[Unschooling-dotcom] I'm new to unschooling...
jeni
and could use some help. Hi, my name is jeni and I have homeschooled off and on for years. My oldest son did wonderfully with the traditional methods and is now working and in college. Son #2 is more into the vocational ed direction, though we are muddling through his senior year. My 15 yo daughter is my main concern and why I am checking out the unschooling approach. While she was in Christian school, we both would hear, "We know you are capible of the work, so we are passing you to the next grade." She enjoyed the social and the outlets with music and drama especially, but hated school. We finally found a school that seemed to be working, they're major focus was the fine arts, but unfortunately, it closed after her one year there. We then began homeschooling, trying every curriculum I could find...BJPress, A Beka, last year I tried tailoring her curriculum using Debbie Bell's book and The Big Book of Home Learning for my selections. She hated it. Her best friend, another homeschooler, had started using Switched on Schoolhouse and Anna had seen her use it and like what she saw. I ordered it for this year, tailoring it to match her abilities as opposed to age/grade, and she hates that. Anything to do with any kind of education she hates. I know she is not dyslexic as her older brother is, but she says she can't retain anything. Frankly, it seems to me that she just really doesn't want to retain anything. She just hates any form of school work. So, I am now exploring the "unschooling" approach. I frankly know very little about it and look forward to learning from your experiences and getting insights into what works and what doesn't.
My biggest concern is the fact that she is 15, almost 16, and would be in the 9th grade right now, according to "traditional" education. I can see how the natural curiosity of younger children brings about learning, but frankly, Anna is like a slug. She only wants to read novels, some of which I would prefer her not reading, watch t.v., not of the remotely educational variety, or listen to music, and I'm not talking necessarily Mozart or even John Williams, I am talking rock (which brings up a whole 'nuther battle). As far as helping around the house, well, we are not doing too well there either. 15 going on 16 going on 25 brings more hormones in a female than I almost know what to do with.
I am especially anxious to hear from "unschoolers" of older students, i.e. teens. Do any of you have those that appear to be motivated to do nothing? I'm open to ANYTHING! I have told her we are looking into unschooling and she seems remotely interested.
I'm looking forward to your input and getting to know you all!
jeni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My biggest concern is the fact that she is 15, almost 16, and would be in the 9th grade right now, according to "traditional" education. I can see how the natural curiosity of younger children brings about learning, but frankly, Anna is like a slug. She only wants to read novels, some of which I would prefer her not reading, watch t.v., not of the remotely educational variety, or listen to music, and I'm not talking necessarily Mozart or even John Williams, I am talking rock (which brings up a whole 'nuther battle). As far as helping around the house, well, we are not doing too well there either. 15 going on 16 going on 25 brings more hormones in a female than I almost know what to do with.
I am especially anxious to hear from "unschoolers" of older students, i.e. teens. Do any of you have those that appear to be motivated to do nothing? I'm open to ANYTHING! I have told her we are looking into unschooling and she seems remotely interested.
I'm looking forward to your input and getting to know you all!
jeni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/19/02 8:17:55 PM Eastern Standard Time,
calicoeyes@... writes:
<< I am especially anxious to hear from "unschoolers" of older students, i.e.
teens. Do any of you have those that appear to be motivated to do nothing?
I'm open to ANYTHING! I have told her we are looking into unschooling and
she seems remotely interested.
I'm looking forward to your input and getting to know you all!
jeni
I would immediately get a copy of "The Teenage Libertaion Handbook" for her.
And I would let her "deschool" for as long as she needs to. If she is
interested in something (for example, animals) I would ask her if she is
interested in working or volunteering at a shelter or vet, or something along
those lines. If she isn't, let it be. I would watch movies with her as much
as possible if she is interested. I'm sure others will have some more ideas,
but these are a few that came to mind immediately. Unschooling is individual
led learning, so curriculumns, unless she is interested in it would be out.
Also, if she decides not to do the curriculmn, that is fine too. Unschooling
is letting go of control and allowing life to unfold in all its beauty. My
daughter is 13, and has always been unschooled, so my experiences may not
help you much, but I will say we have the best time together and enjoy each
other so much, even when we annoy each other!! I would also recommend reading
the message boards and articles at unschooling.com. There is so much great
information there, many women with many years experience who have valuable
insights.
Living in Abundance
Mary
calicoeyes@... writes:
<< I am especially anxious to hear from "unschoolers" of older students, i.e.
teens. Do any of you have those that appear to be motivated to do nothing?
I'm open to ANYTHING! I have told her we are looking into unschooling and
she seems remotely interested.
I'm looking forward to your input and getting to know you all!
jeni
>>Hi Jeni,
I would immediately get a copy of "The Teenage Libertaion Handbook" for her.
And I would let her "deschool" for as long as she needs to. If she is
interested in something (for example, animals) I would ask her if she is
interested in working or volunteering at a shelter or vet, or something along
those lines. If she isn't, let it be. I would watch movies with her as much
as possible if she is interested. I'm sure others will have some more ideas,
but these are a few that came to mind immediately. Unschooling is individual
led learning, so curriculumns, unless she is interested in it would be out.
Also, if she decides not to do the curriculmn, that is fine too. Unschooling
is letting go of control and allowing life to unfold in all its beauty. My
daughter is 13, and has always been unschooled, so my experiences may not
help you much, but I will say we have the best time together and enjoy each
other so much, even when we annoy each other!! I would also recommend reading
the message boards and articles at unschooling.com. There is so much great
information there, many women with many years experience who have valuable
insights.
Living in Abundance
Mary
Tia Leschke
>First of all, I second the suggestion of The Teenage Liberation
>
>I am especially anxious to hear from "unschoolers" of older students, i.e.
>teens. Do any of you have those that appear to be motivated to do
>nothing? I'm open to ANYTHING! I have told her we are looking into
>unschooling and she seems remotely interested.
Handbook. Get it for her and tell her that *her* education is *her*
responsibility. You're only there to help, and you're glad to help as much
as she needs.
I have a 14 year old son who is still totally uninterested in academics. I
spent a lot of time over the years trying to find ways to get him
interested in academics, including a couple of periods where I gave up on
unschooling and forced him to do various kinds and amounts of schoolwork.
It's really been since I came onto this list that I've been able to relax
and really *look* at him. He's a very physical kid, always has been. He
likes to build things and do things. He learns by watching to some degree,
but mostly by doing. And I finally realized that He's doing exactly what
he needs to be doing.
He's always been into sports, and good at them. It's great for his
self-esteem, especially since he knows how far "behind" his peers he is
academically. (He reads now, but not very well.) This year he got into
mountain biking and is out almost every day either riding or building
trails and jumps. He has learned a lot about fixing his own bike, and his
friends even bring their bikes over for him to fix. He's a valued member
of that little biking group, and that's also great for his self-esteem.
He's been working with his dad off and on for a year or two now. He has
great work habits and attitudes, in many cases better than the adults on
the crew. He likes making money, but more important, he knows he's doing
something useful and valued in the adult world. (In fact my biggest
problem right now is helping him find that feeling when he *isn't*
working. He isn't as easy to be around him then.)
All this to say that it was when I relaxed about the academics and looked
at the totality of who he is, I was able to relax and know he was going to
be all right. Right now I can see him maybe owning a bike store some day,
or running eco-tours, or any one of a number of things that aren't going to
require much in the way of academics. I also know how smart he is, and am
open to the possibility that he might want to do something requiring
academics. I have no doubts that he could "catch up" and go on to
university at some point, if he found something he wanted to do that
required it.
So my suggestion is to have a really good look at your daughter. Pay
attention to what she likes and especially how she learns. Try to find
ways to feed that without her feeling like she has to take your
suggestions. Let her know that you're there for her when she needs you,
but that it's her education and her life. She's the one who'll have to
live it, so she might as well be the one who designs it.
Hope this helps.
Tia
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
rumpleteasermom
Hi Jeni,
I HAVE one of those! Mine's name is Jenni, small world. Her idea of
a good day, is one when she can sit in the tree swing and read for
several hours at a stretch.
Here's my thoughts on your situation: Pick your battles carefully.
You are not ever going to be able to change her taste in music. Aske
that she not make you listen to the ones you absolutely hate, but
don't try to tell her what to like. The same goes for books. What
kinds of books do you object to anyway? My Jenni just read the
LKHamilton seriea. I was a bit taken aback by the fact that she
assimmilated it all just fine, because I thought the last two were a
little intense. But she's fine with it.
As for the helping around the house thing, my opinion is that they
live here too, they have to help with general household stuff. If
they don't, they are much less likely to get me to do something they
want. It's actually been a pretty natual process. The only time
we've done anything that looks structured about the housework was when
we created our joblist. That was more for the benefit of my dh who
could not and can not leave certain jobs alone. And it has the added
benefit of everyone being able to look and see what still needs done.
With the hormones, talk it out with her when she is calm. Work up a
system to deal with the not calm times. In Rachel's case, it was just
a matter of telling her to stay away from everyone on certain days -
either be outside or in her room. It's not mandated or anything,
but it's what works for us all. She's happier, we're happier. Jenni
doesn't yet have the vast mood swings Rachel does so hopefully it
won't become an issue.
Mostly, I think what you may need to hear right now, is that if you
just let go of school and what you think she should be learning,
she'll be fine. In fact, I bet there is nothing picked up in High
School that is necessary to life that can't be caught up with later.
I believe that even moreso now that I'm watching my senior exchange
student with his schoolwork! It's GARBAGE. So don't worry. Work on
being happy and on her happiness. Everything else will take care of
itself.
Bridget
I HAVE one of those! Mine's name is Jenni, small world. Her idea of
a good day, is one when she can sit in the tree swing and read for
several hours at a stretch.
Here's my thoughts on your situation: Pick your battles carefully.
You are not ever going to be able to change her taste in music. Aske
that she not make you listen to the ones you absolutely hate, but
don't try to tell her what to like. The same goes for books. What
kinds of books do you object to anyway? My Jenni just read the
LKHamilton seriea. I was a bit taken aback by the fact that she
assimmilated it all just fine, because I thought the last two were a
little intense. But she's fine with it.
As for the helping around the house thing, my opinion is that they
live here too, they have to help with general household stuff. If
they don't, they are much less likely to get me to do something they
want. It's actually been a pretty natual process. The only time
we've done anything that looks structured about the housework was when
we created our joblist. That was more for the benefit of my dh who
could not and can not leave certain jobs alone. And it has the added
benefit of everyone being able to look and see what still needs done.
With the hormones, talk it out with her when she is calm. Work up a
system to deal with the not calm times. In Rachel's case, it was just
a matter of telling her to stay away from everyone on certain days -
either be outside or in her room. It's not mandated or anything,
but it's what works for us all. She's happier, we're happier. Jenni
doesn't yet have the vast mood swings Rachel does so hopefully it
won't become an issue.
Mostly, I think what you may need to hear right now, is that if you
just let go of school and what you think she should be learning,
she'll be fine. In fact, I bet there is nothing picked up in High
School that is necessary to life that can't be caught up with later.
I believe that even moreso now that I'm watching my senior exchange
student with his schoolwork! It's GARBAGE. So don't worry. Work on
being happy and on her happiness. Everything else will take care of
itself.
Bridget
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "jeni" <calicoeyes@c...> wrote:
>
> My biggest concern is the fact that she is 15, almost 16, and would
be in the 9th grade right now, according to "traditional" education.
I can see how the natural curiosity of younger children brings about
learning, but frankly, Anna is like a slug. She only wants to read
novels, some of which I would prefer her not reading, watch t.v., not
of the remotely educational variety, or listen to music, and I'm not
talking necessarily Mozart or even John Williams, I am talking rock
(which brings up a whole 'nuther battle). As far as helping around
the house, well, we are not doing too well there either. 15 going on
16 going on 25 brings more hormones in a female than I almost know
what to do with.
>
> I am especially anxious to hear from "unschoolers" of older
students, i.e. teens. Do any of you have those that appear to be
motivated to do nothing? I'm open to ANYTHING! I have told her we
are looking into unschooling and she seems remotely interested.
>
> I'm looking forward to your input and getting to know you all!
>
> jeni
Carol & Mac
> Here's my thoughts on your situation: Pick your battles carefully.Why would you want to pick battles with your children at all?
It is only if you want to be in control that there is any 'need' to
'pick a battle'. If the child is unschooled, and 'mindfully parented'
(insert your prefered terms <g>) there is no battle to fight - they are
choosing their own path - what's to battle over?
Battles create losers as well as winners. Been there, done that, not
going there again.
Carol
rumpleteasermom
Yes, you are right, it was a poor choice of words. I was just saying
that warring over what music they are listening too is pointless. We
are not going to change their taste by doing that.
Bridget
that warring over what music they are listening too is pointless. We
are not going to change their taste by doing that.
Bridget
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Carol & Mac <mjcmbrwn@i...> wrote:
> > Here's my thoughts on your situation: Pick your battles
carefully.
>
> Why would you want to pick battles with your children at all?
>
> It is only if you want to be in control that there is any 'need' to
> 'pick a battle'. If the child is unschooled, and 'mindfully
parented'
> (insert your prefered terms <g>) there is no battle to fight - they
are
> choosing their own path - what's to battle over?
>
> Battles create losers as well as winners. Been there, done that, not
> going there again.
>
> Carol