[email protected]

On Mon, 18 Mar 02 22:35:10 -0500 Kolleen <Kolleen@...> writes:
> So I use the term to try to go outside the mainstream norm of what is
the
> common thought of parenting, in the way ppl go outside the norm of
> what is the common thought of schooling.

The way I've heard the term used previously is to describe parents who
are not "parenting" at all, mainstream or outside of the mainstream.
Usually, these unparenting parents are claiming to be "unschooling", but
to them that means they sit on their butts all day, don't do anything
interesting that the kids can be part of, don't share interesting things
with their kids, and don't answer most questions (the child is supposed
to "discover" the answers on his own). Generally, IME, their kids go to
great lengths to get attention, don't have many friends, and aren't very
happy kids. That is my understanding of "unparenting" - it's someone who
is simply not parenting, just as someone who is "unschooling" is *not*
schooling. I don't see unschooling as "Outside the norm of what is the
common thought of schooling", I see it as outside the category of
schooling altogether.

dar

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Kolleen

>Life is good ~Mary wrote:
>I keep seeing this term "unparenting". It sounds awful to me, am I missing
>something? I choose to UN-school because I disagree with school and
>schoolish approaches to learning. But UN-parenting?

By the same token that the word 'school' doesn't bring up all kinds of
ugly scenarios in my head.. the need to use the term 'unschool' describes
another spectrum on the opposite side of the standard. As it stands with
the term 'parenting' and 'unparenting'.

Go to any bookstore and the mainstream parenting books will use terms
like 'your child manipulates you by crying', 'show them who the parent
is', 'they need to conform to your schedule' and my all time gag-fave
about 'let them cry until they learn that night time they need to go to
sleep by themselves'. They talk about encouragement in the form of praise
and extrinsic rewards, clapping for what seems to be like a trained seal,
and punishments.

So I use the term to try to go outside the mainstream norm of what is the
common thought of parenting, in the way ppl go outside the norm of what
is the common thought of schooling.

>I read Joyce's post and
>didn't see anything in it that sounded like she was not being a full-on,
>completely involved and ever present parent. Maybe I just use a different
>term for what this is meant to describe. When I think of Joyce, and her
>lovely descriptions of how she is with her daughter, I think of "mindful
>parenting". Same thing?

Terms, I suppose. Such as unschooling is child-led learning. Whereas a
mindful parent might consider something like a 'time-out' or watch their
children perform. I see it as a way to explain that the current mindset
isn't what we're doing.

kolleen

Kara Bauer

The way I've heard the term used previously is to describe parents who
are not "parenting" at all, mainstream or outside of the mainstream.
Usually, these unparenting parents are claiming to be "unschooling", but
to them that means they sit on their butts all day, don't do anything
interesting that the kids can be part of, don't share interesting things
with their kids, and don't answer most questions (the child is supposed
to "discover" the answers on his own). >>

I have yet to actually here anyone here say they 'unparent', actually I have never heard that until here. What I do (and possibly others) is *trust* my children. I would agree with the above statement made, that kind of life would SUCK! How boring would that life be??

Generally, IME, their kids go to great lengths to get attention, don't have many friends, and aren't very happy kids. That is my understanding of "unparenting" - it's someone who is simply not parenting>>

I think I would tend to agree, of course like I said I don't think anyone here would even use the term 'unparenting'.

Here is a website you or others may be interested in: www.tcs.ac

KaraGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/19/02 6:22:51 AM, KaraBauer4@... writes:

<< I have yet to actually here anyone here say they 'unparent', >>

Not of themselves. The few times I've heard it used it was invariably used
as a put-down to unschoolers. I was surprised to see it in use on this list
in any fashion.

It takes more work, awareness and knowledge of your child to know what they
can successfully and confidently handle and to give them freedom and support
in that range than it does to just look at someone else's list of when to let
them do what and say "no" a lot. Saying "no" makes some parents feel
responsible, like they're really parenting. And it's easy to say "No, go to
your room" instead of "Yes, okay, I'll get off my butt and help you do that
thing you want to do" or "Yes, I'll give you a ride there," or "Sure, here
are the tools, and I'll show you how to use them.

Sometimes unschooling critics will say with that snide voice, "You let him do
anything he wants to do." No, I HELP him do what he wants to do. I
encourage him to do what he wants to do. And lo and behold, the things he
wants to do are not stupid reactionary things. Those things are done by kids
whose parents say a lot of "NO."

Sandra

rumpleteasermom

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 3/19/02 6:22:51 AM, KaraBauer4@m... writes:
>
> << I have yet to actually here anyone here say they 'unparent', >>
>
> Not of themselves. The few times I've heard it used it was
invariably used
> as a put-down to unschoolers. I was surprised to see it in use on
this list
> in any fashion.
>

I've never seen it used as a put-down. I've only seen it used to
differentiate between those who unschool educationally and those have
taken unschooling philosophy into every corner of their parenting.

Bridget

joanna514

This 'unparenting' discussion is confusing me.
What some people seem to be calling "unparenting", i have always
heard of as, NCP/TCS (Non Coercive Parenting/Taking Children
Seriously.) That term hasn't even been mentioned.
Am I missing something?
Joanna



--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "rumpleteasermom"
<rumpleteasermom@j...> wrote:
> --- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> >
> > In a message dated 3/19/02 6:22:51 AM, KaraBauer4@m... writes:
> >
> > << I have yet to actually here anyone here say they 'unparent', >>
> >
> > Not of themselves. The few times I've heard it used it was
> invariably used
> > as a put-down to unschoolers. I was surprised to see it in use
on
> this list
> > in any fashion.
> >
>
> I've never seen it used as a put-down. I've only seen it used to
> differentiate between those who unschool educationally and those
have
> taken unschooling philosophy into every corner of their parenting.
>
> Bridget

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/19/02 10:56:12 AM, Wilkinson6@... writes:

<< This 'unparenting' discussion is confusing me.
What some people seem to be calling "unparenting", i have always
heard of as, NCP/TCS (Non Coercive Parenting/Taking Children
Seriously.) That term hasn't even been mentioned.
Am I missing something? >>

That's very specific.
We're talking about mindfulness, not about following rules.

Sandra

[email protected]

<< I've never seen it used as a put-down. I've only seen it used to
> differentiate between those who unschool educationally and those
have
> taken unschooling philosophy into every corner of their parenting. >>

I've been reading about unschooling for ten years now, in just about every
possible corner of it, and have always seen it as a putdown. It seems a
putdown in the paragraph above, too.

I've never heard anyone say "I unschool educationally." That implies there's
some sort of non-education unschooling.

It's not the "unschooling philosophy" that some people take into various
other areas of parenting. It's the mindful respect for children. It's faith
and trust in young humans.

Sandra

Lilly

I think what the people in here meant by un-parenting
was to parent in a non authoritarian way. To let
children develop self-discipline. I think the word
un-parenting gives off a misconception of what they
are trying to label. I know there is no correct way
and that each child is different. I personally think
of neglected chidlren when I hear Un-parenting. I am
NOT saying that anyone is neglecting their children.


hazel


--- freeform@... wrote:
>
>
> On Mon, 18 Mar 02 22:35:10 -0500 Kolleen
> <Kolleen@...> writes:
> > So I use the term to try to go outside the
> mainstream norm of what is
> the
> > common thought of parenting, in the way ppl go
> outside the norm of
> > what is the common thought of schooling.
>
> The way I've heard the term used previously is to
> describe parents who
> are not "parenting" at all, mainstream or outside of
> the mainstream.
> Usually, these unparenting parents are claiming to
> be "unschooling", but
> to them that means they sit on their butts all day,
> don't do anything
> interesting that the kids can be part of, don't
> share interesting things
> with their kids, and don't answer most questions
> (the child is supposed
> to "discover" the answers on his own). Generally,
> IME, their kids go to
> great lengths to get attention, don't have many
> friends, and aren't very
> happy kids. That is my understanding of
> "unparenting" - it's someone who
> is simply not parenting, just as someone who is
> "unschooling" is *not*
> schooling. I don't see unschooling as "Outside the
> norm of what is the
> common thought of schooling", I see it as outside
> the category of
> schooling altogether.
>
> dar
>
>
________________________________________________________________
> GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO!
> Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for
> less!
> Join Juno today! For your FREE software, visit:
> http://dl.www.juno.com/get/web/.
>


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