those coerced 'please' and 'thank-yous'
Annette Naake
Hey, lovemary, this is a real peeve of mine! Is there anything more annoying
than those adults who stand there dangling whatever it is over the kid's
head until the kid remembers to say please?
If I were there, I would cheerfully say, "please, grandma!" for them and
then walk over and get the item or whatever.
In fact, this is how I "teach" manners. When a child demands something
without saying please, I get it while matter-of-factly repeating their
demand in a courteous way -- I repeat "Get me some more milk!" as a
pleasant-sounding, "Mom, can I have some more milk, please?" I never
withhold the milk till they get it right. What I am trying to do is simply
model what a polite request sounds like. Often they do ask politely, but not
always, and sometimes it irks me to be ordered around, even if it's
forgetfulness.
Of course, I also speak to them courteously. Of late, I have been pleasantly
surprised by their manners (mine are 9 and 4). Recently, my 9yo was reading
to me and his brother, and stopped to sneeze. I said Gesundheit! and he
said "Thank you!" -- which I automatically say when someone says Gesundheit
or Bless You to me, but I'd never heard him say it before. And I'd never
told him to say it.
I think nice manners get a person a long way in the world. And modeling is
the best way to teach them.
Annette
Good question Mimi. . . I guess it could be or it could not be. . . it all
depends on your intention. I dont force those words either, but the
grandparents make a big deal out of it. . . like not giving them something
until they say please. Got any ideas on how to handle that one?
lovemary
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than those adults who stand there dangling whatever it is over the kid's
head until the kid remembers to say please?
If I were there, I would cheerfully say, "please, grandma!" for them and
then walk over and get the item or whatever.
In fact, this is how I "teach" manners. When a child demands something
without saying please, I get it while matter-of-factly repeating their
demand in a courteous way -- I repeat "Get me some more milk!" as a
pleasant-sounding, "Mom, can I have some more milk, please?" I never
withhold the milk till they get it right. What I am trying to do is simply
model what a polite request sounds like. Often they do ask politely, but not
always, and sometimes it irks me to be ordered around, even if it's
forgetfulness.
Of course, I also speak to them courteously. Of late, I have been pleasantly
surprised by their manners (mine are 9 and 4). Recently, my 9yo was reading
to me and his brother, and stopped to sneeze. I said Gesundheit! and he
said "Thank you!" -- which I automatically say when someone says Gesundheit
or Bless You to me, but I'd never heard him say it before. And I'd never
told him to say it.
I think nice manners get a person a long way in the world. And modeling is
the best way to teach them.
Annette
Good question Mimi. . . I guess it could be or it could not be. . . it all
depends on your intention. I dont force those words either, but the
grandparents make a big deal out of it. . . like not giving them something
until they say please. Got any ideas on how to handle that one?
lovemary
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Tia Leschke
>Now all you have to do is stay in one language. Gesundheit deserves a
>Of course, I also speak to them courteously. Of late, I have been pleasantly
>surprised by their manners (mine are 9 and 4). Recently, my 9yo was reading
>to me and his brother, and stopped to sneeze. I said Gesundheit! and he
>said "Thank you!" -- which I automatically say when someone says Gesundheit
>or Bless You to me, but I'd never heard him say it before. And I'd never
>told him to say it.
danke. <g>
Tia
Tia Leschke leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
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groundhoggirl
On Saturday, December 8, 2001, at 09:25 PM, Annette Naake wrote:
really smart and they'll sense that you're correcting them. I honestly
think that just showing the good example is enough.
know, at this point in time, at age 7, they are quite polite about 50%
of the time and I'm very happy with that. They're still so little and
they forget sometimes. I notice it gets better all the time as they
get older, so I know we're moving in the right direction in that
regard.. I'm quite sure that by the time they are adults they will be
very well-mannered.
Mimi
>I know, I absolutely HATE that!
> <<Hey, lovemary, this is a real peeve of mine! Is there anything more
> annoying
> than those adults who stand there dangling whatever it is over the kid's
> head until the kid remembers to say please?>>
>
>I would like to suggest here that even THAT is not necessary. Kids are
> <<In fact, this is how I "teach" manners. When a child demands something
> without saying please, I get it while matter-of-factly repeating their
> demand in a courteous way -- I repeat "Get me some more milk!" as a
> pleasant-sounding, "Mom, can I have some more milk, please?" I never
> withhold the milk till they get it right. What I am trying to do is
> simply
> model what a polite request sounds like.>>
really smart and they'll sense that you're correcting them. I honestly
think that just showing the good example is enough.
> << Often they do ask politely, but notI know what you mean. I really have to bite my lip sometimes. But you
> always, and sometimes it irks me to be ordered around, even if it's
> forgetfulness.>>
know, at this point in time, at age 7, they are quite polite about 50%
of the time and I'm very happy with that. They're still so little and
they forget sometimes. I notice it gets better all the time as they
get older, so I know we're moving in the right direction in that
regard.. I'm quite sure that by the time they are adults they will be
very well-mannered.
>I totally agree!!
> <<I think nice manners get a person a long way in the world. And
> modeling is
> the best way to teach them.>>
> Annette
>
Mimi
>
>
> Good question Mimi. . . I guess it could be or it could not be. . . it
> all
> depends on your intention. I dont force those words either, but the
> grandparents make a big deal out of it. . . like not giving them
> something
> until they say please. Got any ideas on how to handle that one?
>
> lovemary
>
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kaydeecross
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Annette Naake" <naake1999@h...>
wrote:
My son models my manners. He shakes hands when he meets someone, kids
and adults, and he says please and thank you, because I do.
I've noticed that he doesn't show manners to people he already knows
that don't have manners themselves.
Kolleen
wrote:
>modeling is
> I think nice manners get a person a long way in the world. And
> the best way to teach them.Agreed here.
>
> Annette
My son models my manners. He shakes hands when he meets someone, kids
and adults, and he says please and thank you, because I do.
I've noticed that he doesn't show manners to people he already knows
that don't have manners themselves.
Kolleen