D. J. Brewer

The following is an actual question given on a Texas A&M chemistry
midterm:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote
proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it
expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

==========================================

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and
the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions
and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all people and all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate
of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in
order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same,
the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives
two possibilities.

(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.

(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will
drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Sheryl Atkinson
during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell
before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I
still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her,
then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic.

==========================================

The student got the only A. >>

Brown

Thanks D.J. I saw this about 2 years ago in 'Peasants at Heart' (I think the
name was), a tiny newsletter for homesteader types way over here in New
Zealand! I don't know if the bit about it being 'an actual question given
on a Texas A&M chemistry midterm' is true but I enjoyed rereading it just as
much as I did the first time. :-) So even if we disagree on some things, we
can enjoy a shared sense of humour!

Carol

"D. J. Brewer" wrote:

> From: "D. J. Brewer" <djbrewer@...>
>
> The following is an actual question given on a Texas A&M chemistry
> midterm:
> "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
> Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote
> proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it
> expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
> One student, however, wrote the following:
>
> ==========================================
>
> First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
> So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and
> the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
> once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
> are leaving.
>
> As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
> different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these
> religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you
> will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions
> and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
> project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
>
> With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
> souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate
> of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in
> order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same,
> the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives
> two possibilities.
>
> (1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
> souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
> increase until all Hell breaks loose.
>
> (2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
> increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will
> drop until Hell freezes over.
>
> So which is it?
>
> If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Sheryl Atkinson
> during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell
> before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I
> still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her,
> then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic.
>
> ==========================================
>
> The student got the only A. >>
>
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D.J. Brewer

I am glad you enjoyed the tretise on whether hell is exothermic or
endothermic. I thought it was brilliantly written and wondered myself
that an Aggie (an A&M student) could write such a thing. It was pretty
funny, whoever wrote it.

I doubt that we differ much, Carol. Good luck. Glad to be a part of
this list.

DJ

Thomas and Nanci Kuykendall

I don't know if the bit about it being 'an actual question given
>on a Texas A&M chemistry midterm' is true but I enjoyed rereading it just as
>much as I did the first time. :-)

I don't know about Texas A&M, but my DH (an Engineer) DID have this as a
test question in college. He coincidentally was just telling me about it
yesterday.

Nanci K. in Idaho