Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1602
Julie Stauffer
<<I'd get really frustrated if I brought something in I wanted to have some
of in a few days>>
When my oldest was a baby, dh and I had an exchange student live with us.
Dh doesn't like diet coke and I had never "shared" before with someone who
just ate and drank until nothing was left in the house. It drove me crazy!
Dh still refers to that time in our lives as "the cola wars." Looking back,
I wish I had handled things differently. Oh well, we grow and change :)
Julie
of in a few days>>
When my oldest was a baby, dh and I had an exchange student live with us.
Dh doesn't like diet coke and I had never "shared" before with someone who
just ate and drank until nothing was left in the house. It drove me crazy!
Dh still refers to that time in our lives as "the cola wars." Looking back,
I wish I had handled things differently. Oh well, we grow and change :)
Julie
Julie Stauffer
<<Can I stay if I take some and leave some?>>
Aimee, that is the only way you can stay. Otherwise, you are just being
reactionary :)
Here is my thought on all this:
I was raised by the very typical Cleaver-type parents, loving, nurturing,
but definitely in control of many areas. When I had kids, I just naturally
kind of fell into that. It seemed very normal to set time limits on
television, not let kids climb high, require veggies before dessert, etc..
The kids would ask for something or to do something and I would find myself
saying "no" more out of habit than anything else.
After I found unschooling, I found that I began to question so many "givens"
in my life, that things didn't have to be a certain pre-set way. So I
started to look at various things at our house and how we did things. Why
did I have a time limit on television? Would my kids just sit in front of
the television all day, even when I had other interesting things available
for them?
Did I have to deny my kids soda? Or by talking with them about healthy
choices, about how there is 7 of us and we need to share, would they not hog
down a 3 liter bottle?
Was it necessary that the 3 yo clean up their mess alone whenever I decided
it was time? Or could I decide to clean it up and ask if she wanted to help
me? Could I provide room for her to learn competence by allowing her to
work alongside me doing "chores" rather than simply let her "help" a little
so I could make sure the dishes were put away "properly"?
I don't think unschooling/unparenting is necessarily about "you have to do
it this prescribed way", but about questioning your motives, checking out
alternatives, giving kids as much freedom as is absolutely possible.
Example: My 8 and 4 yo today had taken the mattress off the bottom bunk and
placed it at an angle so it made a slide. They were wearing sweatsuits and
jumping off the top bunk, landing on the mattress with their knees and
sliding down. These 2 do this kind of stuff and it isn't a big deal to me,
but most moms I know would have a cow about how they could get hurt (I do
remind the kids to be careful because bonked heads hurt).-----but my 3yo
isn't allowed to play out front by himself. He has no fear at all and
simply follows various wildlife off into the undeveloped land around us. We
talk a lot about needing to stay here but his priorities are different. I
do go outside with him daily out front, take walks into the surrounding
land, let him play independently in the fenced backyard. but I also know
that I am in charge of where he plays.
Anyway, thats my take. I want to always question myself, to try to figure
out a way that the kids can do things they want safely, even if it is a
little scary for me, rather than simply deny them, to be open to their input
so we can have agreements about how things get done rather than me deciding
alone.
Julie
Aimee, that is the only way you can stay. Otherwise, you are just being
reactionary :)
Here is my thought on all this:
I was raised by the very typical Cleaver-type parents, loving, nurturing,
but definitely in control of many areas. When I had kids, I just naturally
kind of fell into that. It seemed very normal to set time limits on
television, not let kids climb high, require veggies before dessert, etc..
The kids would ask for something or to do something and I would find myself
saying "no" more out of habit than anything else.
After I found unschooling, I found that I began to question so many "givens"
in my life, that things didn't have to be a certain pre-set way. So I
started to look at various things at our house and how we did things. Why
did I have a time limit on television? Would my kids just sit in front of
the television all day, even when I had other interesting things available
for them?
Did I have to deny my kids soda? Or by talking with them about healthy
choices, about how there is 7 of us and we need to share, would they not hog
down a 3 liter bottle?
Was it necessary that the 3 yo clean up their mess alone whenever I decided
it was time? Or could I decide to clean it up and ask if she wanted to help
me? Could I provide room for her to learn competence by allowing her to
work alongside me doing "chores" rather than simply let her "help" a little
so I could make sure the dishes were put away "properly"?
I don't think unschooling/unparenting is necessarily about "you have to do
it this prescribed way", but about questioning your motives, checking out
alternatives, giving kids as much freedom as is absolutely possible.
Example: My 8 and 4 yo today had taken the mattress off the bottom bunk and
placed it at an angle so it made a slide. They were wearing sweatsuits and
jumping off the top bunk, landing on the mattress with their knees and
sliding down. These 2 do this kind of stuff and it isn't a big deal to me,
but most moms I know would have a cow about how they could get hurt (I do
remind the kids to be careful because bonked heads hurt).-----but my 3yo
isn't allowed to play out front by himself. He has no fear at all and
simply follows various wildlife off into the undeveloped land around us. We
talk a lot about needing to stay here but his priorities are different. I
do go outside with him daily out front, take walks into the surrounding
land, let him play independently in the fenced backyard. but I also know
that I am in charge of where he plays.
Anyway, thats my take. I want to always question myself, to try to figure
out a way that the kids can do things they want safely, even if it is a
little scary for me, rather than simply deny them, to be open to their input
so we can have agreements about how things get done rather than me deciding
alone.
Julie
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/20/01 10:05:06 AM Mountain Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
meditating. I was very young.
NICKI~
[email protected] writes:
> I have *tried* to teach my children breathing techniques for relaxation. MyMy mother said I would take hour long baths w/ candles and tell her I was
> oldest resists/fights this like crazy. We've tried doing, discussing it at
> emotionally neutral times....she gets argumentative.
> In the face of something painful or upsetting, if you remind her to
> breathe
> deeply, she gets more angry and hyperventilates!!!
>
> It's quite frustrating.
> Susan, who has sympathy for most oldest children, who are most subjected
> to 'experiments in parenting'
>
>
>
> > Because we've taught them to calm themselves by breathing since they were
> > babies, she does it herself matter of factly. We neither freak out nor
> say
> > "You're fine" when they say they're hurt or scared or whatever. And the
> calm
> > and communication have always been a part of it.
> >
>
>
>
> No one taught me to breath and visualize through my attacks. I have been
> a thinker all of my life,I believe I taught myself. I have tried to teach
> my dd to breath and relax when she is way too upset. it doesn't work. Maybe
> she'll learn on her own. ???????
meditating. I was very young.
NICKI~
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/20/01 10:05:06 AM Mountain Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
anymore. I have been through the ringer w/ Docs and meds. Alternative
therapies all the way for me unless I would have to be hospitalized for
something. Just me and my experience.
NICKI~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> Haven't asthma meds come a long way since then? I used to react thatI personally don't believe in taking drugs for my asthma or my pain
> way to theophylin too. I take Accolate now. Other than the fact
> that my new doctor and I have yet to come to an agreement about what,
> when and how much I medicine I need, my asthma is in control and the
> side-effects are minimal.
>
anymore. I have been through the ringer w/ Docs and meds. Alternative
therapies all the way for me unless I would have to be hospitalized for
something. Just me and my experience.
>Yes, and dyes lead to sensitivities which can lead to attacks.
> He hasn't needed anything stronger than anti-histamines
> since (they will help allergy related asthma) which is good because
> most of the medicine, even the prescription meds have dye in them.
>
NICKI~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joseph Fuerst
> << I have *tried* to teach my children breathing techniques forrelaxation.
> >>the
>
> We didn't teach techniques, just said "Breathe."
> For the babies we would say "Breathe air down to your toe!" or wherever
> wound was. Oxygen cuts the panic and helps dissipate the adrenaline.else
>
> I was impatient with "breathing techniques" in childbirth classes and from
> coaches. The necessity was "breathe," and it irritated me for someone
> to say when in and when out. Even holding breath can help, with kids,By teach, I simply meant to do similar things...like say "breathe in
> because it means the next breath in will be a big one.
>
>
deeply" or "suck in as much air as you can"....then breathe deeply myself.
She would, and still often, defiantly breathe short, hyper breaths. Of
course, I needed to keep my mind on my breathing more to not get
frustrated. I'm learning with her to keep my mouth shut, breathe deeply
myself, and just be close to her to get through the pain. She's improving
in her own ability to calm herself. But it's taken time and experience for
both us in trying to work through things together.......we have completely
different personalities in this regard. What I think is gentle guiding,
she may take as an insult.
As for childbirth breathing techniques....I found them silly and found that
they interfered with my ability to follow/listen to my own body's natural
rhythyms. Of course, the childbirth that I attempted using *textbook*
breathing techniques was to deliver my first child. It ended up being a
complicated delivery and I felt stupid because I couldn't "do it right".
Thankfully, I wised up. Being self aware and following my body's signals
is best hands down.......It's amazing how formal education can separate one
from one's own self.
Susan
Joseph Fuerst
Love the blow bubbles idea! I 'm gonna have to try it, if for no other
reason than it's gotta be fun.
It may help in part by providing a distraction and lightening things up a
bit, in addition to whatever about exhaling that helps in calming down.
Susan....Off to add a bottle of bubbles to the first aid kit.
reason than it's gotta be fun.
It may help in part by providing a distraction and lightening things up a
bit, in addition to whatever about exhaling that helps in calming down.
Susan....Off to add a bottle of bubbles to the first aid kit.
> << I have *tried* to teach my children breathing techniques for
> relaxation. >>
>
>
> Okay, this is going to sound really weird but . . .
> . . . instead of telling them to breath in a crisis, encourage them
> to exhale slowly. I discovered that I could 'cure' an asthma attack
> by singing a while back and it does work in a pinch to at least get
> me through until I can get an inhaler. I've used it with the kids
> too. Jenni and Wyndham have both gone through me making them blow
> bubble soap when they were little and in distress(see previous post
> about their asthma.) I sort of understand why it works but I can't
> explain it at all.
>
> Bridget
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
Paul Bogush
Well said. Thanks Julie. Sounds like what's happening to us around here.
From the very beginning I found myself saying "no(or some variation) and
Emma saying, "but why" (or some variation) so I spent a lot of time saying,
"You know? I have no idea why not...go ahead, just please be careful." DH
will sometimes say, "Uh, do we let her do that?" and I say, "well she showed
me it's OK....so yeah." We've really have come away from the controlling
everything in many areas...and you articulate well how it's an examine each
situation as we go kind of thing....some things we'll let go of and others
may not make sense for us (like your 3 yr old in the front by himself).
Thanks,
Aimee
From the very beginning I found myself saying "no(or some variation) and
Emma saying, "but why" (or some variation) so I spent a lot of time saying,
"You know? I have no idea why not...go ahead, just please be careful." DH
will sometimes say, "Uh, do we let her do that?" and I say, "well she showed
me it's OK....so yeah." We've really have come away from the controlling
everything in many areas...and you articulate well how it's an examine each
situation as we go kind of thing....some things we'll let go of and others
may not make sense for us (like your 3 yr old in the front by himself).
Thanks,
Aimee
----- Original Message -----
From: Julie Stauffer <jnjstau@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, November 20, 2001 1:52 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 1602
> <<Can I stay if I take some and leave some?>>
>
> Aimee, that is the only way you can stay. Otherwise, you are just being
> reactionary :)
>
> Here is my thought on all this:
>
> I was raised by the very typical Cleaver-type parents, loving, nurturing,
> but definitely in control of many areas. When I had kids, I just
naturally
> kind of fell into that. It seemed very normal to set time limits on
> television, not let kids climb high, require veggies before dessert, etc..
> The kids would ask for something or to do something and I would find
myself
> saying "no" more out of habit than anything else.
>
> After I found unschooling, I found that I began to question so many
"givens"
> in my life, that things didn't have to be a certain pre-set way. So I
> started to look at various things at our house and how we did things. Why
> did I have a time limit on television? Would my kids just sit in front of
> the television all day, even when I had other interesting things available
> for them?
>
> Did I have to deny my kids soda? Or by talking with them about healthy
> choices, about how there is 7 of us and we need to share, would they not
hog
> down a 3 liter bottle?
>
> Was it necessary that the 3 yo clean up their mess alone whenever I
decided
> it was time? Or could I decide to clean it up and ask if she wanted to
help
> me? Could I provide room for her to learn competence by allowing her to
> work alongside me doing "chores" rather than simply let her "help" a
little
> so I could make sure the dishes were put away "properly"?
>
> I don't think unschooling/unparenting is necessarily about "you have to do
> it this prescribed way", but about questioning your motives, checking out
> alternatives, giving kids as much freedom as is absolutely possible.
> Example: My 8 and 4 yo today had taken the mattress off the bottom bunk
and
> placed it at an angle so it made a slide. They were wearing sweatsuits
and
> jumping off the top bunk, landing on the mattress with their knees and
> sliding down. These 2 do this kind of stuff and it isn't a big deal to
me,
> but most moms I know would have a cow about how they could get hurt (I do
> remind the kids to be careful because bonked heads hurt).-----but my 3yo
> isn't allowed to play out front by himself. He has no fear at all and
> simply follows various wildlife off into the undeveloped land around us.
We
> talk a lot about needing to stay here but his priorities are different. I
> do go outside with him daily out front, take walks into the surrounding
> land, let him play independently in the fenced backyard. but I also know
> that I am in charge of where he plays.
>
> Anyway, thats my take. I want to always question myself, to try to figure
> out a way that the kids can do things they want safely, even if it is a
> little scary for me, rather than simply deny them, to be open to their
input
> so we can have agreements about how things get done rather than me
deciding
> alone.
>
> Julie
>
>
>
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Bridget
I wish I had that option. At this point, I struggle to keep it under
control with a minimum of meds. I think I have the balance right
now. I haven't been to the ER since 1998 but before that it was once
a year. Unfortunately my new doctor is a "this is what the
recommended dose is so this is what you must use" doctor. We are
gonna clash big time if she doesn't lighten up/ I may have to
investigate changing docs again and I really don't want to.
As for pain meds, I used tylenol 3's for my cyst burt only because I
could not sleep otherwise. I roll in my sleep and ever movement was
causing stabbing pains that woke me up.
Bridget
control with a minimum of meds. I think I have the balance right
now. I haven't been to the ER since 1998 but before that it was once
a year. Unfortunately my new doctor is a "this is what the
recommended dose is so this is what you must use" doctor. We are
gonna clash big time if she doesn't lighten up/ I may have to
investigate changing docs again and I really don't want to.
As for pain meds, I used tylenol 3's for my cyst burt only because I
could not sleep otherwise. I roll in my sleep and ever movement was
causing stabbing pains that woke me up.
Bridget
--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., RValvo7626@a... wrote:
>
> I personally don't believe in taking drugs for my asthma or my
pain
> anymore. I have been through the ringer w/ Docs and meds.
Alternative
> therapies all the way for me unless I would have to be hospitalized
for
> something. Just me and my experience.
>