before they
were even all opened. Although my children HAVE received some lovely
gifts, they've also got junk that I couldn't wait until they tired of or
broke it. (And I'm probably guilty of giving junk just bc I didn't know
a child well enough to pick out something meaningful.) I'm so tired of
it!
Lisa, nearly 7, really is quite social and has tons of friends between
our neighborhood, homeschool group, and friends from my volunteer work.
She would love to have a party, of course. I Do NOT want her to get a
giant pile of presents. Her birthday is in December and it is just too
much stuff all at once! I can't imagine her choosing just one friend to
have a special outing with either, she really doesn't have ONE best
friend at this time.
How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her?
After all, she enjoys the parties! I've talked to her about not having a
party this year, but she still comes to with ideas about her party. We
also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?
Mary Ellen
SAVE EVERYTHING IMPORTANT ON FLOPPY DISK!
___________________________________________________________________
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Free software, free e-mail, and free Internet access for a month!
Try Juno Web: http://dl.www.juno.com/dynoget/tagj.
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/27/99 1:44:33 PM PST, megates@... writes:
<<
How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her?
After all, she enjoys the parties! I've talked to her about not having a
party this year, but she still comes to with ideas about her party. We
also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?
friends. Not both - to expensive. They usually choose the one really nice
gift <g>.
We don't do a TON of birthday parties - we have packed days and weekends as
it is, so we pick and choose the ones that look "low profile". The ones at
skating rinks, or bowling alleys are good. We ALWAYS give books as gifts
too. And ALWAYS with a "gift receipt" so if the recipient has the book, they
can get a different one. I have been known to do theme parties on occasion
(when a child gets that "But SuzyJo had a party and it was SO FUN") idea and
chooses the party instead. For these we request that the child bring
something homemade, a book, a whatever matches the "theme". Most parents are
thrilled to not have to THINK ABOUT what on earth to get yet another child
they don't know well for a gift. Just a few ideas to throw out there for
you!!
Mary
<<
How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her?
After all, she enjoys the parties! I've talked to her about not having a
party this year, but she still comes to with ideas about her party. We
also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?
>>My kids can choose - a really nice gift from mom and dad - OR a party with
friends. Not both - to expensive. They usually choose the one really nice
gift <g>.
We don't do a TON of birthday parties - we have packed days and weekends as
it is, so we pick and choose the ones that look "low profile". The ones at
skating rinks, or bowling alleys are good. We ALWAYS give books as gifts
too. And ALWAYS with a "gift receipt" so if the recipient has the book, they
can get a different one. I have been known to do theme parties on occasion
(when a child gets that "But SuzyJo had a party and it was SO FUN") idea and
chooses the party instead. For these we request that the child bring
something homemade, a book, a whatever matches the "theme". Most parents are
thrilled to not have to THINK ABOUT what on earth to get yet another child
they don't know well for a gift. Just a few ideas to throw out there for
you!!
Mary
A.Y
We don't do birthday parties with friends at all. My reasons are the same
as yours. It's just too much about the getting, not about anything
meaningful. We usually just have cake and ice cream for our family, and the
presents we got for the child.
We also avoid the party scene. There is one friends we go to. She usually
just has my kids for her daughter, and they have cake and just play. They
also do it on the birthday, and in the morning just like a play date. I
like that. Very low key.
This same friend sent my son his present in the mail. It was strictly
things she had made. Pictures, and a pretty rock she had found, and one she
had painted. I think it was the most wonderful present any of my kids have
ever received.
We also stay away from most holiday stuff for the same reasons. Its just
overkill in my opinion. We don't do Halloween. (just decorate a pumpkin)
Luckily we live in the country, and don't have trick or treaters.
This is a hard battle in my life. I grew up with all the privledges, and it
is a hard habit to break.
This brings to mind Christmas...... But thats another whole post.... :)
I think if it were me, I just explain to friends that it is just too much,
thank you for the invite, and maybe your kids could send them a homemade
card if it was someone they feel specailly about.
Ann
-----Original Message-----
From: megates@... <megates@...>
To: [email protected] <[email protected]>
Date: Monday, September 27, 1999 5:44 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] birthday parties
as yours. It's just too much about the getting, not about anything
meaningful. We usually just have cake and ice cream for our family, and the
presents we got for the child.
We also avoid the party scene. There is one friends we go to. She usually
just has my kids for her daughter, and they have cake and just play. They
also do it on the birthday, and in the morning just like a play date. I
like that. Very low key.
This same friend sent my son his present in the mail. It was strictly
things she had made. Pictures, and a pretty rock she had found, and one she
had painted. I think it was the most wonderful present any of my kids have
ever received.
We also stay away from most holiday stuff for the same reasons. Its just
overkill in my opinion. We don't do Halloween. (just decorate a pumpkin)
Luckily we live in the country, and don't have trick or treaters.
This is a hard battle in my life. I grew up with all the privledges, and it
is a hard habit to break.
This brings to mind Christmas...... But thats another whole post.... :)
I think if it were me, I just explain to friends that it is just too much,
thank you for the invite, and maybe your kids could send them a homemade
card if it was someone they feel specailly about.
Ann
-----Original Message-----
From: megates@... <megates@...>
To: [email protected] <[email protected]>
Date: Monday, September 27, 1999 5:44 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] birthday parties
>From: megates@...
>
>Help! I'm trying to get away from the birthday party bonanza. We got
>ANOTHER invitation today.
>
>Here's my take: we (American's) seem to have agreed that we will host a
>party for our child's birthday and everyone will bring a (hopefully nice)
>gift. Then when it is another child's birthday, we give them a gift.
>This struck me as so ridiculous at the last party I attended, when the
>FOUR year old got a giant stack of gifts that he got tired of before they
>were even all opened. Although my children HAVE received some lovely
>gifts, they've also got junk that I couldn't wait until they tired of or
>broke it. (And I'm probably guilty of giving junk just bc I didn't know
>a child well enough to pick out something meaningful.) I'm so tired of
>it!
>
>Lisa, nearly 7, really is quite social and has tons of friends between
>our neighborhood, homeschool group, and friends from my volunteer work.
>She would love to have a party, of course. I Do NOT want her to get a
>giant pile of presents. Her birthday is in December and it is just too
>much stuff all at once! I can't imagine her choosing just one friend to
>have a special outing with either, she really doesn't have ONE best
>friend at this time.
>
>How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
>those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her?
>After all, she enjoys the parties! I've talked to her about not having a
>party this year, but she still comes to with ideas about her party. We
>also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
>clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
>present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?
>
>Mary Ellen
>SAVE EVERYTHING IMPORTANT ON FLOPPY DISK!
>
>___________________________________________________________________
>Get the Internet just the way you want it.
>Free software, free e-mail, and free Internet access for a month!
>Try Juno Web: http://dl.www.juno.com/dynoget/tagj.
>
>>Check it out!
>http://www.unschooling.com
>
>
Jeff & Diane Gwirtz
> My kids all enjoy the small birthday parties at home. It is usuallyI read this and finally realized what the difference might be between
> just us, grandparents, and my brother and his wife and kids. Sometimes, they
> get to pick one kid to come also. We let them know, that by saving the
>
those of us that have parties and those that don't. My kids always
had parties when they were younger - although not real extravagant
ones. We usually made favors, sometimes did a craft project, etc.
My point is that our families live far away. We can't have
grandparents or aunts and uncles at b-days. Having a party is part
of what made their day special when they were younger. As they got
older they chose to forego the parties or just have a couple of
friends spend the night or go to the movies. Also, my kids favorite
gifts from their parties have been very original ones. For instance,
when my son was about 8, one of his friends brought him a pillow
his mom had made out of material that had all the NFL teams on it -
very inexpensive, and he still uses it. I liked the idea of
bringing things for others - mittens, etc. I do agree that the
parties can get out of hand. We saw that happen when we lived in St.
Louis - ponies, etc. - things we couldn't afford.
Diane from KS
jagwirtz@...
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/27/99 2:44:30 PM Pacific Daylight Time, megates@...
writes:
<< How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her? >>
I know how you feel and have asked the same questions. However, this is my
conviction regarding my own daughter; they are her friends and it's her
social life so it has to be up to her. I can discuss it with her but, like
her education, it's important not to push her into MY pov. She loves the
parties and this year she wants one of her own, so we are doing what we can
to honor her desires.
I know it gets tiresome attending those parties with them but it's one way we
can show respect for what matters to them.
Kris
writes:
<< How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her? >>
I know how you feel and have asked the same questions. However, this is my
conviction regarding my own daughter; they are her friends and it's her
social life so it has to be up to her. I can discuss it with her but, like
her education, it's important not to push her into MY pov. She loves the
parties and this year she wants one of her own, so we are doing what we can
to honor her desires.
I know it gets tiresome attending those parties with them but it's one way we
can show respect for what matters to them.
Kris
[email protected]
I just wanted to say that I think it's neat that your kids have enough
friends to make you have a problem with too many birthday party invitations.
With our kids out of school, they are invited to to the neighbor's parties,
and their cousins, and that is it.
Love,
Jill
friends to make you have a problem with too many birthday party invitations.
With our kids out of school, they are invited to to the neighbor's parties,
and their cousins, and that is it.
Love,
Jill
The O'Donnells
At 02:33 PM 9/27/99 -0700, you wrote:
My oldest is 10 yo this year and this was her last year to have a party.
Well at least until she is 12. We started out in ps and got roped into the
every year party routine too. But a couple years ago I gave her a choice -
you can either have a party with no more than X friends that lasts 2 hours
OR you can have 1-3 good friends spend the night with you. Amazingly she
opted for the overnight and it has stuck. Next year (11) we will plan a
family only event. Then when she is 12 she can have another sleepover (her
favorite thing) and every other year after that until she is 16 then it is
family only in an attempt to break her into the idea that your birthday
involves friends and presents every year of your life!
Oddly enough my 6 yo this year opted to just do the family thing on her
own! The deal was you could have a party every year until you were 10 yo
then every other year after that to 16. She was such a refreshing attitude
it blew us away. So much so, we offered to ask one of her friends to spend
the night! LOL! Sometimes the problem is ME!
In His Service,
Laraine
praxis@...
Subscribe to Our Prairie Primer Today Community at:
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/PrairiePrimerToday
>From: megates@...Mary Ellen,
>
>How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
>those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her?
>After all, she enjoys the parties! I've talked to her about not having a
>party this year, but she still comes to with ideas about her party. We
>also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
>clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
>present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?
My oldest is 10 yo this year and this was her last year to have a party.
Well at least until she is 12. We started out in ps and got roped into the
every year party routine too. But a couple years ago I gave her a choice -
you can either have a party with no more than X friends that lasts 2 hours
OR you can have 1-3 good friends spend the night with you. Amazingly she
opted for the overnight and it has stuck. Next year (11) we will plan a
family only event. Then when she is 12 she can have another sleepover (her
favorite thing) and every other year after that until she is 16 then it is
family only in an attempt to break her into the idea that your birthday
involves friends and presents every year of your life!
Oddly enough my 6 yo this year opted to just do the family thing on her
own! The deal was you could have a party every year until you were 10 yo
then every other year after that to 16. She was such a refreshing attitude
it blew us away. So much so, we offered to ask one of her friends to spend
the night! LOL! Sometimes the problem is ME!
In His Service,
Laraine
praxis@...
Subscribe to Our Prairie Primer Today Community at:
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/PrairiePrimerToday
mrstar
Mary Ellen Gates wrote:
<<<We also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring
warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?>>>
That is such an excellent idea. I bet the parents of the kids you invite
would just be thrilled with not having to worry about a 'gift' and instead
be able to pick up a practical item they know someone will get much use out
of. The kids will love it because kids love to do stuff like go skating
with all their friends (atleast I did when the youth group at church went
when I was a kid). You could also do food bank donations or anything like
that. What a way to turn around the whole 'get' mentality that comes with
the whole birthday party scene. You don't mind if I use this idea do you? I
wonder if it will work on the relatives. My mil way over gifts my kids. Her
mother too, except she goes for quantity instead of quality. (I hope I don't
sound ungrateful, it just gets out of hand).
Mary in Idaho (who has considered converting to one of those holiday free
religions just to get away from the whole gift thing <g>)
<<<We also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring
warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?>>>
That is such an excellent idea. I bet the parents of the kids you invite
would just be thrilled with not having to worry about a 'gift' and instead
be able to pick up a practical item they know someone will get much use out
of. The kids will love it because kids love to do stuff like go skating
with all their friends (atleast I did when the youth group at church went
when I was a kid). You could also do food bank donations or anything like
that. What a way to turn around the whole 'get' mentality that comes with
the whole birthday party scene. You don't mind if I use this idea do you? I
wonder if it will work on the relatives. My mil way over gifts my kids. Her
mother too, except she goes for quantity instead of quality. (I hope I don't
sound ungrateful, it just gets out of hand).
Mary in Idaho (who has considered converting to one of those holiday free
religions just to get away from the whole gift thing <g>)
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/27/99 4:44:32 PM Central Daylight Time, megates@...
writes:
<< How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her?
After all, she enjoys the parties! I've talked to her about not having a
party this year, but she still comes to with ideas about her party. We
also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?
My kids know that they don't get big birthday parties. I have always
thought they were silly (maybe I am showing my old age, but everyone didn't
have these big birthday parties when I was a kid. Normally, my friends and
myself, had one big party growing up and another around the age of 16. Those
two parties meant alot to us, because we didn't have one every year), so we
just didn't have them. My kids all knew that they would get one big party
during their childhood. They don't even ask for them (they have all had that
one "big" party and it is something they all four talk about. We video taped
each of their big birthday parties, so they can get them out and watch them
over and over---they love it!!
We also didn't do parties (like Chucky Cheese, McDonalds, or any other fancy
expensive place). Instead I decorated the house, went to the library and got
books on birthday party games and made up our own, and left about an hour of
free time after games, opening presents and cakes. The kids (most of who
always have the big theme birthday parties) all said that it was the best
birthday party they had ever been to!!! I think that sometimes we give our
kids too much, and instead of them really liking it, they are overwhelmed!
These kids all thought that this simple, inexpensive birthday party was the
best fun that they could remember, and that spoke volumes to me!!
Anyway, we would still get invites to all the friends birthday parties
year after year. Finally though, after years of not returning the favor and
inviting them to ours (because we didn't have them:)--oh well) they finally
quit asking my kids, so things have finally slowed down. Of course, it is
easier since we homeschool, and don't have all those birthday parties from
the many friends in the classroom.:)
My kids all enjoy the small birthday parties at home. It is usually
just us, grandparents, and my brother and his wife and kids. Sometimes, they
get to pick one kid to come also. We let them know, that by saving the
expense of a big party, we can use all of their birthday money on a nicer
gift than we could have gotten otherwise. My kids are very happy with this,
since as they got older, the gifts they want have gotten more expensive.:)
Anyway, it works well with my kids. I wish you alot of luck, as I struggled
through the same things before we decided to do things this way!
Tami
writes:
<< How do I get off this merry go round? Has anyone else said NO to all
those parties their kids get invited too? Am I being unfair to her?
After all, she enjoys the parties! I've talked to her about not having a
party this year, but she still comes to with ideas about her party. We
also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that?
>>Mary Ellen,
My kids know that they don't get big birthday parties. I have always
thought they were silly (maybe I am showing my old age, but everyone didn't
have these big birthday parties when I was a kid. Normally, my friends and
myself, had one big party growing up and another around the age of 16. Those
two parties meant alot to us, because we didn't have one every year), so we
just didn't have them. My kids all knew that they would get one big party
during their childhood. They don't even ask for them (they have all had that
one "big" party and it is something they all four talk about. We video taped
each of their big birthday parties, so they can get them out and watch them
over and over---they love it!!
We also didn't do parties (like Chucky Cheese, McDonalds, or any other fancy
expensive place). Instead I decorated the house, went to the library and got
books on birthday party games and made up our own, and left about an hour of
free time after games, opening presents and cakes. The kids (most of who
always have the big theme birthday parties) all said that it was the best
birthday party they had ever been to!!! I think that sometimes we give our
kids too much, and instead of them really liking it, they are overwhelmed!
These kids all thought that this simple, inexpensive birthday party was the
best fun that they could remember, and that spoke volumes to me!!
Anyway, we would still get invites to all the friends birthday parties
year after year. Finally though, after years of not returning the favor and
inviting them to ours (because we didn't have them:)--oh well) they finally
quit asking my kids, so things have finally slowed down. Of course, it is
easier since we homeschool, and don't have all those birthday parties from
the many friends in the classroom.:)
My kids all enjoy the small birthday parties at home. It is usually
just us, grandparents, and my brother and his wife and kids. Sometimes, they
get to pick one kid to come also. We let them know, that by saving the
expense of a big party, we can use all of their birthday money on a nicer
gift than we could have gotten otherwise. My kids are very happy with this,
since as they got older, the gifts they want have gotten more expensive.:)
Anyway, it works well with my kids. I wish you alot of luck, as I struggled
through the same things before we decided to do things this way!
Tami
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/27/99 10:01:42 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
jagwirtz@... writes:
<< I do agree that the parties can get out of hand. >>
This is an understatement. One of my sisters sends out the invites to all of
us and her kid's friends every year (she never learns). Tells each person
exactly what to buy them, not a list of what the kid wants but... Grandma
will buy the game, Charlotte buy Sam the nintendo player, Pam buy Sam the
cute little outfit in J.C. Penney catalog on page 120 letter c & D. Now mind
you it has nothing whatsoever to do with what the kid wants, it's what she
thinks the kid should get. She doesn't get why no one comes to the party.
We've been at her for over 18 years about how tacky the standing procedure
she has is, and offensive.
She goes so far with this that she specifically sends me a card and states
which mail provider she prefers I use. It has never crossed her mind that I
have NEVER sent her kids a gift on holidays or birthdays. I only do it off
holiday. She doesn't get it. When confronted she says "What, what do you
mean? These are the things that Sam wants..." Even when Sam was less than a
year old! The first three years after she had her oldest, Ryan, she'd go out
and buy what she wanted you to get the kid, then essentially bill you. Send
you a note saying you've given Ryan a $150 toy, I'll need to be reimbursed
before my rent is due. If you were the recipient of this time saving effort
on your behalf, and didn't pay her back, she'd call you on the phone. When I
told her I wouldn't buy my kids a $150 toy for their birthday she'd tell me
how she figured I could afford to spend this on her son. She stopped that
when my mother told her to send the debt to a collection agency.
Charlotte
jagwirtz@... writes:
<< I do agree that the parties can get out of hand. >>
This is an understatement. One of my sisters sends out the invites to all of
us and her kid's friends every year (she never learns). Tells each person
exactly what to buy them, not a list of what the kid wants but... Grandma
will buy the game, Charlotte buy Sam the nintendo player, Pam buy Sam the
cute little outfit in J.C. Penney catalog on page 120 letter c & D. Now mind
you it has nothing whatsoever to do with what the kid wants, it's what she
thinks the kid should get. She doesn't get why no one comes to the party.
We've been at her for over 18 years about how tacky the standing procedure
she has is, and offensive.
She goes so far with this that she specifically sends me a card and states
which mail provider she prefers I use. It has never crossed her mind that I
have NEVER sent her kids a gift on holidays or birthdays. I only do it off
holiday. She doesn't get it. When confronted she says "What, what do you
mean? These are the things that Sam wants..." Even when Sam was less than a
year old! The first three years after she had her oldest, Ryan, she'd go out
and buy what she wanted you to get the kid, then essentially bill you. Send
you a note saying you've given Ryan a $150 toy, I'll need to be reimbursed
before my rent is due. If you were the recipient of this time saving effort
on your behalf, and didn't pay her back, she'd call you on the phone. When I
told her I wouldn't buy my kids a $150 toy for their birthday she'd tell me
how she figured I could afford to spend this on her son. She stopped that
when my mother told her to send the debt to a collection agency.
Charlotte
rick and deborah farrington
truely amazing char, i had to laugh and then comment on the audacity
of your sister! (hope you dont mind the shortening of you name)(oh my
boldness)lol~ Deborah
Rhiahl@... wrote:
of your sister! (hope you dont mind the shortening of you name)(oh my
boldness)lol~ Deborah
Rhiahl@... wrote:
> From: Rhiahl@...
>
> In a message dated 9/27/99 10:01:42 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
> jagwirtz@... writes:
>
> << I do agree that the parties can get out of hand. >>
>
> This is an understatement. One of my sisters sends out the invites to all of
> us and her kid's friends every year (she never learns). Tells each person
> exactly what to buy them, not a list of what the kid wants but... Grandma
> will buy the game, Charlotte buy Sam the nintendo player, Pam buy Sam the
> cute little outfit in J.C. Penney catalog on page 120 letter c & D. Now mind
> you it has nothing whatsoever to do with what the kid wants, it's what she
> thinks the kid should get. She doesn't get why no one comes to the party.
> We've been at her for over 18 years about how tacky the standing procedure
> she has is, and offensive.
>
> She goes so far with this that she specifically sends me a card and states
> which mail provider she prefers I use. It has never crossed her mind that I
> have NEVER sent her kids a gift on holidays or birthdays. I only do it off
> holiday. She doesn't get it. When confronted she says "What, what do you
> mean? These are the things that Sam wants..." Even when Sam was less than a
> year old! The first three years after she had her oldest, Ryan, she'd go out
> and buy what she wanted you to get the kid, then essentially bill you. Send
> you a note saying you've given Ryan a $150 toy, I'll need to be reimbursed
> before my rent is due. If you were the recipient of this time saving effort
> on your behalf, and didn't pay her back, she'd call you on the phone. When I
> told her I wouldn't buy my kids a $150 toy for their birthday she'd tell me
> how she figured I could afford to spend this on her son. She stopped that
> when my mother told her to send the debt to a collection agency.
>
> Charlotte
>
> > Check it out!
> http://www.unschooling.com
The White's
In my opinion, it's the grandmothers who do WAY too much. Until last year
the only ones at my (6yrold) son's birthday parties were cousins &
grandmothers....he was THRILLED when some of his new friends from a new
playgroup came to his party. This year, he is very excited planning a theme
party, planning the activities they will do together.
My daughter just turned 3, we had a fairy princess party (she chose) & all
her guests got to make magic wands & circlet crowns. It was great fun.
Again, the only ones who went overboard were the grandmas. They can't help
it & I can't find a way to ask....it would seem ungrateful.
I like making a special day & event in honor of my kids....they are after
all special kids!!!!
Cindy
the only ones at my (6yrold) son's birthday parties were cousins &
grandmothers....he was THRILLED when some of his new friends from a new
playgroup came to his party. This year, he is very excited planning a theme
party, planning the activities they will do together.
My daughter just turned 3, we had a fairy princess party (she chose) & all
her guests got to make magic wands & circlet crowns. It was great fun.
Again, the only ones who went overboard were the grandmas. They can't help
it & I can't find a way to ask....it would seem ungrateful.
I like making a special day & event in honor of my kids....they are after
all special kids!!!!
Cindy
[email protected]
Thanks for all the great thoughts on this topic!
When I discussed it with dh, he didn't see why it was even an issue for
me, and he's the one always complaining that we have too many toys!
I especially like the idea to discuss this with dd -- what's most
important to each of us about this issue and then choose a plan together.
Mary Ellen
The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.
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When I discussed it with dh, he didn't see why it was even an issue for
me, and he's the one always complaining that we have too many toys!
I especially like the idea to discuss this with dd -- what's most
important to each of us about this issue and then choose a plan together.
Mary Ellen
The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.
>>Help! I'm trying to get away from the birthday party bonanza>>___________________________________________________________________
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Free software, free e-mail, and free Internet access for a month!
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[email protected]
In a message dated 09/28/1999 5:27:37 PM !!!First Boot!!!, megates@...
writes:
<< When I discussed it with dh, he didn't see why it was even an issue for
me, and he's the one always complaining that we have too many toys!
I especially like the idea to discuss this with dd -- what's most
important to each of us about this issue and then choose a plan together. >>
Mary Ellen-
What do you do for Christmas? We are right now trying to implement a new way
of doing Christmas. This is when our children look like they just bought Toys
R Us! We decided that since Christ was given 3 gifts, we will give 3 gifts,
and then we will focus on clothing and needed items. In stockings my children
are always blessed with undergarments, pencils, and other little goodies. I
think that this year we are going to tone down the big toy hype and focus on
family and Christ. We have also decided that instead of shopping for high
priced gifts for family and friends, we will make bread, soup mixes, cookies,
and hot chocolate
Stephanie
Mommy to Tiffany, Martin, James, and Stacie
writes:
<< When I discussed it with dh, he didn't see why it was even an issue for
me, and he's the one always complaining that we have too many toys!
I especially like the idea to discuss this with dd -- what's most
important to each of us about this issue and then choose a plan together. >>
Mary Ellen-
What do you do for Christmas? We are right now trying to implement a new way
of doing Christmas. This is when our children look like they just bought Toys
R Us! We decided that since Christ was given 3 gifts, we will give 3 gifts,
and then we will focus on clothing and needed items. In stockings my children
are always blessed with undergarments, pencils, and other little goodies. I
think that this year we are going to tone down the big toy hype and focus on
family and Christ. We have also decided that instead of shopping for high
priced gifts for family and friends, we will make bread, soup mixes, cookies,
and hot chocolate
Stephanie
Mommy to Tiffany, Martin, James, and Stacie
[email protected]
what a wonderful idea (about the donations for charity at the party) then for
the child, the party and the memory of it IS the gift.
erin (who allows her children a "friend" party every five years!)
the child, the party and the memory of it IS the gift.
erin (who allows her children a "friend" party every five years!)
[email protected]
This became a tough issue for me after having three children. We have a
large circle of hsing friends, so we would have a party and the whole family
would have to be invited (because they were too young to be at a drop off
party). So if I have 3 kids and our close circle of say six families has 3
children (just a for instance) that comes to 18 parties a year not including
our own childrens. We had to put a stop to going to most of the parties. My
friends know how I feel about it. My sons were too young so we never had
friend parties for them. Always at home with just us and grandparents. When
they reach a certain age then they are allowed to pick a place to go like
amusement park. We have a local one which is very inexpensive, free
admission, and all day ticket passes are $10 each. My dd does likes to have
parties with her friends, being more social than the boys. Next year I think
we may have a sleep over with one special friend. I really hate to deny my
kids the fun of having a big party, and if I only had one child I probably
would go ahead and have parties most years. Even when we did them for my dd,
we still didn't go crazy and spend lots of money on activities, just allowed
them to play. Oh and one more side note, when we have just the family
parties, the kids each get a party bag filled with little cheapo toys like
chalk, bubbles etc. We decorate with balloons, bake and decorate the cake,
wrap presents. Last year my dd specifically wanted a Bitty Baby and we
picked her out and her accessories. This is all she got (oh yeah plus some
glitter glue I had promised her) for her bday. While it wasnt' an
inexpensive gift, it was simple. It also happens to be her most played with
toy which she takes everywhere including to bed.
Kathy
large circle of hsing friends, so we would have a party and the whole family
would have to be invited (because they were too young to be at a drop off
party). So if I have 3 kids and our close circle of say six families has 3
children (just a for instance) that comes to 18 parties a year not including
our own childrens. We had to put a stop to going to most of the parties. My
friends know how I feel about it. My sons were too young so we never had
friend parties for them. Always at home with just us and grandparents. When
they reach a certain age then they are allowed to pick a place to go like
amusement park. We have a local one which is very inexpensive, free
admission, and all day ticket passes are $10 each. My dd does likes to have
parties with her friends, being more social than the boys. Next year I think
we may have a sleep over with one special friend. I really hate to deny my
kids the fun of having a big party, and if I only had one child I probably
would go ahead and have parties most years. Even when we did them for my dd,
we still didn't go crazy and spend lots of money on activities, just allowed
them to play. Oh and one more side note, when we have just the family
parties, the kids each get a party bag filled with little cheapo toys like
chalk, bubbles etc. We decorate with balloons, bake and decorate the cake,
wrap presents. Last year my dd specifically wanted a Bitty Baby and we
picked her out and her accessories. This is all she got (oh yeah plus some
glitter glue I had promised her) for her bday. While it wasnt' an
inexpensive gift, it was simple. It also happens to be her most played with
toy which she takes everywhere including to bed.
Kathy
The O'Donnells
At 12:02 AM 9/28/99 +0000, you wrote:
started this birthday party stuff and their grandparents were 4 hours and
10 hours away! No cousins lived nearby either! Hmmm, always wondered how
I let that happen. :o)
In His Service,
Laraine
praxis@...
Subscribe to Our Prairie Primer Today Community at:
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/PrairiePrimerToday
>From: "Jeff & Diane Gwirtz" <jagwirtz@...>You're right! I'd never thought of that - we lived in Detroit when my kids
>I read this and finally realized what the difference might be between
>those of us that have parties and those that don't. My kids always
>had parties when they were younger - although not real extravagant
>ones. We usually made favors, sometimes did a craft project, etc.
>My point is that our families live far away. We can't have
>grandparents or aunts and uncles at b-days. Having a party is part
>of what made their day special when they were younger.
started this birthday party stuff and their grandparents were 4 hours and
10 hours away! No cousins lived nearby either! Hmmm, always wondered how
I let that happen. :o)
In His Service,
Laraine
praxis@...
Subscribe to Our Prairie Primer Today Community at:
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/PrairiePrimerToday
[email protected]
Mary Ellen wrote-
<< We
also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that? >>
Sorry I'm so late to this, but I'm behind on my mail as usual! My friend and
I started a new gift custom with our kids last year because we both got tired
of this same dilemna. This is what we do. We ask each child/family to bring
an item or two for the local food bank and then after the party, we bag up
the stuff and the kids bring it in. Then, so the kids don't get left out all
together, we ask each family to bring one grab bag type present (wrapped)
under $5 in value. Then we play a game where the kids have to answer
questions (usually silly ones) and the first one to get a question right goes
to the pile of gag gifts and picks one out. The fun part comes in when the
others get to pick, because they can either take from the people who have
already chosen or from the pile. Then, when everybody has a gift, they all
open them one at a time and show them off. Lots of times they are comical or
really simple.
This probably doesn't work with really young kids who get attached to
things, and may not want to give up their box. You could probably adapt it
for this age. We've tried it with age 6 and up with great success. It's
really been surprising...we find that the kids are often more interested in
the game and oohing and ahhing over what other people have unwrapped that
they don't seem as greedy.
We thought about going cold turkey to no gifts, but ended up thinking that
this would be a better way to "ease" them off. Then, when the kids get to be
12+, we just take them places with their friends and still do the canned
goods, but we forgo the gifts and the kids seem fine with this. We do
usually still do some kind of goody grab bag for everybody, but we try to
make it practical.
This is one idea. BTW, it really helps if you can get a few of the other
parents to go in with you on this idea! You might be surprised how many
people are lurking out there who also want to get "off the bandwagon."
Carol from WI
<< We
also discussed renting the skating rink and asking people to bring warm
clothing, like mittens or hats, to be donated to charity, instead of a
present for Lisa. Has anyone tried anything like that? >>
Sorry I'm so late to this, but I'm behind on my mail as usual! My friend and
I started a new gift custom with our kids last year because we both got tired
of this same dilemna. This is what we do. We ask each child/family to bring
an item or two for the local food bank and then after the party, we bag up
the stuff and the kids bring it in. Then, so the kids don't get left out all
together, we ask each family to bring one grab bag type present (wrapped)
under $5 in value. Then we play a game where the kids have to answer
questions (usually silly ones) and the first one to get a question right goes
to the pile of gag gifts and picks one out. The fun part comes in when the
others get to pick, because they can either take from the people who have
already chosen or from the pile. Then, when everybody has a gift, they all
open them one at a time and show them off. Lots of times they are comical or
really simple.
This probably doesn't work with really young kids who get attached to
things, and may not want to give up their box. You could probably adapt it
for this age. We've tried it with age 6 and up with great success. It's
really been surprising...we find that the kids are often more interested in
the game and oohing and ahhing over what other people have unwrapped that
they don't seem as greedy.
We thought about going cold turkey to no gifts, but ended up thinking that
this would be a better way to "ease" them off. Then, when the kids get to be
12+, we just take them places with their friends and still do the canned
goods, but we forgo the gifts and the kids seem fine with this. We do
usually still do some kind of goody grab bag for everybody, but we try to
make it practical.
This is one idea. BTW, it really helps if you can get a few of the other
parents to go in with you on this idea! You might be surprised how many
people are lurking out there who also want to get "off the bandwagon."
Carol from WI
[email protected]
Stephanie wrote:
<< We decided that since Christ was given 3 gifts, we will give 3 gifts, >>
We have done this for several years, Stephanie, and it works well for us.
The kids do seem to get many gifts from other sources on top of these, but we
keep the family gifts very simple. We even break it down further: the kids
each get one book or game; one toy( or similar item for the older kids...last
year my 12yog got a camera, for example); and one article of clothing(this
tends to be something a little special like a sweater I know they like, but
is too expensive for the ordinary budget!
I was glad to hear that someone else does the three gifts, too!
Carol from WI
<< We decided that since Christ was given 3 gifts, we will give 3 gifts, >>
We have done this for several years, Stephanie, and it works well for us.
The kids do seem to get many gifts from other sources on top of these, but we
keep the family gifts very simple. We even break it down further: the kids
each get one book or game; one toy( or similar item for the older kids...last
year my 12yog got a camera, for example); and one article of clothing(this
tends to be something a little special like a sweater I know they like, but
is too expensive for the ordinary budget!
I was glad to hear that someone else does the three gifts, too!
Carol from WI
Alan & Brenda Leonard
11/21/02 15:23:
family's choice whether or not to invite them.
Tim has gone to a reasonable number of birthday parties. He's only ever had
1 in his life, and that's because I planned it as a surprise. Every other
year we give him the choice of a party or a day trip with one other friend.
Tim doesn't generally like big groups of kids, so he's always chosen the day
trip, and usually somewhere like a big ammusement park or something. Since
he's an only child, it's more fun for him with a friend anyhow. We always
have cake with family and sometimes another family we all like might come,
too. But it's informal.
Nobody's ever acted like it was a problem that we didn't invite them all to
a party.
brenda
> Not to beat a dead horse, but just trying to work through this in my mind...No. I think it's the party giver's choice to invite a child, and it's my
> no one here would consider it rude to not invite someone (if your child did
> not want
> to) who had previously invited your child to their party?
family's choice whether or not to invite them.
Tim has gone to a reasonable number of birthday parties. He's only ever had
1 in his life, and that's because I planned it as a surprise. Every other
year we give him the choice of a party or a day trip with one other friend.
Tim doesn't generally like big groups of kids, so he's always chosen the day
trip, and usually somewhere like a big ammusement park or something. Since
he's an only child, it's more fun for him with a friend anyhow. We always
have cake with family and sometimes another family we all like might come,
too. But it's informal.
Nobody's ever acted like it was a problem that we didn't invite them all to
a party.
brenda