Tim Coomer

Bonni said
"The fine line between not being controlling and not being passive and overly tolerant was interesting to find, and I am still finding it."

Bonni,
Can you elaborate on this a bit? Or, do you have any book suggestions, or any other suggestions? I am really struggling with this right now too!

Thanks,
Amie



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Katy Clark

I'm not Bonni, but try "Parenting with Love and Logic" By Cline and Fay. They have a website too It's www.loveandlogic.com The book is really well written and easy to read. They advocate using natural consequences.
Katy C.
Tim Coomer <tcee1@...> wrote: Bonni said
"The fine line between not being controlling and not being passive and overly tolerant was interesting to find, and I am still finding it."

Bonni,
Can you elaborate on this a bit? Or, do you have any book suggestions, or any other suggestions? I am really struggling with this right now too!

Thanks,
Amie



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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joanna514

> wrote: Bonni said
> "The fine line between not being controlling and not being passive
and overly tolerant was interesting to find, and I am still finding
it."
>
> Bonni,
> Can you elaborate on this a bit? Or, do you have any book
suggestions, or any other suggestions? I am really struggling with
this right now too!
>
> Thanks,
> Amie
>
I just read a book I really liked that discussed this. It's called
Endangered- by Johann Christoph Arnold.
My favorite chapter is called Discovering Reverence.
Joanna

Bonni Sollars

Tia, here are some thoughts I came up with after considering your request
for elaboration.

School at home was so meaningless to me, I always felt like I had failed
my son. I felt obligated to teach him what he was "supposed" to know, and
when he didn't learn I felt it was my fault. Still, it seemed like when
we were traveling or when I was ill my son learned more than when I had
"my act together". It seemed to me that children learned things the same
way they learned to talk, on their own, when they were ready, and when
they had a good reason to. I had almost nothing to do with it. I kept
looking for information to show me what was going on. In the homeschool
section of the library I noticed a book whose cover I had been looking at
for years, but since I had no teens I hadn't read it. (Grace
Llewellyn's book, The Teenage Liberation Handbook). After hearing the
word unschooling in that book, I looked it up on the net and found this
group. I've also found books at the library and searched the net for
information that is helpful. One book that made a big impact was How To
Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.
Not being controlling doesn't mean being out of control.
It means:
being free to be me and to feel and to think as I want without blaming
others;
letting others be and feel and think as they do without me feeling
responsible;
leading by gentleness and example rather than by harshness and coercion ;
speaking my mind without accusation or name calling;
searching for and learning new ways to live with others;
listening instead of demanding immediate compliance;
cooperating instead of commanding.

Bonni