Stacy Finch

>I believe it is b/c when the parent says no the kid knows she/he doesn't
>mean it. "Mommy, I want a candy bar!" "Not this time Timmy." child
>escalates it mom still says no,child escalates, mom is getting that peer
>pressure feeling and finally to get Timmy to shut up she buys him the candy
>bar. If there were none of this back and forth then it wouldn't be a whine
>fest. Either the parent never sets a limit and the kid gets the candy bar
>upon request or the kid knows mom means no when she says it and doesn't
>escalate the scene.
>

Since unschooling, my youngest (7 yo ds) is more likely to go to the store
with me; grocery, WalMart, thrift, used books, etc. Of course he usually
wants to buy something. Years ago, I most likely would not have given in.
Nowadays, my thought process has changed. I usually buy and item or two that
is not a neccesity for myself, why wouldn't he want to do the same. As a
result, he often gets to purchase something. (He also always lets me know he
needed to get something for his older brother who goes to ps.) There are
times when I tell him no. Perhaps it's close to his birthday and he will be
getting toys, or after Halloween and he wants candy when he has pounds of it
at home. When I do tell him no, I occassionally need to tell him the reason
I am declining the purchase, but often he doesn't even question my decision.

In rereading the above paragraph, I also realize that my ps kid (8 yo ds) is
more difficult to take to the store. Is wants are also ever changing. One
week it's Nintendo, the next it's a football uniform, followed by expensive
Lego sets. My unschooled child used has an item or two that he wants and it
seldom changes, until it acquires it. I used to think it was TV that
affected a child's neediness for consumer goods, but now I'm not so sure.

Just wondering what your thoughts are.

BTW, when dropping off donations at a thrift shop this morning my son really
wanted the box of Lincoln Logs he spotted. He has some and I had planned on
purchasing some more for Christmas. We inquired. In the end, without
haggling, we walked out with a xerox paper box full of Lincoln Logs for
$3.00!!!!

Stacy



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Lynda

Ah, Stacy, those Lincoln Logs were on my Christmas wish list. Could you
send them out here.

Lynda, in a Lincoln Log deprived area unless one has lots of $$ to spend %-{
----- Original Message -----
From: Stacy Finch <finchstacy@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2001 1:35 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] spoiled (?)


> >I believe it is b/c when the parent says no the kid knows she/he doesn't
> >mean it. "Mommy, I want a candy bar!" "Not this time Timmy." child
> >escalates it mom still says no,child escalates, mom is getting that peer
> >pressure feeling and finally to get Timmy to shut up she buys him the
candy
> >bar. If there were none of this back and forth then it wouldn't be a
whine
> >fest. Either the parent never sets a limit and the kid gets the candy bar
> >upon request or the kid knows mom means no when she says it and doesn't
> >escalate the scene.
> >
>
> Since unschooling, my youngest (7 yo ds) is more likely to go to the store
> with me; grocery, WalMart, thrift, used books, etc. Of course he usually
> wants to buy something. Years ago, I most likely would not have given in.
> Nowadays, my thought process has changed. I usually buy and item or two
that
> is not a neccesity for myself, why wouldn't he want to do the same. As a
> result, he often gets to purchase something. (He also always lets me know
he
> needed to get something for his older brother who goes to ps.) There are
> times when I tell him no. Perhaps it's close to his birthday and he will
be
> getting toys, or after Halloween and he wants candy when he has pounds of
it
> at home. When I do tell him no, I occassionally need to tell him the
reason
> I am declining the purchase, but often he doesn't even question my
decision.
>
> In rereading the above paragraph, I also realize that my ps kid (8 yo ds)
is
> more difficult to take to the store. Is wants are also ever changing. One
> week it's Nintendo, the next it's a football uniform, followed by
expensive
> Lego sets. My unschooled child used has an item or two that he wants and
it
> seldom changes, until it acquires it. I used to think it was TV that
> affected a child's neediness for consumer goods, but now I'm not so sure.
>
> Just wondering what your thoughts are.
>
> BTW, when dropping off donations at a thrift shop this morning my son
really
> wanted the box of Lincoln Logs he spotted. He has some and I had planned
on
> purchasing some more for Christmas. We inquired. In the end, without
> haggling, we walked out with a xerox paper box full of Lincoln Logs for
> $3.00!!!!
>
> Stacy
>
>
>
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Sarah Carothers

Stacy wrote:
> In rereading the above paragraph, I also realize that my ps kid (8 yo ds)
is
> more difficult to take to the store. Is wants are also ever changing. One
> week it's Nintendo, the next it's a football uniform, followed by
expensive
> Lego sets. My unschooled child used has an item or two that he wants and
it
> seldom changes, until it acquires it. I used to think it was TV that
> affected a child's neediness for consumer goods, but now I'm not so sure.
>
> Just wondering what your thoughts are.

Stacy, I don't think the school situation *or* tv really has much to do with it. IMO kids can be different as night and day and yet come from the same parents, same household. They're just all wired differently and nothing can change that.
Sarah



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