Julie Stauffer

<<striving to make your children "the best">>

I don't know that it is necessarily fair to blame the mom because the kids
have very active lives. I have 5 children under 12. None are asked or
required to do any type of activity they don't want to do. None are
required to "finish" an activity they no longer want to participate in.

My kids love activities. Adriane, 11, takes karate (from me) 4 hours per
week (not counting belt tests and tournaments)with a certain understanding
that it won't hurt my feelings if she doesn't want to participate anymore.
She also attends a Cardio-kickboxing class I teach 2 hours a week. Her big
thing is gymnastics and has classes 5 hours a week. She is in 4-H, raising
rabbits and goats for stock shows, and just joined a sewing project. Just
based on the above, Adriane spends almost 20 hours per week on "activities".
She thrives on it. Everytime she advances a level or wants to add a new
activity, we talk at length about the time requirements, does she really
want to do it, does she want to give something else up, etc.. She is living
her life as she chooses.

I hate to think that people might judge me to be a "bad" mother, or to be
living vicariously through her, simply because Adriane is supported in her
own freely chosen interests.

Julie

Joseph Fuerst

> <<striving to make your children "the best">>
>
> I don't know that it is necessarily fair to blame the mom because the kids
> have very active lives. I have 5 children under 12. None are asked or
> required to do any type of activity they don't want to do. None are
> required to "finish" an activity they no longer want to participate in.
>
I completely agree that it's not fair to blame the mom because the kids have
active lives. I was referring to moms who enroll their children in many
activities.....beginning at young ages, when the child wouldn't have the
reasoning ability to determine what a time commitment means, or to 'freely'
choose that activity.
People have various 'energy levels' for organized activities. And
parents have varioous energy levels and abilities to 'taxi' to organized
activities. Sound like you allow your children to lead in this area.....and
that you are a high energy/activity person yourself...I think it's wonderful
that you offer classes yourself!
There are, however, many moms out there who believe their 'job' as a
mom is to enable their children to out-perform others....like it's some sort
of competition to accomplish. And moms whose ego depends on believing they
provided their children every opportunity to "succeed" (as in, be the
'best' at activity x,y and or z.
I know plenty of moms who see it as their responsibility to enroll
children in as much as possible... to 'help' them find a talent or area in
which to be the 'best'. Many of these moms do this to meet their own ego
needs and expectations of what they see as being the 'best' mom....as if
it's some type of competition to *out-mom* other moms.
These type moms rarely actually listen to their children...and I think
they don't want actual responsibility if the child fails to meet their
expectations....after all, they'd have provided countless opportunities.
Most of the families I'm referring to would not consider allowing their
children to drop school from the list of 'activities in which the child is
expected to *perform* for others expectations. These children often have
very little time to simply *be*, simply hang out, simply build
relationships, simply discover themselves and the world around them.
And one of the reasons I do NOT want my children in the school system is
because I believe it would impose on the activities in which they do choose
to participate. Or impose on the time they get to freely explore the world
and themselves in it.
Your dd is in structured activities about 20 hrs/week, you mentioned.
If she sleeps 10 hours a night, she still has 78 hours a week to 'play
with' - a much different child from the one(s) mentioned in the original
post, who attended school and had 'activities' every evening. They are
gone from their home maybe 14 hrs/day it sounded like ( at least on
weekdays).....If they do nothing on weekends and given the same 10 hrs of
sleep (which I somehow doubt they get......must do homework, dontchaknow,
and watch TV some)...they'd have only 28 hrs a week of unplanned/structured
activity time...That's if they do "nothing" on weekends. Big diff......
Susan

joanna514

**That's if they do "nothing" on weekends. Big diff......
> Susan**

Weekends are filled for the kids in my example. The son is in the
same Sat. soccer league as my son, and she told me they do Sundays
too, in another league 1/2 hour away.
I don't think this woman is a bad mom. I actually like her. she
funny and easy to talk to. I do know that she doesn't enjoy being
with her kids, without having *something* to do. She has told me
that, they drive her crazy if they aren't doing an activity or have a
friend over.
Joanna





--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Joseph Fuerst" <fuerst@f...> wrote:
>
> > <<striving to make your children "the best">>
> >
> > I don't know that it is necessarily fair to blame the mom because
the kids
> > have very active lives. I have 5 children under 12. None are
asked or
> > required to do any type of activity they don't want to do. None
are
> > required to "finish" an activity they no longer want to
participate in.
> >
> I completely agree that it's not fair to blame the mom because the
kids have
> active lives. I was referring to moms who enroll their children in
many
> activities.....beginning at young ages, when the child wouldn't
have the
> reasoning ability to determine what a time commitment means, or
to 'freely'
> choose that activity.
> People have various 'energy levels' for organized activities.
And
> parents have varioous energy levels and abilities to 'taxi' to
organized
> activities. Sound like you allow your children to lead in this
area.....and
> that you are a high energy/activity person yourself...I think it's
wonderful
> that you offer classes yourself!
> There are, however, many moms out there who believe
their 'job' as a
> mom is to enable their children to out-perform others....like it's
some sort
> of competition to accomplish. And moms whose ego depends on
believing they
> provided their children every opportunity to "succeed" (as in, be
the
> 'best' at activity x,y and or z.
> I know plenty of moms who see it as their responsibility to
enroll
> children in as much as possible... to 'help' them find a talent or
area in
> which to be the 'best'. Many of these moms do this to meet their
own ego
> needs and expectations of what they see as being the 'best'
mom....as if
> it's some type of competition to *out-mom* other moms.
> These type moms rarely actually listen to their children...and
I think
> they don't want actual responsibility if the child fails to meet
their
> expectations....after all, they'd have provided countless
opportunities.
> Most of the families I'm referring to would not consider allowing
their
> children to drop school from the list of 'activities in which the
child is
> expected to *perform* for others expectations. These children
often have
> very little time to simply *be*, simply hang out, simply build
> relationships, simply discover themselves and the world around
them.
> And one of the reasons I do NOT want my children in the school
system is
> because I believe it would impose on the activities in which they
do choose
> to participate. Or impose on the time they get to freely explore
the world
> and themselves in it.
> Your dd is in structured activities about 20 hrs/week, you
mentioned.
> If she sleeps 10 hours a night, she still has 78 hours a week
to 'play
> with' - a much different child from the one(s) mentioned in the
original
> post, who attended school and had 'activities' every evening.
They are
> gone from their home maybe 14 hrs/day it sounded like ( at least on
> weekdays).....If they do nothing on weekends and given the same 10
hrs of
> sleep (which I somehow doubt they get......must do homework,
dontchaknow,
> and watch TV some)...they'd have only 28 hrs a week of
unplanned/structured
> activity time...That's if they do "nothing" on weekends. Big
diff......
> Susan

Lynda

Was she that active at 2?

Lynda
----- Original Message -----
From: "Julie Stauffer" <jnjstau@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, February 05, 2002 10:27 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1791


> <<striving to make your children "the best">>
>
> I don't know that it is necessarily fair to blame the mom because the kids
> have very active lives. I have 5 children under 12. None are asked or
> required to do any type of activity they don't want to do. None are
> required to "finish" an activity they no longer want to participate in.
>
> My kids love activities. Adriane, 11, takes karate (from me) 4 hours per
> week (not counting belt tests and tournaments)with a certain understanding
> that it won't hurt my feelings if she doesn't want to participate anymore.
> She also attends a Cardio-kickboxing class I teach 2 hours a week. Her
big
> thing is gymnastics and has classes 5 hours a week. She is in 4-H,
raising
> rabbits and goats for stock shows, and just joined a sewing project. Just
> based on the above, Adriane spends almost 20 hours per week on
"activities".
> She thrives on it. Everytime she advances a level or wants to add a new
> activity, we talk at length about the time requirements, does she really
> want to do it, does she want to give something else up, etc.. She is
living
> her life as she chooses.
>
> I hate to think that people might judge me to be a "bad" mother, or to be
> living vicariously through her, simply because Adriane is supported in her
> own freely chosen interests.
>
> Julie
>
>
>
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kaydeecross

Julie writes:
> I hate to think that people might judge me to be a "bad" mother, or
to be living vicariously through her, simply because Adriane is
supported in her own freely chosen interests.

If the shoe fits, wear it. If it doesn't, then don't buy into it.

regards,
kolleen