Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Limiting TV
Karin
Hi Pat,
What a coicidence. We too started unschooling this past September (had nothing to do with 9-11) after 5 years of motivation and other problems with school-at-home.
Before unschooling, I used to limit TV. I had a very bad opinion of it, even though I really enjoyed watching it. Every time my kids sat in front of it, I had this guilty feeling like they were wasting their time. I only let them watch it if all their schoolwork was done. I sort of used TV to control them. I also used this same control issue with them playing computer games. Every day was limited to one hour's use, only on completion of schoolwork and chores.
Let me tell you, our lives were miserable. TV was something that was "snuck". Like when I was out of the room, the TV was turned on so they could sneak a few minutes in. Or when we adults were watching "our channels" and if we would leave the room, NICK would be on in a matter of seconds. I used to get so mad. I was so dissapointed in my kids for wanting to watch TV this way. And I also felt a strange conflict because I also enjoyed TV but withheld it from myself.
Participating in a few TV vs. no TV conversations at unschooling.com really changed my mind about this whole issue. I came to realize that limiting TV or even the computer could not really support our new unschooling lifestyle. I figured that if I really wanted unschooling to work for us, I had to jump in with both feet and not look back. Advice was given about the importance of deschooling (yes, even from school-at-home) and how the TV or computer actually sometimes played important roles in this process. I was told to trust my kids, to basically let them watch as much TV as they could possibly want. To also let them play the computer to their heart's content. And in doing this, if I had patience and understanding, I would soon see a change. That my kids would eventually learn to balance TV and computer on their own, and if these things were not withheld and given freely, other interests would fall into place.
Since I have completely let go of control, I have learned to relax about the TV. It's no longer a bad thing, it's an enjoyable thing. My boys really have balanced themselves. They do watch TV, but not all day. They do play the computer, but not all day. Recently they got new computer games. They have been playing non-stop, seemingly obssesed with them and I admit to a twinge of worry. I hadn't seen them take out their lego's in weeks (which they really love, and I love seeing them play with legos). I even suggested "maybe you shouldn't play your computer so much". But, not to worry, once I gave them the freedom to get it out of their system, they got the legos out on their own and have been playing again. And doing other things.
Our household is much more peaceful and happy since I have let go of control. Everythings runs so smoothly. And most importantly, I am not dissapointed in my kids any more for TV watching or playing the computer. They handle advertising and TV messages with surprising maturity. I'm really proud of them and I'm so happy that we're unschooling.
Don't know if my long rambling will make any sense to you or anyone else, but sometimes it's really great to get your feelings written out.
Karin
mom to Ben (10) and Jonathan (8)
What a coicidence. We too started unschooling this past September (had nothing to do with 9-11) after 5 years of motivation and other problems with school-at-home.
Before unschooling, I used to limit TV. I had a very bad opinion of it, even though I really enjoyed watching it. Every time my kids sat in front of it, I had this guilty feeling like they were wasting their time. I only let them watch it if all their schoolwork was done. I sort of used TV to control them. I also used this same control issue with them playing computer games. Every day was limited to one hour's use, only on completion of schoolwork and chores.
Let me tell you, our lives were miserable. TV was something that was "snuck". Like when I was out of the room, the TV was turned on so they could sneak a few minutes in. Or when we adults were watching "our channels" and if we would leave the room, NICK would be on in a matter of seconds. I used to get so mad. I was so dissapointed in my kids for wanting to watch TV this way. And I also felt a strange conflict because I also enjoyed TV but withheld it from myself.
Participating in a few TV vs. no TV conversations at unschooling.com really changed my mind about this whole issue. I came to realize that limiting TV or even the computer could not really support our new unschooling lifestyle. I figured that if I really wanted unschooling to work for us, I had to jump in with both feet and not look back. Advice was given about the importance of deschooling (yes, even from school-at-home) and how the TV or computer actually sometimes played important roles in this process. I was told to trust my kids, to basically let them watch as much TV as they could possibly want. To also let them play the computer to their heart's content. And in doing this, if I had patience and understanding, I would soon see a change. That my kids would eventually learn to balance TV and computer on their own, and if these things were not withheld and given freely, other interests would fall into place.
Since I have completely let go of control, I have learned to relax about the TV. It's no longer a bad thing, it's an enjoyable thing. My boys really have balanced themselves. They do watch TV, but not all day. They do play the computer, but not all day. Recently they got new computer games. They have been playing non-stop, seemingly obssesed with them and I admit to a twinge of worry. I hadn't seen them take out their lego's in weeks (which they really love, and I love seeing them play with legos). I even suggested "maybe you shouldn't play your computer so much". But, not to worry, once I gave them the freedom to get it out of their system, they got the legos out on their own and have been playing again. And doing other things.
Our household is much more peaceful and happy since I have let go of control. Everythings runs so smoothly. And most importantly, I am not dissapointed in my kids any more for TV watching or playing the computer. They handle advertising and TV messages with surprising maturity. I'm really proud of them and I'm so happy that we're unschooling.
Don't know if my long rambling will make any sense to you or anyone else, but sometimes it's really great to get your feelings written out.
Karin
mom to Ben (10) and Jonathan (8)
----- Original Message -----
From: Pat Cald...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, December 30, 2001 7:55 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: grandparents
This debate over TV is very interesting to me. We just started unschooling after trouble with motivation problems with school-at-home started in September. I am trying to learn all there is to learn about unschooling. My ideas on TV might not be very unschoolish because I have always looked at TV as something to be used in moderation mainly because of the effects of advertising on young minds. We limit TV to the weekends. Does this go against unschooling principals? I thought maybe I could justify my decision as similar to when my children were young and I would not allow them to cross the street alone.
My fear is that while my children are deschooling (if that is the only time they would watch too much TV) the influence on them will be permanent. I can still remember many many commercial slogans I learned from my younger days far better than I can remember things of importance. We try to live a frugal, healthy, family centered life but, I must say, it is very difficult because of the heavily promoted consumerism that is now even considered to be patriotic. Even though we can consciously make decisions not to spend beyond our means, save money, eat healthy etc., it would be easier to make these decisions without constantly being bombarded by advertising. I want to protect my children from the evil brainwashing that takes place over the air waves. We still need to constantly discuss why we make the decisions we make but I feel it will be easier for them if some of these influences are not as strong. I am an unschooler wannabe so I am not giving any advice here, but these are my observations and concerns.
Pat
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pat Cald...
Hi Karin,
Oh that will be too hard. I don't know if I can do it. I will give it a lot of thought though. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Pat
Oh that will be too hard. I don't know if I can do it. I will give it a lot of thought though. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Pat
----- Original Message -----
From: Karin
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, December 30, 2001 11:10 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Limiting TV
Hi Pat,
What a coicidence. We too started unschooling this past September (had nothing to do with 9-11) after 5 years of motivation and other problems with school-at-home.
Before unschooling, I used to limit TV. I had a very bad opinion of it, even though I really enjoyed watching it. Every time my kids sat in front of it, I had this guilty feeling like they were wasting their time. I only let them watch it if all their schoolwork was done. I sort of used TV to control them. I also used this same control issue with them playing computer games. Every day was limited to one hour's use, only on completion of schoolwork and chores.
Let me tell you, our lives were miserable. TV was something that was "snuck". Like when I was out of the room, the TV was turned on so they could sneak a few minutes in. Or when we adults were watching "our channels" and if we would leave the room, NICK would be on in a matter of seconds. I used to get so mad. I was so dissapointed in my kids for wanting to watch TV this way. And I also felt a strange conflict because I also enjoyed TV but withheld it from myself.
Participating in a few TV vs. no TV conversations at unschooling.com really changed my mind about this whole issue. I came to realize that limiting TV or even the computer could not really support our new unschooling lifestyle. I figured that if I really wanted unschooling to work for us, I had to jump in with both feet and not look back. Advice was given about the importance of deschooling (yes, even from school-at-home) and how the TV or computer actually sometimes played important roles in this process. I was told to trust my kids, to basically let them watch as much TV as they could possibly want. To also let them play the computer to their heart's content. And in doing this, if I had patience and understanding, I would soon see a change. That my kids would eventually learn to balance TV and computer on their own, and if these things were not withheld and given freely, other interests would fall into place.
Since I have completely let go of control, I have learned to relax about the TV. It's no longer a bad thing, it's an enjoyable thing. My boys really have balanced themselves. They do watch TV, but not all day. They do play the computer, but not all day. Recently they got new computer games. They have been playing non-stop, seemingly obssesed with them and I admit to a twinge of worry. I hadn't seen them take out their lego's in weeks (which they really love, and I love seeing them play with legos). I even suggested "maybe you shouldn't play your computer so much". But, not to worry, once I gave them the freedom to get it out of their system, they got the legos out on their own and have been playing again. And doing other things.
Our household is much more peaceful and happy since I have let go of control. Everythings runs so smoothly. And most importantly, I am not dissapointed in my kids any more for TV watching or playing the computer. They handle advertising and TV messages with surprising maturity. I'm really proud of them and I'm so happy that we're unschooling.
Don't know if my long rambling will make any sense to you or anyone else, but sometimes it's really great to get your feelings written out.
Karin
mom to Ben (10) and Jonathan (8)
----- Original Message -----
From: Pat Cald...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, December 30, 2001 7:55 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: grandparents
This debate over TV is very interesting to me. We just started unschooling after trouble with motivation problems with school-at-home started in September. I am trying to learn all there is to learn about unschooling. My ideas on TV might not be very unschoolish because I have always looked at TV as something to be used in moderation mainly because of the effects of advertising on young minds. We limit TV to the weekends. Does this go against unschooling principals? I thought maybe I could justify my decision as similar to when my children were young and I would not allow them to cross the street alone.
My fear is that while my children are deschooling (if that is the only time they would watch too much TV) the influence on them will be permanent. I can still remember many many commercial slogans I learned from my younger days far better than I can remember things of importance. We try to live a frugal, healthy, family centered life but, I must say, it is very difficult because of the heavily promoted consumerism that is now even considered to be patriotic. Even though we can consciously make decisions not to spend beyond our means, save money, eat healthy etc., it would be easier to make these decisions without constantly being bombarded by advertising. I want to protect my children from the evil brainwashing that takes place over the air waves. We still need to constantly discuss why we make the decisions we make but I feel it will be easier for them if some of these influences are not as strong. I am an unschooler wannabe so I am not giving any advice here, but these are my observations and concerns.
Pat
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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carolyn
I tried the same thing with my dd, 11. I determined myself to give it
three months. I couldn't last! I learned to hate Disney sitcoms and
the behavior she took on during that period of time, mimicing their
behaviors and attitudes.
I think some people who like the sound of a TV on all day might do
better with this. For me, it was agony just having to listen to it all
the time. After a month or so, I decided to terminate cable. So we
don't get any channels at all now. We have a lot of videos around and
we rent and borrow from the library so there is a lot of time to sit in
front of the TV and it is unlimited. Only occasionally does she ask
about cable now but I think eventually we'll go back to it.
I don't think I have to pay for everything she wants. I think
eventually she'll decide to pay for cable and then I'll have to deal
with it. Maybe put a TV in her room though I hate the isolation that
creates.
Carolyn
Karin wrote:
three months. I couldn't last! I learned to hate Disney sitcoms and
the behavior she took on during that period of time, mimicing their
behaviors and attitudes.
I think some people who like the sound of a TV on all day might do
better with this. For me, it was agony just having to listen to it all
the time. After a month or so, I decided to terminate cable. So we
don't get any channels at all now. We have a lot of videos around and
we rent and borrow from the library so there is a lot of time to sit in
front of the TV and it is unlimited. Only occasionally does she ask
about cable now but I think eventually we'll go back to it.
I don't think I have to pay for everything she wants. I think
eventually she'll decide to pay for cable and then I'll have to deal
with it. Maybe put a TV in her room though I hate the isolation that
creates.
Carolyn
Karin wrote:
> Since I have completely let go of control, I have learned to relax
> about the TV. It's no longer a bad thing, it's an enjoyable thing. My
> boys really have balanced themselves. They do watch TV, but not all
> day. They do play the computer, but not all day. Recently they got new
> computer games. They have been playing non-stop, seemingly obssesed
> with them and I admit to a twinge of worry. I hadn't seen them take
> out their lego's in weeks (which they really love, and I love seeing
> them play with legos). I even suggested "maybe you shouldn't play your
> computer so much". But, not to worry, once I gave them the freedom to
> get it out of their system, they got the legos out on their own and
> have been playing again. And doing other things.
>
> Our household is much more peaceful and happy since I have let go of
> control. Everythings runs so smoothly. And most importantly, I am not
> dissapointed in my kids any more for TV watching or playing the
> computer. They handle advertising and TV messages with surprising
> maturity. I'm really proud of them and I'm so happy that we're
> unschooling.
>
> Don't know if my long rambling will make any sense to you or anyone
> else, but sometimes it's really great to get your feelings written
> out.
>
> Karin
> mom to Ben (10) and Jonathan (8)
>
>
>
>
>