Re: Rules, TV and Bridget
Julie Stauffer
<<he is just as much unschooled in his own way>>
Oh man back to this. We HAVE come full circle haven't we Bridget? When you
are using Wyndham as an example as to why rules and structure and, to use
your term, "school" is important, it would be helpful if you pointed out to
new people on the list that you have described Wyndham as having a quite
significant mental disorder.
I think the thing about unschooling and rules gets bogged down in the
language. For many people, the idea of rules means something like "We eat
dinner at 6:00. If you are not in your place at 6:00 sharp you will not
eat. It doesn't matter if the kittens are being born, the scrabble game
isn't finished, etc. 6:00 means 6:00 mister". In other words, something
rigid and arbitrary.
For others, rules means something like "We normally eat at 6:00 but last
night it was more like 7:00. The cat was having kittens and it was such an
amazing experience for the entire family. The kids had made a warm bed for
the cat and after she gave birth they oohed and aaahed and we talked about
when they were born. After awhile, Pete said he was hungry and we all
agreed." In other words, guidelines that are flexible and pliable.
My kids have things they are responsible for but I rarely REQUIRE anything
specific of them. We all, as a family, talk about our needs to each other.
I need to be able to find all the dirty clothes for laundry. Zach hates to
clean his room and likes to live amid his.......belongings. It made me
crazy to have to dig through all his stuff to find clothes. Zach and I
TALKED about it. He suggested doing his own laundry. It is working out
great. If we are going somewhere that he needs something particular to
wear, I ask him the day before if it is clean.
All families have rules even if they are unspoken ones. In our home, it is
to treat others like you would like to be treated, to act humanely and
respectfully to each other.
TV--
I used to be a big TV limiter. It was turned off daily from 9 to 5 no
matter what. Then at 5 the kids would be glued to the thing and I could get
dinner cooked without interruption. One year ago, we did away with all the
limits. The kids went nuts, spending literally hours and hours watching
television. They watched somethings that I had cautioned them against and
got scared. They watched some stuff that I cautioned against and got bored.
Now they watch television less, by choice, than they did when I limited it
(when I limited it we had 10 channels, we now have over 900). You can only
watch so many Spongebob Squarepants reruns before going outside seems more
interesting. They also monitor their own content. The kids will say they
don't want to watch something because it seems scary. They even have
potential access to erotica due to pay per view and have never watched it
(it would show up on the bill).
I think it is easy to not give kids credit to make their own decisions.
Julie
Oh man back to this. We HAVE come full circle haven't we Bridget? When you
are using Wyndham as an example as to why rules and structure and, to use
your term, "school" is important, it would be helpful if you pointed out to
new people on the list that you have described Wyndham as having a quite
significant mental disorder.
I think the thing about unschooling and rules gets bogged down in the
language. For many people, the idea of rules means something like "We eat
dinner at 6:00. If you are not in your place at 6:00 sharp you will not
eat. It doesn't matter if the kittens are being born, the scrabble game
isn't finished, etc. 6:00 means 6:00 mister". In other words, something
rigid and arbitrary.
For others, rules means something like "We normally eat at 6:00 but last
night it was more like 7:00. The cat was having kittens and it was such an
amazing experience for the entire family. The kids had made a warm bed for
the cat and after she gave birth they oohed and aaahed and we talked about
when they were born. After awhile, Pete said he was hungry and we all
agreed." In other words, guidelines that are flexible and pliable.
My kids have things they are responsible for but I rarely REQUIRE anything
specific of them. We all, as a family, talk about our needs to each other.
I need to be able to find all the dirty clothes for laundry. Zach hates to
clean his room and likes to live amid his.......belongings. It made me
crazy to have to dig through all his stuff to find clothes. Zach and I
TALKED about it. He suggested doing his own laundry. It is working out
great. If we are going somewhere that he needs something particular to
wear, I ask him the day before if it is clean.
All families have rules even if they are unspoken ones. In our home, it is
to treat others like you would like to be treated, to act humanely and
respectfully to each other.
TV--
I used to be a big TV limiter. It was turned off daily from 9 to 5 no
matter what. Then at 5 the kids would be glued to the thing and I could get
dinner cooked without interruption. One year ago, we did away with all the
limits. The kids went nuts, spending literally hours and hours watching
television. They watched somethings that I had cautioned them against and
got scared. They watched some stuff that I cautioned against and got bored.
Now they watch television less, by choice, than they did when I limited it
(when I limited it we had 10 channels, we now have over 900). You can only
watch so many Spongebob Squarepants reruns before going outside seems more
interesting. They also monitor their own content. The kids will say they
don't want to watch something because it seems scary. They even have
potential access to erotica due to pay per view and have never watched it
(it would show up on the bill).
I think it is easy to not give kids credit to make their own decisions.
Julie
[email protected]
<<). You can only
watch so many Spongebob Squarepants reruns before going outside seems more
interesting. >>
I don't know, my husband says thatthere is *always* something new to see,
even in an episode he's watched 10 times! LOL
"I split my pants!"
~Elissa Cleaveland
"It is nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction
have
not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry." A. Einstein
watch so many Spongebob Squarepants reruns before going outside seems more
interesting. >>
I don't know, my husband says thatthere is *always* something new to see,
even in an episode he's watched 10 times! LOL
"I split my pants!"
~Elissa Cleaveland
"It is nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction
have
not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry." A. Einstein
rumpleteasermom
Not really full circle, because this time, I'm not going to let anyone
try to tell me we are wrong to do what we have for him. In the 8
months that have passed since I joined here, something very
interesting has happened with him. Back in September, the only part
of his day that was structured, was the part at my mother's house. He
had to go there when she was available. Since then, he has pretty
much structured the entire rest of his time on his own. We had
discussions about his TV viewing and why he felt the need to watch
all day and he has since picked out which shows he really wants to see
and which not. Now he goes back to grandma's for those shows. His
whole day is kind of mapped out timewise now.
We have done away with the Nintendo64 too. That was not his idea but
was done with his understanding and approval.
And an odd thing has happened, some of his OCD behaviours
have lessened. His overall health is improving and he is much calmer
and less likely to have a tantrum now.
I'm not sure which of the factors above played a part in his
improvement and he still has lots of problems, but I am absolutely
certain he is doing exactly what he wants to be doing right now.
Bridget
ps - Oh and by the way, please do not refer to my son as having a
significant mental disorder. He may be a bit unusual, but I'm not
willing to label him that way ever.
try to tell me we are wrong to do what we have for him. In the 8
months that have passed since I joined here, something very
interesting has happened with him. Back in September, the only part
of his day that was structured, was the part at my mother's house. He
had to go there when she was available. Since then, he has pretty
much structured the entire rest of his time on his own. We had
discussions about his TV viewing and why he felt the need to watch
all day and he has since picked out which shows he really wants to see
and which not. Now he goes back to grandma's for those shows. His
whole day is kind of mapped out timewise now.
We have done away with the Nintendo64 too. That was not his idea but
was done with his understanding and approval.
And an odd thing has happened, some of his OCD behaviours
have lessened. His overall health is improving and he is much calmer
and less likely to have a tantrum now.
I'm not sure which of the factors above played a part in his
improvement and he still has lots of problems, but I am absolutely
certain he is doing exactly what he wants to be doing right now.
Bridget
ps - Oh and by the way, please do not refer to my son as having a
significant mental disorder. He may be a bit unusual, but I'm not
willing to label him that way ever.
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Julie Stauffer" <jnjstau@g...> wrote:
> <<he is just as much unschooled in his own way>>
>
> Oh man back to this. We HAVE come full circle haven't we Bridget?
When you
> are using Wyndham as an example as to why rules and structure and,
to use
> your term, "school" is important, it would be helpful if you pointed
out to
> new people on the list that you have described Wyndham as having a
quite
> significant mental disorder.
>