Lynda

Subject: instructions for a mammogram

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to
worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and
doing the
following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of
all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home.

EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard as
possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five
seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just
perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one
breast
wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car
up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and
repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends over night. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger
into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the
bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the
stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED!

AND, just a thought for all the women out there.........
MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause..
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?....and when we have
real trouble, it's HYSterectomy!!!

Send this to all the women you know and brighten their day!!!
AND, don't forget to have a mammogram

Aphrodite

It's a ha ha

-------Original Message-------

From: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday, February 20, 2002 11:36:06 PM
To: Undisclosed-Recipient@...
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] For The Ladies, Serious Subject, Humorous
Reminder!

Subject: instructions for a mammogram

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to
worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and
doing the
following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of
all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home.

EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard as
possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five
seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just
perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one
breast
wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car
up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and
repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends over night. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger
into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the
bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the
stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED!

AND, just a thought for all the women out there.........
MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause..
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?....and when we have
real trouble, it's HYSterectomy!!!

Send this to all the women you know and brighten their day!!!
AND, don't forget to have a mammogram



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

psam ordener

> EXERCISE TWO:
> Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just
> perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with
one
> breast
> wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car
> up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and
> repeat with the other breast.

ROTFLMAO!!!!

That's just what it feels like. And I have to do it every year (history of
breast cancer in the family). There are times I think I'd rather just have
a double mastectomy and get it over with!

You forgot to mention - if you wiggle just a little (I know it's hard to do,
but it IS possible) - you get to do the whole thing over again!

psam "who is dreading next week's visit to the mammography clinic, and
needed this comic relief"
psamo@...

Motherhood - not just a job, it's an Adventure!