[email protected]

In a message dated 03/20/2002 12:29:54 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:


> --- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., KathrynJB@a... wrote:
> The question is whether a child--any child-- needs school-like or
> other
> externally demanded structure. I really believe the need for that
> structure
> is the parent's need, not the child's.
>
>
> Kathryn,
>
> I believe that your belief is based on your experience (as most
> beliefs are.) I also believe that not everyone experiences the same
> response to unschooling, therefore your statement cannot apply to
> everyone.
>
> I have had personal experience with a child who does need an
> external structure. Unschooling was my desire - I (the parent)did
> not have the need for structure. Unschooling was a disaster for my
> daughter. It made her edgy and upset. She hated it. She created
> her own school plan and it was very harsh and demanding. I had to
> step in before she had a nervous breakdown. She also hates open
> ended questions. She is a perfectionist and she has always been
> hard on herself. She has wonderful loving parents who have not done
> anything to cause her to be this way. It is just the way she has
> always been. She spilled a glass of milk when she was 2 and became
> quite hysterical. People watching probably erroneously assumed that
> her parents had been overly harsh in the past when she spilled
> things. The truth is that she had never accidently spilled anything
> before.
>
> She is now 14 and studying Classical Literature. She is reading and
> enjoying things that would put me to sleep. She did fine from
> September until January. When she started showing signs of stress,
> I stepped in and asked her to take some time off. She refused
> saying that she needed to finish what she had scheduled. I found
> some light, fun reading choices and put those on her schedule
> instead. She thanked me and hugged me with tears in her eyes. I
> have spent most of her homeschooling years running similar
> interferences. I also spend a great deal of time telling her how
> wonderful she is as a human being and that studying hard does not
> make me love her more. I know that some will read what I have
> written and choose not to believe me. I can't help that; all I can
> say is "you have not walked in my shoes." Please do not judge what
> you have not experienced.
>
> Alaura
>
>
>
>

Alaura, from my perspective, you illustrated my point. I said "externally
demanded structure" -- a parent or teacher requiring specific learning at a
specific time. You did not give her the highly structured stuff when she was
a little kid, OR, I assume, require the Classical Literature. SHE did. She
wanted structure, and she found it. As an aware parent, when you saw her
driving herself nuts, you gently helped her find ways to continue doing what
SHE wanted, in a form that was likely to help her feel better. (I am assuming
that you didn't tell her she HAD to do that.)

My twelve year old son is teaching himself High School Chemistry with CD-ROMS
he asked me to buy him. He loves it, because he's fascinated. This is very
structured learning, which he has NOT been into until now. Is he unschooling?
Yup--I don't give a rat's ass whether he masters chemistry at 12 (or ever,
really).

On the other extreme, I give you -- Me. I am a Director of Religious
Education at a Unitarian Universalist church, and keep toying with becoming a
minister. So far, I have decided not to, because it would require my going to
Grad School for a Masters of Divinity. Going to a Hippy College and
unschooling have made me resent the idea of traditional grad school type
learning, so for now it doesn't seem worth it. If could learn what I need
and want to learn in an unstructured way, I'd do it. I don't want to sit and
listen to lectures and write meaningless, intellectual papers at this point,
though.

Kathryn


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

alaurashome

Going to a Hippy College and
> unschooling have made me resent the idea of traditional grad
school type
> learning, so for now it doesn't seem worth it. If could learn
what I need
> and want to learn in an unstructured way, I'd do it. I don't want
to sit and
> listen to lectures and write meaningless, intellectual papers at
this point,
> though.
>
> Kathryn
>

Kathryn,

I can really relate to that. I wanted to be a teacher, but I was
steered towards medicine by well meaning counselors. I finally
decided that becoming a doctor could never mesh with my idea of a
family. I dropped out and then almost finished a business degree.
I got a job in accounting which I hated. I still always planned on
returning to school and getting my teaching degree. Now..... I am
way too independent to submit myself to education classes and I
don't believe in it anymore either. LOL
I guess I need to rethink what I want to do when I grow up. :)

Alaura

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/20/02 5:52:58 PM Eastern Standard Time,
alaurashome@... writes:

<< Now..... I am
way too independent to submit myself to education classes and I
don't believe in it anymore either. LOL >>

:) I can relate. I have a degree in Finance from WAY long ago, then when I
had Lelia (who is now 13) I went back to school and got a masters in
education while at the same time deciding to unschool. Suffice to say, I
never taught. Instead at that time, I started a landscape business and kept
Leila with me all the time. Thanks goodness for those neighbors I had who I
thought were TOTALLY nutzo who introduced me to the concept of homeschooling.
I love how the Universe puts us in the right place at the right time!

Living in Abundance
Mary