Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] cleaning the house
Karin
Julie Stauffer wrote:
<<when you keep saying "no requirements" it sure sounds like mom has to do
it all>>
Only if you assume other family members are not willing to help. Rather
than think of it as "adult/child" interactions, think of how you interact
with your spouse. Before there were kids.
Did dh require you to do laundry? Did you require dh to mow the lawn?
Probably not. Each person did the things they enjoyed or at least didn't
hate. At least in our family, the things everyone hates get divvied up or
put off until company is coming :) >>>
--------------------------
I just finished mopping the floors. It was WAY overdue, let me tell you. They were really dirty and have been for a while. I guess I was putting it off, I would get to it when I was bothered enough by it. When I was in a cleaning mood. We have tile throughout most of the house, so I have a lot to mop.
Last night and this morning especially, *I* really noticed the dirty floor. I'm not sure if DH did or not. He didn't say a word about it. Thankfully, he didn't say "boy, this floor is really dirty" or "when are you going to wash the floor?" or "I can't live in a house with a floor like this!" or any number of possible comments you could come up with. BUT, if he would have said anything to me about it, even if it was in a gentle way, I would have felt so bad. Like I wasn't doing my job. Like I wasn't measuring up in his eyes. I'm so glad that he didn't say anything, and now when he comes home, he'll see that the floor is clean. If it bothered him before, he might comment that it looks nice and clean, but he might not even notice.
The point of this story is that I try to be mindful and treat my kids the same way that I would like to be treated. Whether it's about chores or other things. I want my kids to know that they don't have to measure up to me. I want them to clean because they notice something needs to be cleaned, or because they are in a cleaning mood. Sometimes, all I have to do is start cleaning and that is enough to inspire them. Like when my youngest son saw me cleaning, he just cleaned his entire room. It looks great and so do the floors. :-)
Karin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<<when you keep saying "no requirements" it sure sounds like mom has to do
it all>>
Only if you assume other family members are not willing to help. Rather
than think of it as "adult/child" interactions, think of how you interact
with your spouse. Before there were kids.
Did dh require you to do laundry? Did you require dh to mow the lawn?
Probably not. Each person did the things they enjoyed or at least didn't
hate. At least in our family, the things everyone hates get divvied up or
put off until company is coming :) >>>
--------------------------
I just finished mopping the floors. It was WAY overdue, let me tell you. They were really dirty and have been for a while. I guess I was putting it off, I would get to it when I was bothered enough by it. When I was in a cleaning mood. We have tile throughout most of the house, so I have a lot to mop.
Last night and this morning especially, *I* really noticed the dirty floor. I'm not sure if DH did or not. He didn't say a word about it. Thankfully, he didn't say "boy, this floor is really dirty" or "when are you going to wash the floor?" or "I can't live in a house with a floor like this!" or any number of possible comments you could come up with. BUT, if he would have said anything to me about it, even if it was in a gentle way, I would have felt so bad. Like I wasn't doing my job. Like I wasn't measuring up in his eyes. I'm so glad that he didn't say anything, and now when he comes home, he'll see that the floor is clean. If it bothered him before, he might comment that it looks nice and clean, but he might not even notice.
The point of this story is that I try to be mindful and treat my kids the same way that I would like to be treated. Whether it's about chores or other things. I want my kids to know that they don't have to measure up to me. I want them to clean because they notice something needs to be cleaned, or because they are in a cleaning mood. Sometimes, all I have to do is start cleaning and that is enough to inspire them. Like when my youngest son saw me cleaning, he just cleaned his entire room. It looks great and so do the floors. :-)
Karin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lynda
I sure hope this doesn't come through to your daughters (do you have
daughters?) like I see it coming through.
If your husband noticed the dirty floors, why would he comment to you, why
not do them himself? Why would you feel like you weren't doing your "job?"
Like you weren't "measuring up?"
Around here, if someone notices something needs doing, they do it and do
throw a guilt trip on anyone else. If it is something that is a major thing
(which if all of your house is tile, mopping would be a major "thing"), then
whoever notices gets together the "team" and we bust it out.
Lynda
daughters?) like I see it coming through.
If your husband noticed the dirty floors, why would he comment to you, why
not do them himself? Why would you feel like you weren't doing your "job?"
Like you weren't "measuring up?"
Around here, if someone notices something needs doing, they do it and do
throw a guilt trip on anyone else. If it is something that is a major thing
(which if all of your house is tile, mopping would be a major "thing"), then
whoever notices gets together the "team" and we bust it out.
Lynda
----- Original Message -----
From: "Karin" <curtkar@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, March 19, 2002 12:56 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] cleaning the house
> Julie Stauffer wrote:
>
> <<when you keep saying "no requirements" it sure sounds like mom has to do
> it all>>
>
> Only if you assume other family members are not willing to help. Rather
> than think of it as "adult/child" interactions, think of how you interact
> with your spouse. Before there were kids.
>
> Did dh require you to do laundry? Did you require dh to mow the lawn?
> Probably not. Each person did the things they enjoyed or at least didn't
> hate. At least in our family, the things everyone hates get divvied up or
> put off until company is coming :) >>>
>
> --------------------------
>
> I just finished mopping the floors. It was WAY overdue, let me tell you.
They were really dirty and have been for a while. I guess I was putting it
off, I would get to it when I was bothered enough by it. When I was in a
cleaning mood. We have tile throughout most of the house, so I have a lot to
mop.
>
> Last night and this morning especially, *I* really noticed the dirty
floor. I'm not sure if DH did or not. He didn't say a word about it.
Thankfully, he didn't say "boy, this floor is really dirty" or "when are you
going to wash the floor?" or "I can't live in a house with a floor like
this!" or any number of possible comments you could come up with. BUT, if he
would have said anything to me about it, even if it was in a gentle way, I
would have felt so bad. Like I wasn't doing my job. Like I wasn't measuring
up in his eyes. I'm so glad that he didn't say anything, and now when he
comes home, he'll see that the floor is clean. If it bothered him before, he
might comment that it looks nice and clean, but he might not even notice.
>
> The point of this story is that I try to be mindful and treat my kids the
same way that I would like to be treated. Whether it's about chores or other
things. I want my kids to know that they don't have to measure up to me. I
want them to clean because they notice something needs to be cleaned, or
because they are in a cleaning mood. Sometimes, all I have to do is start
cleaning and that is enough to inspire them. Like when my youngest son saw
me cleaning, he just cleaned his entire room. It looks great and so do the
floors. :-)
>
> Karin
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> To unsubscribe, set preferences, or read archives:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
>
> Another great list sponsored by Home Education Magazine!
> http://www.home-ed-magazine.com
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
Joseph Fuerst
> Around here, if someone notices something needs doing, they do it and doA freudian slip or a typo...that is the question! LOL!
> throw a guilt trip on anyone else
Susan
[email protected]
If we went to someone ELSE's house and cleaned and took care of children and
did laundry and mopped floors and drove togymnastics and the gaming store
and MCd's, and we vacuumed the stairs and read books and on and on and on
and got PAID for it, Would our husbands be expected to help at the end of
the day when we both came home?
My husband has a job that pays our expenses (electrician)
I have a job that ensures our families future (unschooling/raising children)
We both have a job to help our lives run smoothly (household upkeep)
{Please be aware that this is the IDEAL way for our home but it doesn't
always work out that way! LOL}
~Elissa Cleaveland
"It is nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction
have
not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry." A. Einstein
did laundry and mopped floors and drove togymnastics and the gaming store
and MCd's, and we vacuumed the stairs and read books and on and on and on
and got PAID for it, Would our husbands be expected to help at the end of
the day when we both came home?
My husband has a job that pays our expenses (electrician)
I have a job that ensures our families future (unschooling/raising children)
We both have a job to help our lives run smoothly (household upkeep)
{Please be aware that this is the IDEAL way for our home but it doesn't
always work out that way! LOL}
~Elissa Cleaveland
"It is nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction
have
not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry." A. Einstein
Karin
>>I sure hope this doesn't come through to your daughters (do you havedaughters?) like I see it coming through.
If your husband noticed the dirty floors, why would he comment to you, why
not do them himself? Why would you feel like you weren't doing your "job?"
Like you weren't "measuring up?"
Around here, if someone notices something needs doing, they do it and do
throw a guilt trip on anyone else. If it is something that is a major thing
(which if all of your house is tile, mopping would be a major "thing"), then
whoever notices gets together the "team" and we bust it out.
Lynda>>>
Nope. I don't have any daughters. I have 2 boys.
About the dirty floors and my DH noticing them, well it's just simple.
He is gone and works all day long. He gets home at say 6:30 - 7:00.
He is exhausted and stressed to the max from work.
He eats some dinner and watches some TV so he can relax enough to go to sleep.
Even still, he gets terrible insomnia sometimes.
IF I saw him come home in this state and be bothered by the dirty floors to actually pick up the mop and wash them, I would feel equally as bad as if he would have said something to me.
He has a job and supports us so the kids and I can stay home.
He does a lot of work around the house on his days off.
Some things I consider MY job, for the most part, and I feel that I am responsible for getting them done. I would not really consider mopping the floor to be a team effort. I like to do it to my specifications. (I really do it best). There are other things we do in a team effort fashion (especially deep-cleaning when company is coming! :-)
My whole point was, DH never says anything or nags about the house being messy, even if it is.
And I love that about him.
Karin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heather Woodward
If we went to someone ELSE's house and cleaned and took care of children and
did laundry and mopped floors and drove togymnastics and the gaming store
and MCd's, and we vacuumed the stairs and read books and on and on and on
and got PAID for it, Would our husbands be expected to help at the end of
the day when we both came home?
~Actually, think of how much someone would have to PAY you for all that. So in essence is is like doing a job- and actually it is usually much more difficult(and means much more) than working for a paycheck.
Heather
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
did laundry and mopped floors and drove togymnastics and the gaming store
and MCd's, and we vacuumed the stairs and read books and on and on and on
and got PAID for it, Would our husbands be expected to help at the end of
the day when we both came home?
~Actually, think of how much someone would have to PAY you for all that. So in essence is is like doing a job- and actually it is usually much more difficult(and means much more) than working for a paycheck.
Heather
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kolleen
>Karin wrote:Karin, this is not personally directed at you. So please don't take it
>He is gone and works all day long. He gets home at say 6:30 - 7:00.
>He is exhausted and stressed to the max from work.
>He has a job and supports us so the kids and I can stay home.
that way.
/rant on
What I'd like to address is the thought-theology behind work vs.
stay-at-home.
I've done both. I was the bread-winner in a two parent house. I was the
bread-winner as a single mom. And now I stay-at-home to unschool and do
*some* work from home for clients that I've kept.
I was a VP/operations for a chain of newspapers in NYC. I was GM for a
commercial print house in Silicon Valley. Lets just say, demanding,
high-stress jobs. Long hours, dealing with keeping peace amongst a lot of
different personalities, getting work out, tight deadlines, hiring,
firing, etc. etc.
You know, none of them was as demanding as unschooling. Not nearly as
rewarding either... but not as demanding.
It's a myth that staying at home is easier.. and procreating that myth
only allows the ones that do to disempower themselves.
A few months ago there was a woman on another unschool list that asked
for a title to describe what she does.. because of the looks she was
getting from her husband's co-workers at social functions for being what
she termed as 'just a mom'.
Think about this, if we put ourselves down, assume that we have it
easier, then we are responsible for the way people see our role.
Now, obviously you can't change the world. One can only endeaver to work
on their own progress. There are always prejudices. BUT one can see
themselves and their contribution as being as important as it is.
Unschooling takes energy. No, not negative, but energy. Going here, going
there, doing, doing, doing. Even fun stuff takes energy!!! The
never-ending questions and never-ending search for answers... wow.. its
so dynamic!
I have learned to play video games, I have knocked my brains out trying
to transform robots with missing parts, I have overstepped my comfort
level almost everyday because of my son's interests.
When I was working.. it was MY professional interests.. it was MY chosen
field/job.. And not nearly as demanding on one's aging synaptic nerves
than a career that was ingrained in me.
The household cleanliness shouldn't then fall onto the shoulders of one.
We are all working.. we are all doing demanding things. The household
falls into the community (and generally whoever is bothered by it most
*smile*).
/rant-off
kolleen
Kara Bauer
Kolleen,
I LOVED that whole post! You go girl <wink>
KaraGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I LOVED that whole post! You go girl <wink>
KaraGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kara Bauer
Actually, think of how much someone would have to PAY you for all that. So in essence is is like doing a job- and actually it is usually much more difficult(and means much more) than working for a paycheck.>>
There was an article (I can't remember where) months back that put into a dollar amount a stay at home mother would make if she were being paid, it was over $400,000! (if only, LOL)
KaraGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
There was an article (I can't remember where) months back that put into a dollar amount a stay at home mother would make if she were being paid, it was over $400,000! (if only, LOL)
KaraGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Carol & Mac
This is one of those issues that is not only individual, but changes
over time. Long before we had kids, we agreed that when we had kids, I
would stay home and raise (yuk, hate that word) them, dh would earn the
money, and that we would continue to share the household work, as we did
while we were both in paid employment. And for 18 years we did that. I
tended to do more vacuuming, and cooking and cleaning, though dh always
did some. He did more car maintainence (I passed tools under the van
sometimes), gutter clearing (I get dizzy when higher than a few steps on
a ladder) etc etc, but dh always did some cooking, cleaning etc every
week. The last 2 years things changed. We have been living in a garage
plus sleepout for two years, while we build a house at weekends and
evenings. Yes, I help with that, but basically he has done most of it
with quite a lot of help from our 14yo and 18yo. I am doing the
housework and cooking - with help from my 11yo, 14yo and 18yo. Soon,
the house building will finish and I expect dh will take over more
cooking, housework etc while I spend time sewing curtains, painting etc.
It's not really a matter of who should do what. It is a matter of it
feeling fair to all concerned. When I feel things are getting out of
balance, I let everyone know <g> So does dh. And my boys have absolutely
no hesitation in bringing up the subject of inequity!
Carol
over time. Long before we had kids, we agreed that when we had kids, I
would stay home and raise (yuk, hate that word) them, dh would earn the
money, and that we would continue to share the household work, as we did
while we were both in paid employment. And for 18 years we did that. I
tended to do more vacuuming, and cooking and cleaning, though dh always
did some. He did more car maintainence (I passed tools under the van
sometimes), gutter clearing (I get dizzy when higher than a few steps on
a ladder) etc etc, but dh always did some cooking, cleaning etc every
week. The last 2 years things changed. We have been living in a garage
plus sleepout for two years, while we build a house at weekends and
evenings. Yes, I help with that, but basically he has done most of it
with quite a lot of help from our 14yo and 18yo. I am doing the
housework and cooking - with help from my 11yo, 14yo and 18yo. Soon,
the house building will finish and I expect dh will take over more
cooking, housework etc while I spend time sewing curtains, painting etc.
It's not really a matter of who should do what. It is a matter of it
feeling fair to all concerned. When I feel things are getting out of
balance, I let everyone know <g> So does dh. And my boys have absolutely
no hesitation in bringing up the subject of inequity!
Carol
Cindy
Kolleen wrote:
which ended when Megan arrived. This is the hardest and most rewarding
job I've had. Yet I find that I feel like I've let people down and how
can I explain to my grad school friends why I'm "just a mom" now... Big
sigh!!
--
Cindy Ferguson
crma@...
>Very well said, Kolleen. I too had high-pressure, high-intensity jobs
> The household cleanliness shouldn't then fall onto the shoulders of one.
> We are all working.. we are all doing demanding things. The household
> falls into the community (and generally whoever is bothered by it most
> *smile*).
>
which ended when Megan arrived. This is the hardest and most rewarding
job I've had. Yet I find that I feel like I've let people down and how
can I explain to my grad school friends why I'm "just a mom" now... Big
sigh!!
--
Cindy Ferguson
crma@...
alaurashome
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Kolleen <Kolleen@m...> wrote:
Your post has made my year. My dh doesn't have to try to make me
feel guilty; I have done it myself.
This is truly the toughest job that I have ever had. The worry
alone is extremely exhausting. I would also like to add that
unschooling is way more draining than traditional homeschooling. I
have a child in each camp, and the unschooling one is far more
demanding of my time and energy.
I hate the stereotype that many have reagarding unschooling. I have
friends who think that my decision to unschool my son was based upon
my not being able to handle schooling both kids. LOL
Maybe I should send my little questioner over to their house for a
day <evil grin>.
Alaura
> Unschooling takes energy. No, not negative, but energy. Goinghere, going
> there, doing, doing, doing. Even fun stuff takes energy!!! Thewow.. its
> never-ending questions and never-ending search for answers...
> so dynamic!chosen
>
> When I was working.. it was MY professional interests.. it was MY
> field/job.. And not nearly as demanding on one's aging synapticnerves
> than a career that was ingrained in me.of one.
>
> The household cleanliness shouldn't then fall onto the shoulders
> We are all working.. we are all doing demanding things. Thehousehold
> falls into the community (and generally whoever is bothered by itmost
> *smile*).kolleen I love you!!!!
>
> /rant-off
>
>
> kolleen
Your post has made my year. My dh doesn't have to try to make me
feel guilty; I have done it myself.
This is truly the toughest job that I have ever had. The worry
alone is extremely exhausting. I would also like to add that
unschooling is way more draining than traditional homeschooling. I
have a child in each camp, and the unschooling one is far more
demanding of my time and energy.
I hate the stereotype that many have reagarding unschooling. I have
friends who think that my decision to unschool my son was based upon
my not being able to handle schooling both kids. LOL
Maybe I should send my little questioner over to their house for a
day <evil grin>.
Alaura
Lynda
I wanted to be sure that I kept up with the current trend of typos and
keeping the spelling police busy <g>
Lynda
keeping the spelling police busy <g>
Lynda
----- Original Message -----
From: "Joseph Fuerst" <fuerst@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, March 20, 2002 4:26 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] cleaning the house
> > Around here, if someone notices something needs doing, they do it and do
> > throw a guilt trip on anyone else
>
> A freudian slip or a typo...that is the question! LOL!
> Susan
>
>
>
>
> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> To unsubscribe, set preferences, or read archives:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Unschooling-dotcom
>
> Another great list sponsored by Home Education Magazine!
> http://www.home-ed-magazine.com
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>