Joseph Fuerst

Hi Caren,
I hope you can manage to relax a bit! You may need to ask others about
de-schooling since my oldest dd only went to K. Although, my second dd
seems to have the "I'm-missing-out" feeling becauseshe has three others her
age going to school. She wants to do "schoolwork" and "homework"
everyday.....but, it's her decision. She writes (i.e., copies mostly)
every day. And doesn't want her friends to read before her.

As to your disorganization....it 'reads' to me like 9/11 has increased it.
At least know that reaction is not surprising. This war is anxiety
producing....most people are having grief reactions, or at least increased
stress reactions. I know this is on-line and unschooling, so I don't want
to offer mental health advice in anything but generic form (?)....In all
seriousness, your community may have mental health professionals available
at no charge....at least to speak to groups. I know ours does because I
have volunteered.
On the other hand, your disorganization doesn't seem (through your e-mail)
to be that bad.....I have lived like that frequently!! Check your sense of
humor...can you laugh about some/all of it?

As to it effecting Max......I'd say don't worry about that. If you choose
to work on your level of organization and if you believe that will enhance
Max's life....well,then you are being an example of unschooling yourself.
There are many many books on organization/home management - and some on-line
resourses, too. Personally, I have had this "housework is mundane"
attitude until recently. And our house was utter chaos usually. When I it
began effecting my anxiety level and self esteem, I began to work on it.
(We have four people of the younger persuasion here - household tasks are
neccesary to our functioning!)

So I'm currently seeking that balance between tidiness and 'room for
creative play' (which involves allowing freedom to explore and can get
messy). Our house is better....we do not have the yelling at each other
when we want/need to get out the door anymore...because of this increased
level of organization, I have more time to actually pay attention to the
children!

Suz
> OK, OK, I admit it -- I AM scared! Max (sometimes referred to as Evan)
was in a charter school for 1st and 2nd grades, and now he's home. I am a
disorganized person in general, and even more so since Sept. 11th (probably
something I need to process there). Disorganized meaning that last week I
kept forgetting Max had agreed to clean his room on a certain day, and it's
still not clean, the cat had to eat dog food for a day 'cause I just kept
forgetting we were out, the checkbook is in horrible disarray (intuitive
checking, I've heard it called), etc., etc. Actually, writing this out, all
that doesn't seem like that big a deal. I think it reminds me of the years
I was depressed and never had "it" together. Anyway, Max has been just kind
of hanging around, looking like he'd like me to tell him what to do. He
found an old book a grandparent had given him - fun with reading kind of
thing where you fill in the blanks - and he was *thrilled* to be doing that.
Even though he thinks like this: One of the fill-in-the-blanks was The
_________ jump up high. Boys or man? He chose boys, not because of the
plural "jump" but because he thought it was really silly for a grown man to
be jumping. If the word had been "jumps" he still would have chosen boys,
because that's the way he thinks. Then he would have looked in the back and
he would have been "wrong". OK, so now that particular book is gone, but he
really wants to be doing more "school"-like work, because that's what he's
used to. I have read where kids who have gone to school need time to
"deschool", and that I just need to be patient, let him hang out, and he'll
find himself. But I'm worried that because of my disorganization, maybe I'm
not providing him with a good environment for doing that. It feels
neglectful. I'm NOT neglecting him, and if he came up and said "I want to
go look at __________" I'd take him in a minute, but he's not really
interested in anything. He does read a lot. He's almost nine. I really
believe he needs time to "heal" from
> his school experiences. Nothing severely traumatic happened, but hearing
that what you're interested in has no value, that finishing something on
time has more value than achieving your vision of it, etc., certainly left
some scars. Has anyone else on the list been here? I've been trying to act
to everyone around me that I believe that everything is fine, and deep down
I believe it will be, but before that deep down is a lot of fear. Any other
"deschoolers" out there? Thanks --
>
> Caren
>
>
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