Bridget E Coffman

> Date: Wed, 19 Sep 2001 00:53:20 EDT From: brendaclaspell@...
Subject: Re: Digest Number 1487

> Bridget, why is it alright for you to assess us (chosen few) based on
what
> you've seen on these lists, yet no one else can? I've read many posts
from
> you, upset that others have assessed or labeled or passed judgement on
you or
> your family dynamics without really knowing you. You've done what
you've said
> was wrong of others, make a decision about them by reading their
posts. I
> think it's ok, I just wish you did too.
>
> Brenda
>

You can assess me all you want . . . as long as you accept that I can
say, "no that is not how we are here." I objected to the fact that
something I said was misconstrued and no amount of my correcting,
protesting or saying no, that is not it" has made one bit of difference.

I said maybe this is how you are based on what I read. I am more than
willing to listen to replies about that. I've seen nothing to dispell my
belief that many of you had to make a true effort to let go. I was
thinking about this yesterday. I realized that from the day Rachel was
born, I've been different than most about parenting. The nurses kept
telling me how and when to do things and I knew it was not right for us.
I knew that putting her in a crib was not what we should do. I knew
feeding on a schedule was not going to work. I knew that the only person
who could tell me what Rachel needed was Rachel. I knew that bedtimes
were silly and that as long as she was eating, she was getting the
'right' stuff. I didn't have to learn it, I just 'knew'.
My only regret is that I didn't homeschool from the start. Our public
school experience was interesting to say the least. It did serve to make
my conviction that individuality is important even stronger. And it gave
me a new appreciation for individual learning and the fact that you can't
teach something unless the teachee want to learn it.

Bridget



~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~ ~\/~
Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought

- Henri Bergson

[email protected]

In a message dated 9/19/01 9:01:03 AM US Eastern Standard Time,
rumpleteasermom@... writes:


> My only regret is that I didn't homeschool from the start. Our public
> school experience was interesting to say the least. It did serve to make
> my conviction that individuality is important even stronger. And it gave
> me a new appreciation for individual learning and the fact that you can't
> teach something unless the teachee want to learn it.
>
> Bridget
>
>

This sort of implies to me that at one time you thought ps was a good idea
and had to have your thinking changed, either by yourself or your children.
So I'd hesitate to say that this whole lifestyle comes easier to you than
anyone else. I had a homebirth, extended breastfeeding, family bed, relaxed
sleep schedule, etc. I have been called more relaxed than a lot of my own
family and friends, but I still have more to learn and grow. Unschooling is
still new to me, even though it feels completely right. I was raised in the
ps system and some things have to be addressed and changed or they will
continue into my parenting. I don't think I represent the minority here. I
think we all have things we need to learn and work on as parents. I'm sure
there will be lots more stuff, and when I stop being willing to challenge my
ideas, is where I will stagnate.
I got the impression from your earlier post that the reason we all don't get
how what you're doing isn't controlling, is that you're so advanced in
letting go, we couldn't understand. Have there been any suggestions/advice
from this list that you've taken off the computer and thought, hmmmm, maybe
their right, maybe I do need to rethink this.?

Brenda


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dawn

OK guys need to jump in here. I've decided it's not productive for
me to read e-mails from people that appear to have emotional
problems. I have finally realized (with the pscyological training
that I've had) that continuing to answer a person who picks apart
everything I written, defends themselves, and basically wants to
disect everything anyone writes is not actually interested in the
topics of the list.

What they are interested in is finding a way to deal with the
supressed anger they feel inside. Boundaries that need to be set
with the appropriate people in their lives. Therefore it's easier to
write to people you don't actually know in your life and justify,
defend or whatever.

Don't think I can diagnose someone over the internet by what they
have said in the past 2 weeks???? Think again, it's something I'm
very good at.....

So rather than fuel a fire with someone on this list, I've decided
that for me (and that's the only person I can decide for on this
list) to only respond to e-mails that ask for comments, opinions,
answers to questions.

Just wanted to let you know where I am at.

Dawn

Julie Stauffer

<<Any suggestions?

Brenda>>

I have a 4yo who can be a clinger, particularly when I am really interested
in an activity :) But of course, her attention span isn't as long as mine
and here is what we do.

When she wants to stop an activity and wants me to as well I let her know
that I need to finish and will be done in about "fill in the blank" minutes.
I offer a couple of activities that she can do without me, usually ones in
the same room I'm working in. That way we can still talk but interact more
parallel than interactive.

Julie

Joseph Fuerst

THANKS, Tia!
Your post made me smile. I am hoping that venting to you/this list that I
can regain some perspective and let go.....again :-p I have begun to push
in the past. I know it won't work.....I guess part of parenting is that
continually 'letting go' so the dds and dss can be who they are....not who
*I* want them to be.......and in their own good time.
Suz - still exasperated, but refraining from hair pulling (I'm sure you're
right that I look better with it!!)
>
> Message: 16
> Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2001 21:51:07 -0700
> From: Tia Leschke <leschke@...>
> Subject: Re: Digest Number 1487
>
> At 10:39 PM 9/18/01 -0400, you wrote:
> >Tia:
> >I am currently struggling with my almost 10yr old re: reading (or lack
> >thereof).....I know part of my struggle comes from my own having been
> >'schooled' and having been an early reader. My dh and I LOVE to read,
> >have always read to her.....she says she hates it (but begs us to read
> >stories to her still). She listens to books on tape, gets people to
read
> >to her. She loves games but her illiteracy is beginning to interfere
(i.e.,
> >in Harry Potter trivia...you've got to read questions to opponents). She
> >loves logic and math problems.....gets Mathmania, but can't read the
puzzle
> >instructions. She's oldest of four......and with the littler ones around
> >it's not like I can be there to read things to her when she wants.
>
> So when she gets fed up with waiting for you to read things to her.......
>
> >I am
> >frustrated and exasperated. I want her to read. And I'm trying trying
> >tring not to allow my feelings to get in her way. I just cannot
understand
> >why she doesn't want to read.....why doesn't she see its value? why
doesn't
> >she see she needs it to do things she WANTS to do? Can I stay out of her
> >way and let her come to this on her own? I am struggling with falling
off
> >the unschooling wagon....though I'm sure if I push her, she'll resist
> >stubbornly.
>
> Been there done that. It's really a tough one to wait out. I think my
> impatience started to build when Lars was around 10. It peaked at 12 and
I
> gave in to it, making him do phonics with me. Try not to make that
> mistake. I think now that if I had left him alone, he'd be reading well
by
> now.
>
> I must have been my karma or something. For years I've done phone
> counselling of new homeschoolers and always told them not to worry about
> reading, that their child would come to it when ready. Of course I
*would*
> have to get an especially late reader. <g>
>
> >(So I'm thinking of a tutor*****and now ducking the backlash
> >from this list LOL!*****)
>
> No comment. <g>
>
> > Honestly, do all of you just truly always trust.....Or is reading
like
> >the swimmimg lessons Nance has mentioned? In other words, have I let
her
> >down by not knowing how to make her comfortable in the great 'pool' of
> >reading?
>
> She knows the value of reading if she asks people to read to her. She
> either isn't ready to do it on her own, or she doesn't yet want to badly
> enough.
>
> >Suz---about to pull my hair out on this one.
>
> Don't. You probably look better with hair. %^)
> Tia
>
> Tia Leschke leschke@...
> On Vancouver Island

[email protected]

In a message dated 09/19/2001 5:31:39 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

<< My sneaky, and not exactly
morally exemplary way of dealing with my worries is to buy ridiculous
quantities of math related stuff and pile it around the house. I will
confess
to having purchased both "Hive Alive" and "Penrose the Mathematical Cat" in
the
last week alone. >>

So, Betsy, you wanna come dump it in MY yard sale some day? :-D

I don't "bribe", either...it seems contrary to the spirit of Unschooling,
in that the education should be sparked by interest *for* the topic (as
opposed to monetary desires <g>), but the "let's make our home a Disneyland
of Learning approach doesn't seem to be working, either, with those math-ish
and grammar-ish subjects.

Ah, well, It sure LOOKS neato around here!

Becky, the occasional poster, who usually lurks not out of shyness (au
contraire) but out of fatigue.

*** Becky***

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and
conscientious stupidity."

Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 - 1968), Strength to Love, 1963

Tia Leschke

>.I guess part of parenting is that
>continually 'letting go' so the dds and dss can be who they are....not who
>*I* want them to be.......and in their own good time.

You've got it! And it isn't easy, is it?
Tia

Tia Leschke leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
**************************************************************************
It is the answers which separate us, the questions which unite us. - Janice
Levy

[email protected]

Good for you Dawn! I'm feeling the same way. I've gotten off of here
irritated a few times lately and today it hit me, I'm spending more time
bickering over what seems like word play, personal friction and just nothing
than I am learning about unschooling. I have lots of problems in my life, and
I think I bait rather easily.

But I too have decided to get back on focus and start more absorbing and
assimilating unschooling stuff. I don't know if this is typical of all
learning, but I personally need to read and discuss and then hibernate for a
period...to let it sink in and see what fits and doesn't. When I skip the
hibernation, it never really sinks in. And with me doing so much bickering,
I've stopped that whole process. And instead of asking, what is such and such
getting out of this, I have to ask myself what I'm getting out of it.

I'm so glad you wrote that.

Brenda


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 09/19/2001 8:13:27 PM !!!First Boot!!!,
brendaclaspell@... writes:


> I don't know if this is typical of all
> learning, but I personally need to read and discuss and then hibernate for
> a
>


Sounds very familiar! :)

Just when you think the kiddos, for instance, aren't doing anything but veg,
they come up with something wonderful.

Nance


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Dawn~
I am so with you on this! I have no training in psychological
diagnosis, and I came to these same conclusions awhile back. I am
relatively new to this list, and I mostly just read. I have recently
considered unsubbing because the tone of the posts just seems so
surly and ugly and argumentative.
I must say as well that when I do have some free time to be on the
computer, in yahoogroups, and on this list, I am stunned at the # of
posts by some of you all. Where do you find the time or energy to be
online so often?
My kids are one and seven, and I primarily read my egroups while they
sleep at night. One year olds don't leave much free time during the
day for the computer, I guess!
Anyway, enough with all the petty, back-biting, nit-picking BS, and
on with the unschooling support and discussions!!
Ciao~
Aimee


--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., "Dawn" <NumoAstro@a...> wrote:
> OK guys need to jump in here. I've decided it's not productive for
> me to read e-mails from people that appear to have emotional
> problems. I have finally realized (with the pscyological training
> that I've had) that continuing to answer a person who picks apart
> everything I written, defends themselves, and basically wants to
> disect everything anyone writes is not actually interested in the
> topics of the list.
>
> What they are interested in is finding a way to deal with the
> supressed anger they feel inside. Boundaries that need to be set
> with the appropriate people in their lives. Therefore it's easier
to
> write to people you don't actually know in your life and justify,
> defend or whatever.
>
> Don't think I can diagnose someone over the internet by what they
> have said in the past 2 weeks???? Think again, it's something I'm
> very good at.....
>
> So rather than fuel a fire with someone on this list, I've decided
> that for me (and that's the only person I can decide for on this
> list) to only respond to e-mails that ask for comments, opinions,
> answers to questions.
>
> Just wanted to let you know where I am at.
>
> Dawn

Bridget

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., brendaclaspell@a... wrote:
> I got the impression from your earlier post that the reason we all
don't get
> how what you're doing isn't controlling, is that you're so advanced
in
> letting go, we couldn't understand.

I realized why this was sticking in my head. I didn't say I was more
'advanced' than you. I said I come from a different beginning than
many of you. Because of that, I 'don't speak the same language'.

Bridget

Bridget

--- In Unschooling-dotcom@y..., actullos@c... wrote:
Where do you find the time or energy to
be
> online so often?
> My kids are one and seven, and I primarily read my egroups while
they
> sleep at night. One year olds don't leave much free time during the
> day for the computer, I guess!

No they don't but enjoy it while you can. Mine are now 16, 14 and 9
and I have more free time now. I'm waiting for grandchildren - I miss
having a baby! My girls just keep telling me 'no' everytime they see
me playing with a baby.

Bridget

[email protected]

In a message dated 09/20/2001 1:36:18 PM !!!First Boot!!!,
rumpleteasermom@... writes:


> My girls just keep telling me 'no' everytime they see
> me playing with a baby.
>
> Bridget
>


Smart girls!

Nance



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

include the girls, if old enough let them help.
Don't cave into this, and not hold the babies, sounds like the little ones
are having some jealousy issues.





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

At 10:11 AM 9/20/01 -0400, you wrote:
>include the girls, if old enough let them help.
>Don't cave into this, and not hold the babies, sounds like the little ones
>are having some jealousy issues.

Bridget doesn't hve little ones. Her girls are just helping her deal with
those baby wishes that grab us sometimes when we're done having our own.
Tia

Tia Leschke leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
**************************************************************************
It is the answers which separate us, the questions which unite us. - Janice
Levy