[email protected]

My son is 12 and just starting to read. PS really burned him badly, but I
think

he should have gotten past that stage by now. He does have learning
disabitlies.
When I bring up reading he shuts down and refuses to read.
How can I turn this around? Perhaps fool him into reading?
ideas please!!!

Pat Cald...

I like a book called "Keeping Kids Reading" by Mary Leonhardt. I got it out of the library. She has many good ideas for resistant readers like getting them comic books and magazines they may be interested in. Reading Mary Leonhardt's books was actually what caused me to start looking for an alternative to ps even though she is a high school English teacher.

Pat
----- Original Message -----
From: staclarspr@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, January 27, 2002 11:48 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] read/ideas/needed


My son is 12 and just starting to read. PS really burned him badly, but I
think

he should have gotten past that stage by now. He does have learning
disabitlies.
When I bring up reading he shuts down and refuses to read.
How can I turn this around? Perhaps fool him into reading?
ideas please!!!

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/27/2002 11:49:35 AM Eastern Standard Time,
staclarspr@... writes:


> My son is 12 and just starting to read. PS really burned him badly, but I
> think
>
> he should have gotten past that stage by now. He does have learning
> disabitlies.
> When I bring up reading he shuts down and refuses to read.
> How can I turn this around? Perhaps fool him into reading?
> ideas please!!!
>

From my perspective, your expectations of "he should be past it by now" are
not helping the situation. It reminds me a bit of my daughter and math, which
long ago in our journey, I was ignorant of the damage I was doing by
"bringing it up". If you can let go of your own expectations and just allow
him to be and live and enjoy his life as is, reading, math, science, all
those "subjects" will come up and he will learn as he is led.

As for suggestions, how about these. . . offer to read aloud to him if he is
interested on a book he likes, listening to books on tape, make sure he sees
you reading something you enjoy. But the best suggestion I can make is to let
go of your own expectations about when, why, and how he should be reading.

living in abundance
lovemary

There are no victims in this world. . . only opportunities


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kolleen

>staclarspr wrote:
>How can I turn this around? Perhaps fool him into reading?
>ideas please!!!

Why do you feel he needs to read now? Can you trust in him and let him
decide?

The written word is all around us, people in happy friendly environments
realize that reading is essential and when they are ready, they just do
it. And they do it well.

The fact that you want to initiate this whole perception that he 'needs'
to be reading is not an unschooling philosophy. And trickery is out of
the question.

Have you read any philosophies about trusting your child and unschooling?

regards,
kolleen

Pat Cald...

Kolleen wrote:
+The fact that you want to initiate this whole perception that he 'needs'
+to be reading is not an unschooling philosophy. And trickery is out of
+the question.

How could you use trickery in regards to reading?

I recommended a bringing some comic books and magazines but after reading a few of the replies, I realize it is not the unschooling way to take the lead with regard to a resistant reader. That being said, why can't we look at it the same way we would look a feeding a child not thriving. If I was concerned about my child's health because he wasn't interested in eating due to a health problem (here I am comparing the damage from ps to a health problem), wouldn't I offer a good variety of food to help him? Wouldn't it be ok in this situation to bring home some fun things to read and let him know what you have?

Pat


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Cindy

lite2yu@... wrote:
>
> As for suggestions, how about these. . . offer to read aloud to him if he is
> interested on a book he likes, listening to books on tape, make sure he sees
> you reading something you enjoy. But the best suggestion I can make is to let
> go of your own expectations about when, why, and how he should be reading.
>
I agree with Lovemary and have this to add :

My husband is dyslexic and was burned badly in school. He started reading
at 12-13 because he found something interesting enough to him that he
was willing to work at it. See if your son is interested in something
and get some books on the subject. Leave them around - I wouldn't try
to force him to read them. Also how long has he been out of school,
maybe he needs more time to heal from what school did to him.

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...

Cindy

"Pat Cald..." wrote:
>
> I recommended a bringing some comic books and magazines but after reading a few of the replies, I realize it is not the unschooling way to take the lead with regard to a resistant reader.
>
IMO leaving things that might interest a child lying around is fine. It's
coercing the child into using them that is the issue. I get things all the
time that I think my children will enjoy using or doing - if they do, fine;
if they don't that's fine too.

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...

Sarah Carothers

On Sun, 27 Jan 02 12:24:57 -0500, Kolleen wrote:
>staclarspr wrote:
>>How can I turn this around? Perhaps fool him into
>reading?
>>ideas please!!!
>
>Why do you feel he needs to read now? Can you trust in
>him and let him
>decide?
>
>The written word is all around us, people in happy
>friendly environments
>realize that reading is essential and when they are
>ready, they just do
>it. And they do it well.
>
>The fact that you want to initiate this whole perception
>that he 'needs'
>to be reading is not an unschooling philosophy. And
>trickery is out of
>the question.
>
>Have you read any philosophies about trusting your child
>and unschooling?
>
>regards,
>kolleen
>

I've read the responses you've gotten so far and I agree. With the written word facing him at every turn, trying to let go of your expectations would be the best thing for him. The more worried you are, the more you try to help, the more tense he'll feel and will remain stagnant. Trust that he'll figure it out and just sit back and watch. I've had to do that with my youngest and you'd be amazed at the turnaround in a very short amount of time! Even though I didn't think she was aware of the discomfort I felt about her reading, she obviously knew or was tuned into it. Once I was able to let go, she improved. Whenever I start getting tense while sitting and reading with her, I see her start to slip back to old behavior.
It's amazing and at the same time quite scary to realize the control we have over our kids whether we're in tuned to it or not!

--
Sarah Carothers, puddles@... on 1/27/2002


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

rumpleteasermom

Define just starting to read. Is it possible he can read but doesn't
want to? Is HE frustrated with his inability? Without more
information it is difficult to even give suggestions. But my first
thought is that it sounds like YOU are worried about it. That can
carry over and be hard on him.

Bridget



--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., staclarspr@a... wrote:
> My son is 12 and just starting to read. PS really burned him badly,
but I
> think
>
> he should have gotten past that stage by now. He does have learning
> disabitlies.
> When I bring up reading he shuts down and refuses to read.
> How can I turn this around? Perhaps fool him into reading?
> ideas please!!!

Sarah Carothers

On Sun, 27 Jan 2002 12:41:15 -0500, Pat Cald... wrote:
> Wouldn't it be ok in this situation to
>bring home some fun things to read and let him know what
>you have?
>
>Pat

I think that would be fine but I would probably go about it a little differently. Rather than try to guess what he'd like to read, I'd most likely take him/her to Borders and spend about two hours there. Go for your *own* research or pleasure but just drag him along <g>. I can't imagine someone spending two hours in Borders and not finding *something* of interest. Now, being the type of mom I am, I'd be reading my own book but constantly keeping one eye in my kids direction to discover what he *really* is interested in. Later, I'd probably go back and try to find more of the same.
Sarah

--
Sarah Carothers, puddles@... on 1/27/2002


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

rumpleteasermom

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Pat Cald..." <homeschoolmd@y...>
wrote:
Wouldn't it be ok in this situation to bring home some fun things to
read and let him know what you have?
>
> Pat
>
>

I think that would be okay in ANY situation.
Of course, thisis coming from someone with a library in her house so
telling be to go buy books is redundant!

Bridget

Leslie Moyer

I would add to the good suggestions already made:

Visit the library with him a LOT. Don't go with him to the children's
section and help him pick books....just YOU go for YOU. Spend some time
there....as much as you can. Long enough for him to get bored, if possible.
Let him follow you around, if he wants--stand in the aisles reading
different books--fiction, non-fiction, magazines, videos, etc. Do this at
least once a week--more if you can. I am sure that he will begin seeing
books on the shelves that he will be interested enough in picking up. No
pressure....just be there with him.

Books on tape--good idea. And not just in the children's section. Videos
made from books. Computer CDs. Music. Let him find out what a pleasurable
place the library is, if he doesn't already know.

Jim Trelease's "The New Read Aloud Handbook" would be a good read for you.
His thoughts about the importance of reading aloud to children--no matter
what their age--are convincing. He talks about leaving reading material in
the bathroom (books, magazines, newspapers) and on the kitchen
table--wherever the child will be sitting for a while and, possibly, getting
bored. He also has a "no bedtime" policy to allow for as much reading as a
child wants. Other good ideas in his books.

Also, you might want to ask your librarian for books about "good books for
kids". I have a pair of books...don't remember the author right
off-hand....called "Great Books for Boys" and "Great Books for Girls". Many
others along these lines. (I own most of them! I like these kinds of
books!) I'm not suggesting, necessarily, that you obtain these books FOR
him, but it might give you an idea about where YOU would like to browse
shelves. :-)

--Leslie Moyer

Sarah Carothers

On Sun, 27 Jan 2002 12:21:02 -0600, Leslie Moyer wrote:
>Let him follow you around, if he wants--stand in the
>aisles reading
>different books--fiction, non-fiction, magazines,
>videos, etc.  Do this at

.and if he stands over in the CD collection, remember.. he *might* have to READ those song lists or the blurb on the back of the CD about the singer/writer. That's reading!
--
Sarah Carothers, puddles@... on 1/27/2002


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

>
>I recommended a bringing some comic books and magazines but after reading
>a few of the replies, I realize it is not the unschooling way to take the
>lead with regard to a resistant reader. That being said, why can't we
>look at it the same way we would look a feeding a child not thriving. If
>I was concerned about my child's health because he wasn't interested in
>eating due to a health problem (here I am comparing the damage from ps to
>a health problem), wouldn't I offer a good variety of food to help
>him? Wouldn't it be ok in this situation to bring home some fun things to
>read and let him know what you have?

Bringing in a variety of reading materials would be a great idea, as would
offering to read to him, if that isn't already being done. As long as
there's no subtle expectations of, "Do this because it's good for you,"
it's still well within the range of unschooling.

Just don't do what I did when my son reached 12 and still wasn't
reading. I insisted on some daily phonics with him. Yes, it did help his
reading skills, but it damaged our relationship and probably was actually
a backwards step toward his independent reading.

He's now 14 and a very slow reader. I've gradually come to terms with the
fact that this is ok. He is not a person who will likely ever do much of
his learning from printed materials (though I wouldn't mind being proven
wrong someday). He's a doer and learns mostly by doing and by watching
(mainly TV) as well. I can't say that any of this is because school
damaged him because he's never been to school (other than a 3 day trial
when he was 12).
Tia

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island

Tia Leschke

>
>My husband is dyslexic and was burned badly in school. He started reading
>at 12-13 because he found something interesting enough to him that he
>was willing to work at it. See if your son is interested in something
>and get some books on the subject. Leave them around - I wouldn't try
>to force him to read them. Also how long has he been out of school,
>maybe he needs more time to heal from what school did to him.

We've had a standing offer around here to buy almost any magazine Lars asks
for. For the longest time he only looked at the pictures in the bike mags,
but now he reads at least some of the articles.
Tia

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island

Tia Leschke

>
>I think that would be fine but I would probably go about it a little
>differently. Rather than try to guess what he'd like to read, I'd most
>likely take him/her to Borders and spend about two hours there. Go for
>your *own* research or pleasure but just drag him along <g>. I can't
>imagine someone spending two hours in Borders and not finding *something*
>of interest. Now, being the type of mom I am, I'd be reading my own book
>but constantly keeping one eye in my kids direction to discover what he
>*really* is interested in. Later, I'd probably go back and try to find
>more of the same.

This might work, depending on the kid. It wouldn't work with mine. When
we go to town, he sits in the car listening to the radio while I go into
the library. I tell people he's allergic to libraries. Bookstores are the
same. <g> He's always been quite happy to let me pick out books to read
to him.
Tia

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island

brighteyesgreen35

That's great that you are comfortable with his reading. It must be
the hardest thing to not 'push'. I would hope that if my two had a
similar problem I would be able to relax and let it happen at their
own rate.
Ok, Ok, they do both have problems. Dd is way to opionated. Why I
ever let her have a thought of her own I'll never know. Ds is a night
owl. And he just took the last chocolate pudding cup. May have to
beat him.
<> He's now 14 and a very slow reader. I've gradually come to terms
with the
> fact that this is ok. >>
Joy in NM

.

Kolleen

>Pat wrote:
>How could you use trickery in regards to reading?

Anytime your agenda, hidden or otherwise, superceeds the child's agenda
to just learn at their own pace, then you are out of the unschooling
realm. This may be an option for a parent, but they will get questioned
on those choices when in an unschooling forum.

When the agenda is hidden, its trickery. And they will catch on. And
there will be resentment.


>I recommended a bringing some comic books and magazines but after reading
>a few of the replies, I realize it is not the unschooling way to take the
>lead with regard to a resistant reader.

Yes, there are no resistant readers in the unschooling realm.

>That being said, why can't we
>look at it the same way we would look a feeding a child not thriving. If
>I was concerned about my child's health because he wasn't interested in
>eating due to a health problem (here I am comparing the damage from ps to
>a health problem), wouldn't I offer a good variety of food to help him?
>Wouldn't it be ok in this situation to bring home some fun things to read
>and let him know what you have?


Again, its the parent putting their agenda over a child's natural desire.

Having stuff around the house is a far cry from going to a bookstore and
spending 3 hours.

Kids learn to read because the written word is all around us. And they
will learn best at their own time, if given the space and trust.

kolleen

Cindy

staclarspr@... wrote:
>
> My son is 12 and just starting to read. PS really burned him badly, but I
> think
>
> he should have gotten past that stage by now. He does have learning
> disabitlies.
>

Have you had his eyes checked? I know some unschooled children who had
problems reading until they had an eye exam. Once they got that
corrected, they started reading.

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...

rumpleteasermom

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., Tia Leschke <leschke@i...> wrote:
>
> Bringing in a variety of reading materials would be a great idea,
as would
> offering to read to him, if that isn't already being done. As long
as
> there's no subtle expectations of, "Do this because it's good for
you,"
> it's still well within the range of unschooling.

This is very true and in choosing materials don't think you have to
stick to what publishers recommend. Wyndham (is not unschooled but
the advice is good anyway IMHO) was not interested in books at all
until we started buying him books about trains that are WAY above his
reading level. He spend a lot of time with them and he is reading
much better now. DH also spends a lot of time pouring over the books
with him. But *I* had to break free of that "beginning reader" thing.

Bridget